Why you might want to disinherit your kids

[Investornew]

Disowning children can have long term and unforeseen consequences. It can also cause costly legal problems if the will is contested by those who are disinherited. For anyone who wants to disinherit a child, I suggest you at least explain this to them before you die so that it won't come as a surprise.

 

[bclover]

Disowning children can have long term and unforeseen consequences. It can also cause costly legal problems if the will is contested by those who are disinherited. For anyone who wants to disinherit a child, I suggest you at least explain this to them before you die so that it won't come as a surprise.

So it doesn't come as a surprise why do kids in this country "expect" an inheritance anyway?? So if mom and dad have given kids a great life from birth to adulthood, said kids still expect a money grab when said parents die and if they don't get one, they are then left with the feeling they are "unloved".

yikes.

Why should anyone have to explain what they do with their dough and how deep into the family does this go? if John has a fortune, when he goes does his brothers and sisters expect a windfall? If they aren't gifted do they feel "unloved". What about Oprah? she has no kids, if she leaves her relatives squat are they then mad?

Man, the more I read the more it reaffirms my belief to give away every single dime I have before I die. If after hopefully 80+ years of love, support and all the other stuff that went into raising said kids, they still feel "unloved" because they now aren't getting a wad of cash, ain't a darn thing I even want to do about it.

And what about poor folks, do their kids feel slighted because they aren't given chunks of money?

 

[Danmar]

Every body has their own views on this topic. I agree that parents don't "owe" their kids an inheritance. Kids don't "owe" their parents any support in old age either. But, in my view, it's wonderful if both exist. Obviously, you can't give more to your kids than is comfortable given your means and lifestyle desires. The relationship you have with your kids and your kids' personality could certainly impact any legacy objectives.

But having said all that, why wouldn't you want to help your kids out, either during your life or on your demise? I certainly do.

 

[NW-Bound]

Every body has their own views on this topic. I agree that parents don't "owe" their kids an inheritance. Kids don't "owe" their parents any support in old age either. But, in my view, it's wonderful if both exist. Obviously, you can't give more to your kids than is comfortable given your means and lifestyle desires. The relationship you have with your kids and your kids' personality could certainly impact any legacy objectives.

But having said all that, why wouldn't you want to help your kids out, either during your life or on your demise? I certainly do.

+1

My two children are now established, and really appreciative of the help and guidance that we have given them. They do not know how much money we have, and do not expect that we will leave them with anything. They keep telling us that we should spend more (like buying a stinkin' Tesla? ).

I don't think that they will care less about us if we are broke. On the other hand, if I have some money left when I die, why should I not leave it to them?

PS. If we were broke due to some unfortunate circumstances beyond our control and not due to our stupidity, I believe they would pitch in to help us out.

 

[bclover]

Every body has their own views on this topic. I agree that parents don't "owe" their kids an inheritance. Kids don't "owe" their parents any support in old age either. But, in my view, it's wonderful if both exist. Obviously, you can't give more to your kids than is comfortable given your means and lifestyle desires. The relationship you have with your kids and your kids' personality could certainly impact any legacy objectives.

But having said all that, why wouldn't you want to help your kids out, either during your life or on your demise? I certainly do.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out the mindset that if you don't give your children an inheritance they won't feel "loved" or if one gets more than the other they will then feel "unloved".

Personally I loved my husband more than life itself. If he had left me nary a dime I absolutely still will have felt the same. I miss him more with each passing day and would gladly give every last sou I had to have one more nanosecond with him. I'm glad my sons feel the same.

like I said, we always rejected the idea of inheritances simply for the reason of amount being left=amount of love that seems to be very prevalent here. My kids know this and love me simply for being mom, lol although one is without his car for 2 weeks for texting and driving so he may not be feeling the love.

They also grew up in a multi-generational household so once again, having grandma or grandpa in the house is normal and not conditioned on whether one is going to be "paid" back. I grew up with my grandmother, her brother, my family in the house. I would never think "I took care of mama so I should get more".


If I kicked the bucket today. 85% of my estate would go to the scholarship program we set up why my hubby died. 10% would go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. the remaining 5% would help go to the kids with some stipulations. I'll have to ask them if they'll feel hurt by this.

It's all good

 

[cathy63]

If I kicked the bucket today. 85% of my estate would go to the scholarship program we set up why my hubby died. 10% would go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. the remaining 5% would help go to the kids with some stipulations. I'll have to ask them if they'll feel hurt by this.

It's all good

Good for you for leaving your money to organizations that will benefit. I don't think people here are saying that you shouldn't leave your money to charity, or that doing so will make your sons feel unloved. I find your plan very admirable and I believe your sons would too.

But what if you change your will to leave that 5% of your estate to son #1 and nothing to son #2? When son #2 finds this out after you die, do you think he will still feel that you loved him as much as you loved his brother? Do you think this might poison his future relationship with his brother? If son #2 feels absolutely no hurt or resentment at being disinherited without warning, then he is a very unusual person.

 

[kcowan]

What do you posters think about kids that reject their parents. BIL left home in 1990 and never had any contact with his parents after leaving. No cards, no calls, no forwarding addresses.

 

[Music Lover]

like I said, we always rejected the idea of inheritances simply for the reason of amount being left=amount of love that seems to be very prevalent here.

I think you're seeing something that isn't there. No one has said that you have to leave your kids money to prove that you love them, but several have said that leaving unequal amounts without explanation can be taken the wrong way, or that leaving too much money to an irresponsible child could be a mistake.

