Psychological/Social Aspects of Retirement

[podpoet]

Laughing out loud

This is one of the best things I've seen written, anywhere:

For fun just walk out to the mailbox in your jammies, after lunch. You'll be immortalized on some security camera footage.

 

[Born2BRetd]

The weirdest reaction to saying I'm retired came from my brother who informed me that I "quit" and wasn't actually retired because I'm not eligible for a small pension until I'm 62.

 

[steelyman]

The weirdest reaction to saying I'm retired came from my brother who informed me that I "quit" and wasn't actually retired because I'm not eligible for a small pension until I'm 62.

I had something similar when talking to a friend who was still working. She said I retired and I said, “well, officially I resigned. Not eligible for pension yet.” “Oh, OK. You quitted!”. That’s the way it stayed and we still get a laugh out of it.

Maybe I’m actually FIQE.

 

[Lewis Clark]

The weirdest reaction to saying I'm retired came from my brother who informed me that I "quit" and wasn't actually retired because I'm not eligible for a small pension until I'm 62.

So by this logic, those who are not eligible for a pension can never be retired.

 

[Born2BRetd]

So by this logic, those who are not eligible for a pension can never be retired.

I'm not sure the logic is there. That's why I decided not to debate the issue in the interest of family peace. I have gotten a little enjoyment out of saying that I am a "quitter" though. It's amazing how often you can slip that into a conversation at the dinner table.

 

[jayanu]

Hi, I've been lurking for a couple months, and finally registered. Sorry for the long post, Dr. Freud.

My retirement came earlier than I expected in January, after I 'resigned' a longtime client. Things were getting dysfunctional with them and a large project I managed was being revamped (without my input), and I realized the time was right. Last year our financial planner said we can pull off my retirement too, so I was itching for an excuse anyway.

My wife is on board after seeing me suffer through their antics for 30 years. She is a flight attendant—with all the medical and flight benefits—and will continue to work for several more years. I am 58.

Here's the thing: I am struggling whether to be up front or low key about it when talking to people, almost like survivor's guilt in a weird way. I have only told a few friends/siblings. "You're too young!," "What are you going to do?" "Is your wife still going to work?" are some of the reactions I received. Most state they couldn't NOT work or they would go crazy. I also feel like society still looks down on the male not working. I've decided to keep my mouth shut from now on. I am avoiding talking to people because I fear I would have to bring it up and hear more reactions like this.

Another thing: After 1.5 months I am also finding it hard to spend ANY money. I am cutting back and having a tough time trusting the math that I will be ok taking such an early retirement.

Have any of you encountered these situations? They were not on my bingo card!

I retired at 55. A friend was after me to join his company for 2 years. I joined, but after a few years, I realized that coming from a large corporate job to a small company did not fit me. I re-retired after 6 years.

We did Monte Carlo simulations with Fidelity (Money) with several scenarios, and that allowed us to make a decision to be a penny pincer or enjoy life as usual or splurge.

 

[Brook2]

One of the best pieces of retirement advice I received was: 1) never forget what day it is and 2) always have a to-do list with things on it.

Just relax and spend time finding your next chapter.

I actually missed a wedding once because I forgot what day it was. Now I have a huge month paper calendar on my desk and put x's on each day. No joke. I've missed things more than once. For some reason the visual thing works.

 

[ER Eddie]

Hi Steven. Your thread title caught my eye, because I find myself much more interested in the psychosocial aspects of retirement than the financial ones (which get most of the press). Here are a few thoughts...

I am struggling whether to be up front or low key about it when talking to people, almost like survivor's guilt in a weird way. I have only told a few friends/siblings. "You're too young!," "What are you going to do?" "Is your wife still going to work?" are some of the reactions I received. Most state they couldn't NOT work or they would go crazy. I also feel like society still looks down on the male not working.

I've decided to keep my mouth shut from now on. I am avoiding talking to people because I fear I would have to bring it up and hear more reactions like this.

I gotcha. I can see how some of those responses don't feel very helpful. I don't know the context/relationships, so I'm not in the position to give any advice, but I'll just share what I would say (in my own head, at least) to each of those responses.

"You're too young." I've gotten this one a few times, but it's usually phrased more positively -- "You seem too young to be retired." I take it as a compliment. They're saying I look young, or at least younger than their stereotypical image of a "retired person." I take pride in being "too young to retire." It's an accomplishment.

"What are you going to do?" If I want to be flip, I'll just say "Whatever I want." If the question is sincere and I feel like going deeper, I talk about how I'm enjoying the freedom of retirement, and I'll mention a few of the things I do to occupy my time -- take classes, read, watch Youtube, walk my dog, enjoy the outdoors, etc.

"Is your wife still going to work?" I'm not married, so I've never had to answer that one. I suppose I would just tell the truth.

