Single men of ER...chime in pls

[Amethyst]

I'm all for dutch or alternating paying. I always offered to pay for my own dinner back when I was dating. Guys would act insulted, as in "Don't you think I can afford it?" The two I ended up marrying were both 100% dinner payers, whether I liked it or not. However, they never implied anything crass or "transactional."

Mr. A. and I were just friends when he invited me over to his house. I went with misgivings, as, in my unfortunate between-marriages experience, this could be a prelude to an attempted grab. But he only wanted to show off his art, video collection, full bookshelves, and the furniture he'd picked out for himself after the ex came over with a truck, while he was at work, and cleaned out the house. He could not possibly have chosen a more attractive thing to do, especially the art. I had given up on meeting guys who would know a Monet from a Miro.

I've never ”expected" anything physical from a date. That said, if a woman isn't interested in me physically I think going on more than one "date" with a guy who pays for everything would seem like a somewhat dishonest thing to do as the basic premise of the guy picking up the tab is ostensibly that he's using his time and money to help convey his romantic interest. Wanna just hang out and be friends, go dutch..

 

[athena53]

Regarding paying in dates: it's a nightmare. My options are tricky:

• Guy pays: either sexist, gentleman or wants sex
• Guy offers to split: uninterested or equal opportunity
• Guy asks girl to pay, offers to pay next time: stingy bastard or clingy behavior (both bad)
• Bonus option: each pays his/her own: asocial, uninterested or equal opportunity

I pick "Bonus/equal opportunity". I figure the first date should be something simple like going out for coffee. I'll pay my way. If he insists I'll let him pay but make sure I get the bill the next time. Either way- low stakes. From there, whoever suggests the date pays. If a guy suggests the best restaurant in town and at the end of the dinner tells the waiter to give us separate checks that's a dealbreaker! And, as mentioned earlier, I want some balance. I would be just as uncomfortable with him paying every time as I would be with a guy who sits back and lets ME pay every time.

 

[ikubak]

If you fall off a ladder and break your leg, it's nice to know that somebody will find you eventually and get you to the ER.

You know you've been reading this forum too long when you wonder why you need someone to get you to the Early Retirement (ER) just because you fell off a ladder.

 

[kcowan]

This year a golfing friend of mine in his 60s met a 60 year old woman on line and met her for a dinner date. He said she was very attractive. But unfortunately one of her first comments on the dinner date was "I am sorry but I dont find you sexually attractive at all". He said he was very disappointed...But he will regroup I am sure.

My wife says you should not confuse lust with love. Lust is like a tornado whereas love is like a sunny meadow...

I wouldn't say sexual interest goes away at this age, I know for a fact, after my grandmother died, my grandfather got a young 40ish pregnant, but the pregnancy didn't last. I was wondering about expecting anything in return after a dinner date, the expect part. Just curious.

Enjoying someone has much to do with compatible personalities. Sex may be part of it but can't be the primary driver.

I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

It seems that these 70 year olds are acting like 20-somethings and are afraid to communicate.

Regarding paying in dates: it's a nightmare. My options are tricky:

• Guy pays: either sexist, gentleman or wants sex
• Guy offers to split: uninterested or equal opportunity
• Guy asks girl to pay, offers to pay next time: stingy bastard or clingy behavior (both bad)
• Bonus option: each pays his/her own: asocial, uninterested or equal opportunity

It's like Shrodingers cat: you don't know what you will convey until you actually observe the outcome.

Sharing the dilemma also doesn't work by the way, it just adds to the confusion.

I always pay! Sometimes she will insist. Then we talk. We had a good rich woman friend who was richer than God through marriage, and she refused to ever offer to pay. We told her she was crazy. Eventually she died and only her housekeeper and executor were there. She was beautiful but only skin deep!

Women hate to be rejected, especially if it is obvious. In Seattle, many dance communities have an ethic that suggests not turning down dance requests, from man to woman or woman to man, or same sex. But it is suggested, not mandatory. ...

Ha

I think one dance should be mandatory with no judgement. After that, compatibility and personality should rule.

 

[socca]

My non-negotiables in the dating biz:
(1) Local only
(2) Has her own residence, with no intention of leaving it and moving in with me (boy, would that be a disaster )
(3) Has her own friends & her own activities that provide enjoyment/satisfaction; in short, her own life separate from mine
(4) Is physically, mentally (emotionally, intellectually), and financially healthy
(5) Has a 'worldview' compatible with mine.

The pool of candidates is rather small - it might even be zero. If so, no problem. It's better to be underinvested than poorly invested, and there are a large number of poor investments walking around out there threatening to unduly complicate my life.