 

[Walt34]

What do you posters think about kids that reject their parents. BIL left home in 1990 and never had any contact with his parents after leaving. No cards, no calls, no forwarding addresses.

Much depends on why he left. Was he being abused? That would certainly justify his actions.

A guy I went to high school with told me that when he graduated from high school his father told him that he had 30 days to move out. I think that's a bit harsh. The guy joined the Navy, I never heard from him again and I wouldn't be surprised if his parents, or at least the father, never did either.

 

[mpeirce]

> Kids don't "owe" their parents any support in old age either.

Isn't honoring your parents one of the big 10?

Among other things, I take that to mean I have an obligation to look after them. Especially when they can't look after themselves.

Just my take on it.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

What do you posters think about kids that reject their parents. BIL left home in 1990 and never had any contact with his parents after leaving. No cards, no calls, no forwarding addresses.

Maybe he is the victim of foul play?

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

> Kids don't "owe" their parents any support in old age either.

Isn't honoring your parents one of the big 10?

Among other things, I take that to mean I have an obligation to look after them. Especially when they can't look after themselves.

Just my take on it.

The big 10, Hahaha. Never heard that one. I especially follow that one.

 

[Redbugdave]

Many times these inheritances are used as a tool for parents to manipulate their kids for control. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Some kids leave and do their own thing.

 

[redduck]

+1

My two children are now established, and really appreciative of the help and guidance that we have given them. They do not know how much money we have, and do not expect that we will leave them with anything...

Unlike my good friend NW-Bound, my adult kids do know how much money I have. However, I'm not sure it was a wise decision to let them know. They always seem disappointed when I answer the telephone in the morning. I guess that's OK. It's not like I haven't disappointed them before. Yet, somehow this feels different...

 

[Blueskies123]

Mr. Ha, Sir,

+1

Your insight is right on! A multi-generational family that can pull together for the common good reasonably well is a blessing to all that enjoy it. The author's Theory X approach where you assume your offspring are self-centered slackards might be a mistake for many of us.

In my somewhat broad experience, about 70% of the time these so called " multi-generational family's" just stop working, buy homes all over the world, really expensive cars, and in general squander the money. A lot more good would be done by donating the money to a worthy charity.

 

[NW-Bound]

Unlike my good friend NW-Bound, my adult kids do know how much money I have. However, I'm not sure it was a wise decision to let them know. They always seem disappointed when I answer the telephone in the morning. I guess that's OK. It's not like I haven't disappointed them before. Yet, somehow this feels different...

One of these days, I will tell them. I think your adult children are older than mine.

Anyway, I encouraged them to save so they can retire early like I did and do not have to work till they die. I asked them how much they thought our lifestyle cost, which was not extravagant, but we could buy what we needed or wanted without consternation, had plenty of travel and gift/charity donation, etc...

Their guess came out to be significantly less than we actually spent, and we told them. I once told them that the SWR should be around 3.5%. I don't know if they remember the details to put 2 and 2 together to deduce what we have. However, I also told them that the market might tank, and I might lose a lot.

 

[NW-Bound]

... A lot more good would be done by donating the money to a worthy charity.

Ah, the keyword is "worthy".

I am not religious, and do not tithe. However, I make significant donations to charity organizations that I have personal knowledge of, and can vet.

 

[aja8888]

Unlike my good friend NW-Bound, my adult kids do know how much money I have. However, I'm not sure it was a wise decision to let them know. They always seem disappointed when I answer the telephone in the morning. I guess that's OK. It's not like I haven't disappointed them before. Yet, somehow this feels different...

Have you received any invites to go on a "duck hunting" trip with them recently?

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

. They always seem disappointed when I answer the telephone in the morning. I guess that's OK. It's not like I haven't disappointed them before. Yet, somehow this feels different...

Hahahahahahah

 

[kcowan]

Maybe he is the victim of foul play?

No he was found by a skip-tracer when MIL died. We had a few good years with him before he died. He was a trans and died from kidney failure partly due to the meds he was given to "fix" him.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

No he was found by a skip-tracer when MIL died. We had a few good years with him before he died. He was a trans and died from kidney failure partly due to the meds he was given to "fix" him.

OK, glad you had a few good years before he passed.

 

[redduck]

What do you posters think about kids that reject their parents. BIL left home in 1990 and never had any contact with his parents after leaving. No cards, no calls, no forwarding addresses.

No he was found by a skip-tracer when MIL died. We had a few good years with him before he died. He was a trans and died from kidney failure partly due to the meds he was given to "fix" him.

Why did he break contact with his parents? Sounds a bit more complicated than the BIL simply severing (perhaps a poor choice of words) contact with the parents. Maybe there were some very valid reasons for his behavior.

 

[SpinDr]

Unlike my good friend NW-Bound, my adult kids do know how much money I have. However, I'm not sure it was a wise decision to let them know. They always seem disappointed when I answer the telephone in the morning. I guess that's OK. It's not like I haven't disappointed them before. Yet, somehow this feels different...

 

[kcowan]

Maybe there were some very valid reasons for his behavior.

Yes his mother had no time for "unnatural" behaviour. That lack of sympathy was a contributor to his leaving.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

I know a reason to disinherit children or unequal splits. Say you have 5 kids. A doctor making millions, a garbage man making 60k a year, a nurse making 85k, a Priest who took the vow of poverty, and a career criminal spending most of his time in prison for violent crimes, pick any you like, rape, murder, robbery. My prison guy gets less than the rest. Is he insulted? Do I need to sit down and explain this? No, Im not. Everyone doesnt get a trophy in my world. Extreme example? Maybe, but arent most families very complicated.