Partners with different priorities

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)...
Perhaps our relationship is stronger than I think, and could survive him traveling alone. But I don't think he would go alone, unless it was motorbike-related.
I agree that we may need to talk about financial matters. He has talked about wanting retirement savings and planning to join his work pension scheme and save a large part of his income each year. But then he gets distracted by things he wants now - currently distant travel. I might need to remind him of the other goals.
...

Sounds like you are well grounded and maybe he is more spontaneous ... motorbikes and fun come first. Some people just do not want to plan and sometimes they will be OK with the spouse doing the planning with their input. The problem is that if you are responsible, and he is not quite responsible with money.

If an emergency or old age comes up what happens to your funds? You cannot just walk away when you love a person. So to preclude this you both must be contributing to the financial goals.

For you two, maybe the best thing would be for him to get some very responsible, reasonably priced planning. Something like a Vanguard if it exists in NZ with a fee only person (they do not take control of the assets to assets) for motivation and reviews.

Just some thoughts across the ocean.

 

[samclem]

Best of luck, Aspire. As you and others have noted, this issue of earning/saving/spending is a fundamental one, and has some very deep roots in both of you (what you value, how/if you think about the future, etc). Some couples achieve harmony by deliberately "fencing" money for dedicated purposes--if you've made the mental jump to put a certain amount of your earnings into a "vacation jar", then maybe you won't have trouble spending it. And, if you see he's setting money aside for retirement, I'm sure that will take a load off your mind and make it easier for you to meet him halfway by contributing to this vacation fund.
Two observations:
1) The issue of you having lots of free time for a few decades and him being shackled to the job is a tough one. He might like his work now, but that's not a long-term given.
2) As you'll appreciate, the spending/saving issue has great potential to foster resentment if the eventual agreed-upon plan isn't something you both truly want to do. And do for a long time.

Again, best wishes.

 

[Aspire]

Thanks Lbscal and samclem for your good suggestions. The idea of 'fencing' money seems helpful.
I had very little money as a child and I've always had difficulty with spending. He has helped me with learning to spend some money on myself, and it is probably beneficial for us both to find some middle ground here.
I wasn't planning on discussing this with him right away, but he saw I was distracted and asked me why, and I told him about this post. I found it difficult at first to tell him, but then it was really helpful to talk about it. He says he realises that he has got carried away. He'd like to do the things the talks about, but knows he can't do them all. We agree that it may become more comfortable for me once I settle into retirement and (hopefully) see that I have some spare money in my budget. In the meantime he has some accrued leave now that we need to decide what to do with, but he agrees that we will keep within reasonable limits.
We clearly do have different outlooks, so I don't suppose this is the last time that issues will arise, but it seems we are both willing to find a solution together on this.

 

[Meadbh]

I wasn't planning on discussing this with him right away, but he saw I was distracted and asked me why, and I told him about this post. I found it difficult at first to tell him, but then it was really helpful to talk about it. He says he realises that he has got carried away. He'd like to do the things the talks about, but knows he can't do them all. We agree that it may become more comfortable for me once I settle into retirement and (hopefully) see that I have some spare money in my budget. In the meantime he has some accrued leave now that we need to decide what to do with, but he agrees that we will keep within reasonable limits.
We clearly do have different outlooks, so I don't suppose this is the last time that issues will arise, but it seems we are both willing to find a solution together on this.

This is a good start!

 

[Aspire]

Thanks to you all. I thought of something else I should add to those concerned about us going into retirement together.
I can't say that there isn't an issue, but I have done something to address it. I am concerned about the possibility that pensions means testing could be introduced in New Zealand, as has happened in Australia. If that happened, I would find myself supporting us both on my savings. That is one of the reasons why I am paying UK voluntary contributions, so that I will be eligible for a UK pension if the NZ one fails. (The two are offset and you get whichever is higher.) My partner would also be eligible for a 60% UK pension if we were married by then. It's not a total solution, and of course it is possible that means testing could be introduced in both countries, but it's a worthwhile precaution at a very low cost.