WSJ article - It's time to rethink the bucket-list

[FIREd_2015]

Interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about retirees and bucket lists. The article should probably be titled How to avoid the pitfalls of chasing the buck list.

It’s Time to Rethink the Bucket-List Retirement - WSJ

"In the search for the next big adventure, retirees are too often missing out on the most fulfilling aspects of later life..."

 

[MuirWannabe]

There is a regular poster on here (I forget who) whose sig line says something like 'moderation in everything, especially moderation'.

The article is a decent reminder that moderation even in great travel bucket list type items can make sense.

Muir

 

[MBAustin]

Excellent reminder that getting what we think we want isn't always what we need.

 

[LARS]

Interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about retirees and bucket lists. The article should probably be titled How to avoid the pitfalls of chasing the buck list.

It’s Time to Rethink the Bucket-List Retirement - WSJ

"In the search for the next big adventure, retirees are too often missing out on the most fulfilling aspects of later life..."

Malarkey. I am a firm believer in looking at what people DO as the true indicator of their desires/intentions/etc; and, not what they SAY. If someone says they want to travel, but doesn't (assuming the means), then guess what? They didn't really want to travel.

And for those in the article that were depressed after traveling, had they stayed and done what the author suggested, they would've been depressed because they didn't travel! They just want it all... despite the fact that all of life is made up of trade offs (conscious or otherwise).

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[sengsational]

Excellent reminder that getting what we think we want isn't always what we need.

Studies (that I've read about in layperson books written by academics who study such things) strongly suggest that we really suck at predicting what will make us happy. I really think there are some people that suffer through the travel so they can have an enviable facebook news feed

 

[jabbahop]

Ugh. Throwing a bucket of ice water on my bucket list! Was just thinking about a trip to Sri Lanka but don't think I can afford the shrink fees


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[Sarah in SC]

Or as someone pointed out in the comments on that article, the good doctor only sees those patients who are unhappy with the results of their travel experiences. The rest of them, happily slogging through TSA lines, are not in the waiting room

I'd say that our travel (though only one of us is retired) enriches us by making new friends and learning more about the wider world through their perspectives. Maybe this sort of article grates on me more because we don't have grandkids that we need to bond with.

However, I am taking my niece on a "college tour" next month out west. Having not ever traveled with a 17 year old, I'm both apprehensive and excited at the prospect. We don't know each other all that well, but I figure we'll work it out.

 

[Nodak]

I've never made a bucket list and don't intend to start one now.

 

[gerntz]

I read the article. We make 1 or 2, ~2-3 week trips per year seeing places we haven't & those we loved again. But, enjoying the grandkids & friends & our interests is more important - which we do the other 46 weeks/yr. & the big trip this year includes the grandkids!!

 

[travelover]

I've never made a bucket list and don't intend to start one now.

Making a bucket list is on my bucket list.


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[Nemo2]

Making a bucket list is on my bucket list.

How do you make a bucket list.....do you float it in water, slightly weighed down on one side?

 

[Gone4Good]

Instead of taking a dream vacation to chase fleeting thrills, they should use their time to create something more lasting instead

One person's "fleeting thrills" are another person's lasting memories. YMMV

Mostly the article just describes a bunch of retirees who are unhappy with what they're doing.

I could just as easily write an identical 1,400 words about people I know who feel trapped by family relationships they're unhappy with.

So do something else. Problem solved.

 

[Midpack]

The article/title is at the very least misleading, it assumes TRAVEL is an ingredient in all bucket list entries.

I've had a bucket list since I was 30-something and still do, but travel wasn't central to any of the items on my list. I'm a little more than halfway through my list of 70 something items.

And as Sarah noted, he's only seeing patients that are unhappy with their travels. Not a good effort by WSJ IMHO...

 

[jdmorton]

Excellent reminder that getting what we think we want isn't always what we need.

Well somebody's gotta do it, so it might as well be me:

 

[Bestwifeever]

This article perfectly describes some good friends who don't enjoy traveling, are well-off, and spend a lot of time and money with their grandchildren who are conveniently located a few hours from them and who are spaced nicely in ages to offer interesting mentoring opportunities for our friends. The rest of our friends are way out of that profile, so I guess they must be miserable.

