Sibling Doesn’t have a dime to his name

[Danmar]

These stories are really depressing. I don’t really know much about my sibs’ finances and that is fine by me. They get by somehow. My DM is 92 with about 5-6 years of money left to pay for her assisted living facility. I have promised to pay if/when she runs out.

 

[athena53]

These posts make me grateful for my family-my parents managed to put all 5 of us through college while saving for a comfortable retirement, and I doubt any of my siblings will need help from anyone else. Parents were good examples.

If I did have a penniless relative at or near retirement age, I'd help them research the social programs available- subsidized senior housing, etc. There are plenty of people in the same situation.

I just sent the 12th of 24 monthly payments of $1,000 to my impecunious BIL (late husband's brother) who's married to a shopaholic. (I write the checks to him; she endorses them.) DH's will left everything to me but I wanted to do something for them and this is what DH and I agreed on. It will be interesting to see what happens after the 24th check is spent. I have plans to add more to my granddaughters' 529 accounts after that so I hope BIL and SIL are setting aside an emergency fund.

 

[calico1597]

My sister is 10 years younger than me and is content to only squeak by. She quit a decent job with insurance and retirement because it wasn't bringing her 'joy.' And we all know life is too short to not have any joy. She's divorced and gets a small military pension thru her ex-husband. She lives in a rough neighborhood because that is all she can afford. Her house has been broken into at least three times. There is nothing left to steal. She has one pair of gold earrings left, they are in the freezer labeled strawberries. She's waiting for mom to die, so she can inherit half of $300K, to her that is equal to millions of $$$. I don't help her out. Mom sends her $$ on occasion, but I remind mom that she herself may need those $$ down to road to live on.

 

[Elbata]

impecunious

That is a good word. Where in the heck did you learn that?

im·pe·cu·ni·ous
ˌimpəˈkyo͞onēəs/Submit
adjective
having little or no money.
"a titled but impecunious family"
synonyms: penniless, poor, impoverished, indigent, insolvent, hard up, poverty-stricken, needy, destitute;

 

[athena53]

impecunious

That is a good word. Where in the heck did you learn that?

Thanks! I read a lot and love finding an obscure word to describe exactly what I mean.

 

[pmac]

I guess I'm in the lucky family group. I have 7 siblings, all who seem to be doing well. Some better than others, but not a deadbeat among them. Over the years I did some provide some limited help to some, but not very much and it was really needed at the time.

 

[ocean view]

My older sister is 55 and has made one bad decision after another in adulthood. She does have steady employment, but low wage clerical work. Only in the past few years after leaving her 2nd husband (in the middle of the night!) has she acted responsibly with regard to finances. That is until she decided recently that her meager nest egg had to be spent on a down payment for a townhouse. The house is too big for one person, is in disrepair, and in a bad neighborhood. My sister will furnish and decorate every room immediately, even if she can’t afford it. And she bought it without a home inspection! Who buys a 30 year old house without an inspection? Fortunately my mom has stopped enabling her with money.

Dear sister has a 30 year old son who has never worked a day in his life. Was diagnosed as having cerebral palsy at age 2 and his father (ex-husband #1) has been milking the disability payments ever since. If he does have CP it is so minor, that no one would know. His father takes half of his disability to cover his share of rent and nephew gets the rest. Dad tells him he is not employable, so he doesn’t try. Very sad, especially for my Mom who wants to help her child & grandson, but now realizes she can’t.

 

[LRDave]

I feel blessed that all my siblings are doing well and none will be a burden on me.... same with DM and likely DD and DS.

+1

My older sisters are both retired and better off than me. My 93 year-old father lives with one sister and has enough to provide for his remaining years & end-of-life care.

DW's two siblings are in pretty good shape. They both are divorced but remarried hard-working, high-character spouses. DW's 84 year-old mother lives with her sister and her finances should be able to carry her through her remaining years without burdening anyone.

I count myself really lucky in this respect.

Now as for the NEXT generation.....

 

[aja8888]

Thanks! I read a lot and love finding an obscure word to describe exactly what I mean.

I read a lot too, and have never seen that word. I'll bet no one in my Romeo group would know what it means either. I'll test that tomorrow morning.....and all of the guys are very well off (self made $$) and worldly.

 

[Mdlerth]

A less depressing story

These stories are really depressing.

For those of us with black sheep in the family, these stories are reassurance that we're not the only ones afflicted.

But while my parents' litter is 100% black sheep (I won't pretend that I don't have plenty of my own flaws), I can report cheerily that my wife's four siblings all turned out well. All earned professional degrees, most with graduate degrees sprinkled on. All married similarly responsible spouses and raised smart, well-behaved children who are on track to replicate or exceed their parents. No prison records, no drug problems, no head cases, just good people. DW's brother and one of the sisters already are securely and comfortably retired; the others are within reach.

When I am feeling mischievous, I will taunt DW, "My in-laws are better than your in-laws!"

 

[travelover]

impecunious..........

That's a good word, but I find that "parasite" does the job.

 

[cbo111]

Thanks! I read a lot and love finding an obscure word to describe exactly what I mean.

Reminds me of the "eschew obfuscation" bumper sticker!

