Divorce, Net Worth and Early Retirement

[Patrick]

Bottom line: divorce probably doesn't accelerate one's progress to ER.....

When one is a spender, eliminating that one from the equation accelerates the saver's progess to ER.

 

[youbet]

I agree! I divorced at age 35 and it ended up being very good for my finances.

To everyone who has been able to get out of a so-called "bad" marriage and move on to better things, congratulations!

But, rather than compare a so-called bad marriage with a new, improved marriage, I'd like to see some $$$ comparisons between a good from the get-go marriage and a good second/third/fourth marriage. Do couples who marry and happily stay together have any real $$$ advantage over couples who need to correct the first marriage and only find financial compatibility in the second?

For those of you who have found a financially compatible mate on the second time around, do you feel significantly financially set back compared to if you had found that person the first time? Or, perhaps the learning experience of the first marriage gives you some edge over those who found Mr/Ms Right the first time and you may actually be at an advantage?

 

[Patrick]

For those of you who have found a financially compatible mate on the second time around, do you feel significantly financially set back compared to if you had found that person the first time?

I'd have to say yes. 15 years lost on the timeline has to have had an impact.

 

[astromeria]

Not exactly answering youbet's question, but I married 2 guys who instinctively live AT their means. My current hubby has been much better off with me than before me. My first hubby was better off with me than after me--he married someone who tends to debt and gets "outpatient care" from parents. (They stand to inherit handsomely from both sides, so it may work out for them )

A complicating factor in some divorces is children: did you have more (or any) in a second marriage? I couldn't have any more children, so I just have 2 from my first marriage (current DH never had kids). My ex had a whole second brood of 3 with his second, much younger wife--that surely set him back.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

To everyone who has been able to get out of a so-called "bad" marriage and move on to better things, congratulations!

But, rather than compare a so-called bad marriage with a new, improved marriage, I'd like to see some $$$ comparisons between a good from the get-go marriage and a good second/third/fourth marriage. Do couples who marry and happily stay together have any real $$$ advantage over couples who need to correct the first marriage and only find financial compatibility in the second?

For those of you who have found a financially compatible mate on the second time around, do you feel significantly financially set back compared to if you had found that person the first time? Or, perhaps the learning experience of the first marriage gives you some edge over those who found Mr/Ms Right the first time and you may actually be at an advantage?

I have a lot to say on this one.

My first wife was high maintenance/high consumption, mostly non-working
unless in a business I owned. However, I defend her from occasional
charges from relatives (that she was a big spender for example) as I was spending it just as fast as she was. We were equally to blame for any lack of foresight/thrift. Also,
we were married 32 years and didn't have a dime when we started so
there was not much question about splitting things "down the middle".
I never had a problem with that although obviously I produced almost all of the
income/assets.

Second marriage - completely different. Huge disparity in financial
situations/financial knowledge. Second wife worked full time
(very hard worker), but (like C-T) I did more than my share with my
investments, etc., and expected to fully support my wife once she decided
to ER.

Anyway, I did not find "financial compatability" in either marriage but for
completely different reasons. Doubt I will try for a third time.
Too old. Too tired.

JG

 

[bosco]

When one is a spender, eliminating that one from the equation accelerates the saver's progess to ER.

also, when 1 refuses to hold down a j*b, and you "trade-up" to a good-earning partner who shares your dream, you also accelerate you progress to ER.

 

[d]

For those of you who have found a financially compatible mate on the second time around, do you feel significantly financially set back compared to if you had found that person the first time? Or, perhaps the learning experience of the first marriage gives you some edge over those who found Mr/Ms Right the first time and you may actually be at an advantage?

both; and the second outweighed the first.

 

[youbet]

both; and the second outweighed the first.

Are you recommending a plan where you'd marry the first time planning on divorce so you could get on to the second marriage? Or, if you could pick out a good one first time around, would you stick with him/her?

 

[mathjak107]

The good news is in most states at least with divorce she only gets half... ha ha ha

 

[kcowan]

Are you recommending a plan where you'd marry the first time planning on divorce so you could get on to the second marriage? Or, if you could pick out a good one first time around, would you stick with him/her?

Obviously you never plan on divorce. However, being like-minded on financial matters would be my number one criterion for choosing a mate. Sex and religion/beliefs/values are also important. But in finances, being attracted by an opposite is bad news...

 

[audreyh1]

Wow! I'm impressed by how many millionaires we have posting/responding on this forum. 68 out of the 78 respondents reached $1M net worth. That's 87%!