 

[W2R]

As they travel the world to soak up experiences, too many seniors inevitably lose track of what really matters—their connections to family, friends and community.

Life is about choices, right?

As many here know, I don't like to travel.... or to phrase it a different way, I want to grow roots in the community, establish a HOME for myself, and be from somewhere. For many years the simple question, "Where are you from" was enough to strike terror in my heart and even cause me to stutter, because I had not lived in one place for most of my life and didn't know what to say. I felt, well, kind of evanescent and without a framework.

Others DO like to travel, sometimes because they have already had the experience of being from somewhere and having roots in a community. So that's their choice, and that is what they want.

It's the classic problem of being able to have anything we want, just not everything we want. So we mull over what we really want in life, and then choose. Some people are really rotten at introspection and can't figure out what they really want, and end up being written about in articles like this. The rest of us have figured out what makes us happy. The key to this type of happiness is self knowledge.

As for the rest of us, who actually do know what we want, go for it! Travel if you want to travel. Please! That is the wisest thing to do. And if you really want to stay home and grow roots, please do it!

As for me, hey, I am from New Orleans. I bought my dream home and plan to stay here until they take me out feet first. Who says you can't always get what you want? I've got it right now and I am so happy. Likewise, those of us who seriously love travel, for example Sarah in SC, Audreyh1, Gone4Good, Nemo, and many others too numerous to list, have got what they want too. Life in retirement is so good.

 

[bclover]

lol. so a couple is enjoying their retirement doing what they like, their kids and friend start whining and all of a sudden they are depressed.

Now don't get me wrong I have kids and I love kids but I hate this idea of that you don't play the role of "grandparents" that we've developed you are somehow "bad". what tickles me is these are the same parents who can't make time for family gatherings for a variety of reason (working, kids obligations etc etc)

My sister retired early and followed her dream of becoming an interior designer. she and her husband travel "hither and yon" yes she loves her kids (my nieces) and usually does a family trip to Mickey's palace. after that, too bad.

 

[HadEnuff]

years ago I knew an old retired lawyer whose wife loved to travel. He did not.

One day he confided in me that all he got out of it was "a lot of discomfort"..

As I've aged I've become more and more like him, and less and less like her. But that's not really the point. Nor is it specifically about travel.

The point of the article is really about the struggle some retirees seem to have finding a "purpose" to their lives after they stop their careers. As opposed to someone like me, completely at peace with having very little purpose.

 

[Gumby]

Seems to me that most people are about as happy as they choose to be. And I believe it actually has little to do with where you go and what you do. Rather, it is your fundamental reaction to life itself. Essentially happy people can find fulfillment in almost anything.

 

[LitGal]

There is a regular poster on here (I forget who) whose sig line says something like 'moderation in everything, especially moderation'.

The article is a decent reminder that moderation even in great travel bucket list type items can make sense.

Muir

Despite an insatiable appetite for travel (and love of adventure), I was recently surprised by a much stronger desire: pouring time and attention into my new (and only, so far) grandchild.

DH and his lovely wife brought Dear Little Granddaughter into the world in January. DH and I never had a daughter. Relations with my own mother have always been strained; but-- growing up---- I was extremely close to my own grandmother.........who became (for me) the model of all "grandmother-hood."

The bucket list said I wanted to teach overseas some day. Just last month I had an offer to teach English for six weeks of summer school in China.

Have turned it down, for now. Despite my current busy-ness with moving to a condo, what REALLY beckons is that dear little baby napping just 15 min. away from my new neighborhood.

As a working parent throughout my son's growing years, I rarely had open spans of time to just enjoy life hanging out with him on his schedule. Now--- retired--- time can be more open. I don't intend to become the child care provider, but will babysit sometimes for DS's nights out with his DW, and have offered to be their back up sitter when little granddaughter has to stay home from childcare if she is sick.

Years of reading, baking cookies, feeding birds, walking in the park------ "quantity" of time sometimes really does supersede "quality" crammed-in moments. ER bought me time: first, to enjoy a couple years with DH before he passed; time for DH and I to enjoy DS's engagement and wedding plans; and now, time to try to be for my granddaughter what my dear grandmother was to me.