I sense from the way you phrased your post that maybe you think the other person is trying to "guilt" you about this? Like a subtext of, "you shouldn't be slacking off while your poor wife is still slaving away," or something. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much in, though.

That could be true for some of the other responses, too. Maybe you hear a disapproving tone in the questions, whereas I'm just seeing them written out as simple questions, so I'm giving simple answers. If the person is genuinely conveying disapproval in their tone/attitude, then that's more complicated.

Most state they couldn't NOT work or they would go crazy. Yeah, I would hear that, too. At first it bothered me, because I imagined they were saying that a person who does not work will have nothing to do or will go down the tubes. Maybe that tapped into some of my own fears of retirement?

I don't see it that way anymore. I now see that comment as an indication of how incredibly important work/career is to that person's identity. A lot of people are like that. Some of them genuinely enjoy their work. Some of them don't have many other interests outside of work, so they fear (rightly) that they might end up wasting away without a career/work.

I'm not that way, though. I've always had plenty of interests outside of work, and I never based my identity too much on my career. In many ways, it was a relief for me to slough off that professional identity. It felt like a bit of a straightjacket.

I also feel like society still looks down on the male not working. Yes, there is some truth to that -- men are judged by their ability to achieve, earn, provide, etc. However, I think that stereotype gets directed more at men who are not working because they can't find employment or don't want to. I could be wrong, but I don't think it's aimed so much at men in retirement.

Sometimes it's an internal thing. We have spent so much time inhaling society's definition of what it means to be a man, the problem is internalized; it's now on the inside, not the outside. So then it's a matter of working with our attitudes -- reminding ourselves that our worth as a human being does not derive from our productivity or paycheck.

Good luck to you. Welcome to the forum.

 

[O2Bfree]

2) always have a to-do list with things on it

Which brings up another popular retirement activity: putting things off until tomorrow!

 

[MC Rider]

Which brings up another popular retirement activity: putting things off until tomorrow!

I figure there's no hurry and no deadline.
For most things.

 

[oldphd]

The weirdest reaction to saying I'm retired came from my brother who informed me that I "quit" and wasn't actually retired because I'm not eligible for a small pension until I'm 62.

I left a public university research position and was told the same thing by HR. You could only be treated as retiring if you were eligible for your pension (at age 60 for me). It made a difference in that they wouldn't pay out any sick time if you quit, but would pay some if you retired. For me, staying over 2 more years to get an extra month's pay (the sick time payout wasn't that generous, it had been changed years ago and grandfathered for long time employees, but I didn't work a full career in this role, a month would've been the maximum possible for me).

My response is usually "I gave up work.". As in, I gave up something bad for me, like smoking or drinking, etc.

 

[teej1985]

More time with my coffee this morning. While I usually just say, or get to, I'm retired. These are some of the responses I've given depending on circumstance, person, and mood. Anyone I have ongoing relationships with I don't try to hide my situation or mislead; in general I prefer to leave people with the impression that I don't have to work as long as I live modestly (i.e. I have a rich life but am not "rich"). I had some concern that people that know me might try pressuring me to spend money "Come on, you can afford it, etc" but that, fortunately, has never happened (maybe I pick my acquaintances well?).



"I'm done with cubicle life/"I only do fun jobs now" -usual answer when giving a tour and the customer asks what I do...what other job do people ask you what your job is when at work and they are the customer?!

"On a sabbatical"
"I've chosen to LIVE modestly now than die rich later"

"Somewhere between unemployed and retired"
"Whatever I want" -but that's a bit rude IMO
"Paddle, Bike, etc..."


A lot of times people suggest "Financial Advisor" for "Private Clients" on these threads and I've thought about using that but the circumstances haven't been right. If there's ever a blow hard pressing me might use it as it sounds impressive and I can hide behind confidentiality and really play up the exclusivity of my clientele and insinuate that my clients are way out of their league... that could be fun with the right chest puffing blowhard if I'm feeling cheeky but I rarely cross those types in the circles I travel.

What kind of tours do you give?

 

[thepalmersinking]

I retired last March at 57 and went back in December. I Started getting bored and my mind would not totally disengage. The hardest part is when your friends and family think you had to go back to work. The best part is if BS creeps in then you can re retire at any time.

 

[COcheesehead]

I ran a business for 24 years. For the most part it was challenging, rewarding, but challenging. I am now 2.5 years into retirement. I miss nothing of my former life. I picked up a part time job - 4-6 days a month - working at a local winery. I identify more with my part time gig than I do with the former me.
When people ask what I do I say I am retired and I have a hobby job at a winery. I love being retired.

 

[Walt34]

I retired last March at 57 and went back in December. I Started getting bored and my mind would not totally disengage. The hardest part is when your friends and family think you had to go back to work. The best part is if BS creeps in then you can re retire at any time.

