Why are you frugal?

I am not frugal. I am disciplined and a minimalist by nature.
 
athena53 said:
My story is similar; Dad was "demoted" from his job managing a district of a large steel company when he was 54. He and Mom landed on their feet- they'd always been savers. They moved to Myrtle Beach, Dad tried his hand at being a stockbroker, became disillusioned for many reasons, and even tried a short stint managing another steel company that was circling the drain. He couldn't prevent it. Mom died in 2016 and Dad is 89 and failing- likely to be moved to a skilled nursing facility after he gets out of rehab due to a stroke over Easter weekend. The resources are there- my siblings in the area have identified a good place and are not frantically searching for a place that accepts Medicaid (he doesn't qualify and we're happy about that).

So- it was an early lesson that you cannot assume that you'll be employed as long as you want to work. I ended up retiring at 61 when politics got toxic. It was a very good decision.

My spending is the "bipolar" type described earlier. I can be a real skinflint in areas that don't matter much to me: clothing (I have plenty, why buy more?), cars (buy used, maintain them, keep till no longer reliable), cleaning my own house and mowing my own lawn. I save my money for Business Class plane tickets and small-ship cruises. Right now that's all on hold, of course.
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Very similar indeed.

I'm very sorry about the passing of your Mother, and the health of your Father.

After Dad was separated prematurely from the steel industry, he went to work at the local hardware store in our small Midwestern town. I'm certain those fleeting years selling nails and lawnmowers brought him more satisfaction than dealing with office politics over the prior decades in an industry that was circling the drain. He loved chatting with the oldsters who stopped by, less to shop, more to chat. Dad was a chatty kind of guy.

I think a lot about selling nails, too, to be honest. Likely a "grass is always greener" kind of thing. But most days the thought of selling nails has a lot of appeal.
 
Another comment on a common theme. Grew up poor, my mother was the rare mom who worked. Dad high school dropout due to horrific family life and not infrequently laid off for lack of work. Kids always sick, lots of medical bills. They didn't make bad decisions, just no opportunity to get ahead. I did lots of reading as a kid and saw that some people fall into good luck, some work hard and are rewarded, and some have terrible outcomes no matter what they did. This terrified me and was determined to not struggle for decades like my parents at least to the best of my ability.

Sold greeting cards door to door at age 10, then did a paper route, got a part-time job after that. Never without a job since age 10 other than the first 2 weeks after our union went on strike in the 80's (after 2 weeks I got a part-time job in a store). Not always good jobs, but employed nonetheless.

Growing up with almost nothing cured me of "wants" - my brain figured out when a long stream of "wants" just goes unsatisfied, it's best to stop wanting. A middle-class living seemed luxurious and still does. A house, a reliable car, a good-paying steady job, enough food? Still incredibly and sincerely thankful for those things. I will not compare myself to others - if I do, it's marveling at how much I have that so many others don't, through no fault of their own in many cases. I will never believe I did it all on my own and thank God for my blessings. Saving for the proverbial rainy day was a top priority so I didn't have to take out terrible loans like my parents did just to survive, keeping them in debt for years.

Drifting a bit off-topic here but for a reason...
When my career blossomed I was able to start helping my parents financially. My dad insisted we could not afford to do it but we forced him to let us help. Some years later we visited my dad a few months after mom passed away. We knew her SS check was no longer coming and had a frank discussion on raising our monthly assistance. At first it was more stonewalling but I just laid it out and said no matter how much he pinched pennies, he cannot afford to live adequately on $19K a year when he's paying $6K of that in rent. He knew I had a good job but I never talked hard numbers with him about our finances. He needed more income but he truly believed we were going to suffer if we gave him more than we already were. So I told him, "Dad, we have a million dollars saved. I promise we can afford it."

He said "No, you don't, you're just saying that to get me to take more money." I asked my wife (in the next room) if it was true that we had a million saved, and she said yes. Then he believed it, and started to cry like a baby. I mean sobbing (the memory makes me tear up even now just writing this). He could not process the idea that one of their kids could ever, EVER do that. So we solved that problem.

We can afford to buy more things and do more things now, but our wants are really nothing. If we go out for a steak dinner, it's still a splurge to us, yet doesn't even register on our budget. But when we can help a friend who is in a bind financially through no fault of their own, and make a real difference in their lives, that's worth more to us than a trip around the world or a new car. We don't need more stuff and we have literally everything we need. So now our tips are much bigger, our donations are bigger. We can read the newsletter from the local food bank and see that more people are being helped and know we were a small part of that. So less frugal in that sense, I suppose.
 
