Psychological/Social Aspects of Retirement

[imjustawarrior]

I don't see it as sad at all. We are all built differently. Some folk find their work very rewarding and enjoyable. I'm actually rather envious of people who work well into their senior years because they truly enjoy it. I absolutely loved my job but, truth be told, the novelty and thrill had worn off by the time my company went out of business. I still liked going to work, but the most exciting and enjoyable years were behind me at that point.

Different strokes, etc etc.

It is not sad that people can find work fulfilling. It is sad that some people cannot imagine how to have a fulfilling life apart from work. What happens when these people are forced into retirement due to health, ageism, need to help family, ...?

 

[Koolau]

It is not sad that people can find work fulfilling. It is sad that some people cannot imagine how to have a fulfilling life apart from work. What happens when these people are forced into retirement due to health, ageism, need to help family, ...?

I've mentioned before that my dad "retired" at 65 (stopped getting paid for w*rking at the family business he started.) But he kept coming in - doing what he'd been doing for 40 years. DW was by then the manager and finally told him to quit coming in. From then until he had to go into a memory care unit, he was looking for a j*b. He did janitorial w*rk. Night watchman. Sales person. Gardening. It was sad to see his sense of worth tied up in w*rk.

I had periods of time at Megacorp when I would get a thrill as I saw the complex come into view in the morning. I sometimes loved my assignment. Other times, I counted the years until I would be financially independent and could leave. It all depended upon what my current assignment was. So, I can see both sides. Loving your w*rk is a lot better than hating it IMHO. But, for my dad, it was about his identity. I thought that was sad indeed.

 

[Winemaker]

I loved my job, there was nothing more satisfying than giving 25 supervisors and 120 hourly people several goals to meet in an 8-10 hour shift and reaching those goals. I would have continued w*rking if it wasn't for the backstabbing. I felt like I let my boss and my shift workers down when I couldn't take the humiliation certain staff members dished out because they couldn't do what I was doing, successfully. There was recently a corporate buyout, and the staff members were going to be on the chopping blocks.

So my BS bucket was full; I gave my notice and folks thought I was kidding. Until I cleaned out my basket and locker.

While my career defined part of me; my skills as a coach, Eagle Scout/Scout Leader, Community Think tank member, landlord, investor, woodworker, gardener, winemaker, foodie, cook, friend, father and husband are still evolving. While I am very headstrong about certain things, I don't make excuses when I screw up. My retirement came just in time to see my Mom through her breast cancer in 2014 and her mental decline until her passing in December 2022. My Dad passed, 4 years into his retirement, 2 of them fighting leukemia.

I may have retired from the coal mines, but I haven't retired from life.

 

[frayne]

Retired at 54 after 32 years with mega-corp. When asked why I retired so earlier, my stock answer was, because I could. Never in the last almost eighteen years did I regret that decision or wished I had worked longer. I think most Americans are brainwashed into thinking you have work until you reach the age of social security, which is simply hogwash I say. I would venture that most who don't or can't retire early are on the debt hamster wheel or simply living beyond their means with no desire to change their lifestyle. To each his/her own and YMMV.

 

[FREE866]

Retired at 54 after 32 years with mega-corp. When asked why I retired so earlier, my stock answer was, because I could. Never in the last almost eighteen years did I regret that decision or wished I had worked longer. I think most Americans are brainwashed into thinking you have work until you reach the age of social security, which is simply hogwash I say. I would venture that most who don't or can't retire early are on the debt hamster wheel or simply living beyond their means with no desire to change their lifestyle. To each his/her own and YMMV.

I'm with you. I retired at 50, am 56 now. I feel we , as a society, are so conditioned to work, work , work, and people use it a some badge of honor. It's like the phrase "I'm so busy" is some achievement, it's so bizarre to me.



I often think of the quote from Blaise Pascal
"All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone"

 

[Koolau]

Back when I still looked young (for retirement), some would say "You're lucky to retire so young." I would typically respond "Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it." I did do a lot of planning, but, of course, there was some luck as well. Especially the expansion of Megacorp stock - just when I decided I'd had enough. I'm not sure what that all says about any psychological aspects surrounding my early retirement.

 

[NW-Bound]

It is not sad that people can find work fulfilling. It is sad that some people cannot imagine how to have a fulfilling life apart from work. What happens when these people are forced into retirement due to health, ageism, need to help family, ...?

+1

Yes, it is like asking how it is possible that someone else cannot enjoy the food that you do.

