Spanky,
I have lived in the Bay Area for over 10 years. I went to school here and work as an engineer.
I do not think the Bay Area is a good place to raise a family for a number of reasons, but the high housing costs lead the list. The extra high costs are due largely to California land use housing policies here, not inherent demand (it would only be expensive without this, not exorbitant). High housing costs are the primary reason that the population is not increasing here anymore, we pretty much have the same population as four years ago. And the population is aging in place because families are leaving in droves. San Jose is closing at least 3 schools a year. San Francisco (which is only about 10% of the population of the Bay Area but is the country's fastest shrinking large city last time I checked) just announced closing or reorganizations of 14 schools and more are going to come. This is happening all over the Bay Area.
The economics comes down to this, IMO -- for a single person spending little compared to their salary (like me) it makes economic sense. I just live in an apartment ($1000/mo) and bank about 50% of my gross salary and spend less than 20% (the rest going to taxes). For a family spending a larger percentage of their salary, it rarely makes sense because the higher costs matter more relative to salary differences.
I have no idea what people are talking about waiting for restaurants, parking, etc., I assume they are mostly talking about San Francisco(?), which is not like the rest of the Bay Area in terms of crowding, parking, tourists, etc. I do not enjoy going to SF at all for these reasons. I live in downtown San Jose, 1000% different and very safe. Traffic is not the greatest, but this does not interfere with day to day life here for many folks unless you live in certain areas (typically to lower housing costs).
You mentioned 19% higher gross pay. Independent of housing costs (which alone make the move not make sense for financial reasons, at least) your income tax costs are going to be higher. 19% higher gross pay is only about (roughly) 15% higher net pay since your marginal tax rates are higher than your overall tax rate. And you can cut an additional 3% off your gross or say 4% of your net pay because of higher income tax rates in California than Minnesota, which also kick in earlier. So you are looking at only 11% more NET pay before even considering these many other issues. And your property taxes will go way up, too.
Naturally, your analysis is not only financial and must consider many other things.
Kramer