Divorce, Net Worth and Early Retirement

[GMueller]

Having been divorced twice myself, I am curious what effect divorce has on reaching what appears to be approximately the median net worth of the members of this discussion group. I reached $1M, but two divorces probably added about 10 years to the journey. I'm curious what effect others have experienced.

 

[audreyh1]

My divorce wiped out all my savings and I restarted from 0. Fortunately it occurred very early in my adult life, so I had plenty of time to recover.

Audrey

 

[Nords]

Everything I've heard & read tells me that divorce is one of the nastiest financial catastrophes ever experienced.

My spouse tells me that too.

 

[Outtahere]

I have a friend that is not happy at home, for the past three years he's been talking about leaving. I sat down with him one day and showed him just how much it was going to cost him if he left, he decided it's not so bad at home and he's going to stay. He also agreed to marriage counseling.

 

[d]

staying married for the wrong reason ... recipe for disaster?

 

[Nords]

I have a friend that is not happy at home, for the past three years he's been talking about leaving. I sat down with him one day and showed him just how much it was going to cost him if he left, he decided it's not so bad at home and he's going to stay. He also agreed to marriage counseling.

Diane Medved-- "The Case Against Divorce". Compelling.

 

[Outtahere]

Any one else I would say it would be a recipe for disaster but not with him and his wife, strange couple, they will make it work.

 

[crazy connie]

Another category just for me. Widowed with no big insurance settlement but reached 1M before 50. Had my husband lived we would have just spent it! God rest his funloving soul.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Good poll. I'm hanging out there all by myself, as usual.

JG

 

[audreyh1]

staying married for the wrong reason ... recipe for disaster?

Sometimes when people aren't happy at home, the problem is NOT the spouse. Counseling is a good idea. Maybe the person can figure out what is REALLY bothering him (or confirm that it is indeed the marriage).

Audrey

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Sometimes when people aren't happy at home, the problem is NOT the spouse. Counseling is a good idea. Maybe the person can figure out what is REALLY bothering him (or confirm that it is indeed the marriage).

Audrey

Audrey, I agree with you. In my case it was the spouse (s).
My mother has opined that maybe I'm just not husband material.
Could be.

JG

 

[astromeria]

Cost of divorce...$xx,000

Not being miserable every day...$priceless

 

[HFWR]

Divorce #1 was cheaper than staying married; #2 was mostly a financial non-event...

 

[modlair]

Wanna see a divorce settlement? Here's one. Just look past all the political stuff at purely what happened to Dr. Lewinsky:



http://tinyurl.com/lzc66

 

[Khan]

Having been divorced twice myself, I am curious what effect divorce has on reaching what appears to be approximately the median net worth of the members of this discussion group. I reached $1M, but two divorces probably added about 10 years to the journey. I'm curious what effect others have experienced.

Marriage and divorce is best done early to get it out of your system and have time to recover financially.

 

[kcowan]

Wanna see a divorce settlement? Here's one. Just look past all the political stuff at purely what happened to Dr. Lewinsky:
http://tinyurl.com/lzc66

Living with someone you no longer like just for the money: recipe for an early death!

 

[Zoocat]

Sometimes when people aren't happy at home, the problem is NOT the spouse. Counseling is a good idea. Maybe the person can figure out what is REALLY bothering him (or confirm that it is indeed the marriage).

Audrey

That is a very wise observation. Most of our unhappiness in life results from our dislike of aspects of self, then we project it onto others. We think that divorce will solve this unhappiness. (If only I leave spouse and marry so and so my life will be wonderful). It's usually a surprise that the same issues arise with a new spouse. All this is my opinion based on observations of self and others. IMHO the misery of divorce, the physical, emotional, and psychological damage is not worth the supposed payoffs.

I wonder what is the opportunity cost of divorce not only in financial terms but emotionally and psychologically for the divorced couple and for their children and their extended family, not to mention society in general?

