WSJ article - It's time to rethink the bucket-list

[wyecrabber1]

I found the reader's comments more interesting than the article, for example;


reader's comment
Just as the police officer's professional contacts lead him to excessively bleak generalizations about human nature, I suspect Dr. Agronin's professional contacts lead him to an erroneous generalization from a very biased sample. Retirees who are having the times of their lives pursuing a bucket list with some sense of moderation and balance (as my wife and I are) are the very last to be seeking the services of a geriatric psychiatrist.

 

[haha]

I don't understand the obsession with what "makes us happy". It's pretty clear, you feel happy, you are happy. You don't feel happy, you aren't. At least at that particular time.

Also, I believe that the idea that we are happy if we want to be, etc., is generally false. People can make better or less good adjustments to important adversities, but a painful or debilitating chronic illness for example is not likely to cheer anyone up.

What I definitely believe is that we had better grab what happiness offers itself to us, because these offers may not stay on the table long.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a-flying
And this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying..."

Ha

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We did dial down our original travel plans for somewhat the same reasons in the article. Instead we're doing a lot of smaller outings like plays, museums, dinners out and winery tours (the many small pleasures model), and working more on joining clubs and looking for ways to give back and be part of our community. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to spend retirement, but we gave it some thought and for us this is what we think will work out best for now.

 

[Major Tom]

Concerning the couple in the article who "found themselves feeling increasingly alienated from family and friends who did not share in their adventures" - perhaps it was because they became huge bores by talking about little else other than their travels when seeing family and friends? It sounds to me like they are not doing it right.

 

[Souschef]

Bucket list

It is a very interesting discussion. I think the operative word is balance. The interaction between the things you want to do and the interaction with friends and family.
My wife and I have discussed this. She is very family oriented, and I have learned to be.
That being said, I will be flying a B-25 next month, and a MIG-15 in September. I am 77 years old and am not slowing down. But other than that, I am enjoying the time we spend with our families.

 

[Fedup]

Thank goodness I don't have grand kids yet. I'm not sure I look forward to being a grandma either. My husband and I like comfort when we travel, you won't see us doing Machu Pichu nor the Amazon anytime soon. But we both have lived overseas in a few places so there is no deep urge to travel to unusual places. I would like to do more travel within USA. The only thing that I like better than travel is gardening, so after the first year, the traveling will be a few weeks and not a few months.


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[Jpg1717]

LitGal: Thank you for sharing a great post. I am looking forward to being a " Grand Dad" for the first time next year. My twin daughters were 10 when I married their Mom. I wish I could have known them earlier, but I am looking forward to knowing my grandchildren from birth, and being able to be a part of their early childhood years that I missed with our twin daughters.Although we will still take a few long trips every year, and live close to the grandkids the rest of the year - do everything in Moderation and have fun "trying to have it all"

 

[NW-Bound]

Unless one is a perpetual traveler and has no home, I do not see how a few weeks or even a few months of travel a year will cause them to "lose track of what really matters—their connections to family, friends and community" and to become "devoid of any enduring communion with family or friends". What do they do the other 9 months that they do not travel?

So, if the patients of this psychiatrist stop travel, will they bond more with their family? Will they follow their grandchildren everywhere, and entertain them each afternoon after school? Is that even desirable and a healthy thing to do?

 

[check6]

That being said, I will be flying a B-25 next month, and a MIG-15 in September..

The Mig ride should be very exciting. Chuck Yeager was still flying F-15's in his 80's.

Read your blog about your Swiss travels. Wengen is my all time fav place. Had to chuckle about your toilet paper search. When I met my wife-to-be the first place I took her was Wengen. She questioned why I had several rolls of American toilet paper stashed in my rollaboard.

Fly Safe & Check 6

 

[r2021t]

......Oh, that bucket-list. I thought I was going to have to re-think my investment strategy.............

 

[wyecrabber1]

Thank goodness I don't have grand kids yet. I'm not sure I look forward to being a grandma either. My husband and I like comfort when we travel, you won't see us doing Machu Pichu nor the Amazon anytime soon. But we both have lived overseas in a few places so there is no deep urge to travel to unusual places. I would like to do more travel within USA. The only thing that I like better than travel is gardening, so after the first year, the traveling will be a few weeks and not a few months.


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There's only one thing wrong with being a grandfather -- it means you sleep with a grandmother. Fortunately, for me -- grandmom is very cute.

 

[athena53]

Despite an insatiable appetite for travel (and love of adventure), I was recently surprised by a much stronger desire: pouring time and attention into my new (and only, so far) grandchild.

I can relate- our granddaughter turns 2 next month! They live 3 hours away but we see them every couple of months. In a way it's a good distance; I've still got plenty of room to have a life separate from them but it's not too far away.

DH and I have been avid travelers together since we met almost 20 years ago. Australia and NZ are still on my bucket list, but when I retired 2 years ago DH was already 77 (I was 61) and long-haul flights are hard on him. Even in Business Class we would have been rolling the dice and taking the chance he'd end up with a nasty respiratory problem that might have spoiled the trip for him and would take months of recovery. t's happened before. We're learning to adapt; he's more careful with hand sanitizer, we fly Business Class, we stay in one place rather than moving from city to city, we make sure we have a big enough hotel room that DH can relax after sightseeing while I go off in search of more adventure.

