After FIRE, facing the fading of *some* dreams

[Pellice]

Have any of you had the experience of having FIRE making oneself confron the reality of some long - held dreams? One thing I hadn't anticipated after FIRE was acknowledging the likelihood that some dreams may go away. I guess it was easier while w*rking to put off thinking about the pluses and minuses and just hoping things would happen.

And it's certainly not ALL dreams, just a few that I can now cast a more realistic gaze at.

One is camping. I've only camped a couple of times in my life. My family were not campers, and I never had a boyfriend who camped. I enjoyed my couple of experiences camping a lot, and I think I could get into it - the campground life, trying to cook fancy stuff over a campstove, play cards, making acquaintances. I already do a lot of walking and hiking, so that isn't an issue. Along the way, I acquired a nice tent and backpack and sleeping bag - none ever used. Well ... I am an over-62 female, have hardly any experience camping, can't even build a fire or pitch a tent. I may have missed my window! Since I am unwilling to really put the amount of effort it would require to catch up on camping expertise. This dream just may not happen.

A second one is more externally driven. A vegetable garden. I've had a vegetable garden for 20 years, just not a very good one. Now my Homeowner's Association has decreed: no vegetable gardens. I appealed, but was rejected with one sentence. Probably no one even read my appeal. I had dreamed that when I FIRED, I would finally have the perfect little vegetable garden, but today I took out the weeds and my remaining vegetables, except for on cherry tomato plant. Probably have to take that out too. But ... my plot was becoming progressively less viable as neighboring trees grew and cast more shade. I've considered three options - taking a community plot somewhere, moving my gardening further to the rear of the property, where there is a wild field, or severely downsizing into a few containers. But I know I'd never keep up a plot if I couldn't walk to it, and the wild field would mean constant assaults from weeds and animals, and the containers aren't really gardening. So that dream is either going away or going on hold until I move - and it's even less likely to happen if I am older.

Well, I have plenty of other dreams. How about any of you? Did you find that even after FIRE, you just couldn't make some dreams happen?

 

[Texas Proud]

Unless there is something in the deed restrictions on a vegetable garden then the HOA has nothing to say about it...



I can have one in my back yard, behind my garage and nobody will see it, not even the neighbors... do not give up on this dream...

 

[mystang52]

I've run a Half Marathon in every state east of the Mississippi plus a couple more west. I planned to complete the whole country, but I guess age caught up to me. Due to back issues (and now, knee problem) my running is limited to 3-4 miles at a time. No more Half Mary's for me

 

[braumeister]

I've run a Half Marathon in every state east of the Mississippi plus a couple more west. I planned to complete the whole country, nut I guess age caught up to me. Due to back issues (and now, knee problem) my running is limited to 3-4 miles at a time. No more Half Mary's for me

Have you considered walking them?
There are a lot of half (and full) marathon walkers doing races. Some are faster than many runners, others are quite slow, but they all enjoy the activity.
DW has a goal of walking a half marathon in every state, and is up to about 30 the last time I checked. She was a couch potato until she got into her 60s, and has arthritis and plantar fasciitis pretty severely.
Doesn’t deter her, though.

 

[tmm99]

I see female only camping trips on meetup.com in my area. I bet you can find something similar.

Where there's a will, there's a way!

Good luck to you!

 

[Walt34]

A few years after retirement I tried hard to get DW to drive across the country with me. Her response was that she didn't want to be out in the desert 100 miles from anything and looking for a bathroom. My first thought was to get a flatbed trailer and strap a porta-potty on it but I knew she'd never go for that. So instead my reply to that was "Okay, we'll take the truck and get a travel trailer with a toilet in it". This was around the first time that gasoline had hit $4/gallon and dealers were selling them at just about cost to stay in business.

Still no dice. And the more I read about the sometimes crowded conditions in campgrounds, the noise, loud music, etc. the less enthused I became about the whole idea. Driving by Harper's Ferry in WV I drove though the campground one night and was horrified by the crowding and thought that if many campgrounds look like that I want no part of this so I gave it up.

So instead I took some classes on photography, read a bunch of books on the subject, and became reasonably proficient at that.

 

[Texas Proud]

A few years after retirement I tried hard to get DW to drive across the country with me. Her response was that she didn't want to be out in the desert 100 miles from anything and looking for a bathroom. My first thought was to get a flatbed trailer and strap a porta-potty on it but I knew she'd never go for that. So instead my reply to that was "Okay, we'll take the truck and get a travel trailer with a toilet in it". This was around the first time that gasoline had hit $4/gallon and dealers were selling them at just about cost to stay in business.

Still no dice. And the more I read about the sometimes crowded conditions in campgrounds, the noise, loud music, etc. the less enthused I became about the whole idea. Driving by Harper's Ferry in WV I drove though the campground one night and was horrified by the crowding and thought that if many campgrounds look like that I want no part of this so I gave it up.

