Emptying Nest Eggs, Not Nests--NYT

[haha]

Parents delaying retirement, depleting savigs and even taking out loans to support kids beyond college.

"I just wish we coud get her an apartment in the Village."

Ha

 

[Sue J]

I found the article, if anyone else is looking for it.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/14/business/14money.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

I don't know about how other families do it, but our rule is that unless you are a full time student, if you work and live at home you pay 30% of your take home pay as a contribution to the household. On top of that you pay for your own car and gas, car insurance, cell phone and anything else extra.

Our son graduated from college in 2006 and is in his first job and making a good salary with all the benefits. He's living at home and we all know this is a temporary situation. He still likes our company, we don't mind having him around and I like the extra money. Recently we browsed online for local apartments and I was surprised at how many rent for just a little more than he pays us to live here. So he knows it's do-able. He's saving a lot, he'll have plenty when it comes time for all the start up expenses, furniture, security deposit, etc. Houses are also very reasonable in our area. He may just save up for a down payment.

 

[W2R]

Parents delaying retirement, depleting savigs and even taking out loans to support kids beyond college.

"I just wish we coud get her an apartment in the Village."

Ha

IMO, parents who do everything for their kids rob the kids of the wonderful experience of accomplishing things on their own, and don't allow them to really know that they can do it!

 

[nun]

Parents delaying retirement, depleting savigs and even taking out loans to support kids beyond college.

"I just wish we coud get her an apartment in the Village."

Ha

Man I'm glad I don't have kids

 

[OAG]

Somehow "teach them to fish" comes to mind. DW and I have raised 4 kids and all are in their 40's now. One "tried" to come back after his Army tour and after getting married but DW ran them off to their own apartment in about a week.

 

[bssc]

IMO, parents who do everything for their kids rob the kids of the wonderful experience of accomplishing things on their own, and don't allow them to really know that they can do it!

It is interesting how some parents try to coddle their children. I remember in 3rd grade that some of the kids in my gym class could not tie their shoe laces because their nannys always did it for them.

 

[W2R]

It is interesting how some parents try to coddle their children. I remember in 3rd grade that some of the kids in my gym class could not tie their shoe laces because their nannys always did it for them.

That's awful!! They must have felt as incompetent as a baby, in comparison with their classmates.

 

[jazz4cash]

I found the article, if anyone else is looking for it.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/14/business/14money.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

I don't know about how other families do it, but our rule is that unless you are a full time student, if you work and live at home you pay 30% of your take home pay as a contribution to the household. On top of that you pay for your own car and gas, car insurance, cell phone and anything else extra.

Our son graduated from college in 2006 and is in his first job and making a good salary with all the benefits. He's living at home and we all know this is a temporary situation. He still likes our company, we don't mind having him around and I like the extra money. Recently we browsed online for local apartments and I was surprised at how many rent for just a little more than he pays us to live here. So he knows it's do-able. He's saving a lot, he'll have plenty when it comes time for all the start up expenses, furniture, security deposit, etc. Houses are also very reasonable in our area. He may just save up for a down payment.

30% sounds heavy, but otherwise I find the comments here refreshing. Oldest daughter just graduated and is working temp job until she sorts out grad school options. My contribution to grad school is room and board at my house.

 

[Alan]

30% of take home is what I paid in the 3 months after leaving High School and going off to college and that was normal back then (1973). I then left home and worked through college, and never returned to live at home.

We intended to do the same with our kids and they knew this from being teenagers. Daughter did not come back to live at home from college, son did in March after graduating. We told him we'd keep him for a few months while he got a job and saved up a deposit for an apartment then we'd charge him rent. He got a job within 6 weeks and moved out July 1st (4 months).

The best thing you can give your kids is roots and wings.

 

[Dog]

Interesting article. I have a couple of comments.

I started a full time job as an operator with the phone company right after graduating from high school. My parents immediately informed me that I would start paying $100/monthly rent. I lived at home for 6 months and then moved out with a friend from work. It was tough, but I worked my way to better positions in the company, bought my first house at 22 years old, earned my business degree while working (yes the company paid for it) and eventually worked my way up to ladder, and plan to retire in my early 50's. I lived off of soup, drove inexpensive cars and camped in a tent for vacations. And, I wouldn't change a thing! Great memories!

Second comment - while growing up we lived in Spain for a year. Yes, adults do live with their parents until they marry. But, the parents end of living with their kids when they get on in their years. How many of today's teens plan for the role reversal later

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

when i turned 18 i was sent off to school and never got an invite to come back home. i wasn't abandoned; they helped when i needed it. but i drove junker cars and lived in crappy apartments and did what i had to do until i could afford better.

it's a good thing my parents didn't sacrifice their own good lives to make mine better. otherwise i probably never would have inherited enough to retire early.

