Poll: Gravesite or not?

[TappyGee]

I want my ashes to be scattered together, at land or at sea. I don’t want the ashes to be separated or parceled out. I don’t want to be left in an urn or box to become a disposal problem for future generations. I don’t want to eternally be wasting a plot of land with a gravesite. I don’t want my son to have a place to be obligated to visit. Burn me, scatter me, move on.

 

[Koolau]

Anyone who is planning on being cremated or donating their body to science might want to possibly consider donating their brain to science aka the Brain Donor Project. They have a very efficient nationwide network to retrieve the brain within an hour of passing (ideally.)

https://braindonorproject.org/

omni

Not enough info at that site - without a bit more digging (sorry). BUT, that does sound kind of interesting. Much less "ick" factor than having a bunch of 20 somethings "rummaging" through your remains to find the gastrocnemius muscle today and the tricuspid valve on Friday. Very much a YMMV point of view on my part, of course. - especially if they hand your relatives back a plastic box with your cremated remains for your "trouble." Not sure that's part of the deal, but, hey! Fair is fair though YMMV.

 

[Caskem]

I want to be cremated and put in the septic tank. Then I would truly be “in turd.”

 

[RetireeRobert]

When my brother died, his ashes were buried in the grave sites of our parents. The cemetary insisted on being paid for permission to do it for a disgraceful fee.

Then when I asked about a marker, they said the little brass nameplate to be affixed below Moms name for $500 was no longer available but they would add another gravestone for $3800. I said no so he is in an unmarked grave. He would have been ok with that.

That is outrageous for a gravestone.

I had a red marble "pillow style" gravestone for my DW engraved and installed for $1100 at the rural cemetery by the local headstone guy. He also would have installed a gravestone for $175 if I purchased it from someone else or bought one online.

 

[RetireeRobert]

Speaking of gravestones, there is a company that sells both wholesale and retail. Their website has a feature where you can design a gravestone yourself using a whole catalog of templates and options. Very nifty.

They can ship a gravestone to you for installation by a local installer.

https://www.honorlife.com/

 

[Dash man]

That is outrageous for a gravestone.



I had a red marble "pillow style" gravestone for my DW engraved and installed for $1100 at the rural cemetery by the local headstone guy. He also would have installed a gravestone for $175 if I purchased it from someone else or bought one online.

Our plot has a granite gravestone with just out last name on it. Our individual graves will have a VA plaque with our full names and dates on it. In a corner of our plot is a pedestal with an open Bible that will contain the ashes of my father-in-law and step mother-in-law. They had purchased plots in another cemetery in another county, but we figured we could get the pedestal and put them at our plot for much lest money, since all they did was buy the plot and didn’t pay for anything else.

 

[Koolau]

Our plot has a granite gravestone with just out last name on it. Our individual graves will have a VA plaque with our full names and dates on it. In a corner of our plot is a pedestal with an open Bible that will contain the ashes of my father-in-law and step mother-in-law. They had purchased plots in another cemetery in another county, but we figured we could get the pedestal and put them at our plot for much lest money, since all they did was buy the plot and didn’t pay for anything else.

Nice. And (especially) couples plots are very resalable in most situations! Could cover much of the in-laws final expenses.

 

[Telly]

I still want to be cremated ASAP (but wait till I'm deceased, or if I don't answer in-person after three tries). Then I want my [-]ashes[/-] crunchy bits that are left mixed with a binder and pressed like a countertop. Then I can be used for a countertop, headstone, etc. Why would I want this? Because in life, I was often taken for granite.

 

[Kroeran]

In middle age I had an interest in Spiritualism which occasionally brought me to a local Spiritualist Church which have communication with the dead as part of the service.

For a decade, before a dedicated cemetery for RCMP was established, were he was eventually moved, Dad’s ashes were buried under an unmarked inukishook at the family lake cottage.

In a reading, one medium said dad was exhausted from having to tell people constantly who he was and his dates, not having a tombstone or marker.

The implication was that a grave marker serves as a name tag in the hereafter.

 

[braumeister]

Some great replies here; thanks to all.

This is only tangentially related, but since I started this thread I guess I'm allowed to relate a most interesting item I recently learned.

An uncle was killed (shot down) in Europe during World War II. I have long thought it would be nice to visit his grave at the American military cemetery in Normandy (I've seen a photo of his marker there). If you saw Saving Private Ryan you know what it looks like.

But I have always wondered how many are actually buried there. Surely it would have been impossible to go all around Europe and recover all those bodies for reburial at Normandy!

So I've searched online for years and recently found a complete, detailed account of his death in some old military records. It turns out that he was actually buried by local people in a tiny cemetery over there, and the marker at Normandy is just that -- only a marker. There is still a marker on his actual grave, and I found a photo of that as well. It's just amazing what you can find when you go "digging" for information!