 

[Amethyst]

As opposed to "parsimonious" - more descriptive of forum members

impecunious

That is a good word. Where in the heck did you learn that?

im·pe·cu·ni·ous
ˌimpəˈkyo͞onēəs/Submit
adjective
having little or no money.
"a titled but impecunious family"
synonyms: penniless, poor, impoverished, indigent, insolvent, hard up, poverty-stricken, needy, destitute;

 

[travelover]

I guess I'm in the lucky family group. I have 7 siblings, all who seem to be doing well. Some better than others, but not a deadbeat among them. Over the years I did some provide some limited help to some, but not very much and it was really needed at the time.

Hey, who invited you? This is a pity party.

 

[brucethebroker]

Everyone seems to have a middle aged sibling with no job or employment prospects or resources.

I wonder how they answer the question: What do you do all day?

Mine gets on facebook and tells everyone a sob story. Poor health, can't work but wants to, etc. Of course, the rest of the family is evil since they have cut off the $ and taxi service....

I guess the world is filled with grasshoppers, not ants.........

 

[Nemo2]

impecunious

That is a good word. Where in the heck did you learn that?

Probably from reading about Wilkins Micawber? (I figure that's likely where I first encountered the word.)

 

[rayinpenn]

I should say my penniless brother is not a bad guy.. no substance abuse, no divorces .. he’s had some bad breaks - lost a lifer blue collar job because of an injury.. lots of bad spending habits..like smoking. I think he also suffers from dyslexia. Some day I’m sure ill have to help out. We shall see.

 

[GrayHare]

You can have one marshmallow today or two marshmallows tomorrow. Some learn to delay gratification others do not. Both kinds of people have trouble with the other approach.

 

[athena53]

You can have one marshmallow today or two marshmallows tomorrow. Some learn to delay gratification others do not. Both kinds of people have trouble with the other approach.

Yeah, I wouldn't call BIL a parasite- he's a sweet guy, no substance abuse or gambling problems (well, he DOES like his cigarettes but he's 82 and has few pleasures left). Still, he left the military when they expected him to develop computer skills (still doesn't use a computer although his wife does). When DH and I first met, future BIL was retired and collecting a small military pension and complaining about lack of money. DH told him to get a job, but that was too much trouble. He'd recently married his wife, who showed up on his doorstep before that, with no place to go, and he took her in. She's about my age so was probably mid-40s when they married, trained as a nurse, but never worked after she moved in with him.

So- bad choices and lack of ambition more than anything else.

 

[braumeister]

By way of reassurance, I'll mention my BIL. He owns a house, a car, and a one-person B&M business, period. As far as I can tell, the business makes about enough to cover his food bill and not much more. The house has been foreclosed on so many times I lost count.

The last time he came looking for a loan he wanted to give us a mortgage on both house and business property in order to save the house from the sheriff's sale, as he had used up all the delaying tactics in the book. We turned him down because as an investment it stank and as a gift it was more than we could afford. It was an agonizing time because he's the only living relative left on DW's side, but we were firm.

Lo and behold, he found another sucker who bailed him out within a week of our refusal. So just because there is the emotional issue of dealing with one of these problem children who happen to be related, don't think you're really the last resort.

 

[YVRRocketSurgery]

Two older siblings.

One is a saver whose spouse has a very good income. They sacrificed a lot of money supporting their kids' educations. However, they'll send end up being able to retire comfortably some time between 55 and 60. If not for supporting their kids, they'd likely could have retired before 50.

Other sibling wasn't as thrifty as my other sibling and also supported their kids education. However, they got hit with a double whammy of being laid off in their 50's and getting divorced. Money is very tight for them now but they'll be ok in the long run once their DB pension kicks in from the job they got let go from. Saved by the DB pension!

 

[steadystate]

Reading these stories makes me feel very grateful. All four of my siblings are happily retired with good finances. One, my brother, is very wealthy, having the luck to have been neighbors with (and fellow investor) with one of the petro-engineers who got the whole Montana fracking revolution going. And my BILs are doing well, one's a nephrologist with good income and savings and the other likewise situated. Mother in law is in a super nice assisted care, with lots of savings.

As I said before, I am grateful and I don't take it for granted. Somehow we ended up with a nice nest egg; we didn't exactly plan for it but my engineering career has gone very well and we are not big spenders.

 

[scrabbler1]

I have one brother who is 5 years younger than me (he is 49, I am 54). He is married with one kid, a 13-year old son. My brother is wealthier than I am, and my NW is $1.5M. He owns his own successful business, and lives in a McMansion. His wife (my SIL) has her own small business she runs out of said McMansion. My nephew goes to a private school.


Whenever my dad has some unexpected bill, usually for something medical, he tells us, "There goes some more of your inheritance." We all laugh. My dad knows several people who have had their kids depend on them for financial aid at times and remarks that he is glad his two kids have never been anywhere close to being in that situation. If anything, he knows that if he is ever in a tough financial spot he can depend on us to help him out.

 

[robnplunder]

I have a brother who fits into the category of having very little money, living month to month. I've helped him too many times, wasting 10s of thousands dollars. He and his wife don't work hard and spend what they make. I've heard he now has cancer. Oh, well.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I don't have any answers. Theories about why people end up like they do, but that's all I have. Laziness, feeling of self entitlement, lack of ambition,parasitic behavior stemming from past behavior because they got away with it before so had no incentive to improve.

I really don't know. It's hard because on the one hand ,one does feel sorry for them, but on the other hand, it is tempting to stop feeding bad past behavior and say, just suck it in and cope buddy, suck it in and cope. But usually by that point, the person is no longer capable of achieving anything great. It is too late. Reality needs to happen sooner. They need to get a reality check sooner in life. I am just not sure it would make any difference.