 

[saluki9]

I'm not in a position to make any grand complaints about parents spoiling their kids. I didn't pay a cent for college, my parents bought me a car, etc. They at least had the dignity to

1. Teach me from kindergarten about money
2. Made me have a job from age 14 on
3. Keep a B average in college to keep the tuition being paid.
4. Gave me 10 months from the date of graduation to live at home. I was only allowed to do this because I was studying for the CPA exam. A week after the exam I was shown the door.

I don't understand these people that let their kids live at home and not work. It's beyond me.

 

[W2R]

I don't understand these people that let their kids live at home and not work. It's beyond me.

I don't understand these kids WANTING to stay home!!! They are standing on the threshold of life, the world awaits, and they'd rather hang out wth Mom and Dad and put up with the usual parental failings such as a curfew, multiple invasions of privacy, and being treated like they are twelve, than work? They're nuts!

 

[YVR-Terri]

I'm spoiled too - my college was paid for and I was expected to live at home while I was going. I was also given a new (small and cheap) car which was shared with siblings for transportation to classes, and car insurance and a gas allowance was covered. But any term when I wasn't attending classes full time, I was expected to have a job and room and board was $200 per month.

We all moved out early since curfew was 9 PM on weeknights and midnight on weekends.

 

[Khan]

I don't understand these kids WANTING to stay home!!! They are standing on the threshold of life, the world awaits, and they'd rather hang out wth Mom and Dad and put up with the usual parental failings such as a curfew, multiple invasions of privacy, and being treated like they are twelve, than work? They're nuts!

Absolutely.

I couldn't wait to get away from family and small town (not that family was cruel or abusive or such). I went home for holidays and summer, in my senior year my parents left the state and I had to declare financial independence to maintain my scholarship.

Parents paid very little for college (didn't expect them to). Stayed with them in their new home for 3 weeks after graduation before job started.

 

[Arif]

I don't understand these kids WANTING to stay home!!! They are standing on the threshold of life, the world awaits, and they'd rather hang out wth Mom and Dad and put up with the usual parental failings such as a curfew, multiple invasions of privacy, and being treated like they are twelve, than work? They're nuts!

I think kids like that are afraid of the real world. The longer they stay the more they feel safe at home. I discovered money at 13 and had a job every year since. Bought my own school clothes each year and paid cash for my first car at 16 by saving since I was 14. Left home at 19 for the Army and I remember telling my friends that basic training was easier than living at home! I loved my childhood and the freedom my jobs gave me to buy what I wanted when I wanted. No regrets.
We try to teach our son to be independent even at 4 but I think sometimes he takes it too far. "No daddy I can do it by myself."

 

[Alan]

We try to teach our son to be independent even at 4 but I think sometimes he takes it too far. "No daddy I can do it by myself."

That's what we were like with our 2 kids, and kept up the mantra "when you're 18, you're out the door".
At 16 buy luggage for birthday etc

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

I don't understand these kids WANTING to stay home!!!

my parents were too cool. they were involved in group therapy, transactional analysis, even transendental meditation for a bit. while stopped at red lights in their convertible they'd meditate. they lived on the water with a boat behind the house for intracoastal cocktail runs, cruises down to the keys, the bahamas. every weekend was party time. we grew banana trees alongside the house for banana dacquris after work. as long as i did my chores i had pretty much no rules. ok, i wasn't allowed to smoke pot in the house. the sacrifices kids have to make to keep their parents happy.

i'm 50 already and i'd still go back to living at home if i could. i had it made and i knew it.

 

[chinaco]

It seems that each generation (speaking on average not case by case) raises the bar about how much they help their children.

A new car for every child (sort of " A chicken in every pot" mentality). This basic phenomenon has entered some sort of peak. Parents are mortgaging their future retirement for junior and sissy. They obviously are doing it out of love and trying to give their child every advantage and trying to pave the way for them.

I am sure it is going to be a cruel awakening when they (current generation) meet their boss at the job for the first time!


In my situation, my parents were good and supportive. But I funded my own college education, they helped a little. I paid for all of my expenses.

I suppose there is a balance that needs to be found. What is going to be a rude awakening for many parents is when they find that they spent every penny doting on junior and enter old age broke. When the parent has health problems and junior or sissy is faced with having to do things that are inconvenient... Most children (as adults) out there will have them in a Nursing Home very quickly (well before the last 3-6 months of life)! This is the stark contrast!

The other phenomenon I see are younger people who have been on the apron strings (and allowance) up into their 30's.

On the positive side. I hope they keep doing it. It is fueling the US economic engine that helps my investments go up in value. Borrow, borrow, spend, spend.

