Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

[pacergal]

Our kids know we are financially comfortable, but not the actual amount. I have given them each books recommended by the great folks here so they can learn, along with our conversations.
We probably have less than many folks here, but we have pensions and are blessed and grateful every day.
As far as sharing total amount with friends, neighbors, strangers, nope. We keep it Private.

 

[TheWizard]

I don't share exact numbers either here or IRL.
I may say that I'm in the 24% Federal tax bracket and pay Medicare IRMAA but that's about it...

 

[aja8888]

Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

Share info with strangers?

Why would anyone share any personal information of this magnitude with strangers in the first place? Are you trying to get scammed or robbed?

 

[TheWizard]

Share info with strangers?

Why would anyone share any personal information of this magnitude with strangers in the first place? Are you trying to get scammed or robbed?

I think he means internet strangers.
It would be difficult for forum members to rob each other here...

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

It is a great paradox, isn’t it, HawaiiShrimp? From the Jamestown Colony’s founding in 1603, this whole society was set up for people to make money. We dress up the folklore with the supposed religious freedom exercised by the utterly intolerant, later Plymouth Colony, but this place was founded for people to have a chance to get rich. Can we talk about it when someone actually does? Oh, no. Can’t do that.

That's exactly my feeling. I don't hear others talk about money & success in real time. I do share, but only with 2-3 close friends whom I know are at the similar level. Apparently, being financial success is not something we can talk. Usually it comes down to: "It will make other people feel bad."
Personally, I resent that.

 

[Sojourner]

I made $4m last year. I am hella happy about it but it seems socially unacceptable to share that with friends or even relatives because it will always appear as 'showing off' somehow...

Absolutely. Even around here—an anonymous Internet forum focused on early retirement—a statement like that may get (gently) mocked as a "humble brag". It's very risky, socially, to ever divulge the details of one's monetary success or good fortune in this country. It's been so drilled into us our entire lives that money is a status symbol, a direct measure of success (or failure), that it's impossible for most people to feel anything other than envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment at the news of someone else's financial gain. Most people hear the simple statement "I made $4m last year" as something like "Hey buddy, you see my watch? This one I'm wearing right here on my wrist? This watch cost more than your car. I made four million dollars last year, how much you make? You see, that's who I am... and you're nothing."

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Absolutely. Even around here—an anonymous Internet forum focused on early retirement—a statement like that may get (gently) mocked as a "humble brag". It's very risky, socially, to ever divulge the details of one's monetary success or good fortune in this country. It's been so drilled into us our entire lives that money is a status symbol, a direct measure of success (or failure), that it's impossible for most people to feel anything other than envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment at the news of someone else's financial gain. Most people hear the simple statement "I made $4m last year" as something like "Hey buddy, you see my watch? This one I'm wearing right here on my wrist? This watch cost more than your car. I made four million dollars last year, how much you make? You see, that's who I am... and you're nothing."

And I think this has only gotten worse since the pseudo recent "Occupy Wall Street" marches/protests/etc. and the continual and louder berating of corporate America. I *could* go on a rambling rant about this subject, but in the interest of keeping Porky away, I will resist.

I can see why those that are *wildly* successful (or lucky?) run with their own. I certainly don't blame them.

As to the "humble brag", about a year ago...my wife shared a picture of some of the landscaping she had done around our pool on her Facebook page. A good friend of mine (who hasn't been good about managing money in his life) made some flippant comment along the lines of, "must be nice to have all that money." Never mind that it took a decent amount of work and perseverance to get where we are in life. So, I look at humble brag=jealousy.

 

[TheWizard]

..."Hey buddy, you see my watch? This one I'm wearing right here on my wrist? This watch cost more than your car. I made four million dollars last year, how much you make? You see, that's who I am... and you're nothing."

Actually, I think that watch costs more than that poor simpleton's entire net worth!

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

Absolutely. Even around here—an anonymous Internet forum focused on early retirement—a statement like that may get (gently) mocked as a "humble brag". It's very risky, socially, to ever divulge the details of one's monetary success or good fortune in this country. It's been so drilled into us our entire lives that money is a status symbol, a direct measure of success (or failure), that it's impossible for most people to feel anything other than envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment at the news of someone else's financial gain. Most people hear the simple statement "I made $4m last year" as something like "Hey buddy, you see my watch? This one I'm wearing right here on my wrist? This watch cost more than your car. I made four million dollars last year, how much you make? You see, that's who I am... and you're nothing."

I agree. It's so sad we can't even talk about it openly and get socially accepted without worrying about envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment. Even in an anonymous Internet forum.

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

Actually, I think that watch costs more than that poor simpleton's entire net worth!

What watch? I'm wearing the same SEIKO for the last 20 yrs.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

What watch? I'm wearing the same SEIKO for the last 20 yrs.

