Retire on $500

[Al]

"Buy a plane ticket to one of the following countries: Denmark, Austria, Finland, Holland, Switzerland, or the Netherlands. Find something you can brandish in a threatening manner. It doesn’t have to be much: a broken bottle, a sharp-edged rock, or a stale baguette. Rob a bank. Just say, “This is a robbery. Give me all your money,” and wave the rock or baguette in a more or less threatening manner. Don’t hurt anybody, though.

Wait for the cops to arrive.

That’s all you have to do. Within a few minutes of your attempted robbery, you’ll be whisked away to a “prison” which will be more like Club Med than anyplace you’re likely to visit if you’d stayed Stateside or in Russia. You’ll be cared for in a way no ordinary American or Russian, let alone any American or Russian prison inmate, could ever dream of. You’ll be fed, clothed and housed comfortably, provided with dozens of artistic or vocational programs, and offered all the entertainment options you could want."

http://www.exile.ru/165/165010100.html

 

[sgeeeee]

And if you don't get arrested and thrown in prison, then you get to enjoy the glamorous lifestyle of a notorious criminal -- the baguette burglar.

Then live off the fruits of your criminal activity.

 

[haha]

Hey Al, I hope you continue to hang out here and send us more of these out-of-the-box retirement ideas.

Mikey

 

[unclemick]

Anybody got a good memory? The last go round(early 90's) I believe Worth magazine ran an article on the best American prisons to find your way into after your unemployment ran out.

 

[ed_teach]

now if they only provide prostituts

 

[John Galt]

Good satire is among my favorite writing styles.

Two (2) observations.

I had the misfortune to be incarerated once overnight.
Not proud of it, although I was completely innocent.
(I know what you're thinking) Anyway, I received much more
help, friendship, empathy, and support from my fellow prisoners than I did from anyone in law inforcement
and their ilk. A real eye-opener. Secondly, and in re.
Martha Stewart. It makes me sick what has happened to her. IMHO, it's only done to topple an icon. The irony is
that the amount of $ involved is lunch money for her,
and yet look what it cost. My point? We are all vulnerable to this sort of witch-hunt and as more laws are passed, the odds of anyone of you being snared
increase, even if you are not in Martha's league.
So, even if you decide not to go overseas and rob a bank, the chances you will end up in prison increase
daily. Think about that while you plan your ER.

John Galt

 

[Hiss]

 Secondly, and in re.
Martha Stewart.  It makes me sick what has happened to her.  IMHO, it's only done to topple an icon.  The irony is
that the amount of $ involved is lunch money for her,

I know from your earlier posts John that you avoid stocks, so your position may be more understandable. I, however, have dropped 10's of thousands of dollars several times due to not having the insider advantage of those like Martha. The only thing that makes me sick about all this is they only prosecuted her for her lies and not for insider trading itself.
I realize the $50,000 or so she initially saved from this deal is only lunch money for her, but not to me. Everytime people like her take advantage of information like this it costs people like me who did not have this information money. Money that would impact my life more than hers!
Sure I have heard all the arguments about how they "picked" on her when they have let so many others go. Well, I'm happy that at least they went after one. I wish they would go after them all, but it still does not pardon the sins of one.
It is interesting how we look at the same events, and depending on our experiences and personailites, we see it so differently.

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

now if they only provide prostituts

Huh? As the new guy, you may have to be the "girl" of the block. You may even get some flowers.

 

[John Galt]

I must comment on Hiss' views of the Martha Stewart
situation and then I will do my best to leave it alone.
I do agree that it is interesting how we can look at the same story and see completely different things.
Anyway, let's say I owned a bunch of stocks, and let's
assume that the execs and/or boards were involved in
price manipulation, profligate spending, tax fraud,
money laundering, etc. etc. I can assure you there
are not enough prisons to hold those "dabbling" in
these activities. Martha Stewart was singled out for reasons that are immaterial. They may have been trying to
send a message. The message I got is that dipensation of justice
is quite fickle and as government/laws expand
exponentially we are all more likely to find ourselves in Martha's position,
with our chances of being snared increasing
daily. That's the message. You can be as pure as
Mother Theresa. If you land in the wrong crosshairs
it won't help you. End of rant.

John Galt

 

[Hiss]

 Martha Stewart was singled out for reasons that are immaterial.  They may have been trying to
send a message.  The message I got is that dipensation of justice
is quite fickle and  as government/laws expand
exponentially we are all more likely to find ourselves in Martha's position,
with our chances of being snared increasing
daily.  That's the message.  You can be as pure as
Mother Theresa.  If you land in the wrong crosshairs
it won't help you.  End of rant.

John Galt

John, I understand and respect your point of view. However, I do not put Martha in that category of saints. In fact, she knew she was doing something wrong, hence the cover up that led to the trail of lies.
Perhaps there are not enough prisons to hold all those who deserve it. Let's fill up what we got and build more. I'm willing to pay my share of the tax for it.
I will stop now with my opinion on this and allow you or anyone else the last word.
Thanks for responding. We may not agree, but it's better than being ignored!

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Well as John pointed out, Law enforcement folks have little empathy or sense of humor, and that leads us to the crux of it.

Martha's biggest problems were that she was a billionaire with corporate friends who ran a self-directed portfolio (asking for trouble), that she sold stock a day before bad news when she's has close ties with the chairman (asking for trouble), that when the standard investigation took place, they got four stories from four people (asking for trouble), that Martha "dismissed" the investigators in mid questioning "excuse me, I have a business to run" (asking for trouble), and that she painted a picture of herself as the queen of graciousness and perfection, when the reality is she was a penny pinching bully that (alledgedly) took things from her friends, leaving a trail of hard feelings (asking for trouble).

