My son wants to me to help pay for his very expensive wedding? How much?

[friar1610]

Well...... sorta....... Before you calculate a price per drink at the open bar, you need to deduct several cases of expensive campaign for the toasts, cases of excellent wine to go with dinner, after dinner drinks, etc. Then allocate the remainder. Still, a lot of dough for booze for 125 people! There had to be some darn expensive stuff flowing that evening!

One thing I’ve noticed at weddings that can unnecessarily run up the bar tab…people will use the fact that “someone else” is footing the bill to experiment. “I think I’ll have a Tom and Jerry or a Pink Squirrel - I’ve always wanted to try one.” Followed by, “Oh, yuck - that’s awful” and not finish the drink. Just cost the host an unnecessary $15 for one sip before going back to somewhat more reasonable white wine or a bottle o’ Bud. $15 probably pales in comparison to the total bar bill but a tacky thing to do to the host who is extending hospitality.

 

[youbet]

One thing I’ve noticed at weddings that can unnecessarily run up the bar tab…people will use the fact that “someone else” is footing the bill to experiment. “I think I’ll have a Tom and Jerry or a Pink Squirrel - I’ve always wanted to try one.” Followed by, “Oh, yuck - that’s awful” and not finish the drink. Just cost the host an unnecessary $15 for one sip before going back to somewhat more reasonable white wine or a bottle o’ Bud. $15 probably pales in comparison to the total bar bill but a tacky thing to do to the host who is extending hospitality.

Yeah, I guess I got lucky when I picked up the bar bill at DS's wedding. He and DIL married young and the reception was dominated by a young crowd of work and college friends. And our friends are typically blue collar types like ourselves. So, by far, the bill was dominated by bottles of domestic beer consumed right out of the bottle by young folks partying.

DIL's mom is a teetotaler and started out wanting an alcohol free reception. Then she gave in to the idea of a cash bar. Then I stepped in and, without asking, told the manager to just give me the bar bill instead of running it as a cash bar. Worked out fine as far as I know, no one ever brought it up.

 

[punkinhead]

This notion that the bride or groom's parents have any responsibility to pay for a wedding needs to go the way of arranged marriages and showing a blood stained sheet to a crowd. Spending the equivalent of the mean US annual salary on a party is ridiculous. I got married a few days after graduating college and a week before starting a job. My wife was working but not making much. It never occurred to us to ask our parents for money. We reserved a pavilion at a local park and got married by a judge. The reception was burgers and brats and a keg of cheap beer. That was 31 years ago.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

After 202 posts, I assume most possible opinions have been shared and probably 10x over. I just want the record to show that I am glad I don't have to worry about such things.

 

[Marita40]

No. No. No.
If you do you will resent it. I can hear that in your voice.
That's an insane amount of money for a wedding. Too bad that the bride is "cultured."

Never be guilted into paying for something you don't 100% want.

 

[REWahoo]

After 202 posts, I assume most possible opinions have been shared and probably 10x over. I just want the record to show that I am glad I don't have to worry about such things.

I'm amazed people are still responding after the OP was sent traveling over a hundred posts ago and then outed as a likely troll.

I suppose people just want to weigh in with their opinion no mater who is - or isn't - listening.

 

[Aerides]

I'm amazed people are still responding after the OP was sent traveling over a hundred posts ago and then outed as a likely troll.

I suppose people just want to weigh in with their opinion no mater who is - or isn't - listening.

newsletter effect

 

[Timeisprecious]

No, for a couple of reasons. First, it is insane to spend that much money on a wedding. Second, traditionally it is the bride's family that bears the wedding costs except IIRC for the after rehearsal dinner.

Kudos to the bride's family for setting a hard limit. I would do the same, maybe offer a $5-10K wedding check that can be used as they wish. From that point, I would tell the couple that extra expenses will be theirs.

Your son is, or should be, well aware that you don't have the financial resources that the bride's family apparently does. This doesn't even have to come up in the conversation.

+1

 

[Timeisprecious]

After 202 posts, I assume most possible opinions have been shared and probably 10x over. I just want the record to show that I am glad I don't have to worry about such things.

 

[Sunset]

I'm amazed people are still responding after the OP was sent traveling over a hundred posts ago and then outed as a likely troll.

I suppose people just want to weigh in with their opinion no mater who is - or isn't - listening.

One only knows the person is gone if they look at the first post again.

Besides that, we are all listening to each other and that is what makes it interesting

 

[livingalmostlarge]

I'm the $25k booze for 110 people. that includes though the tip and tax on the drinks and the average drink was around $15-20 before tax and tip. That did not include wine with dinner or cocktails and champagne toast. I think their initial budget was $20k so they only went $5k over. They had a happy hour 5 - 6 pm of drinks and NO food. Or the served walk around hor dourves was minimal (we were starving and the bride had to ask for a taste of her hor dourves to get any) so everyone was sitting there drinking.

Then the sit down meal took ridiculously long 3+ hours and so everyone was sitting there drinking during the entire time. I know this because my kids were asking when the food was coming out and they were the only children present and ate adult meals.