I may only get 11 or 12 years, before those middle-school years kick in. Then she might not want to hang out with Grandma. (Though I did up through age 18, when my family moved 3,000 miles away; but I still went back East to see her every two years.)

I still look forward to at least a couple 2-3 week vacations each year, with friends. But the rest of the year does seem to glow on the horizon.......with the adventure of learning how to be a good Grandma!

 

[btdt22]

This article has to be the winner of the 'BS' article of the year. Although I don't have an actual bucket list, I love traveling. In the past three years my DW and I have crisscrossed the US three times, and traveled to Turkey, China, and Russia.

Not only do we not brag to our friends and relatives of what we have done but we have also traveled with family on several of the trips.

Our priority at age 69 is trying to visit those places that mandate the longest flight time. This fall is Egypt, with next year being a return trip to Australia, and a month or so on the 'great-loop' in our boat.

Life is short....enjoy it while you still can

 

[foxfirev5]

Despite an insatiable appetite for travel (and love of adventure), I was recently surprised by a much stronger desire: pouring time and attention into my new (and only, so far) grandchild.

DH and his lovely wife brought Dear Little Granddaughter into the world in January. DH and I never had a daughter. Relations with my own mother have always been strained; but-- growing up---- I was extremely close to my own grandmother.........who became (for me) the model of all "grandmother-hood."

The bucket list said I wanted to teach overseas some day. Just last month I had an offer to teach English for six weeks of summer school in China.

Have turned it down, for now. Despite my current busy-ness with moving to a condo, what REALLY beckons is that dear little baby napping just 15 min. away from my new neighborhood.

As a working parent throughout my son's growing years, I rarely had open spans of time to just enjoy life hanging out with him on his schedule. Now--- retired--- time can be more open. I don't intend to become the child care provider, but will babysit sometimes for DS's nights out with his DW, and have offered to be their back up sitter when little granddaughter has to stay home from childcare if she is sick.

Years of reading, baking cookies, feeding birds, walking in the park------ "quantity" of time sometimes really does supersede "quality" crammed-in moments. ER bought me time: first, to enjoy a couple years with DH before he passed; time for DH and I to enjoy DS's engagement and wedding plans; and now, time to try to be for my granddaughter what my dear grandmother was to me.

I may only get 11 or 12 years, before those middle-school years kick in. Then she might not want to hang out with Grandma. (Though I did up through age 18, when my family moved 3,000 miles away; but I still went back East to see her every two years.)

I still look forward to at least a couple 2-3 week vacations each year, with friends. But the rest of the year does seem to glow on the horizon.......with the adventure of learning how to be a good Grandma!

Nice priorities

 

[NW-Bound]

From the article:

As a therapist, I’ve talked to numerous seniors as both patients and colleagues. Rather than feeling exhilarated by a life of bucket-list adventures, they often end up feeling depressed and disconnected...

She and her husband spent several months and considerable treasure each year after retirement traveling to a bucket list of exotic locales, but found themselves feeling increasingly alienated from family and friends who did not share in their adventures. Their children complained that they seemed more interested in spending time with itinerant acquaintances than with their grandchildren.

Ha!

I suggest that this psychiatrist's patients are a bunch of unhappy geezers who would be unhappy whether they travel or not. Some people do not bond with their children or grandchildren, even if they do not set foot outside of town.

Travel or not travel, happiness or unhappiness, close relation with kinship or not, these have little to do with one another.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I think his sample size has biased his views) We travel but don't post pics on facebook. Those close to us know we travel but it is no big deal. Some of our friends do and some don't. It is fun to make friends from other places. WE don't have grandchildren but even if we did I don't think I would spend that much time with them. I spent lots of quality time with my own kids and now want to go out and have fun. We do some volunteer work, etc but it is not as exciting as taking a trip. I think balance is the key. If you are feeling that disconnected from family & friends either you are bragging too much or never home. I have known people that keep 2 homes and still are connected to many people. Like others have said balance is the key.

 

[Focus]

Most surprising is what's left unsaid about the chart used to show that those 65+ are happier. Look at previous years and how much happier some were then!

Eyeballing it:

48% of the 65+ were very happy in 1984 (vs. 37% in 2014)
42% of the 50-64 were very happy in 1984 (vs. 32% in 2014)