Marriage Proposal on FIRE Forum

[Richard4444]

For most guys there's an unwritten rule that you don't buy her dinner until after you've been intimate.

Apparently, I never got the memo during my dating years. Most of my first dates were for dinner, as it gave me (and her) enough time to have a decent conversation and not to just act on just a brief first impression. And I enjoyed having dinner out as well, so no regrets at all.


Rich

 

[Freedom56]

Lot's of fine women in London England. Many are by themselves at museums and cafes. You may want to consider dumping those online dating sites for meeting people the old fashioned way. If you visit during peak season and you can meet women from all over the world. Just my observation.

 

[dvalley]

If the man felt as you do, it would surface fairly quickly and we would part ways.

This is why a man should never buy expensive dinners on the first date. Yes I would drop sexual hints in my jokes to see how you respond. If I feel your interest level is low I will not be asking you out again. No point wasting time with those who don't feel sexually attracted to you.

There is no "fairness" or "tit for tat" (sorry if "tit" comes off as a double entendre).

And the notion of having to "prove" myself to anyone sexually (what does that even mean? That I am willing to assume certain positions? That I have certain involuntary responses? That I bounce around a lot and make noises?) is alien to me.

My point exactly! you expect men to wine you dine you and intellectually turn you on but you're offering him what? Why should he pick you over many other women?

I need a certain connection for my desires to kick in. If I don't have that connection, I won't enjoy sex the way I want to, and as I would hope the man wants me to. You don't want a woman whose desires work that way, so we won't have sex and you will find somebody else. It's that simple.

It's all about your connection and your needs and your desires. I have yet to see what you're offering to the guy?

Fortunately, there are men who feel the way I do about it all. Or at least they have, in connection with me

Likewise there are plenty of women that don't want to play the selfish games of making it all about themselves as if they're the prize a man has to win. Goodluck with that type of men who put women on pedestals, only for women to become bored of them and kick them to the curb.

Oh, and if anyone said "We're not getting any younger" it would be an instant turn-off and I would be Ubering my way home.

No one says that when you meet, it's a mindset and it is a fact whether you like it or not.

 

[kcowan]

My point is, as adults we shouldn't make sex such a big deal if we like each other, we're not getting any younger and it's a basic human need. Just as women want that emotional and intellectual connection, men want the physical connection.

I suspect you are from Mars! Better look for a mate from Mars? Many studies illustrate there are basic differences between the sexes. Granted there are exceptions but they get more rare as one ages.

 

[Major Tom]

My goodness, all this talk of sex while I am still working my way through morning coffee and chocolate babka is fairly icky

 

[aja8888]

I met my current wife the old fashioned way. She was with a guy I know (her date) at a bar, and I was at the same bar with my divorced sister. We ended up sitting at the same table. No "Match.com" involved!

Incredibly, she liked me more than my friend. The rest is history.

 

[Amethyst]

Ha ha, make dirty jokes on the first date and wait to see if it turns her on.... So if she mentions that it's getting harder these days to get to the grocery store because of traffic, you go, "Yeah, and something ELSE is getting harder too, heh-heh!"

I think there are better ways of letting you know one is attracted to you. Trust me, nobody ever had any doubts about me

I always offered to pay my share, remember. That is how I was brought up, and it is because of the legitimate worries you express: that woman, whom you don't know too well, is trying to get freebies out of you and doesn't care for you that much.

If the man had let me pay my share, I would not have held it against him. For some reason, they never did. I remember one who was offended that I might be implying he couldn't afford the date. I guess you would not be one of those types of men, and that's OK.

This is why a man should never buy expensive dinners on the first date. Yes I would drop sexual hints in my jokes to see how you respond. .

 

[dvalley]

Ha ha, make dirty jokes on the first date and wait to see if it turns her on.... So if she mentions that it's getting harder these days to get to the grocery store because of traffic, you go, "Yeah, and something ELSE is getting harder too, heh-heh!"

I think there are better ways of letting you know one is attracted to you. Trust me, nobody ever had any doubts about me

I always offered to pay my share, remember. That is how I was brought up, and it is because of the legitimate worries you express: that woman, whom you don't know too well, is trying to get freebies out of you and doesn't care for you that much.

If the man had let me pay my share, I would not have held it against him. For some reason, they never did. I remember one who was offended that I might be implying he couldn't afford the date. I guess you would not be one of those types of men, and that's OK.

I already mentioned a few pages ago that I've never taken my dates up on their offers to split the check (or pay), but I certainly appreciate it and she gets a point in my book.

