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Old 07-10-2018, 12:19 AM   #41
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Everyone we know is aware that weíre retired. We donít make a big deal out of it, except we did have a retirement party shortly after our last day of work. Many older friends are already retired, and were mildly surprised that we retired ďso youngĒ but havenít asked many questions. We do travel and eat out a lot, but we drive 12 year old cars and donít live a flashy lifestyle so most people just accepted our retirement without a lot of prying questions. We did hear a rumor that someone said we inherited a lot of money. Whatever they want to believe is fine with us. If someone asks for financial advice, weíll share general thoughts such as LBYM and investing well, but our numbers and specific details are only shared with our CPA and Fidelity advisor.
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Old 07-10-2018, 12:55 AM   #42
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The first rule of Fight Club is, You do not talk about Fight Club...
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Old 07-10-2018, 04:17 AM   #43
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You found us. You can discuss it here all you want.
+1. I never felt like I could discuss any details of my situation with others. I did become known around w*rk as financially knowledgeable, and a few people asked me for guidance on investing. Of the ones that I saw their actual numbers, my NW was 12-60X higher. I did not think it would be good for that to be known. They do know that I RE'd at 57.
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Old 07-10-2018, 05:37 AM   #44
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Like someone else said...if someone isnt interested about talking finances then the conversation is simply straight up boring. There will be those who are jealous and will say negative comments.

Either way...why would anyone want to discuss their finances with anyone? It never works out well when you tell someone what you're worth, that you're retiring, that you're buying a brand new car, etc etc. Those are the same people that like to brag to their freinds at starbucks.
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Old 07-10-2018, 05:47 AM   #45
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Points well taken. I appreciate the comments. To be clear though, I meant that these are my best friends and closest family members, and I canít discuss something that is important to me. They get to talk about whatever they want, whatever interests them, and I listen, even if Iím only pretending to be interested. But when the situation is reversed, they donít want to hear about something thatís important to me. But I guess thatís just the way it is and I need to accept it and move on. Iíll just shut up about it hahaha.
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Old 07-10-2018, 05:59 AM   #46
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Money, religion and politics the third rails among many family members. Money might be the trickiest of all.

Give the topic of ER a break for awhile and if it enters the conversation normally go for it.
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Old 07-10-2018, 06:01 AM   #47
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When you hate your job, it's easy to get obsessed with ER and finances. I mentioned it a little to friends but tried not to over do it because I knew most were nowhere near retirement. As others have said, the best places to discuss the subject is here and finance boards. We won't give you any grieve. Because most of us hated working too!
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Old 07-10-2018, 06:11 AM   #48
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Points well taken. I appreciate the comments. To be clear though, I meant that these are my best friends and closest family members, and I can’t discuss something that is important to me. They get to talk about whatever they want, whatever interests them, and I listen, even if I’m only pretending to be interested. But when the situation is reversed, they don’t want to hear about something that’s important to me. But I guess that’s just the way it is and I need to accept it and move on. I’ll just shut up about it hahaha.
I completely agree. My family has made fun of me for years for being cheap and was stunned and almost angry when i told them I was going to retire early- even my sister who is a SAHM was shocked and insistent that I not quit. They kept thinking of ways for me to keep working- part time- consulting, etc. So I can't talk to them about it, and I have a real need to talk about it. At the moment, it is my most important- and closest goal. This is why I'm here. When I want to bounce ideas off of someone, this is the ONLY place to do it.
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Old 07-10-2018, 06:48 AM   #49
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A large portion of my mental activity revolves around setting myself up for RE.
I hear you, I spend way too much time on these boards and fantasizing about ER, but with two toddlers at home I don't get to do anything other than fantasize anymore, no big exciting trips, no world travel, no fun new hobbies. Instead I have this on my mind all the time and it's frustrating to not have any IRL friends I talk to interested in it either.

My wife has told me I talk to my friends about money too much, maybe she's right, but I told her I have a rule to never bring it up unless I'm talking to someone I know has lots more than I do. But even with them it's probably best to broach the subject just once and then let it lie, if they are interested in talking more about they can bring it up next time.

I think Airedes has a good point:

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Let's pretend it's not ER and finances, but say, running. Runners love to talk about running. People who don't run don't care and don't want to hear about it. It's totally boring to anyone that doesn't run. PRs, pronation, newest shoes, new routes, that new gel for long runs - if you don't run you don't care. If you do, you know better than to talk about running with non-runner friends. Or you learn very quickly, hopefully.

So, this is like talking about running but also saddled with finances and competition and economic one-up-man-ship (which is inherent in most anything to do with money), so even more reasonable to avoid.
It's hard to even find out if others like 'running' in a polite way though.
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Old 07-10-2018, 06:57 AM   #50
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My rule regarding discussing FIRE with family, friends or complete strangers: Speak only when spoken to (and let others determine the depth of the conversation).

I break this rule rarely and only where it involves my children; towards whom I feel a sense of obligation to educate.
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Old 07-10-2018, 07:23 AM   #51
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Some members of my family are the exact opposite. Despite it being none of their beeswax, some keep asking me when I'm going to finally retire for real (they know I work 2 days a week). Geez, you'd think I was 70 and slaving away in a sweatshop, instead of "consulting" [=doing what I like, taking off whenever I want] for decent money.

