Pulling the Trigger is Tough!

[tmitchell]

Hi, Kook. I'm 2 years into retirement, and I know what you mean. It took me about 5 years to completely pull the trigger. I had a lot of the same struggles that you did -- a lifelong pattern of saving/accumulating, a reluctance to give up the paycheck, and worries about making a mistake. It all seemed so "final," to quit work completely. I also had some apprehension about whether I'd be able to make retirement work for me (e.g., establishing new friendships, moving to a new location, finding enough to fill my time).

...

At a certain point, I actually felt embarrassed about continuing to work. I felt as if it was a breach of personal integrity or courage, to continue to churn away at a job I no longer enjoyed, just for the sake of a paycheck I no longer needed. It felt shallow to me.

This is sort of where I'm at. I know I'm "close" but just haven't been able to summon the courage. My business is competitive and the chances of me finding the level of job I have again are slim to none.

But I totally get the "embarrassed" feeling. I have also been considering that by me staying just out of fear is preventing a younger person from having the opportunity I've had.

For the moment I'm trying to make the very best of my job, which means taking all my vacation and mentoring others while I'm in the seat. But I am really looking forward to the moment when "I'll know."

 

[Kook]

Kook,
There is truly addition by subtraction. If you're concerned about what you'll do retired, or whatever, clarity comes without a cluttered mind. It is difficult to think under stress. Your vision will clear once the work stresses disappear.
With solid finances and supportive wife you've got the basics covered. You'll figure out the rest without the pressure of work on you.

Wisely said. Thank you.

 

[Kook]

Also, it’s important to keep one’s promises - including to oneself. I think part of the reason we often get so tied in knots approaching retirement is that OMY Syndrome is a failure to keep one’s word, in a sense, or honor a commitment made, and a failure to stick to a plan. We wouldn’t do that to other people but we can easily and thoughtlessly shaft ourselves. And there are consequences.

Funny you say that. 6 or 7 years ago I promised my wife that I would retire once I achieved 25x expenses. In fact, I put it in writing and placed it in our safe. That was always the plan but OMY just kept leading to OMY, and with it, more cushion. My wife is not at all unhappy that I have kept working and has encouraged me either way. We have both benefited from the OMY. That said....and as many have said, one knows when it is time and I think I am about there. The time vs money thing is really starting to sink in.

 

[Romer]

I worked with someone who retired. She came back as a consultant a year later working almost full time and I asked why she did it. She didn't need the money she was just bored and needed something to do as she didn't have any hobbies. I asked her what she was doing now to create hobbies so she wouldn't have the same problem in the future. She gave me a deer in the headlights look and said she hadn't thought about it

The lesson I took from that is to not sit around thinking about your identity based on your job. I plan on off roading more, camping more. I bought a welder and plan to take a class to learn how to use it. I built a gym in my house as I see my primary job is to stay as healthy as I can to enjoy life to the fullest. If I get bored, I will by an old vehicle and restore it or learn woodworking and enhance my house. In other words, when you retire you are starting anew phase of your life and leave the old one behind. Try new things you have always wanted to do and expand the stuff you enjoy doing.

Now since I am not retiring until the end of the year, we will see how this works in reality, but the majority of the posts I see on this site and talking to my brothers who have retired suggest that is the right way to approach this.

In my case, breaking is still hard. I have been designing, building and operating spacecraft for 38 years. It's a cool profession and one that has given me great satisfaction. It is still a megacorp with all the BS that goes with it. I have already moved my date twice (by months) due to upcoming milestones to make it easier on the team. It was labor day and now I am going out the first week of January, just coming in after the two week holiday to checkout

 

[Kook]

The lesson I took from that is to not sit around thinking about your identity based on your job. I plan on off roading more, camping more. I bought a welder and plan to take a class to learn how to use it. I built a gym in my house as I see my primary job is to stay as healthy as I can to enjoy life to the fullest. If I get bored, I will by an old vehicle and restore it or learn woodworking and enhance my house. In other words, when you retire you are starting anew phase of your life and leave the old one behind. Try new things you have always wanted to do and expand the stuff you enjoy doing.

Losing my identity has been one of my biggest concerns. My job has pretty much been who I am for the past 30 years and most of my friends are associated with my job but they are all scattered across the US.

I do have plenty of hobbies and woodworking is one of them, so I plan to keep plenty busy. I don't think that will be a problem at all. The social aspect is a concern, though. Luckily, my wife is also my best friend so I have that but our local friends are few so I will need to venture out socially in our community.

 

[Markola]

My job has pretty much been who I am for the past 30 years……..so I will need to venture out socially in our community.

Abundant ER Forum threads indicate that most work relationships don’t really withstand the change to post-career. Sooner or later, you’ll need new friends (we all do) so you have the opportunity to get a jump on things and dive into the next phase. You’ll certainly finally have more time for it!