That's fine if you went back to work because you wanted to. Lots of people do that, myself included. The key issue though is that it is voluntary because you and I have earned our KMA* hats, and it is important that the boss knows that, either directly or subtly if that will do.

As far as what friends and family think, who cares? You have your KMA hat, you know it, and that's way more important.

*Kiss My A$$

 

[Stormy Kromer]

That's fine if you went back to work because you wanted to. Lots of people do that, myself included. The key issue though is that it is voluntary because you and I have earned our KMA* hats, and it is important that the boss knows that, either directly or subtly if that will do.

As far as what friends and family think, who cares? You have your KMA hat, you know it, and that's way more important.

*Kiss My A$$

You've got to market those hats.

 

[Markola]

I retired last March at 57 and went back in December. I Started getting bored and my mind would not totally disengage. The hardest part is when your friends and family think you had to go back to work. The best part is if BS creeps in then you can re retire at any time.

That’s how it’s going for me, too, also at 57. About 6 months in to FIRE, I got an offer to consult and, frankly, it felt great, so I set up an LLC. Then another part time offer came along from an established consulting firm, and it felt great. So now, the firm wants me to go full time and I find myself saying yes. Part of it is to be able to start helping my aging mother financially, not because DW and I need the money for ourselves, so it’s not because I really want to go full time. I’ll do it for a while and see how it goes.

 

[freedomatlast]

That’s how it’s going for me, too, also at 57. About 6 months in to FIRE, I got an offer to consult and, frankly, it felt great, so I set up an LLC. Then another part time offer came along from an established consulting firm, and it felt great. So now, the firm wants me to go full time and I find myself saying yes. Part of it is to be able to start helping my aging mother financially, not because DW and I need the money for ourselves, so it’s not because I really want to go full time. I’ll do it for a while and see how it goes.

Same story here. About 6 months after RE, started consulting, then part time, now full time with between 6 and 7 weeks paid vacation plus holidays. The mental stimulation is good for me, the people are fantastic, and the money is excellent. Lets me BTD without a second thought. Just bought a BMW X5 50i with some of the earnings. Probably wouldn't have done that if I was living on savings.

 

[RxMan]

Well I just turned 49 and I’m still working. I will probably work another 4-6 years so I have some time to consider how I will handle these retirement questions. I think my default will be to just tell the truth.

I don’t expect to struggle to find things to do. Once my wife and I both retire we plan to take a lot of RV trips. I am older than she is though so I might retire a little before her. I don’t anticipate it to be a significant length of time difference though (probably less than two years). If people really want to know I’ll just tell them what I’m currently doing with my time.

I don’t hate my job. I just love my freedom. The ability to set my own schedule sounds wonderful. I will be nervous about not receiving anymore paychecks though. But that’s why you plan and run the numbers before taking the plunge.

My hair has started to turned that wonderful salty color so if I’m honest I may “look the part” more than I care to admit by the time I actually retire. I’m not too worried about what other people think. It’s not worth your time to be concerned about it. My advice is to have fun and enjoy your retirement. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks.

 

[sparky08]

I left a toxic job when I was 59.

I tell people that I quit and am finally taking my 'gap year'. I don't mention that it is kind of open-ended.

 

[Act2]

The whole ‘gap year’ thing didn’t emerge as far as I recall until after I was in the working world. (Not that I would have expected my parents to support me once I graduated; not likely.) But I love the concept of taking an open ended gap year (or more!) between the end of work and whatever comes next…

 

[Koolau]

Heh, heh, having lurked here for a couple of years before retiring at 58, my big issue was (wait for it): A bit of embarrassment at claiming I had retired "early" at 58. I quickly got over that and have really never looked back.

Full disclosure: When markets have sagged (think recently and especially 2008) I've gotten a few queasy feelings, but they quickly passed.

Congratulations and welcome. Please check back often.

 

[imjustawarrior]

I am amazed at how many people lack imagination on how to have a fulfilling life without earning a paycheck. It is really sad.

I just retired. I have no problem telling people that I retired. I am a young looking 55. Some people look at me strangely to figure out if I am old enough to retire. I find that humorous.

Some people I have told get all excited and say we need to go out to lunch to celebrate. I'll gladly take a free lunch now that I am retired. The best meal is a free meal.

Others ask what am I going to do. If they seem sincere, I'll give them a sincere answer. If I don't like the way they ask, I'll just say I'm going to sit on the front porch with my dog and watch the clouds go by.

 

[Major Tom]

It is really sad.

I don't see it as sad at all. We are all built differently. Some folk find their work very rewarding and enjoyable. I'm actually rather envious of people who work well into their senior years because they truly enjoy it. I absolutely loved my job but, truth be told, the novelty and thrill had worn off by the time my company went out of business. I still liked going to work, but the most exciting and enjoyable years were behind me at that point.

Different strokes, etc etc.

 

[ER Eddie]

I'm glad to be done with work. But I'm glad for those who still enjoy it.