So instead I took some classes on photography, read a bunch of books on the subject, and became reasonably proficient at that.

I do not go camping, but DW and the kids do... from what she says the campgrounds are almost always full on holidays and some weekends... but during the week there are fewer people...

 

[Scuba]

I really wanted to travel around the world for 1-2 years when we FIREd, but I can’t leave my dog for that long. He’s a middle-aged dog so by the time he’s gone, we may not be up for spontaneous global travel. We’ll see ...

 

[Yarnstormer]

Buy a little camper and join sisters on the fly! It’s so much fun - all kinds of outings are planned so camping expertise is def not required.

 

[athena53]

<snip>And the more I read about the sometimes crowded conditions in campgrounds, the noise, loud music, etc. the less enthused I became about the whole idea. Driving by Harper's Ferry in WV I drove though the campground one night and was horrified by the crowding and thought that if many campgrounds look like that I want no part of this so I gave it up.

BIL made a trip from SC to the Wyoming with Dad in a rented RV- my sister was still working. Even though BIL was a former long-haul truck driver and very handy, he had all kinds of problems with that thing and Dad, who was probably 80 at the time, had altitude sickness so bad BIL put him on a plane and sent him home. That was the end of that dream. My sister said, "Thanks, Dad!".

My dream was a house on a lake with a kayak. I got that- except the level in the lake is down about 4 feet because the 70+-year old earthen dam is leaking and we (HOA) can't get anyone to make a proposal and quote the work because we're small potatoes (only 46 lots). It's a private lake so the gubmint says, "Not our problem". Well, I still have a BEAUTIFUL view from the back of the house and from the porch where I grill!

The other dream was travel. I've done lots of it and I'm not done yet. Can't complain at all.

 

[pb4uski]

We camped as a family for many years... at first just a tent and then later two different pop-up tent campers. We loved camping. We stopped once we bought our lakeside home, but I still do it once a year with friends on a bass fishing trip and still enjoy it.

Practice pitching and taking down the tent in your back yard... the rest is easy... pick some good weather days to start... start out with a short one/two overnight shakedown trip.

 

[walkinwood]

I see female only camping trips on meetup.com in my area. I bet you can find something similar.

Where there's a will, there's a way!

Good luck to you!

+1 for meetup.com. We made our initial set of friends in Denver solely through meetup.com.



Also, if backpacking is too much, you can still go car camping. We're headed to a campground in Rocky Mountain National Park this weekend (our 3rd camping trip of the year), and we certainly don't rough it any more!

 

[walkinwood]

For me, it is extended travel. I thought we'd do trips of a month or more, but DW doesn't enjoy them. So, we do shorter trips now. But... hope springs eternal that she may change her mind some day

 

[Souschef]

Strangely enough, it has been just the opposite for me. DW and I have traveled extensively, but have slowed don in recent years. No more being "ridden hard and put away wet|.
I am a pilot and I love trains.
I fly for Angel Flight and Pilots & Paws, I recent years I have been able to pilot a B-25, MiG-15 and P-51.

I joined a railroad society and volunteer on a local tourist railroad. I am also involved in restoring a 23 ton switch engine.
Life is good

 

[97guns]

My only desire when Firing was to travel more, it wasn’t until 5 years after Firing that I met my wife and traveling companion that the desire came to reality.

 

[brett]

Yes, and a little no.

After FIRE we took several months to clean out our house, downsize, and unload it. Remaining items in storage for 10 months. Traveled for seven months Europe, Africa, US, Central America. Places that were on our respective bucket lists. After that two trips a year, 2-3 month each plus the odd last minute one week all inclusive.

After a few years DW now only wants to be away for 6-8 weeks. Grandchildren. So we are doing twice a year for that duration. I could go for months on end. We have been grounded since March but hope to move forward by this Sept. We have not been able to plan any future trips which is unusual for us. If we are OK to go in late Aug we will find out what the best offer on one way flights is and go. Not sure where, but I am desperate to go!
We are very flexible and travel with carry on only so we can go at the drop of a hat so to speak.

After years of renovating homes, gardening etc. finally got a one level place where nothing has to be done. Garden and snow clearing are done by someone else. No house plants, no pets, nothing to hold us back so that is good. Closest I have come is putting a coat water sealer on our deck. Plus, great neighbors.

 

[Lisa99]

I wanted to RV full time right after retirement. It sounded like a fun way to see the country. We bought a used RV and did several short trips.

Every trip was stressful for different reasons and we ended up selling the RV a year later. I’m perfectly happy with that retirement activity going by the wayside.

 

[Texas Proud]

Just another option that you can look at for camping... some places have very primitive cabins, or even smaller than a cabin, like a wood tent... I remember one place that had a few of these and they looked like an big outhouse but were for sleeping...