 

[sroby2020]

Yes. It is a hard decision, but
your DW has to be fully on board, or else it will not work out.
I (and my DW) worked in the oil & gas industry. We realized the ups and downs and had vowed to work as long as possible (until normal retirement age), but that went out the window in the downturn of 2015-2016. So, we retired early (not really by choice)! The first few months were a little stressful, shifting from accumulation to consumption and getting the income stream set up to our satisfaction.
I would suggest reading retirement blogs and sketching out your plans before actually pulling the trigger. I had actually started my income stream process a year before my forced retirement. Once I was free of my job, I transferred my 401K to a self directed IRA and was able to further my income producing goals (dividend kings). My dividend income, just from my brokerage accounts now covers 100%+ of my yearly spending. The IRA accounts are icing!

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I guess its the psychological aspect of being an accumulator and transitioning to the spending phase . I love accumulating - everything from money, hotel points, credit card points to pocket change. I have jars and jars of change.

I can relate to that. We had a couple of small businesses prior to ER so there were always activities I could do to make more money. I still like my spreadsheets and improving our finances, but now I focus on trying to live better for less instead of earning more. The more self sufficient we can live, the lower our overhead, and the more money there is left over for savings or fun stuff.

 

[pdxgal]

I have my resignation letter ready and my corporate BS bucket is completely overflowing, but I am just having a hard time giving it up.

There is so much that I want to do and I know that I will never be as healthy, active and young as I am now and time is flying by. Yet....here I am.

Is it me? I know the time is right but what if its not? There is just such a finality to it because I will never make the same money once I resign. Anyone else have/ had this problem?

Man, is it tough!

+1. You are not alone! I also had a mental impasse for a while and wrote a post very similar to yours a few months ago. The input from folks here was very helpful, if you want to search the thread.

I think you're spot on in recognizing the finality of it.... it is the end of a life chapter, and it's normal to grieve the endings in our lives. And our society tends to equate earning power with worth and it can be hard to dissociate them, especially for men. But your worth as a person on the planet really comes from other things than how much money you pull in. One thing that helped me was identifying alternatives to the good parts of my w*rk so that I could replicate them by other means. Instead of transferable skills, identify transferable satisfactions and how you could find them.

The highlighted part of your post is really key. FWIW, six weeks into ER I am feeling that even more and wishing I'd pulled the trigger a couple of years ago!

 

[GTP2022]

As an older friend of mine who's truly a well lived renaissance man said:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

It made me reconsider a few choices that's for sure.

 

[Jim59]

+1. You are not alone! I also had a mental impasse for a while and wrote a post very similar to yours a few months ago. The input from folks here was very helpful, if you want to search the thread.

I think you're spot on in recognizing the finality of it.... it is the end of a life chapter, and it's normal to grieve the endings in our lives. And our society tends to equate earning power with worth and it can be hard to dissociate them, especially for men. But your worth as a person on the planet really comes from other things than how much money you pull in. One thing that helped me was identifying alternatives to the good parts of my w*rk so that I could replicate them by other means. Instead of transferable skills, identify transferable satisfactions and how you could find them.

The highlighted part of your post is really key. FWIW, six weeks into ER I am feeling that even more and wishing I'd pulled the trigger a couple of years ago!

My turn to highlight part of your own post. Anyone needing encouragement or just dithering on retiring needs to read your post and many others sharing the same sentiment. Everyone, almost wishes they had pulled the plug on work sooner. Only a very few find they’re drawn back to work, probably too young to retire.

I’m going next May, but I know that at 62 1/2 when I go, it should have been sooner. I guess the restrictions have made it easier to carry on for a short while and part-time working.

 

[FLJim]

As obvious as it might be, the fact is that the longer you work, the shorter your retirement will be.
I went at 62 and should have retired at 60, as my father did.

 

[patricel]

I'm not there yet, but getting close. My biggest worry is that if something goes wrong financially that I won't be able to get another job. Ageism is real and after a certain age (varying by industry) it will be harder to go back, if needed.

 

[ychuck46]

Most are/were in the same boat

I'm not there yet, but getting close. My biggest worry is that if something goes wrong financially that I won't be able to get another job. Ageism is real and after a certain age (varying by industry) it will be harder to go back, if needed.

All of us that retired early or earlier than normal likely had the same thought. Just make sure you have a nice margin for error in your projected spend per year versus assets. I made sure I was nowhere close to the 4% that many utilize for a spend %; I was closer to 1.5-2%. And as your assets grow in retirement (and they will if you are well invested) that % will likely decrease if your spending doesn't ramp up a great deal. Bottom line is if you are comfortable with what you have banked, don't worry about it.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

I think you're spot on in recognizing the finality of it.... it is the end of a life chapter, and it's normal to grieve the endings in our lives. And our society tends to equate earning power with worth and it can be hard to dissociate them, especially for men. But your worth as a person on the planet really comes from other things than how much money you pull in. One thing that helped me was identifying alternatives to the good parts of my w*rk so that I could replicate them by other means. Instead of transferable skills, identify transferable satisfactions and how you could find them.

The highlighted part of your post is really key. FWIW, six weeks into ER I am feeling that even more and wishing I'd pulled the trigger a couple of years ago!