 

[Bart523]

Our church has a beautiful memorial garden where cremains are buried. There is a bronze plaque on the wall of the garden listing those whose remains are buried. This will be our final resting place.

 

[pjigar]

Too early for me to think about this but my wish: body goes to organ harvest (if possible) followed by medical school followed by cremation. Ashes scattered at the family farm.

 

[Murph]

Burial too wasteful

I think if you'd asked me 30 years ago, I would have automatically said standard burial.

But with the prices for caskets they're pulling down, and the cost of a cemetery plot, viewing, etc., I started thinking harder about this. Truth is, I'm a nobody and I can't think of anyone that would visit my grave or care who I was enough to visit my resting place. So, I'm definitely going the cremation route, but not sure what to do with the ashes.

Any ideas are appreciated.

 

[38Chevy454]

I want to be cremated and put in the septic tank. Then I would truly be “in turd.”

Thanks for my best laugh for the day

 

[Nick12]

Looks like the funeral business industry won't be gaining much business from the recent posts.

 

[2177V]

I wanted my ashes scatterred on a beach where the girls in bikinis lay their butt on. However, I found out later that scatterring ashes on a public beach is illegal. Besides it is more likely it will be a fat guy on the beach who will then fart on top of me.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

Interesting topic, OP. We're donating our bodies to the Science Care Donor Registry. If they want you (as cadavers that medical students use for practice) they cremate the donor for free. It's in our wills that we both be scattered in the mountains.

As long as I'm not being buried, I'll be good with whatever happens.

We have friends who are members of the Neptune something or other for cremation. They take care of things world wide.

 

[ncbill]

A relative (kidney transplant recipient) will be donated for medical examination, then cremated.

Still shocked by some of the prices I've read.

Buried a close relative a couple of years ago & used a full-service funeral home.

Having them pick up the body, have it cremated, assist at the church service, then do the setup for a graveside service to inter the cremains with tent & chairs all ran under $2,500.

 

[braumeister]

Still shocked by some of the prices I've read.

Buried a close relative a couple of years ago & used a full-service funeral home.

Having them pick up the body, have it cremated, assist at the church service, then do the setup for a graveside service to inter the cremains with tent & chairs all ran under $2,500.

That would have been a bargain where I live.
Both my parents had the exact same service from two different funeral homes. Pick up, transport to crematorium, hand me the cremains, and provide a few death certificates. Period, absolutely nothing else.
$1,770 in 1996 and $2,370 in 2012.

 

[Dash man]

That would have been a bargain where I live.

Both my parents had the exact same service from two different funeral homes. Pick up, transport to crematorium, hand me the cremains, and provide a few death certificates. Period, absolutely nothing else.

$1,770 in 1996 and $2,370 in 2012.

Last fall we paid for our nephew’s cremation and urn and death certificates. It ran about $3,400. He hasn’t been interred yet, and that won’t be cheap.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

That would have been a bargain where I live.
Both my parents had the exact same service from two different funeral homes. Pick up, transport to crematorium, hand me the cremains, and provide a few death certificates. Period, absolutely nothing else.
$1,770 in 1996 and $2,370 in 2012.

Wow...that's pretty pricey. My parents had the same "services" as you listed and the cost for my Dad (in 2018) was $1240.00 and Mom's was close to that (in 2013). The arrangements were previously made through one of the cremation societies that is associated with Neptune. The website on the same funeral home shows that if I were to contract with them TODAY for the same service, it would be $995 out the door. If I recall, the "extra" that was paid was for my Dad's obit being placed in two papers.

 

[Dalmore]

Voted "other" - *if* science wants any parts, they are welcome to them. Cremate the leftovers. I don't really care if I am scattered in the wind or the local dump.

 

[Koolau]

Some great replies here; thanks to all.

This is only tangentially related, but since I started this thread I guess I'm allowed to relate a most interesting item I recently learned.

An uncle was killed (shot down) in Europe during World War II. I have long thought it would be nice to visit his grave at the American military cemetery in Normandy (I've seen a photo of his marker there). If you saw Saving Private Ryan you know what it looks like.

But I have always wondered how many are actually buried there. Surely it would have been impossible to go all around Europe and recover all those bodies for reburial at Normandy!

So I've searched online for years and recently found a complete, detailed account of his death in some old military records. It turns out that he was actually buried by local people in a tiny cemetery over there, and the marker at Normandy is just that -- only a marker. There is still a marker on his actual grave, and I found a photo of that as well. It's just amazing what you can find when you go "digging" for information!

Fascinating story. Thank you.

Fairly recently, I saw a program on the Civil War. Many of the troops (both sides) were concerned about NOT ever being identified after their deaths on the battlefield. They came up with ingenious ways to sew ID into their clothes, etc. Current technology from the obvious preliminary identifier by "dog tags" has IIRC been upgraded to actual DNA registration.