As for that joke, it's a bit crass...might be a candidate for when you've already slept together but first date jokes are subtle

You're right though I'm not the guy to make a woman who I barely know the center of my universe until she's qualified herself to me by showing her interest and attraction for me. My time is valuable, I don't waste it on women who're simply looking for an ego boost, aren't serious or aren't compatible

 

[aja8888]

I think there are better ways of letting you know one is attracted to you. Trust me, nobody ever had any doubts about me

The above requires explanation or posting pictures...

 

[REWahoo]

The above requires explanation or posting [-]pictures[/-] videos...

FIFY

 

[dvalley]

The above requires explanation or posting pictures...

Careful! She'll call uber on you for dropping any sexual hints

 

[Amethyst]

Oh, no, it does not. Basic flirting has been around since people. Probably precedes them.

Although, like dvalley with paying for dates, a woman doesn't like to deploy the full-on flirt unless she senses the man is a little interested. No sense making definite overtures with someone who doesn't think you're all that. It has to be subtle

The above requires explanation or posting pictures...

 

[aja8888]

Careful! She'll call uber on you for dropping any sexual hints

Hints? What hints? I just think the thread needs "details".

 

[Amethyst]

It might be worthwhile to consider that a FIREd woman probably has fairly high self-esteem. Thus, her ego would be worth taking into consideration.

 

[Amethyst]

Only if the hints seem to imply "You're getting past your sale date, so better grab my you-know-what while it's still interested or you'll be all alone with your cats forever."

Careful! She'll call uber on you for dropping any sexual hints

 

[Amethyst]

I probably should not reveal this, but I have not been the only contributor under my avatar - the entire Amethyst clan is getting a kick out of this thread. I do all the typing, though!

 

[ER Eddie]

I already mentioned a few pages ago that I've never taken my dates up on their offers to split the check (or pay), but I certainly appreciate it and she gets a point in my book.

To me it depends on the woman. Sometimes, they're just testing you -- they make a gesture of offering to pay (makes them feel more respectable, I imagine), and the expectation is that you'll say "Oh, no, I got it." However, if you take them up on their offer and let them pay half, they don't say anything at the time, but internally they think less of you. To them, you're now a cheapskate who has violated the implicit social agreement that men pay. I've known women who held a resentment about that, and then brought it up later as ammo.

With other women, it's an honest, genuine offer. I still haven't found a good way of distinguishing the two. I usually just default to paying.

I've heard advice that you should ask a woman to pay half on the first date, to screen out the mercenaries and set the tone for the relationship, but I don't know if I'd want to start off that way.

 

[Amethyst]

That's the risk we all take, I guess. I always tried to think about it from the man's perspective, and hope he picked up on that (and didn't just take it for granted). That expensive first date I mentioned, with the young man I later married? He had asked for suggestions, and I mentioned a restaurant which he derided as "people bring their kids there." So I asked my mom to ask her friends what the best restaurant in town was, and we went from there. Neither mom nor I knew just how high-end the place was going to be.

It impressed me that he didn't blink when we drew up to the grand palace where we had reservations and he got an eyeful of what we were in for. Later on, I found that he prided himself on his poker face

With other women, it's an honest, genuine offer. I still haven't found a good way of distinguishing the two. I usually just default to paying.

.

 

[dvalley]

It might be worthwhile to consider that a FIREd woman probably has fairly high self-esteem. Thus, her ego would be worth taking into consideration.

Good for her! But that doesn't do anything for me. I don't need someone's money or status, that's a female feature. I could be dead broke and working 3 jobs yet I could still care less about someone's money. On the other hand I'm happy to share what I have with the right partner, I have before and will again.

Although, like dvalley with paying for dates, a woman doesn't like to deploy the full-on flirt unless she senses the man is a little interested. No sense making definite overtures with someone who doesn't think you're all that. It has to be subtle

The man has already shown his interest by asking you out on a date, suggesting a date and place, making a reservation, perhaps picking you up and paying for the nice evening with you.

With me it's all about reciprocating, if I don't sense it - NEXT! lol

"You're getting past your sale date, so better grab my you-know-what while it's still interested or you'll be all alone with your cats forever."

We all have shelf-lives, I hope my blue pill days are still several years down the road but my main point was sex is not JUST wanted by men as is so portrayed in the media.

I probably should not reveal this, but I have not been the only contributor under my avatar - the entire Amethyst clan is getting a kick out of this thread. I do all the typing, though!

See you Amethyst clan ladies just need strong men to excite you in ways you didn't even know was possible

With other women, it's an honest, genuine offer. I still haven't found a good way of distinguishing the two. I usually just default to paying.