Just got back from a 2-1/2 week vacation, and this is what DW and I had a long conversation about. My whole career (sales) has absolutely been defined by how much money I make. Top sellers (best people) make the most $. However, her point is that it really doesn't make any difference in who you are, nor your value.

Regardless, if I'm going to retire in (checks countdown timer) 38 days, I'm going to have to come to grips with this. I know in my heart this is true, but I've been trained that when it comes to $, more is better.

My work has defined me for 35 years. I need to work on my new definition if I'm going to do this.

 

[FLJim]

Just got back from a 2-1/2 week vacation, and this is what DW and I had a long conversation about. My whole career (sales) has absolutely been defined by how much money I make. Top sellers (best people) make the most $. However, her point is that it really doesn't make any difference in who you are, nor your value.

Regardless, if I'm going to retire in (checks countdown timer) 38 days, I'm going to have to come to grips with this. I know in my heart this is true, but I've been trained that when it comes to $, more is better.

My work has defined me for 35 years. I need to work on my new definition if I'm going to do this.

So, did you make "a lot" and spend a lot, or did you make "a lot" and save a lot? That would have an impact on what and how you do after you retire.

 

[Jim59]

It’s sad when money defines people.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

So, did you make "a lot" and spend a lot, or did you make "a lot" and save a lot? That would have an impact on what and how you do after you retire.

I would say I made a lot, saved a lot, and got lucky w/some investments (but tbh spent a lot along the way). My normal comfortable spend is $10K/month. It could be $13K-$14K if I do some really crazy international travel (which won't happen for a while). I'm 60, I have $5.1M in investments, DW (59) makes $100K/year (and wants to keep working), and has excellent healthcare that I could easily glom onto, and she's got an annuity that pays $30K/year as well. Tough part is the stock grants I'm walking away from (about $1.5M), but I'm thinking that I'll do that at some point. SS for me is $48K/year at 70, maybe half that for DW.

So, financially I think I'm set. It's the mental aspect of walking away that's tough.

 

[W2R]

So, financially I think I'm set. It's the mental aspect of walking away that's tough.

For me, it felt like what a first attempt at skydiving must feel like. Sheer, mindless terror as I turned in my badge at the building's exit. But by the time I got to my car, that terror morphed into tremendous exhilaration and it's all been great since.

 

[camfused]

@Unpaintedhuffhines, with those numbers, you are ready to retire. It is time for you to redefine who you are, which does NOT contain the statement "I am an ABC, working at XYZ". Time to enjoy life in a different way.

 

[FLJim]

You Are Ready!

I would say I made a lot, saved a lot, and got lucky w/some investments (but tbh spent a lot along the way). My normal comfortable spend is $10K/month. It could be $13K-$14K if I do some really crazy international travel (which won't happen for a while). I'm 60, I have $5.1M in investments, DW (59) makes $100K/year (and wants to keep working), and has excellent healthcare that I could easily glom onto, and she's got an annuity that pays $30K/year as well. Tough part is the stock grants I'm walking away from (about $1.5M), but I'm thinking that I'll do that at some point. SS for me is $48K/year at 70, maybe half that for DW.

So, financially I think I'm set. It's the mental aspect of walking away that's tough.

Get on to DW's healthcare until you can get Medicare, and decide it's time for the next chapter in your life. It's all time and money at this point and high time to realize that you have enough money and time is fleeting. I went at 62 and in retrospect, should have gone at 60. I cannot think of anyone i have met that regrets their retirement decision. How many guys who, on their deathbed, say, 'geez, i wish I would have worked a few more years.'??

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

@Unpaintedhuffhines, with those numbers, you are ready to retire. It is time for you to redefine who you are, which does NOT contain the statement "I am an ABC, working at XYZ". Time to enjoy life in a different way.

Amen to this. An excellent point.

 

[retired1]

It's not you... many people are in the same boat including me. It's a mental block. You've to trust yourself and jump off the cliff with FIRE parachute ready to open and support you. Giving up a high paying job is not easy. However money is not going with you after you leave this earth. Time is more precious and valuable after 55.

 

[tmitchell]

I just spent two weeks away from work really thinking this through and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to take the leap.

I have a couple of major unresolved questions like “do I really want to stop working forever” and “ what if I decide I want a mortgage at some point” (I’m still a renter)? Basically “is quitting tantamount to shooting myself in the foot”?

But staying in a job that no longer enriches my soul for a paycheck I don’t need goes against why I chose to become FI in the first place. And it’s preventing me from seeing other possibilities since it preys on my attention for the better part of every week. I’m lucky because I’ve mostly enjoyed my career, but it’s time to shake things up now that I can afford to do it.

Am I scared? Yes. But as so many here attest time is greater than money and at 54 that time is getting shorter & shorter. I’d rather not be left holding the short straw.

I’ll be handing in my notice on Tuesday. Wish me luck!

 

[bigriver]

Good luck…it’s your decision and your choice. It was hard for me but I did it 6 weeks ago and I haven’t regretted leaving but I may get a part time gig down the road. Never say never