So yeah $25k is very feasible when drinks average between $15-20/each. HCOLA and very fancy restaurant for reception. Plus drinking from 5 pm - 1 am. We left at 10 pm after the meal before the dancing and before the midnight snackies...DH and I stayed at the hotel across the way and I lost track after 4 for myself and DH each. Definitely tipsy but not drunk. The drinks weren't terribly strong and we weren't driving either way.

 

[MichealKnight]

Entertainment huh

And maybe made up the story for his own entertainment.

To each his own I guess. Mind you, on the internet there's many sites - even for free where one can entertain himself.


(In case Wifey stumbles across this site ). You know, sites about lowering the sea levels, helping cute furry puppies, volunteering to pick up trash at parks, etc.

 

[Dash man]

To each his own I guess. Mind you, on the internet there's many sites - even for free where one can entertain himself.





(In case Wifey stumbles across this site ). You know, sites about lowering the sea levels, helping cute furry puppies, volunteering to pick up trash at parks, etc.

Of course! What else would you be thinking of? [emoji23]

 

[MichealKnight]

I'm 47. DD 14. Of course, one of the big goals is college. I personally never went for even a day - *but* due to some mis-steps and bad luck on my part - DD probably won't have the same opportunities I had to learn serious aspects of small business at an early age.

She does well in school so far, 9th grade Honors classes - lol stuff I never did.

Not trying to debate merits or myths of college - but my hope is that one day she has professional interests that are both satisfying - and, well afford a nice lifestyle so I'd like to send her to an above average college if finances and academics work out.

It's possible she'd meet a prospective spouse in college - - and odds are said person would be from a family of means. Not Bezos - but a professional income family - kinda like the people I live around now - replete with the nice car the NorthFace the handbags the 401K etc etc etc.

In my "grand plan" I've hoped to allocate 80k and I actually feel sheepish about that. Don't want to feel I'm schmucky McSchmuck of this echelon of people are having higher dollar weddings.

DD is only 14 but this far - not affluenza. She understands she lives in a nice area, big house, etc - -- but usually her and DW can be found at TJ Maxx or Marshalls for shopping, or Boston Market for lunch . Her weekly allowance she puts 20% of it in an envelope that says "pay yourself first" and I show her often when I use coupons, or jockey for certain credit card points, and how it all adds up. At this point I wouldn't say "materialistic" by a long shot.

But, if she meets someone whose family is doing well (which , yeah, I admit it - I'd like that)....I don't want to be the one that can't measure up vis a vis wedding. Beyond that I don't care. I've no problem telling people that I had no degree, and retired at 45 and yeah, I don't have designer stuff and status symbols.

 

[cj1717]

Easy one: NO!

 

[Major Tom]

I suppose people just want to weigh in with their opinion no mater who is - or isn't - listening.

Well of course. This thread stopped being about advising the OP a long time ago! I mean, is there anyone who likes a good natter more than retired folks with a lot of time on their hands? Methinks not

 

[Dtail]

Well of course. This thread stopped being about advising the OP a long time ago! I mean, is there anyone who likes a good natter more than retired folks with a lot of time on their hands? Methinks not

Agree, even though 99% of the comments are the same opinion, just expressed a little differently.

 

[Major Tom]

Agree, even though 99% of the comments are the same opinion, just expressed a little differently.

Yes, mostly variations on the word, "No!"

 

[brett]

We were set to fly to a nephews wedding. We decided not to attend and did not buy a plane ticket.

We usually send cash as a gift. We decided to wait until after the wedding the send a cheque. My MIL decided to do the same.

Just as well. We subsequently learned that three or four days prior to the wedding there was a huge bust up. The wedding got cancelled.

Lots of lost monies over the arrangements and wasted travel expenses by some guests.

We were thankful that we decided to stay home. From then on we only send wedding cheques at the event or after the event if we are not attending.

 

[Finance Dave]

I haven't read all the comments, so forgive me if I repeat...but to me there are two main issues:

1) You're trying to "keep up with the Jones'" as per your comment to match the other family as closely as possible. Not a good plan IMO.

2) Your son and his wife-to-be have apparently planned their wedding already, without even setting a budget. This is based on your statement that they honeymoon "will be 5 star"...rather than them saying they "would LIKE it to be 5-star". That indicates a sense of entitlement to me, and I would not be happy with that attitude.

I would meet with my spouse, determine what we an afford, and offer it. Any complaints or lack of gratefulness on their part and the offer is taken away.

 

[RobbieB]

Even a troll post is good enough to let our cheap flag fly!

Loud and proud! Nah, I'm not spending big bucks on your party.

You want to party, you pay for it. Good time to learn that lesson before it's too late.

 

[pacergal]

I agree RobbieB!

I stopped looking at this thread when OP got the "gone traveling" note, but just re read some of it.
Does this type of question get folks stirred up similar to "when to take SS?"
Finances can be a hoot! To each his own, I think.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I agree RobbieB!

I stopped looking at this thread when OP got the "gone traveling" note, but just re read some of it.
Does this type of question get folks stirred up similar to "when to take SS?"
Finances can be a hoot! To each his own, I think.

But you did look at it. But I did too. Seems like it has really run its course and I think most of us would WELCOME Porky to come on in...