Right. I default to paying on the first and second dates. After that I'd take her up on the offer. Of course, once you're in a relationship things change, like in my last relationship she made little money so I always picked up the tab and genuinely didn't mind it because I knew that she'd pay if I let her. I didn't want to add the undue financial stress on her. On the flip side she'd cook more often and invite me over which I'd gladly accept. The bottom line is that once you've filtered out the incompatible ones you can then lead from your normal and hopefully a kind personality.

 

[NYEXPAT]

If any of your friends are married or dating young single women try to hook up with a friend. I was at a barbecue yesterday and a single hot 31 yo Vietnamese chic showed up and it was made known that she was looking for a husband,kids and a virgen to boot. None of us could come up with a candidate. My 6ft tall 13 y/o had to fill in for the day!

 

[athena53]

Apparently, I never got the memo during my dating years. Most of my first dates were for dinner, as it gave me (and her) enough time to have a decent conversation and not to just act on just a brief first impression. And I enjoyed having dinner out as well, so no regrets at all.

And that's what I'd hope would be the attitude of a guy who invites me out to dinner. If we're both interested in another date, I'll ask him out, go somewhere comparable and pick up the check. And if I'm the first one to suggest a dinner date, it means I'm paying.

My first husband, who was a college student who worked at a store, took me for our first date to a restaurant so expensive they did not have prices on the menu. It was 1978 and I recall he dropped about $80 on dinner and drinks (plus a tip which I politely did not look at), which would be at least $350 in today's money. He said later that it was a first date, which is special, and he thought I was worth it. I mean, sheesh, sometimes they think we are beautiful and they like to show us a good time!

That's a sweet story. I guess I've just gotten more cynical in my old age and got too busy thinking up nefarious reasons a guy might want to treat me to an extravagant meal. I do remember a first date in college in which he invited me to his place for dinner. He bought a steak, which he later told me was way outside his modest student budget, but wanted it to be special. We never married, but we're still friends on FaceBook!

 

[ER Eddie]

You could always just get yourself a sex robot.

"One of the most advanced sex robots with AI capabilities has reportedly reached the prototype stage and is currently undergoing ‘field testing’ in the household of one lonely man.

"A 60-year old father of two who calls himself Brick Dollbanger online has become the first person in the world to try out Harmony, a sophisticated anatomically-correct AI robot, designed by Realbotix.

"The current Harmony package, including the head and a Realdoll body, costs approximately $15,000, the newspaper adds, and in Dollbanger’s own words, "if having sex with a real woman is a 10, then a sex doll is eight, eight and a half."

"He also insisted that Harmony is more than a mere sex doll to him, and that he believes that "it will be a relationship."

https://sputniknews.com/viral/201807281066762957-sex-robot-artificial-intelligence/

 

[Amethyst]

Good for her! But that doesn't do anything for me. I don't need someone's money or status, that's a female feature. I could be dead broke and working 3 jobs yet I could still care less about someone's money. On the other hand I'm happy to share what I have with the right partner, I have before and will again.



The man has already shown his interest by asking you out on a date, suggesting a date and place, making a reservation, perhaps picking you up and paying for the nice evening with you.

With me it's all about reciprocating, if I don't sense it - NEXT! lol



We all have shelf-lives, I hope my blue pill days are still several years down the road but my main point was sex is not JUST wanted by men as is so portrayed in the media.



See you Amethyst clan ladies just need strong men to excite you in ways you didn't even know was possible



Right. I default to paying on the first and second dates. After that I'd take her up on the offer. Of course, once you're in a relationship things change, like in my last relationship she made little money so I always picked up the tab and genuinely didn't mind it because I knew that she'd pay if I let her. I didn't want to add the undue financial stress on her. On the flip side she'd cook more often and invite me over which I'd gladly accept. The bottom line is that once you've filtered out the incompatible ones you can then lead from your normal and hopefully a kind personality.

Some of my little clan is male. All are chortling at your strong men paragraph. It sounds like you put in some real effort, which does you credit. Nobody likes to be the one who's doing all the work.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

This is probably dependent on where you live, but do dates really have to cost a lot of money? There are always a bunch of free or cheap events around where we live. I think we do a lot of fun activities and don't spend that much. This past week did activities like hiking at scenic parks for free, attended a free music crawl and saw Imagine Dragons in concert with tickets bought during a Groupon sale.

 

[athena53]

This is probably dependent on where you live, but do dates really have to cost a lot of money?

Heck, no, and I'd be perfectly happy on dates that are low-cost but interesting to both of us- a hike or a bike ride on a nice day, our excellent art museum, which is free except for special exhibits, lunch at an ethnic restaurant, which is less likely to include alcohol.