Audrey

P.S. OK, OK, I know $1M is not what it used to be!

 

[GMueller]

What is even more impressive is that the vast majority of responders who achieved a net worth of at least $1M, did so before they reached 55 years of age. This surprised me. In addition, the majority (67.5 percent) of the millionaires were never divorced. The limited results from this poll do not seem to support those responders who claim that their divorce hastened their early retirement. As for myself, I know my two divorces set me back. My nestegg was built substantially on one paycheck. Compounded over time, another paycheck would have made a big difference.

 

[youbet]

The limited results from this poll do not seem to support those responders who claim that their divorce hastened their early retirement.

People seemed to be answering from two points of view:

1. Having a financially compatible mate from the get-go and never divorcing at all would most typically result in the fastest route to FI but,

2. If you have a bad marriage with financial incompatibility, getting divorced and staying single or finding a more financially compatible spouse will hasten FI compared to staying in the bad marriage.

I believe that most people who are claiming that divorce hastened FI meant as opposed to staying in a bad marriage, as in #2 above.

 

[Corporateburnout]

Wow! I'm impressed by how many millionaires we have posting/responding on this forum. 68 out of the 78 respondents reached $1M net worth. That's 87%!

Audrey

P.S. OK, OK, I know $1M is not what it used to be!

The real estate boom of the last 10 years have helped increased one's net worth dramatically. I'll bet a lot of folks with a net worth of 1M or over have a substantial amount tied in home equity.

It is still however a great accomplishment to achieve this level of net worth by the age of 55.

 

[Spanky]

The real estate boom of the last 10 years have helped increased one's net worth dramatically. I'll bet a lot of folks with a net worth of 1M or over have a substantial amount tied in home equity.

There might be another poll that excludes home equity.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

There might be another poll that excludes home equity.

That's a good one. Someone want to start?

JG

 

[d]

Are you recommending a plan where you'd marry the first time planning on divorce so you could get on to the second marriage? Or, if you could pick out a good one first time around, would you stick with him/her?

not making any such recommendation, but if you know of a way to begin with the nth marriage without first experiencing the first n-1, i'd be interested to hear about it!

my comment ("both") means that the experience of the prior marriage was a "valuable learning exercise". had we begun with the second, we would not have had the "benefit" of that learning.

 

[Nords]

my comment ("both") means that the experience of the prior marriage was a "valuable learning exercise". had we begun with the second, we would not have had the "benefit" of that learning.

Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

And I hope there's no such thing as a "good starter marriage"...

 

[d]

Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

there's no substitute for experience!

 

[Khan]

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

One was more than enough.

 

[free4now]

Not all knowledge has to be personally experienced to be "valuable".

Such wise words. I actually think a large part of why I am FIRE is because I have a strong predilection to learn from history rather than by making my own mistakes. I know so many people who learn about investing by just "doing it". They learn about down markets by losing their money rather than by looking at historical charts. They learn about marriage by getting married. They learn about divorce by getting divorced.

Me personally, I want to learn about marriage by studying what happens to those people who have already tried it! But then again there are certain parts of relationships that simply don't make sense except in the first person.

 

[Spanky]

I am FIRE is because I have a strong predilection to learn from history rather than by making my own mistakes.

What did you learn? You mentioned that you only worked in software for only 13 years. How do you manage to FIRE so early? Anyway, it is a great accomplishment.

 

[youbet]

And I hope there's no such thing as a "good starter marriage"...

I'm very pleased for everyone (and I understand it's more than 50%) who chose to end their first marriage and move on and found a better situation in marriage 2 or 3 or........? It's good when things work out.

For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies."

Could be worse I guess.....

 

[mathjak107]

i think my ex-wife and i would have gotten divorced a lot sooner but neither one of us wanted custody of the kids ha ha ha

 

[Mr._johngalt]

I'm very pleased for everyone (and I understand it's more than 50%) who chose to end their first marriage and move on and found a better situation in marriage 2 or 3 or........? It's good when things work out.

For us, well we kind of missed the boat. It's been 42 years since we first started dating and 36 years since we tied the knot. It got kind of busy inbetween then and now with earning a living and raising a family and we just forgot to call the lawyers to get the divorce proceedings going. So now we just party on knowing we missed our opportunity and living with the scorn and ridicule of being "old married fuddy duddies."

Could be worse I guess.....

It will be 65 years for my folks next month. They get on each other's nerves
something awful and never did seem all that compatible. Quite
an accomplishment.

JG