Fortunately I had parents who taught me while I was growing up. Once I was on my own it was out of necessity. I think I was one of the lucky ones.



Cheers!
 
prudent_one said:
Another comment on a common theme. Grew up poor, my mother was the rare mom who worked. Dad high school dropout due to horrific family life and not infrequently laid off for lack of work. Kids always sick, lots of medical bills. They didn't make bad decisions, just no opportunity to get ahead. I did lots of reading as a kid and saw that some people fall into good luck, some work hard and are rewarded, and some have terrible outcomes no matter what they did. This terrified me and was determined to not struggle for decades like my parents at least to the best of my ability.

Sold greeting cards door to door at age 10, then did a paper route, got a part-time job after that. Never without a job since age 10 other than the first 2 weeks after our union went on strike in the 80's (after 2 weeks I got a part-time job in a store). Not always good jobs, but employed nonetheless.

Growing up with almost nothing cured me of "wants" - my brain figured out when a long stream of "wants" just goes unsatisfied, it's best to stop wanting. A middle-class living seemed luxurious and still does. A house, a reliable car, a good-paying steady job, enough food? Still incredibly and sincerely thankful for those things. I will not compare myself to others - if I do, it's marveling at how much I have that so many others don't, through no fault of their own in many cases. I will never believe I did it all on my own and thank God for my blessings. Saving for the proverbial rainy day was a top priority so I didn't have to take out terrible loans like my parents did just to survive, keeping them in debt for years.

Drifting a bit off-topic here but for a reason...
When my career blossomed I was able to start helping my parents financially. My dad insisted we could not afford to do it but we forced him to let us help. Some years later we visited my dad a few months after mom passed away. We knew her SS check was no longer coming and had a frank discussion on raising our monthly assistance. At first it was more stonewalling but I just laid it out and said no matter how much he pinched pennies, he cannot afford to live adequately on $19K a year when he's paying $6K of that in rent. He knew I had a good job but I never talked hard numbers with him about our finances. He needed more income but he truly believed we were going to suffer if we gave him more than we already were. So I told him, "Dad, we have a million dollars saved. I promise we can afford it."

He said "No, you don't, you're just saying that to get me to take more money." I asked my wife (in the next room) if it was true that we had a million saved, and she said yes. Then he believed it, and started to cry like a baby. I mean sobbing (the memory makes me tear up even now just writing this). He could not process the idea that one of their kids could ever, EVER do that. So we solved that problem.

We can afford to buy more things and do more things now, but our wants are really nothing. If we go out for a steak dinner, it's still a splurge to us, yet doesn't even register on our budget. But when we can help a friend who is in a bind financially through no fault of their own, and make a real difference in their lives, that's worth more to us than a trip around the world or a new car. We don't need more stuff and we have literally everything we need. So now our tips are much bigger, our donations are bigger. We can read the newsletter from the local food bank and see that more people are being helped and know we were a small part of that. So less frugal in that sense, I suppose.
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What a wonderful story of helping your parents, thank you for sharing.
 
I was born into poverty in a Pennsylvania coal miner family. The mines closed shortly after I was born and Dad joined the Navy and fought in WWII as he could not find work in Pittston Pa. Mom and I lived with her mother in a "coal company" house for three years with no heat other than a kitchen coal stove and we had an outhouse for a toilet. Grandma raised chickens in the backyard. I guess I ate a lot of chicken early on!

When Dad returned from the war in 1946, we moved to Connecticut where Dad could find work. We got qualified to move into a "slum" housing project when my sister came along (needed two kids minimum to qualify for the housing project).

Dad was an alcoholic and Mom turned into one. They separated when I was 15 and Mom moved back to Pa to live with Grandma. She took my sister along. I lived with Dad in a rundown flat as we got booted from the housing project.

Frugal? We didn't have any money except to pay rent and buy food.

At 17 years old and just out of high school (1961), I left this mess behind and went to live on my own. I got a job, bought a $50 car, lived with a school friend, and made it pretty well until Uncle Sam called me for an extended vacation in South East Asia at age 20.

Going into the military was the best thing that had happened to me as I got to see and spend time with successful people ("successful" meaning many came from normal families and had resources to get educated, etc). I quickly realized that I needed a college education to get ahead. After the military, the G.I. Bill helped me go to college (paid me $222/month) and I worked part time to pay the rest. The rest was history and I earned an Mechanical Engineering degree and later an MBA in finance.

