- Joined
- Nov 27, 2014
- Messages
- 9,251
This month me and DW lost a parent. My dad was 92 and her mom was 89. Both lived a good life and, while we’ll miss them, they’re in a better place. I just got home from my MIL’s funeral.
My life changes less than DW’s. I have to close out my dad’s estate, which unfortunately is a bit of a mess, but I did not spend a lot of time with my dad. He lived out of state and I’d visit a couple times a year and talk on the phone from time to time. The biggest issue with his estate is that I cannot finalize it immediately. He had a civil union and the agreement with his wife is that she can continue to live in the house. So, I’ll be somewhat of a landlord for awhile unless I can convince her to move out or something else happens. Since I failed to convince them as a couple that the house was not ideal for their age and capabilities, I don’t hold out any hope for convincing her as an individual.
DW’s situation is much different. She did a lot to take care of her mother, who was in memory care, for the past several years. She would visit her mother frequently and was involved in many tasks like handling her finances and other affairs as needed. I’m sure even I will feel the difference of how DW will spend her time going forward. She also has the estate to deal with but hers is set up better than my dad’s and it can be finalized once all the bills, etc. clear.
Frankly, I think this is going to be more of a challenge than walking away from our jobs.
It’s been discussed on this forum before, but these last couple weeks events have made it clear how important good life documents are. On the health directive, it gave me great comfort to know that what we were doing was absolutely consistent with my dads wishes. I knew we were, but during his time in hospice, I re-read his directive and it was uncanny how closely it addressed his situation.
On the Trust front, again, it’s critical to think your situation through and make sure your plan will work and that you work your plan. My dad messed up. I’ll have to go to probate to follow through on his wishes.
So, tomorrow starts a new phase in our lives. Should be interesting.
My life changes less than DW’s. I have to close out my dad’s estate, which unfortunately is a bit of a mess, but I did not spend a lot of time with my dad. He lived out of state and I’d visit a couple times a year and talk on the phone from time to time. The biggest issue with his estate is that I cannot finalize it immediately. He had a civil union and the agreement with his wife is that she can continue to live in the house. So, I’ll be somewhat of a landlord for awhile unless I can convince her to move out or something else happens. Since I failed to convince them as a couple that the house was not ideal for their age and capabilities, I don’t hold out any hope for convincing her as an individual.
DW’s situation is much different. She did a lot to take care of her mother, who was in memory care, for the past several years. She would visit her mother frequently and was involved in many tasks like handling her finances and other affairs as needed. I’m sure even I will feel the difference of how DW will spend her time going forward. She also has the estate to deal with but hers is set up better than my dad’s and it can be finalized once all the bills, etc. clear.
Frankly, I think this is going to be more of a challenge than walking away from our jobs.
It’s been discussed on this forum before, but these last couple weeks events have made it clear how important good life documents are. On the health directive, it gave me great comfort to know that what we were doing was absolutely consistent with my dads wishes. I knew we were, but during his time in hospice, I re-read his directive and it was uncanny how closely it addressed his situation.
On the Trust front, again, it’s critical to think your situation through and make sure your plan will work and that you work your plan. My dad messed up. I’ll have to go to probate to follow through on his wishes.
So, tomorrow starts a new phase in our lives. Should be interesting.