 

[Independent]

With our kids, it seems that the "cruel awakening" isn't that they have a boss. It is that they expected a job that was "fun".

From the time they are little, kids hear "What do you want to do when you grow up?", not "How do you plan to support yourself when you grow up?". They expect they will be able to earn good money while doing something that's fairly enjoyable.

They can even see examples of people who really do have jobs that fit them so well that "work" is almost a hobby. But they don't realize that those lucky people make up about 10% of the workforce. The remaining 90% settled for the least-unpleasant way they could earn a living.

So I think that some of the moving back to the folks is just the kids readjusting their attitudes on what's possible in the real world. It may also be the parents wanting to give the kids a little more time to find the "right" job.

(Having said this about my kids, I should point out that none of them have ever suggested that they might want to move back home. Of course, we've never suggested it, either.)

 

[flipstress]

From the time they are little, kids hear "What do you want to do when you grow up?", not "How do you plan to support yourself when you grow up?". They expect they will be able to earn good money while doing something that's fairly enjoyable.

They can even see examples of people who really do have jobs that fit them so well that "work" is almost a hobby. But they don't realize that those lucky people make up about 10% of the workforce. The remaining 90% settled for the least-unpleasant way they could earn a living.

That's a really good distinction between two big life questions. When kids are young, they're encouraged more to develop their interests and figure out what they like or want to do.

At some point, when they are older, then they do need to think about how they will support themselves. Reconciling making a living with what they like to do, finding a way to marry the answers to the two questions is a challenge.

I think it helps when parents and schools expose young people to the realities of different careers by hooking them up with friends that they can job-shadow or work with as an intern/apprentice. Reviews of salaries/wages in comparison with what "lifestyle" those would allow also help.

(I have no kids but in hindsight, when I was a youngster, some guidance like the above would've been valuable. But I really don't know if I would've listened well to advice or if I would've been thick-headed. Still, all parents can do is help in laying out options.)

 

[Alan]

That's a really good distinction between two big life questions. When kids are young, they're encouraged more to develop their interests and figure out what they like or want to do.

At some point, when they are older, then they do need to think about how they will support themselves. Reconciling making a living with what they like to do, finding a way to marry the answers to the two questions is a challenge.

I think it helps when parents and schools expose young people to the realities of different careers by hooking them up with friends that they can job-shadow or work with as an intern/apprentice. Reviews of salaries/wages in comparison with what "lifestyle" those would allow also help.

(I have no kids but in hindsight, when I was a youngster, some guidance like the above would've been valuable. But I really don't know if I would've listened well to advice or if I would've been thick-headed. Still, all parents can do is help in laying out options.)

The advice thing is really tough. I think it is better to teach by example and make sure you have time to spend with them, and spend more of your discretionary spending on vacations and other experiences rather than things. May be then they will learn that work is what happens in between the weekends and you need to work to live rather than the other way around

 

[samclem]

This career counselor pretty much hits it on the head:

In part:

"I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve been sold a bill of goods when we’re told to “Follow your passion, “ or “Do what you love and the money will follow.” Fact is, if you do what you love, you’ll probably starve.

Yes, some people do what they love and the money follows. But millions of people have followed their passion and still haven’t earned enough money to even pay back their student loans, let alone make even a bare middle-class living doing what they love."

Do What You Love -- And Starve?

But, I don't know how you'd actually induce a young person to internalize this information. Most are sure they'll be artists, actors, sports stars, or that they will stay kids forever.

 

[W2R]

This career counselor pretty much hits it on the head:

In part:

"I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve been sold a bill of goods when we’re told to “Follow your passion, “ or “Do what you love and the money will follow.” Fact is, if you do what you love, you’ll probably starve.

Yes, some people do what they love and the money follows. But millions of people have followed their passion and still haven’t earned enough money to even pay back their student loans, let alone make even a bare middle-class living doing what they love."

Do What You Love -- And Starve?

But, I don't know how you'd actually induce a young person to internalize this information. Most are sure they'll be artists, actors, sports stars, or that they will stay kids forever.

You may starve (or may not), but at least you won't always wonder if you could have made it in that longed for profession. Life is not all about money!

Personally I would modify the advice to say, "Do what you love until the time if/when you bomb out, then do what you must".

 

[citrine]

Want2retire:

I definitely agree with you. I think that one should at least attempt to do something they love before just mindlessly following the corporate herd. If you really do fail following your passion, then you still have time to do what you need to.
My parents made me go to college to get that diploma....and I went and didn't do my best....just enough to get it and leave the house to pursue my freedom. If my creativity would have been nurtured instead of squashed....I am sure that I would have been a success in the art field. However, thank god that I did start pursuing it agressively this year and so far it is going wonderful.