I guess I never had a spending problem (being non-frugal) when it came to what to do with money, since I/we never had much of it. So being frugal became ingrained into my lifestyle. Now, DW?....Well, let's not go there....LOL!
 
I think one's level of frugality is a combination of nature and nurture, to varying degrees. Some people are very frugal by nature, they were born that way and that is how they are no matter how they were raised. If someone is extremely frugal by nature it will not matter how they were raised...if they were raised with frugal parents they will cite their parents as their role model, whereas if they were raised by spendthrift parents they will say that they learned from their parents what NOT to do and that their parents' example taught them that they never wanted to struggle with money when they grew up.
 
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aja8888 said:
... At 17 years old and just out of high school (1961), I left this mess behind and went to live on my own. I got a job, bought a $50 car, lived with a school friend, and made it pretty well until Uncle Sam called me for an extended vacation in South East Asia at age 20 ....
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Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for your service.
 
Like many of you I came from frugal parents. Family issues made money tight during my youth but my parents put money toward a nice house, good education, etc. We just didn't have much money for superfluous stuff. I was in graduate school "forever," then didn't make much in my early career, so I was very careful with money. These habits have endured, even though I feel like I'm spending far more now than I ever would have at one time--because I can. Things like expensive food or dining, designer clothes, etc have never appealed to me. I am conscious about never wasting money on "stuff."
 
I grew up middle class, in typical suburbia. Dad had college education and good white collar engineering job, mom was the stay at home mother. We had good house and food. Not a lot extra, but I certainly was not one of the kids who got subsidized or free school lunch. I think what got me to being frugal is that I had to work for what i wanted. Even as a kid I mowed lawns, and did odd jobs for money to buy things I wanted. I worked full time since 15, with part-time during school time. Worked my way through college 25 hours/week during school and graduated debt free. All that gave me an appreciation for what it takes to get money. It leads to today when I still have the feeling of what it takes to make money, even though my investments make money without me doing any work. I do keep eye on expenses and budget, although not at the micro level. More macro level as long as it is in range, I'm good. Being good at math as an engineer, I can also keep tabs on money easily in my head.



Now I just do not like waste, and like to save money when I can. Just built into me. I do all my own house and car repairs that I can, which is quite a lot. I don't have to worry about money in the overall sense, as long as I stay within budget range. Eating out is hard for me to go to the expensive places, I like the more middle of the road or less places. I am more beer budget, even if I could afford top shelf liquor it just doesn't appeal to me. I tend to do excessive research on buying bigger purchase things to make sure I get what I want and pay a good price.


DW and I don't really splurge on things unless we really want that. I have old cars as my hobby, that can be bigger expenses. Although to be fair, I have not ever lost money on any older car; my labor may be minimum wage though! We have a big motorhome that many would call a luxury, but we enjoy it and taking trips. I have never been off north american continent, DW would like to do some European travel. I think it could be fun and suppose we will do more of that in future. I used to travel for work around US, just have not had much desire to fly since retirement.
 
We are living in forced frugality for over two months now. It feels fine! We order in gourmet meals and groceries. We save on the wine with those meals by drinking our stock from Costco or the grocery store.

We are thinking of doing the same thing after hibernation by inviting friends and having catered meals. Then everyone enjoys it. Maybe we will also order in salad and desert and BBQ the meat and potatoes.
 
intent said:
I feel like the circumstances of my youth just sort of conspired to make me frugal. We lived in a rural location during my formative years and the main play activity for my friends and myself was to just go outside and play in nature. Build forts; play "baseball" using a broken branch as a bat, pine cones as the ball, and bushes or trees as the bases; football games with a nerf football; hiking and general exploring; that sort of thing. My parents gave me an allowance, but they didn't take me to the store very often, so I didn't really have much to spend it on, or much that I wanted (probably because I wasn't exposed to very many products). I had a happy childhood, so over time I think I came to the subconscious realization that I didn't need to buy things to have fun.