So, that means only one major trip per year, but we'd cheerfully agreed even before I retired that we wouldn't travel a lot more even if money were no object. One major trip per year, plus a few road trips, is enough punctuation in an everyday life spent in a house we love, without too much on our schedules.

 

[sengsational]

One day he confided in me that all he got out of it was "a lot of discomfort"..

My Dad, who traveled a lot, used to say "If you want all of the comforts of home, stay there."

... I will be flying a B-25 next month, and a MIG-15 in September. I am 77 years old and am not slowing down. But other than that, I am enjoying the time we spend with our families.

Flying that jet sounds cool, but I'm not to the point in my life where I'm going to spend $170/minute on any experience.

 

[nun]

Well WSJ and a therapist......I don't have much admiration for either and I'll keep my bucket list - thanks. Last year's item was riding my bicycle solo across the USA and Canada. It was a fantastic experience and the next one is to complete a ride around Iceland that I failed at about 5 years ago.

 

[imoldernu]

Instead of a wordy recap, this old post recaps our happiness formula.http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/sharing-23-years-of-frugal-retirement-62251.html#post1214044

 

[Koogie]

Well WSJ and a therapist......I don't have much admiration for either and I'll keep my bucket list - thanks. Last year's item was riding my bicycle solo across the USA and Canada. It was a fantastic experience and the next one is to complete a ride around Iceland that I failed at about 5 years ago.

Wow.. wouldn't have documented that cross country somewhere would you ? (says the sometime bicycle tourer)

I've been looking at those WOW Air fares to Reykjavik. Less than $400 !

 

[nun]

Wow.. wouldn't have documented that cross country somewhere would you ? (says the sometime bicycle tourer) I've been looking at those WOW Air fares to Reykjavik. Less than $400 !

Yes It's on a blog. I'll PM you with the link if you are interested.

 

[DrRoy]

I suppose nearly anything will apply to some people, but I did not agree with the article in my own case. I do not have a list of thrills that I am trying to get (like skydiving) but I do greatly enjoy travel to locations of my choosing. I get a great feeling from visiting places like the Grand Canyon or the Louvre, and don't find my life dull or depressing in between.

 

[Koogie]

Yes It's on a blog. I'll PM you with the link if you are interested.

Please do !

 

[Teacher Terry]

I agree about doing many small pleasures too and we have upped how many of these we do. We now do something fun weekly at least. I still want to take 1-2 big trips/year while we can. This is a really fun time in life.

 

[Music Lover]

The article/title is at the very least misleading, it assumes TRAVEL is an ingredient in all bucket list entries.

I've had a bucket list since I was 30-something and still do, but travel wasn't central to any of the items on my list. I'm a little more than halfway through my list of 70 something items.

And as Sarah noted, he's only seeing patients that are unhappy with their travels. Not a good effort by WSJ IMHO...

Travel certainly is a big item on many people's bucket list (not mine), but I wonder how much of that comes from the fact that w*rk often prevented people from taking as many trips as they would have liked. But, once one is retired with plenty of time to travel, how special or enlightening can it really be to see another famous landmark or a nice view? A mountain is a mountain, a beach is a beach, and an old building is just another an old building...regardless of whether it's 200 years old or 1000 years old.

 

[Chris7]

One thing that got my attention was the notion that as we age, we are better suited to sit around and ponder life. Hogwash. Keep your mind young and fresh by doing new and exciting things.

I am not retired, but my wife and hope to travel later in life. My parents successfully traveled and we were often on their itinerary. Children have to realize that parents stayed back and raised their family. When they retire, they certainly should have a right to enjoy time doing travel if they so choose.

Of course travel isn't for everyone. You can certainly find plenty of new and exciting things to do right at home. :O)

 

[Gone4Good]

But, once one is retired with plenty of time to travel, how special or enlightening can it really be to see another famous landmark or a nice view? A mountain is a mountain, a beach is a beach, and an old building is just another an old building...regardless of whether it's 200 years old or 1000 years old.

Every place is different. Sometimes in large ways and sometimes in small ones, but no two places are exactly a like. Partly it's the appreciation of these differences that keeps travel fresh.

It was amazing, for example, stepping off the train in Nimes, France, after spending a month in Spain. It was only a two hour train ride from Girona but as soon as we got off the train, before we spoke to a single person, we knew we were in a different country because the everyday architecture was so different. And then of course you experience the language, and the cuisine, and the culture . . . all so very different.

And partly it's the wonder of wondrous things that keep travel fresh. No other place in the world is like Venice, or Angkor Wat, or Bryce Canyon, or St. Peter's Cathedral, or Hoi An, or Dubrovnik, or . . .

Unless you've seen them all, you haven't seen it all.

And yes, sometimes a mountain is just a mountain. But the same old living room sofa is always the same old sofa. And sometimes it really is nice to have a different place to sit.

 

[nun]

Please do !

I just sent you the link to the start of the blog.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Every place is not the same. The culture, history, etc in Europe is nothing like in the States. It is fun meeting people from other cultures and experiencing the food too. We went to Thailand and saw palaces, temples, reclining gold Budda-nothing like that in the states either. It was spectacular.