 

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by Moemg
I live in Florida so I know plenty of 70 year old women and they are all looking for a guy to take them to dinner frequently and of course pay for everything but not require anything in return.These are women who have a decent amount socked away .

Interesting. Does one expect anything in return from women from 70 year old group? I like single men to chime in on this.

Since you asked.....
I'm mid-late 50's, seeing a lady in her late 60's. I had no expectation beyond pleasant conversation at the outset, believing that anything physical would develop over time, if at all.

Our agreement is when I invite, I pay, and when she invites, she pays (and she does so often, maybe 20% of the time).

I never saw footing the bill as something to be "repaid", although DGF tells me her experience as a single woman was different.

As to the situations described by Moemg: First thing to know is I want a relationship with some legs, not a series of short term social engagements. That being the case, I have been willing to spend some time and dining $$ getting to know a few ladies.

I have played by the rules of her associates, but the quality of the meals dropped off once it became clear there wasn't anything that would develop in the future.

 

[Elbata]

Be real and just face it, at our ages, for the man, it's lets make a deal and for the women, it's lets play wheel of fortune.

That's a witty quote, but I'm not so sure that's the case. In fact, it could be quite the opposite.

Funny though.

 

[Souschef]

My non-negotiables in the dating biz:
(1) Local only
(2) Has her own residence, with no intention of leaving it and moving in with me (boy, would that be a disaster )
(3) Has her own friends & her own activities that provide enjoyment/satisfaction; in short, her own life separate from mine
(4) Is physically, mentally (emotionally, intellectually), and financially healthy
(5) Has a 'worldview' compatible with mine.

The pool of candidates is rather small - it might even be zero. If so, no problem. It's better to be underinvested than poorly invested, and there are a large number of poor investments walking around out there threatening to unduly complicate my life.

Ah but all you need is one My wife met all except 2, because she could not afford to stay there. After 10 years of living together, even with diverse social and religious backgrounds, we have made it work

 

[1-31-18]

I'm 61 and engaged to be married again in the fall. My fiancée is 59 and, in a long management consulting career that took her around the world, has not yet been married.

We are now planning not only our wedding but also, and unknown to our partners, our retirements. Next spring we are thinking we will announce, for the record, our wedding, her retirement, my retirement, and that we are living happily ever after. The trifecta.

Usually I pay for dinner, because she has just finished rehabilitating, at her own considerable expense, her residence -- where we will live as a married couple. (It was prescient, I believe, to "let" her do the home before I moved in and we married, as the alternative with every woman is to watch her re-do the home after the wedding.) But sometimes she buys dinner, or dinner ingredients from which she cooks meals. I've been married off and on almost all my adult life, with the result that I don't really know how to cook.

I dated actively before I committed to my fiancée. I know men who remain single at my age or older, but not many and none too happy. (I also know married men who wish they were single, but they are few in number also.) Although it's very possible to make a bad match, a happy marriage trumps the single life in my experience. Especially is this so during holidays and when feeling down or unwell. It's terrific to have someone as I grow older whom I can always count on.

 

[Scuba]

Congratulations on your "trifecta" ... sounds like a great plan!

 

[scrabbler1]

In my dating life, I have almost always paid for my dates, simply because the women I have dated were either unemployed or made less, usually far less, than I did. And it's not like I was earning some 6-figure salary (I never made more than $80k). I surely wasn't going to pressure the women I dated to pay for our dates or go Dutch. If I were lucky, my date left the tip at our dinners out.


With my current LF for the last 12 years, I pay for our occasional dinner or movie out, but she pays for the food she gets when she cooks my meals at her place. She is employed full-time and has been the whole time except for the first week after she moved to my area from 700 miles away.

 

[Music Lover]

At age 55, and happily retired and financially secure, it would raise a red flag if a woman that I'm dating is unable to pay for a date on occasion, or is unwilling to pay at all. It's 2017, not 1957.

The last few first dates that I've been on it's been separate bills or one bill with the other person chipping in. One time the server asked if the bills were to be together or separate and I said one bill was fine as I was planning on paying, but the lady I was with gave me money for half saying "It's only fair that I pay my share".

 

[aja8888]

Well, one time recently when DW and I were out to dinner, she actually picked up the tab!

(It's a good thing because I forgot my wallet).

 

[Hermit]

At age 55, and happily retired and financially secure, it would raise a red flag if a woman that I'm dating is unable to pay for a date on occasion, or is unwilling to pay at all. It's 2017, not 1957.

The last few first dates that I've been on it's been separate bills or one bill with the other person chipping in. One time the server asked if the bills were to be together or separate and I said one bill was fine as I was planning on paying, but the lady I was with gave me money for half saying "It's only fair that I pay my share".