To this day, that seems to have stuck with me. I'm not necessarily actively frugal, I just don't feel a need to buy much.
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You could have been my neighbor, as that was my formative years experiences, and I feel the same way, have everything I need. :flowers:
 
JustCurious said:
I think one's level of frugality is a combination of nature and nurture, to varying degrees. Some people are very frugal by nature, they were born that way and that is how they are no matter how they were raised. If someone is extremely frugal by nature it will not matter how they were raised...if they were raised with frugal parents they will cite their parents as their role model, whereas if they were raised by spendthrift parents they will say that they learned from their parents what NOT to do and that their parents' example taught them that they never wanted to struggle with money when they grew up.
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It is complex.
I'm frugal but my sibling spends money as soon as it appears, or even before it appears.
I have lots of savings, my sibling has zero.

Yet we both grew up in the same house with the same parents, same stories and role models.
 
Great question and subsequent thought process over here. So, pretty sure it's a combo of upbringing and adult experiences. I was raised in a household where there was money for the conspicuous bells and whistles (large home, nicer car), but no money for the little things (heat in winter, A/C in summer . . . SoCal in full disclosure, so the former not so important, but the later, yes!). I needed to provide for all of my own needs other than food and lodging (clothes, fun, school supplies, etc.) so I started babysitting at 13, working for local entities unofficially at age 15, and had two part time jobs as soon as I turned 16 and could work 'for real'. As a result, I grew up feeling squeezed even while, ironically, living in a very nice part of town.

As a young married adult, I spent like a crazy person because I had no comprehension of budgeting. Then around age 30, I read the classic frugal tome Your Money Or Your Life. And what an 'aha' moment for me that book was. Purchases and subsequent upkeep costs = ongoing life energy. That resonated with me in a way that nothing else ever had.

Going forward, the 2008-2010 Recession rattled my understanding of the security of, well, securities(!), and then, of course, our current global pandemic has just been the cherry on the whipped cream on the ice cream sundae.

Currently, with the means to be considered in the 1% - though at the lower end of that very broad bracket of folk - I view frugality as a continued focus on extracting maximum value from our spend. I'm not interested in trying to find the lowest possible cost if there is an offset in quality/enjoyment/durability. So I view myself as trying hard not to waste money that brings questionable return value, but very much happy to spend money in places that bring long lasting joy or satisfaction.

I read once that the difference between cheap and frugality is that cheap negatively affects other people, while frugality does not. I like that definition!
 
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I was born naked, wet and poor. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and am now a shining success story and my family worships me.

The End.
 
Learned it all as an adult by reading finance blogs and books.

My family growing up was the same as everyone else's that lived in our neighbourhood, so I didn't feel like we were poor or anything, but we certainly weren't rich. Dad was an alcoholic who earned good money but pissed it up against the wall before he got home on payday. As an adult I realised that renting for life and worrying about money like my parents had done wasn't the only way to live, so once I decided that I wanted to buy my own home I read as much as I could about how to save and manage money. When I tried to talk to my husband about saving up to buy a house and stop wasting money on drugs, alcohol and junk food he disagreed most strenuously and our marriage broke down as a result.

I moved out with two very young children into a rented flat behind the shop where I worked and started saving like a mad woman. A year later I had a better job and the deposit and a loan approved to buy my first home, as a single mother of two.

Marriage got back on track after that and although my husband and I had different values and goals, I never wavered from wanting financial independence. As my marriage went on the rails once, I realised it could do so again so I was driven to economise and save where ever possible.

Happily the marriage is still on track 41 years later and we have a good retirement fund, own our home, 3 cars and caravan and have enough cash in term deposits to live on for 2 years if we have to. We both retired at age 57 and are living the dream. I still prepare a budget every year and track expenditure closely because it helps me sleep at night.

I learned how to be frugal and we live comfortably now, whilst still spending less than most of our friends. It is a habit that I'll continue to practice till I die.
 
Why are you Frugal?

I can attribute my tightwad ways to 3 things.

One, I wanted to prove myself when young to my father who was quite successful so I worked very hard and grew my money.

Two, was married for too long a time to a woman who was a spender, and it simply turned me off.

But the third reason and what carries me forward today was having to take over my fathers financial affairs in his later years to find that he had no money! Property yes but couldn’t pay his bills and he had made a lot of money during his career! He just never looked at his spending! Even near the end, he would try to offer me money, which he didn’t have, and insisted he was rich.

So instead of what most people seem to say, that being frugal was something they learned from their parents, my frugality comes from the opposite, the seeing the wastefulness of my parents.

My favorite is: “I am not a rich man...I am a poor man with money. and they are not the same thing!”:cool:
 
Morricol61 said:
Learned it all as an adult by reading finance blogs and books.