Watch? What is a watch? I haven't worn one since my flying/w*rking days.

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

And I think this has only gotten worse since the pseudo recent "Occupy Wall Street" marches/protests/etc. and the continual and louder berating of corporate America. I *could* go on a rambling rant about this subject, but in the interest of keeping Porky away, I will resist.

I can see why those that are *wildly* successful (or lucky?) run with their own. I certainly don't blame them.

As to the "humble brag", about a year ago...my wife shared a picture of some of the landscaping she had done around our pool on her Facebook page. A good friend of mine (who hasn't been good about managing money in his life) made some flippant comment along the lines of, "must be nice to have all that money." Never mind that it took a decent amount of work and perseverance to get where we are in life. So, I look at humble brag=jealousy.

Is it us to be blamed? Or the jealous ones?

I'm not saying the current "social norm" is either right or wrong, it is what it is. We don't get to define that.

Another example:
A very successful friend of mine (RE agent), shared his new house, 4-5 supercars, trips to Europe with his family etc. He's getting SO MANY jealous responses, it's not even funny. I PM'ed him and congrats him, even discussed his car collection from time to time ('cos I want a Porsche down the road).

For sure, it's a no-no to share good things in life with colleagues/not-so-close friends/relatives. That ain't gonna work out well.

 

[dmpi]

More is always better but like many here I already have more than I'll ever spend. Generally I don't tell others how much we have and I prefer not to show off with expensive things.

 

[brett]

Our neighbors all have to late model cars in their driveways. Mostly Acura, Lexus, Audi, Mercs, etc.

We have a 2006 Accord and a 2007 Solara. This suits us down to the ground.

 

[Gumby]

... Apparently, being financial success is not something we can talk. Usually it comes down to: "It will make other people feel bad."
Personally, I resent that.

While I'm sure I have made others feel bad in my lifetime, it has almost never been intentionally. I don't see anything wrong with at least trying to take into account how others will feel about what I say or do. It doesn't mean that their feelings have veto power over my decisions, but I do try to consider them in the equation.

 

[Sojourner]

It's so sad we can't even talk about it openly and get socially accepted without worrying about envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment. Even in an anonymous Internet forum.

True, but if you think about it, this kind of "brag shunning" (for lack of a better term) applies to more than just money. I think most people would feel some combination of envy, resentment, and belittlement if a friend or relative came up to them and said how they'd had some really good luck in the romance department and had slept with 10 incredibly gorgeous lovers in the past year. Any statement of extreme good fortune in areas that people tend to use for comparison to others (money, sex, career, etc.) is going to arouse a primal emotional response: "Why him and not me?!? That's not fair, I deserve it more than he does!"

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

True, but if you think about it, this kind of "brag shunning" (for lack of a better term) applies to more than just money. I think most people would feel some combination of envy, resentment, and belittlement if a friend or relative came up to them and said how they'd had some really good luck in the romance department and had slept with 10 incredibly gorgeous lovers in the past year. Any statement of extreme good fortune in areas that people tend to use for comparison to others (money, sex, career, etc.) is going to arouse a primal emotional response: "Why him and not me?!? That's not fair, I deserve it more than he does!"

It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt.

As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

 

[Time2]

Yes it is for a couple. Actually to stretch it, if you are a couple gifting to a couple, it is 4 times.
W1 to W2
H1 to W2
W1 to H2
H1 to H2

I think you can gift a whole lot more, you just need to fill out a form, which my buddy says is ridiculously difficult and seems kinda backwards. I haven't done it, but I believe him. He gifted about $250K for his son to buy a house, his son is lucky, if the market had dropped earlier he might have had second thoughts.

https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f709.pdf

 

[Souschef]

I think you can gift a whole lot more, you just need to fill out a form, which my buddy says is ridiculously difficult and seems kinda backwards. I haven't done it, but I believe him. He gifted about $250K for his son to buy a house, his son is lucky, if the market had dropped earlier he might have had second thoughts.

https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f709.pdf

That is funny, because that is the amount I gave my son to buy a house. I then adjusted the beneficiaries on my accounts to reflect that.
I did fill out the form, and it is a PITA,

 

[wrigley]

You just "showed off" to all of us!

Mike

 

[luckydude]

It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt.

As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

That's why I said "that's one of the reasons". I think I covered my b_tt right there (i.e, being political correct). See, it seems to be so important nowadays to speak P.C. all the time, every time, everywhere. Cover all the basis, otherwise, people call you out on it. How tiring.

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

You just "showed off" to all of us!

Mike

Sure. Everything is a "show off".

 

[Gumby]

I don't really care how much or how little money (or other assets) people possess. I am much more interested in what they can do, are doing or have done. The latter leads to far more interesting conversations.

 

[Calico]

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

+1000