 

[Mr._johngalt]

That is a very wise observation. Most of our unhappiness in life results from our dislike of aspects of self, then we project it onto others. We think that divorce will solve this unhappiness. (If only I leave spouse and marry so and so my life will be wonderful). It's usually a surprise that the same issues arise with a new spouse. All this is my opinion based on observations of self and others. IMHO the misery of divorce, the physical, emotional, and psychological damage is not worth the supposed payoffs.

I wonder what is the opportunity cost of divorce not only in financial terms but emotionally and psychologically for the divorced couple and for their children and their extended family, not to mention society in general?

I agree about the "wise observation" and that the "cost of divorce"
(all phases/measurements) is incalcuable. That said, sometimes it is
the only logical solution. You only get one life, and spending it being
miserable just so you can say you never divorced doesn't make a whole lot of sense. In my own case, even with hindsight I view both divorces as
absolutely necessary.

JG

 

[Lakerat Nomore]

It looks like I am hanging out there all by myself with 2 divorces. Actually, one was my current husbands and one was my own. Not 2 for me! My husbands was much more costly than mine. He earned much more and had two kids at home at the time of the split. He split all the accounts with his ex and assumed the bills. I was divorced at a younger age and didn't have much to loose, except a horrible married life!

 

[audreyh1]

Well, some folks may think of divorce because they are "not happy in the marriage". These folks may get a rude awakening when they get divorced and then find out that they are still unhappy, and it was themselves, not the marriage that was the problem.

BUT, if someone has a spouse who is not participating in the marriage or unfaithful or abusive, etc., then that's a whole 'nother matter and spending the rest of your time tied to someone who treats you like crap is not worth it, no matter how dire the economic consequences.

My case was case B. Good riddance and thank god it happened when I was young (and no kids) and had plenty of time to start over, both financially and in terms of relationships.

Audrey

 

[kcowan]

I think big gaps in value systems are the items that therapy/counselling cannot fix. It is best to correct the mistake and then find a more compatible partner. Often these gaps are not apparent until after being married a few years.

People who are afraid of the downside should resign themselves to their life sentence. When I was going through it, many acquaintances said they would do the same if they were brave enough to deal with the breakage. Others said they were staying just for the money. I hope they find it worth it...

 

[Zoocat]

I agree about the "wise observation" and that the "cost of divorce"
(all phases/measurements) is incalcuable. That said, sometimes it is
the only logical solution. You only get one life, and spending it being
miserable just so you can say you never divorced doesn't make a whole lot of sense. In my own case, even with hindsight I view both divorces as
absolutely necessary.

JG

I would never agree to stay in a miserable marriage just to avoid divorce. My point was that personal development and change can sometimes alter the relationship dynamic for the better. In other words, when one person changes, the other does as well. Many divorces happen without either spouse trying to change. That's sad, in my opinion.

 

[Khan]

I would never agree to stay in a miserable marriage just to avoid divorce. My point was that personal development and change can sometimes alter the relationship dynamic for the better. In other words, when one person changes, the other does as well. Many divorces happen without either spouse trying to change. That's sad, in my opinion.

People often enter a marriage without really talking about details beforehand.

They don't know if their vision is also the partner's vision.

Even when they have agreed on things, 'stuff' can happen; and many are not prepared to renegotiate.

 

[Zoocat]

People often enter a marriage without really talking about details beforehand.

They don't know if their vision is also the partner's vision.

Even when they have agreed on things, 'stuff' can happen; and many are not prepared to renegotiate.

"Stuff" happens all the time. That's life. The idea that many are not prepared to renegotiate is very true and this happens in all kinds of relationships, not just marriage. The remedy for that is maturity, education, and love.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

I would never agree to stay in a miserable marriage just to avoid divorce. My point was that personal development and change can sometimes alter the relationship dynamic for the better. In other words, when one person changes, the other does as well. Many divorces happen without either spouse trying to change. That's sad, in my opinion.

I agree, including with "sad" comment. I've been told (always by women)
that I needed to change. But, I am never gonna change! First of all,
I am 62 years old. Secondly, I love being the way I am. Why would I want to change?

Note: This question requires no response. Just makin'
a point here folks.

JG