My family growing up was the same as everyone else's that lived in our neighbourhood, so I didn't feel like we were poor or anything, but we certainly weren't rich. Dad was an alcoholic who earned good money but pissed it up against the wall before he got home on payday. As an adult I realised that renting for life and worrying about money like my parents had done wasn't the only way to live, so once I decided that I wanted to buy my own home I read as much as I could about how to save and manage money. When I tried to talk to my husband about saving up to buy a house and stop wasting money on drugs, alcohol and junk food he disagreed most strenuously and our marriage broke down as a result.

I moved out with two very young children into a rented flat behind the shop where I worked and started saving like a mad woman. A year later I had a better job and the deposit and a loan approved to buy my first home, as a single mother of two.

Marriage got back on track after that and although my husband and I had different values and goals, I never wavered from wanting financial independence. As my marriage went on the rails once, I realised it could do so again so I was driven to economise and save where ever possible.

Happily the marriage is still on track 41 years later and we have a good retirement fund, own our home, 3 cars and caravan and have enough cash in term deposits to live on for 2 years if we have to. We both retired at age 57 and are living the dream. I still prepare a budget every year and track expenditure closely because it helps me sleep at night.

I learned how to be frugal and we live comfortably now, whilst still spending less than most of our friends. It is a habit that I'll continue to practice till I die.
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This is really impressive.
 
I just wanted to be wealthy for as long as I could remember but my problem was, I never felt I had business or entrepreneurial skills or qualifications for a high-paying career. However, I managed to get hired at 27 in a non-profit field I would have never picked for myself. Along with it came a 403b and the opportunity to save, so I decided to commit, as that seemed my only viable path. I strategically built a good resume and eventually moved into management, with its higher paychecks.

I stayed out of debt, bought used cars and kept them ten+ years, we never had kids and were willing to move for better opportunities. DW also developed her nonprofit career strongly but saved only because I wanted to and because I managed our money. At least half of every raise, small or large, went to increasing our 403b contributions. Our peak earnings period has ended but for several years we earned over $250K together, saving and investing half according to Bogleheads principles. We have owned 4 homes and got lucky on two of them by buying in low markets and selling in high.

So, for me, frugality is a means to an end and mostly a learned behavior. My brother is also a successful professional, drives a BMW, has chosen a live-for-now approach and seems entirely unconcerned about debt or savings. For me, however, personal finance has become a super power.
 
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The simple answer is I'd like to retire early the more interesting answer is it's somewhat of a game, if I can get the same or very similar value for a lot less I've done better. I recently bought a refurbished iphone for $25 I could have spent $1000 on the newest iphone but is it 40x better or 10x better or even twice as good? talk about diminishing returns.

The term "you get what you pay for" drives me crazy and implies that an inefficient market doesn't exist.

The older I get the more I know that money doesn't buy happiness and I get a lot more happiness out of the free things in life.
 
I am not frugal in the ride my bike to in a snowstorm to save $1 on gas frugal, but like many others here I also like to get good value for my money. My hobby is how to live well with relatively low overhead. I have boxes of books ($5 a bag on end of sale Sundays) from library sales on topics like cooking without recipes, yoga, happiness research, sustainable living, alternative health - all ways to be healthy and happy without spending a fortune. I like reading the books, developing projects and researching new ideas.

Last night I was reading a book on psychology and money and realized I'm just wired differently than most people (most people in general but there are probably more like me on this forum). The happiness studies are often about making more or having more than your neighbors to be happy, but my interest is more in LBYM and sustainable living. We live in a HCOL area where many of our friends are wealthier than we are and it does not bother me at all. I like living in a HCOL area as the tax base allows for great parks, senior services and library services, the thrift shops and freecycle type sites are amazing, there's a nice selection of seat filler tickets (when there is no pandemic) and lots of organic and healthy closeout / overstock food at the discount grocery stores. My budget is based on taking advantage of rich people's leftovers. I grew up poor so going to the symphony on seat filler tickets or going wine tasting in Napa on a Monday with pass bought during a Groupon sale is still pretty cool. Half the fun for me is the treasure hunt of finding the deals.
 
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My parents were brought up during WWII, and remember their Mom's having to scrimp/save to make ends meet due to the war effort, while their Dads fought the good fight. They each spent the rest of their childhood in one income families, with 5 kids.

Naturally, my parents were almost minimalist in nature which instilled it in me. I could very easily purge the vast majority of our possessions, and live a much cleaner/simpler existence, but my DW loves animals, and books/movies.
 
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