Like steak, bacon? Or durian, and chocolate-covered grasshopper?

The above said, I think that if I had the success of Warren Buffett, his brain and his health, I would not mind living his life. Not hard work, and probably fun too. And doing it while knocking down Mc Donald's burgers and quarts of Coke.

Well, I think I would upgrade to nicer Wagyu steak sandwiches. And Belgian beer, which may be healthier than Coke.

 

[Koolau]

...and chocolate-covered grasshopper?

According to this Time article, eating such things is how we can save the planet. I do think the chocolate might not qualify, what with all the shipping requirements.

Reverting to the theme of this thread (psychological aspects...) I don't think I'm quite ready for such a diet shift in my FIRE life. Of course, YMMV.

https://time.com/5942290/eat-insects-save-planet/

 

[aja8888]

According to this Time article, eating such things is how we can save the planet. I do think the chocolate might not qualify, what with all the shipping requirements.

Reverting to the theme of this thread (psychological aspects...) I don't think I'm quite ready for such a diet shift in my FIRE life. Of course, YMMV.

https://time.com/5942290/eat-insects-save-planet/

The planet? What about saving those poor, defenseless grasshoppers?

 

[NW-Bound]

The planet? What about saving those poor, defenseless grasshoppers?

Is there a risk of grasshoppers becoming an endangered species?


But back on the angst of people who first retire, particularly those who retire early, I did not have a problem when I called it quit at 55. It was because I already slowed down to an on-off part-time contract work for 9 years prior.

My wife on the other hand quit cold-turkey at 50. She never missed work, because the work was so stressful. That division of her megacorp was in deep financial trouble that upper management either quit or got fired left and right. She was so glad to be able to stay home, and all she asked was if we could still have food on the table. Of course we could.

 

[Amethyst]

I could hardly wait to retire. Work had gotten to the point that it constantly got in the way of having fun. I have always had so many outside interests, that my only fear was that I couldn't get to them all before I became disabled/demented or both.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

+1

Yes, it is like asking how it is possible that someone else cannot enjoy the food that you do.

Like steak, bacon? Or durian, and chocolate-covered grasshopper?

The above said, I think that if I had the success of Warren Buffett, his brain and his health, I would not mind living his life. Not hard work, and probably fun too. And doing it while knocking down Mc Donald's burgers and quarts of Coke.

Well, I think I would upgrade to nicer Wagyu steak sandwiches. And Belgian beer, which may be healthier than Coke.

When I was quite young my older brother fed me a chocolate covered grasshopper that he got at some store.
According to my older sister I liked it and wanted another one.
So you just never know!

 

[NW-Bound]

When I was quite young my older brother fed me a chocolate covered grasshopper that he got at some store.
According to my older sister I liked it and wanted another one.
So you just never know!

Perhaps it's time for you to try again. You may rediscover a lost culinary pleasure.

 

[Koolau]

Perhaps it's time for you to try again. You may rediscover a lost culinary pleasure.

Sorry, I don't think I could ever get past the "ick" factor - unless, like my FIL, there were no choices.

FIL told tales of his island hopping in the South Pacific during WWII. He said (after the first time) he never again looked at the bread served in the mess tent (if they were lucky enough to have a tent.) The guys were hungry enough they were willing to ignore (and not look at) the bug parts sticking out of their bread after every bite. Ick!

 

[braumeister]

When I was quite young my older brother fed me a chocolate covered grasshopper that he got at some store.
According to my older sister I liked it and wanted another one.
So you just never know!

I was about 10 when I got to try chocolate covered ants. Not much different from a Nestle Crunch bar, and way more protein. Once was enough though.

 

[NW-Bound]

Sorry, I don't think I could ever get past the "ick" factor - unless, like my FIL, there were no choices.

FIL told tales of his island hopping in the South Pacific during WWII. He said (after the first time) he never again looked at the bread served in the mess tent (if they were lucky enough to have a tent.) The guys were hungry enough they were willing to ignore (and not look at) the bug parts sticking out of their bread after every bite. Ick!

My wife's friend said her father with a medical background never wanted to go to Hawaii for a vacation.

Said he was stationed in Hawaii during WWII, and had to deal with a lot of dead soldiers being brought back from various Pacific theaters. Said the decomposing body parts in the tropical heat was something he could not get off his mind. Very sad!

 

[Out of Steam]

Having retired just a few months before the pandemic, I feel like I got off to a poor start at developing good post-retirement habits.

Examples are too much time on the internet, poor eating habits in the middle of the day, not enough books, and no classes.