Other than a few nosy questions, though, I don't run into many problems with "can't talk about anything." That is because there is so much, in a long life, to talk about. There are so many, many topics for discussion that have nothing to do with politics, religion, money, and what people do for a living. What about pets, gardens, art, music, theater, history, hobbies of all kinds, the outdoors, mechanical things, chemistry, health, fitness, psychology....

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I completely agree. My family has made fun of me for years for being cheap and was stunned and almost angry when i told them I was going to retire early- even my sister who is a SAHM was shocked and insistent that I not quit. They kept thinking of ways for me to keep working- part time- consulting, etc. So I can't talk to them about it, and I have a real need to talk about it. At the moment, it is my most important- and closest goal. This is why I'm here. When I want to bounce ideas off of someone, this is the ONLY place to do it.
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Limit your conversation to sex
Old 07-10-2018, 07:53 AM   #52
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Limit your conversation to sex

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Originally Posted by ivinsfan View Post
Money, religion and politics the third rails among many family members. Money might be the trickiest of all.

Give the topic of ER a break for awhile...
Roger this.

We live in a crazy, hypersensitive era filled with hidden tripwires. Topics that were safe even twenty years ago aren't safe today. Don't mention finances to anybody other than here or to a financial professional whose job requires it.
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Old 07-10-2018, 08:00 AM   #53
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We have one group of family that is very successful and could FIRE at any time and they never talk about money. We have another group of family members who are very irresponsible financially and will never be able to retire at all. Neither group talks about money much, except the second group, to complain they will never be able to retire. We just keep our mouths shut. Keeps the peace and prevents people looking for a hand out from us too.
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Old 07-10-2018, 08:12 AM   #54
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I talk to nobody about it in person. Only place is on here where I have a measure of anonymity and gain more knowledge.

I just want to be plain olí me flying under the radar.
After 10 years, this is pretty much how I handle it. Those who know me well enough already know and have known for years. I don't know a lot of people, keep mostly to myself, so I don't get many opportunities to tell others any more.
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Old 07-10-2018, 09:32 AM   #55
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I guess I'm different than a lot of people here. I don't mind talking about my financial situation to other people -- at least to others that I know and trust. I don't go into specific details, but I don't avoid the subject, either. It's a source of joy to me (my financial situation and the freedom it affords), so I like to sneak mention of it in, every once in a while. I tell people I've got enough money to never have to work again, or I tell them I have "f*ck you" money, or I talk about how it gives me the freedom not to fear disapproval from the boss, or I just use it as a way to explain my future plans. FI is a big part of my life, and I'm not going to avoid talking about it just because other people might be upset or offended. I use judgment in who to tell, of course.
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Old 07-10-2018, 09:33 AM   #56
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I talk to nobody about it in person. Only place is on here where I have a measure of anonymity and gain more knowledge.

I just want to be plain olí me flying under the radar.
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After 10 years, this is pretty much how I handle it. Those who know me well enough already know and have known for years. I don't know a lot of people, keep mostly to myself, so I don't get many opportunities to tell others any more.
+1 on these thoughts. Most of the folks I deal with often already know (and it's not really talked about) and those that I meet...well, it's none of their business.

I am definitely of the "stealth wealth" mentality.
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Old 07-10-2018, 09:45 AM   #57
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Money is one of those things that you are darned if you do, darned if you don't. DW and I retired on a modest income that will be heavy on SS in our later years. But other members of my family see being retired as 'rich' and thus are trying to get our last remaining parent to give them more money now because they 'need it' and we don't.
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Old 07-10-2018, 09:59 AM   #58
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Somebody famous has a quote about good human relationship skills mean always making others feel important. Talking about ER to people who can't can have the opposite effect of making them feel important so in my experience it is a tread carefully kind of topic:




Love it!!
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:05 AM   #59
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Of the 75- 100+ people I’ve know over the years that have retired, only 2 retired early by choice. 1 was forced into retirement then realized he was okay financially. The common consensus was the 2 were lucky (I attribute it to planning). You hear the typical gossip of coming into a windfall or the bet that xxx will be back working in a few years.

The shocking part was a shared company retirement stat a decade or so ago where 35%+ did not contribute to 401K at this megacorp and something like 15% only contributed the minimum to get the company match. That probably means that 50% will never be on track to an early retirement even if they wanted to.

For the record, I’ve only mentioned ER to my BIL and he did ask what I was going to do with all that extra time. He wasn’t jealous or close minded.
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:16 AM   #60
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There does come a point in one's life where having someone close included in the financial situation is needed. In my case, as a single person (and somewhat a Hermit ) and approaching 70 all too rapidly, it was time to open the books with my DD and now that includes her husband. DD basically has the keys to my life if the need arises, along with POAs both financial and medical. Fortunately, they are LBYMers and can relate. They have my full faith and confidence and do not violate that trust. It seems this point in time has come all too quickly and does require some thought about someone in your life that you feel confident in sharing your financial details with and when the right time will be to act upon that decision.
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