Single men of ER...chime in pls

It's the marital equivalent of having kids, just so they can take care of you when you are old.

street said:
I once was told by an old timer he said don't get married till you are older in life. Then he said marry one that can wheel you around in the wheel chair. Lol
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braumeister said:
I've only skimmed this thread, but there are some fascinating stories here.

What concerns me a little is that if I ever lost DW I know I would turn into a complete recluse and that's not good.
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As in a hermit? So what's wrong with being a hermit?

Hermit :D
 
I thought this thread might only get 3 responses if that but what an amazing perspective from so many smart people and in various stages of life. Thank you for being open and sharing your thoughts, stories and background.
 
Mulligan said:
I recently talked to a regular at the workout place I go too. She is 70 and considering to move away to find a better chance to find a significant other. She said "The only men around here that are a available either want a nurse or the purse".
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Mulligan, it works both ways. :LOL:
 
street said:
Interesting post and I believe it isn't the norm today like it was 40 and 50 plus years ago.

I once was told by an old timer he said don't get married till you are older in life. Then he said marry one that can wheel you around in the wheel chair. Lol
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If I were to be single again, I definitely will take this into account.
 
Not a male, but....this is a very interesting thread. I now have a better understanding of the male brain! :cool:

Once, when I moved to a new city, I joined a singles club as a way to make new friends. I soon realized that singles clubs are for people who are single and don't want to be. Since I was a happy single, I was soon out of there.
 
dvalley said:
I thought this thread might only get 3 responses if that but what an amazing perspective from so many smart people and in various stages of life. Thank you for being open and sharing your thoughts, stories and background.
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I found it interesting, too- not only did it help me think some more about my own situation, but it was interesting to get other thoughts and experiences!
 
Yep, interesting thread. Married DW at 19 and I wouldn't trade what we've had and still have for anything. Reading all this thread just confirms that I've always been correct in claiming our marriage (and kids) as the greatest asset I've been blessed with. That, and the fact we're both kicking around in good shape at 66. Doubt anyone would have predicted the long term success back then in 1970 but it just worked out. We've both changed a lot over the years but in complimentary ways.

I'm guessing she'll survive me. If not, I tend to think I'd forego the chase. I see too much unhappiness and surprises that arise in relationships.

Sorry for the posts on loss and difficulties. Guess all things must end as will ours some day. Meanwhile will just try to enjoy the ride.
 
H2ODude said:
Yep, interesting thread. Married DW at 19 and I wouldn't trade what we've had and still have for anything. Reading all this thread just confirms that I've always been correct in claiming our marriage (and kids) as the greatest asset I've been blessed with. That, and the fact we're both kicking around in good shape at 66. Doubt anyone would have predicted the long term success back then in 1970 but it just worked out. We've both changed a lot over the years but in complimentary ways.

I'm guessing she'll survive me. If not, I tend to think I'd forego the chase. I see too much unhappiness and surprises that arise in relationships.

Sorry for the posts on loss and difficulties. Guess all things must end as will ours some day. Meanwhile will just try to enjoy the ride.
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Congratulations on the longevity.

I'm fortunate to know several couples happily married for 20+ years and I enjoy being around them, nice reminder of what can be.

Appreciate the compassion for the "unintended singles". I remain an optimist, and if I end up sharing some years with 2nd great lady, I think that would be wonderful :)
 
Mulligan said:
Just a little harmless "politics" interjected into the conversation, lol.
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Ah.... Understood. You had a wingman.

Next time I will ask my two good Russian friends, Rimsky and Korsakov, for help. They would make great wingmen.
 
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dvalley said:
I thought this thread might only get 3 responses if that but what an amazing perspective from so many smart people and in various stages of life. Thank you for being open and sharing your thoughts, stories and background.
Click to expand...

Like many, I married a great woman and figured that I would be married until I left this life (she was younger and a woman, so the stats favored that result). Alas, she flew the coop and ran off leaving me with one child still at home and another heartbroken over what had happened to our family.