On the positive side, I've gotten into a regular gym habit since late last summer, and I've worked fairly steadily at house projects, and am planning to stick with both.

Trying to make a fresh start on daily habits working up to July 1st.

 

[Koolau]

My wife's friend said her father with a medical background never wanted to go to Hawaii for a vacation.

Said he was stationed in Hawaii during WWII, and had to deal with a lot of dead soldiers being brought back from various Pacific theaters. Said the decomposing body parts in the tropical heat was something he could not get off his mind. Very sad!

Interesting take. FIL only mentioned that aspect one time - when there was no chance that DW could overhear. I could tell it still bothered him a lot. He didn't want his daughter to know what he'd been through.

As luck would have it, he got to spend almost 6 months on Oahu due to an injury. It was his stories to his daughter about the lovely place called Hawaii that got her fantasizing about living there one day. When we got a chance to go to a convention on Oahu for her w*rk, I didn't want to go. She told me she was going and I was welcome to join her. I did - and the rest is history. We were both hooked. Thanks Pops!

 

[NW-Bound]

I recall now that the old man in my earlier post was a dentist. His job was to identify the dead soldiers via dental records. Sorry for the off-topic diversion.

We are now back to the "trauma" of retirement. The OP should relax. It will all go away.

I recall my own mother worrying about not knowing how to fill her time before retirement. She thought she might do volunteer work in a hospital or nursing home.

Nope. She spent the day talking on the phone to her friends, went to the malls, even took free bus rides to Laughlin or Lake Havasu casinos for free day trips.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

I was about 10 when I got to try chocolate covered ants. Not much different from a Nestle Crunch bar, and way more protein. Once was enough though.

That’s what I remember. Crunchy chocolate. What could be wrong with that!
[emoji220]

 

[Koolau]

That’s what I remember. Crunchy chocolate. What could be wrong with that!
[emoji220]

Ah, yes. Crunchy chocolate - with a "hint" of formic acid (unless you chocolatize fire ants - then it's more than a hint.) What could be wrong indeed?

But, as always, YMMV.

 

[Music Lover]

According to this Time article, eating such things is how we can save the planet....

Remember, WE have to eat bugs, not them.

 

[pacergal]

I was about 10 when I got to try chocolate covered ants. Not much different from a Nestle Crunch bar, and way more protein. Once was enough though.

When DS came back from working in Uganda, he brought us some chocolate covered something--ants, grasshoppers or grubs.
Crunchy, chocolatey, not bad, but I just could not get over the "ick" factor mentally.

 

[Rianne]

Hi Steven. Your thread title caught my eye, because I find myself much more interested in the psychosocial aspects of retirement than the financial ones (which get most of the press). Here are a few thoughts...



I gotcha. I can see how some of those responses don't feel very helpful. I don't know the context/relationships, so I'm not in the position to give any advice, but I'll just share what I would say (in my own head, at least) to each of those responses.



"What are you going to do?" If I want to be flip, I'll just say "Whatever I want." If the question is sincere and I feel like going deeper, I talk about how I'm enjoying the freedom of retirement, and I'll mention a few of the things I do to occupy my time -- take classes, read, watch Youtube, walk my dog, enjoy the outdoors, etc.

That could be true for some of the other responses, too. Maybe you hear a disapproving tone in the questions, whereas I'm just seeing them written out as simple questions, so I'm giving simple answers. If the person is genuinely conveying disapproval in their tone/attitude, then that's more complicated.

I'm not that way, though. I've always had plenty of interests outside of work, and I never based my identity too much on my career. In many ways, it was a relief for me to slough off that professional identity. It felt like a bit of a straightjacket.

Sometimes it's an internal thing. We have spent so much time inhaling society's definition of what it means to be a man, the problem is internalized; it's now on the inside, not the outside. So then it's a matter of working with our attitudes -- reminding ourselves that our worth as a human being does not derive from our productivity or paycheck.

Good luck to you. Welcome to the forum.

ER Eddie, I agree with your entire post, but I edited it a bit. Now, we can refer to the French who went crazy about their retirement age going from 62 to 64. They just about burned down the country over that.

I'm trying to work through those moments when people say "I wish I could retire" My niece is in my will and my SIL had the audacity to say leave me the money, I need it more. I am busy but it's stress-free busy. I chose what to do and enjoy it. Why is that a crime to some people? Why does anyone question your financial ability to retire? If they really care, they could ask what did you do to achieve this wonderful gift? And LBYM would be my response.