 

[NW-Bound]

It's a good thing my wife does not mind RV'ing. Out here in the West, not all places are crowded, particularly if you travel during off-season periods. Just came back from a 2-month-long trip to Alaska, and it was great. On some less-traveled roads we encountered few vehicles in both directions. No need to look for campgrounds. Just pulled off the road where there was a clearing to spend the night. With the motorhome parked right at the trailheads, and there were many, we came back after a hike and had a rest for lunch, even a nap, before moving on. How nice is that to have your own kitchen, a clean bed, a toilet right there?

Would have stayed longer in Alaska if my wife did not have some commitments at home.

Still, that trip satiated my wander lust for a while. Will need to spend a few grands to fix up the wear and tear on the motorhome and the toad before we go again. But that may happen in 2020. Next year, may want to spend a couple of months in Europe again, doing a car trek like in 2017 and staying in Airbnb's. That is my idea of travel in retirement. No packaged tours, no group travel, nobody telling me what to do.

About the prohibition of home gardening, the OP's HOA sucks. Single-family homes where I am all have an enclosed backyard, and if nothing sticks up high enough that can be seen over the block fence, it's none of the HOA business.

And I don't even have a stinkin' HOA telling me what to do. I keep my motorhome on a side driveway. That's city ordinance to keep it off the street. It's not an eyesore to anybody, and recently a few of my neighbors acquired their own RV's and did the same. I think I gave them the idea of RV'ing and camping.

 

[W2R]

How about any of you? Did you find that even after FIRE, you just couldn't make some dreams happen?

Not really. If I really want something, to the extent that I would call it a dream, then I make it happen. Well, I make it happen to the extent possible within physical limitations brought on by growing older.

For example - - If I truly dreamed of gardening, and couldn't garden due to the HOA, I'd label that housing choice as a HUGE mistake and I would move to someplace more appropriate for my dream. I'd think through things more thoroughly the next time. If I dreamed of camping, I'd aggressively search for a group to camp with and then do it. If I didn't like it, then I would conclude that it was not my dream after all.

Now, when I was a kid, I dreamed of being the next Shirley Temple or Marie Curie. But I pretty much ditched those dreams in early adulthood as I explored my capabilities and lack of same.

Re-reading your post, maybe we are defining dreams differently. For example, you said that you probably are not willing to put in the effort necessary to gain expertise in camping. Well, that is true for me, too!!! I always wanted to learn and become fluent in Mexican Spanish, in retirement. But now that I am retired, the last thing I want to do is study verb conjugations and so on. Boring! The reality just isn't as appealing as the dream of somehow magically being able to fluently communicate with Mexicans in their own language.

 

[NW-Bound]

Speaking of travel, we just made acquaintance with another couple who loved to travel. For us, a 2 or 3-month-long trip would be enough. But this couple, we learned from their friends that they are home only about 2 months a year. The rest of the time, they are on the road. And this has been going on for a decade or more.

More than that, their friends said that occasionally, when they were home, they would miss traveling so much that they went out to their vehicle to spend the night.

 

[imoldernu]

What W2R said, 'cept for me, it was Johnny Weismueller.

 

[W2R]

What W2R said, 'cept for me, it was Johnny Weismueller.

Good choice! He was amazing when he was young. What a man!

 

[razztazz]

My faded dreams:

1) Never gonna be able to appear in at least one staged opera production in any role

2) related to another thread: Never gonna get as good at playing the guitar as I thought I would. I'm not as bad as I was but that learning window apparently has closed

3) Also related to another thread: Living in a location that's reliably quiet and doesn't depend on other people behaving themselves to enjoy living there.

 

[RAE]

I really wanted to travel around the world for 1-2 years when we FIREd, but I can’t leave my dog for that long. He’s a middle-aged dog so by the time he’s gone, we may not be up for spontaneous global travel. We’ll see ...

Yeah, I have a similar problem. My 13-year old yellow lab. is still hanging in there, and we can't really travel to some places we'd like to go while we still have to care for him. He does still go to the Gulf Coast with us every winter for a couple months, but we'd like to travel to some other places (Europe, maybe the Caribbean), and we just can't do those kinds of trips until he is gone. He is my best buddy and daily walking companion, so I certainly am not wishing that his life ends anytime soon, but when it does, hopefully we will still be able to do some of these trips.


The other trip I always wanted to take was to canoe one of the wild rivers in NW Ontario..........maybe the Albany River. I have been up there on fishing trips (staying in a cabin), and it is just beautiful, and still wild. I always thought it would be great fun to have a float plane drop me (and a few friends) off at one spot along the river, and then pick us up maybe 10 days later, at a downriver spot. We would canoe, fish, and camp for those 9-10 days.......I know it would be great. My wife is willing to stay home and watch the dog, so that I could take a trip like this. But as I get older, it gets harder to find 2-3 friends who are willing (and have the time) to join me on a trip like that. And it also gets harder for me to find the motivation to do it. But I haven't given up on it completely yet.......