Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

[Souschef]

Armor,
I am sorry for your family situation. Mine was solved with distance. All my family and my late wife's family are back east.

 

[foxfirev5]

Armor,
I am sorry for your family situation. Mine was solved with distance. All my family and my late wife's family are back east.

There are quite a few of us here who have dealt with family issues. I believe it makes us stronger. In my case I was buried in an estate "right of survivorship" which eventually gives everything to the last heir. Nice. After DF died they reallocated to make it fair to the rest. Bitter? Yes but I've learned to move on and make a crap load of money for myself.

 

[luckydude]

There is a YouTube channel I love watching called “My Self Reliance”. A man bought property, and is in the process of building his own log cabin, and growing enough food to sustain his family. Love it. I am truly envious. Has way less money than me, but is “wealthier” is his life and what he gets to do… than I will likely ever be..

Thanks for the recommendation. I'll definitely check it out!

 

[luckydude]

It's too late for me but I'd love to know (maybe via PM) what business allowed the OP to earn such a high income in a single year since I've got one kid who just finished undergrad & has an entrepreneurial bent.

Based on OP's previous forum posts, it appears that he has large positions in tech stocks such as NVDA and TSLA and those did very well last year.

 

[subwayhamster]

I'm definitely on the "keep it a secret" bandwagon when it comes to family. We are a child-free couple who have numerous siblings that (we are certain) have less than us. I think one thing that I haven't seen mentioned is that weird dynamic that could occur if you are child-free, wealthy, and have many nieces and nephews. If we told our siblings that we were were set for life, I'm 100% certain that for at least one of those families, they would encourage their kids to suck up to us in the hopes that we would favor them in our will later in life. We want genuine relationships with the young ones, so it's more a matter of making sure that keeps happening. No one who looks at us or our lifestyle is aware we are anything other than middle class!

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Only strangers like here.

 

[Oakster]

Absolutely. Even around here—an anonymous Internet forum focused on early retirement—a statement like that may get (gently) mocked as a "humble brag". It's very risky, socially, to ever divulge the details of one's monetary success or good fortune in this country. It's been so drilled into us our entire lives that money is a status symbol, a direct measure of success (or failure), that it's impossible for most people to feel anything other than envy, jealousy, anger, or resentment at the news of someone else's financial gain. Most people hear the simple statement "I made $4m last year" as something like "Hey buddy, you see my watch? This one I'm wearing right here on my wrist? This watch cost more than your car. I made four million dollars last year, how much you make? You see, that's who I am... and you're nothing."

I think this is a problem that needs to be tackled. Sure, this little forum, and this little group of people wont change the world but sharing information, guiding others (when they want the information) might help to keep this country on the right track, turn around the victim mentality that is growing and growing and stop the attack on the wealthy. Helping people understand how to make money and how to manage money should be a good thing. People get too caught up in being offended, or thinking that someone is judging someone else. Everyone wants the freedom to make their own choices but do not want the responsibility of paying for them. This social issue needs to be changed, we need to take family and friends along with us on our journey to financial well being.

People should have the freedom to make their own choices, and the information to make them from a sound line of thought.

 

[Oakster]

It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt.

As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

So true!

 

[DawgMan]

Like most here, I prefer to fly low and stay out of the lime light. Arguably, my cars probably represent my most in your face bling (I like nicer, newer cars)... other than DWs clothes/shoes! Other than that, I am T-shirt and shorts guy. My 4 kids are in their late 20's/early 30's and all probably have a sense that mom and dad are doing fine, but know no specifics. Would I tell them if they asked? Maybe/probably, but they are all self sufficient and I don't think they have underwritten a fat inheritance in their financial plans. None the less, I find forums like this helpful in addressing questions one might have and not want to assume/ask to their buddy without knowing their specifics and having a relationship that affords that... "Hey Bob, I'm assuming you got $5M, how are investing it?" Bob says... "What are you talking about, I can barely pay mortgage".

 

[Doingitwrong]

I guess the secret I wouldn't share with family/friends is that after paying almost $32K for health insurance in 2016, I got us on Obamacare in 2017.
I cut back on work and set up an Individual 401K under my S Corp. Been putting $50K+ in it since. Opened a regular IRA and put annual limit in it. DW stayed with a Gold plan; I set up an HSA.
Oh and about 90% of our after tax money was in publicly traded partnerships and closed end funds. Anything that returned capital, not paying income, so we had cash flow to supplement DWs pension and disability income.
All this ends this December as DW in on Medicare.

 

[Retired Expat]

What are some of the financial "Success/Secrets" you can only share with strangers here but not families/friends because the risk of envy, jealousy or unwanted attention. For me, that is: I made $4m last year. I am hella happy about it but it seems socially unacceptable to share that with friends or even relatives because it will always appear as 'showing off' somehow...

What's yours?

Never discuss specifics but it was clear to everyone that I live well and retired in my early 50’s so many were curious. I won’t talk about my holdings but will educate people on investment options, how I set things up to receive passive income, how 1031’s work etc, how AirBnB has been a real bonanza etc. Also what it means to be an expat living mostly in another country. People are curious and are want to learn I am happy to help!

 

[zippy2020]

I think it depends a lot on the kind of relationships you have with others, whether family OR friends.

My sister has always felt she was in some kind of competition with me - until she got her PhD at the age of 56 and somehow that "clicked the button" for her. Even her ex-husband - a good friend of ours and still a friend of hers as well - commented he saw the change in her, not just towards us but her life in general.

OTOH, I have close relationships with my niece and two other friends, and we don't have any qualms about sharing financial info/advice with one another. Not hard numbers, perhaps; but definitely we all know each other's approx income, mortgage amt, savings, etc.