My answer to that would be "It is really not necessary, I have certainly enjoyed your company and it would be my pleasure." If she insisted beyond that I would would not complain further. I guess being raised in the 50s and 60s is showing.

 

[Mdlerth]

The last several posts have just reminded me again about how difficult dating would be for a guy (like me) who has been married for the last 45 years. Just would be so awkward.

+1

I had very few GFs before meeting and marrying my college sweetheart, so I never had much opportunity to develop any dating skills. Now in year 37 of connubial paradise, whatever skills I had then are hopelessly out of date.

But I have since learned two things about The Chase which I suspect are timeless, and which I have passed on to my two sons:

1. If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor. One of my brothers figured this out early, and he never lacked female companions. Caveat: Do some practicing at home before revealing your inner Astaire in public.
2. If the gentleman wants the relationship to proceed further, he should cook dinner for her. A woman will be more impressed when a man actually prepares and serves a meal than if he takes her to the most exclusive restaurant in town. Caveat: The dinner should be a bit more elaborate than hot dogs and chips.

Learn these two principles and you will significantly boost your odds of cultivating a new romance.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't know how to dance, either.

Rather than his cooking dinner, I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

+1

But I have since learned two things about The Chase which I suspect are timeless, and which I have passed on to my two sons:

1. If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor. One of my brothers figured this out early, and he never lacked female companions. Caveat: Do some practicing at home before revealing your inner Astaire in public.
2. If the gentleman wants the relationship to proceed further, he should cook dinner for her. .

 

[NYEXPAT]

1. If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor.
2. If the gentleman wants the relationship to proceed further, he should cook dinner for her. A woman will be more impressed when a man actually prepares and serves a meal than if he takes her to the most exclusive restaurant in town.

Learn these two principles and you will significantly boost your odds of cultivating a new romance.

My list would be as follows:

1. Master one dance, "the dance with no pants".
2. Never go on a first date with a loaded gun.
3. Never, take it beyond three dates without sufficient encouragement.
4. Alway's do it in their bed, as they will be more relaxed and you can leave when your done.
5. Always leave them wanting more.

Following these simple rules, you will always be single and never without Dinner.

 

[athena53]

Rather than his cooking dinner, I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

Yeah- that's a form of foreplay to me!

 

[Amethyst]

Honestly...if the men only knew how common this frame of mind really is....and it's not just older ladies that like it. I liked watching my first husband wash dishes and we were only in our early 20's. And Mr. A. painted rooms in my first house and wow. :evil: It helps if tight jeans are being worn.

Yeah- that's a form of foreplay to me!

 

[Fedup]

+1

I had very few GFs before meeting and marrying my college sweetheart, so I never had much opportunity to develop any dating skills. Now in year 37 of connubial paradise, whatever skills I had then are hopelessly out of date.

But I have since learned two things about The Chase which I suspect are timeless, and which I have passed on to my two sons:

1. If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor. One of my brothers figured this out early, and he never lacked female companions. Caveat: Do some practicing at home before revealing your inner Astaire in public.
2. If the gentleman wants the relationship to proceed further, he should cook dinner for her. A woman will be more impressed when a man actually prepares and serves a meal than if he takes her to the most exclusive restaurant in town. Caveat: The dinner should be a bit more elaborate than hot dogs and chips.

Learn these two principles and you will significantly boost your odds of cultivating a new romance.

My husband doesn't know how to dance, not the kind were thinking of, but he certain can clean the kitchen.

 

[Fedup]

Honestly...if the men only knew how common this frame of mind really is....and it's not just older ladies that like it. I liked watching my first husband wash dishes and we were only in our early 20's. And Mr. A. painted rooms in my first house and wow. :evil: It helps if tight jeans are being worn.

Lol, for me it was the garden. My husband did the garden of my first house and all subsequent houses.

 

[MichaelB]

So, does this mean that the adult film business has completely missed it, and should replace the pool boy with the dishwasher?

 

[Amethyst]

No, the pool boy is useful. He just needs to bring along the vacuum guy, and the window washer (HOT!) and someone who cleans showers and maybe a fella who can organize closets.

So, does this mean that the adult film business has completely missed it, and should replace the pool boy with the dishwasher?

 

[scrabbler1]

I don't know how to dance, either.

Rather than his cooking dinner, I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

Back in the 1980s and 1990s, when I had a woman over to my place and I cooked he dinner, she always washed the dishes, something I always appreciated. But what I liked more was how I'd show my appreciation for her - by giving her a special bearhug as she did the dishes.

Now THAT was some nice foreplay!

 

[Hermit]

I don't know how to dance, either.

Rather than his cooking dinner, I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

I think that is one of the biggest things that hooked DW. My kitchen was spotless. BTW that was over 35 years ago. I can't say the same for the kitchen/galley in the old motor home today.