I soon found out that married friends hung out with married friends (just like [-]I[/-] we did) and were just about useless for finding a new partner. :(

I also found out that remarrying at an older age, especially if two people have children and financial assets is tough. Even if they get along well, there are issues:

  • Ex spouse can be a pain sometimes.
  • How do we split holiday time?
  • How do we share some asset, but leave mine to my kids and yours to your kids?
  • I don't want to marry you and care for another man, I did that once and it was enough!
  • And, the worst of all, is when I burdened with the ex-husband's baggage. Not fair!
So, if you are happily married my best advice is to stay that way. :)

That said, if I was miserable in a marriage and all reasonable attempts to change for the better had failed, I would rather deal with above bullet points than live in a toxic relationship.

Still, there are a lot of great single people out there and perseverance, some discretion, a strong sense of self, and a loving an giving personality is what is needed. And, for us men, it helps to be financially secure, bath regularly and not drink to much. :D
 
Chuckanut said:
And, for us men, it helps to be financially secure, bathe regularly and not drink too much. :D
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I think most men would appreciate a woman with those qualities, too!
 
Sorry about the coop-flying, especially with chicks still in the nest.

It behooves both men and women to know what they can bring to a relationship. And that includes "baggage." Everybody's got some to carry, but some people need an entire brigade of bellhops.

Chuckanut said:
Li
I also found out that remarrying at an older age, especially if two people have children and financial assets is tough. Even if they get along well, there are issues:
Click to expand...
 
I've seen this nurse-and-purse remark in every Internet discussion of marriage. I wonder if actual nurses find it insulting. I have met a couple of male nurses who are hotties.

Mulligan said:
I recently talked to a regular at the workout place I go too. She is 70 and considering to move away to find a better chance to find a significant other. She said "The only men around here that are a available either want a nurse or the purse".
Click to expand...
 
In the extremely unlikely event that I meet a woman compatible with my rather unconventional lifestyle and interests, she would merely add spice to what is already a wonderful life. I'm very lucky to be able to live as I do, and she should feel the same way about her own life.

BTW: never married, and never will be married. 😎
 
street said:
Interesting post and I believe it isn't the norm today like it was 40 and 50 plus years ago.

I once was told by an old timer he said don't get married till you are older in life. Then he said marry one that can wheel you around in the wheel chair. Lol
Click to expand...

My grandfather did this in his 70's... He'd outlived two wives after nursing both through debilitating terminal diseases (brain tumor and alzheimer.) At that point knew his health was starting to decline... and married a woman (he met through church) who needed financial security and he needed a caretaker. Unfortunately, they didn't get along as well as hoped and after 5 years he divorced her. Fortunately he was from a very large family and a younger sister (15 years or so younger) took care of him in his later years.

Marrying for a nurse is not always a good idea.
 
Divorced over 20 years ago. If I find the right woman, I could see getting married again, but I'm not really looking these days. I think I'm just too picky and set in my ways.
 
Chuckanut said:
Like many, I married a great woman and figured that I would be married until I left this life (she was younger and a woman, so the stats favored that result). Alas, she flew the coop and ran off leaving me with one child still at home and another heartbroken over what had happened to our family.

I soon found out that married friends hung out with married friends (just like [-]I[/-] we did) and were just about useless for finding a new partner. :(

I also found out that remarrying at an older age, especially if two people have children and financial assets is tough. Even if they get along well, there are issues:

  • Ex spouse can be a pain sometimes.
  • How do we split holiday time?
  • How do we share some asset, but leave mine to my kids and yours to your kids?
  • I don't want to marry you and care for another man, I did that once and it was enough!
  • And, the worst of all, is when I burdened with the ex-husband's baggage. Not fair!
So, if you are happily married my best advice is to stay that way. :)

That said, if I was miserable in a marriage and all reasonable attempts to change for the better had failed, I would rather deal with above bullet points than live in a toxic relationship.

Still, there are a lot of great single people out there and perseverance, some discretion, a strong sense of self, and a loving an giving personality is what is needed. And, for us men, it helps to be financially secure, bath regularly and not drink to much. :D
Click to expand...
Good post. Healthy perspective in my opinion. Agree that almost anything is better than a toxic marriage, that's why divorce costs so much(it's worth it). Life ain't easy sometimes but you can't give up. Good luck.
 
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