Spouse and I are older so since they are younger, they find details on things like LTCi, ADUs (all have big concerns about aging parents), portfolio allocation strategies, etc., very useful.

Me, I wish WE had known someone 20 yrs older and more experienced to help us. We could have gotten started on retirement planning earlier than our late 40's, LOL. We were just very, very lucky at all the right times.

 

[Dash man]

I wish someone had shared the financial secrets of marrying someone on the same page as me financially. That would have saved a lot of anxiety in my early adult life. Fortunately, I learned my lesson and didn’t repeat the mistake with my loving wife of 23 years.

 

[Magus]

income, savings rate, and net worth are best kept quiet in the real life

I disagree to some degree. One of the reasons companies have had the upper hand forever is because people don’t talk about income. I agree using income to brag isn’t the best but not talking about it at all only benefits businesses. They (business) see each other’s financials after all. Similarly on saving rate and net worth - bragging not great but not talking about it only encourages living with the Jones mentality.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Income is easy to find out once they tell you their job title. Glassdoor and couple sites give you an estimate range.

 

[Magus]

Define wealthy.

Dad earned a high income via his business but he & all his friends I knew with exceptions I can count on the fingers of one hand simply spent it.

And I wouldn't classify any of them as humble...more like "I and I alone am responsible for my success."

It didn't help their high-consumption lifestyles attracted every hustler/conman/scumbag around.

In the end Dad had to sell his business for maybe half what it was worth just to have enough funds for him and his wife in their later years...and Dad was not as profligate as most of those around him.

It's too late for me but I'd love to know (maybe via PM) what business allowed the OP to earn such a high income in a single year since I've got one kid who just finished undergrad & has an entrepreneurial bent.

Most people with that kind of income has an event happen to them - usually company was sold or a big stock cliff vest.

It is amazing how much people spend as their wealth goes up. I remember telling my SIl years ago when she made $25k and said if she just made $5k more she’d never have money problems. Today, she makes $35k in the same dollars of that year, plus married, with freebies from her folks, and desperately lives paycheck to paycheck. Sad - I’ve tried everything under the sun to help her/them, including no help/suggestions, but just keeps getting worse - I estimate she’s spent $5k last year on lottery.

 

[jldavid47]

We don't share any financial info with friends or family. Nobody knows our net worth.

+1

Same with us. Bragging about your finances is not only tacky and arrogant, but can lead to personal security issues.

 

[kongmen]

Small hat with lots of cattle has always been my motto since I heard the saying years ago but of course it's all relative. My "lots of cattle" may be peanuts to your lots of cattle.

 

[kongmen]

The problem with sharing success information with family/friends is the uncomfortable stress in the air when said family/friends are in financial trouble. We made a mistake by sharing some of the information. Thus, in a social group situation, the topic, although not directly talked about, is hanging in the air.

I'm your relative/BFF, you have money, I need money, help me out. This is awful. It is 100% the best to keep your stuff private. There's nothing wrong with talking about strategy or LBYM type saving or investing. Just keep the numbers out of it.

This goes for co workers as well.

 

[aja8888]

Small hat with lots of cattle has always been my motto since I heard the saying years ago but of course it's all relative. My "lots of cattle" may be peanuts to your lots of cattle.

Mine's been small hat and enough cattle!

 

[Gumby]

I do not have any cattle. I didn't know they lived in hats.

 

[GravitySucks]

Small hat with lots of cattle has always been my motto since I heard the saying years ago but of course it's all relative. My "lots of cattle" may be peanuts to your lots of cattle.

Enough beef for me is all I need.

 

[freedomatlast]

Given what the market has done so far in 2022, I would think a humble brag would be more about how much you lost on paper so far this year. Maybe the winner is the biggest loser.

 

[indiajust]

I prefer to discuss money in terms of time. If your spending is 1 per month, how many months do you keep in the bank?
Likewise, I divide by aftertax income, so I can compare spending to income on a time basis.
I love talking finance and money and willingly gab with one and all. Personal finance and investing is just too juicy to be circumspect.

 

[jollystomper]

It seems to me that's one of the reasons why "the less fortunate" folks are staying where they are. They don't want to hear it, to learn & improve, they resent, they steer "the successful" folks away from sharing how they get there so their feelings won't get hurt.

As a result of all that, the so-called "successful" ones get more successful because the marketplace remains with limited competitors out there while "the less fortunate" folks remain where they are being envious and angry. The cycle continues.

I would disagree slightly with your first paragraph. Sometimes the issue is less that the less fortunate do not want to hear, and more more that they do not want to be lectured to. One can learn and improve best from someone who has an interest in them learning and improving, not by someone flaunting their success.

I remember my dad telling me how, when he was training to be a lab technician and was around doctors a lot, he steered clear of the ones showing off their ego, and would seek out the ones who he felt were confident yet humble, and ask them about how they got to where they were. He was surprised at how many of them appreciated him asking, and many would provide him with various tools and information they felt might be useful as him. Sometimes it was a simple as lab equipment that was being replaced but , encouraging him to "bring it home and expose your children to it".

I did the same when I went of to college. The classmates who flaunted their "success" (really the success of their parents) I stayed away from, but become friends with some who were well off but still wanted to achieve something on their own, and learned from their habits. At Megacorp, I always tried to ask those at higher levels who had good reputations "what did you do to get to where you were?" I have friends who were well off that I would also study and ask questions to understand their thinking and habits. In sum, I did learn from the "successful" ones, but they were not the ones bragging about their success.

I do agree more with your second point. I feel I am successful more because of a path fewer people take. I am not(and never will be) a great investor, but I understood the basics of getting skills and contacts to increase the opportunity for a good career, saving enough to have something to invest, LBYM to enjoy life but remember the long term, and plan for it as best as one can.