This is not getting run in for jaywalking. This is jaywalking, spotting the cops, having them wave you off, giving them the finger, dropping trou and giving them the full ham, then making sure you go back to the sidewalk crowd that you pushed over to get to the road and loudly telling them all to say you didnt do it.

The cops really have no choice at that point. It was really never about the money or the stock sale, just arrogance.

I was trying to figure out how we got from a $500 retirement to Martha Stewart, but I guess the menacing baguette leading to prison fairly well covers it. Cost Martha a lot more than $500 though. Imagine the retirement she could have had with the billion or so she has and will lose.

 

[John Galt]

Tell you what TH, some of us just can't
resist giving authority figures the finger. Besides, arrogance may annoy some people, but it's not against the law: at least not yet. I am now done with the Martha Stewart thing. Let's move on.

John Galt

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

It wasnt the arrogance that was illegal; it was being arrogant with your 'friends' (who provided the two most damning witnesses), arrogant with your business partners (who provided the rest of the damning witnesses) and being arrogant with the cops when there is something they can pin on you.

As having been the recipient of FOUR trips to jail in my life (as with you, all innocent after expenses of about $9k in lawyers fees were dutifully expended), I completely understand the inability to resist.

Wouldnt the legal system take an interesting turn if the DA's office had to pay you back your legal fees if you were found innocent, and you had to pay theirs if you were found guilty? A lot less charges filed and a lot more deals made more quickly when guilt was on hand, methinks.

 

[John Galt]

My gosh TH, you.....................a fellow perp??
And yet, you still seem to have some faith in the system. I have little or none and never did really.
BTW, your idea about the justice system paying your
costs (of defense) if they lose makes too much sense.
Never happen. Once I literally sued city hall over a real
estate dispute. I won, but it was a hollow victory
after I totaled my costs. When they are fighting you with your own money (tax revenues) you are at a huge
disadvantage. I knew this going in but was compelled
to do it anyway. Can't stand being pushed around.

John Galt

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Yep, a real repeat offender.

Ironically, I can consider a long list of "illegalities" (although none with a victim) that I got away with, everything I was charged with was fooey.

Belief in the system? Well, its like the stock market, in aggregate and over the long haul, its better than anarchy, but like any system where people are involved and those peoples judgement creates a high level of unpredictability in the results, its going to have some bad days. Sometimes some really bad days.

That having been said, I hope to minimize my future exposure to "the system" as much as possible...I dont have a high enough SWR to pay the legal fees

 

[BigMoneyJim]

This is not getting run in for jaywalking. This is jaywalking, spotting the cops, having them wave you off, giving them the finger, dropping trou and giving them the full ham, then making sure you go back to the sidewalk crowd that you pushed over to get to the road and loudly telling them all to say you didnt do it.

You say that like it's a bad thing. Too bad, that was one things I was planning to do when I reach ER.

 

[charlie]

Other than a collection of speeding tickets garnered
in my aggressive other life before ER, my only brush
with the law came one Halloween night when I was
about 14. My "gang" and I gathered up about 10
lbs of dog poop in a paper bag, soaked in in lighter
fluid and set it ablaze on a mean neighbor's porch.
After watching the neighbor stomp it out, we smugly
made our way to the corner drugstore thinking all
was well. About half way there we were surrounded
by squad cars and given the 3rd degree. We lied that
we were just coming from my house after playing
ping pong (which we had been earlier). After taking
our names the cops let us go, but all hell broke loose
later when they called our dads. That experience might have saved me from a life of crime. My brother Upton
went on to more dasterdly deeds which is why we
don't mention him anymore.

Cheers,

Charlie (aka Chuck-Lyn of the Lucile St. gang)

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Ah, I didnt realize we were discussing juvie records along with our adult misdeeds.

Add two arrests, please.

 

[unclemick]

Ha - you guy's don't understand truly 'hard core'.

A couple years ago I reported in for jury duty - New Orleans Criminal Court. The nice jury pool lady keying our paperwork into the computer smiled and winked at me " get a good book to read because you'll never be called". Duh? I said why? "The defense nor the prosecution will never call anyone with a fisherman's address because they enforce their own code of justice." BUT say's I - I'm a retired engineer. I'm loging you in as plain old retired with your RR address. At the end of my time, she won her small wager - I was never empaneled.

I can hardly wait to get a jury summons for civil court.

 

[Hiss]

 I have little or none and never did really.

I guess that is what it comes down to, personality and experiences. I don't think our personalitities are all that far apart as I too am an INTJ, never hesitate to stick it to authorities and also don't like to be pushed around. My experiences have certainly been different, though, which makes me less cynical of "the system". I have never spent a night in jail although, unlike most, I have deserved to be on many occasions. By luck, I was either never caught, or if I was able to work the system to my advantage (or at least not to my extreme detriment).

Most the offenses I am talking about happened in my early years (late teens and 20's) and involved mostly driving and drinking stuff. That's before the law took a more harsher view of such things (rightfully so). As I look back on those years, I feel like I was the mainpulator rather than the other way around. Our experiences certainly do cause us to look at the same circumstances differently.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

I guess that is what it comes down to, personality and experiences. I don't think our personalitities are all that far apart

I was starting to think there are only 3-4 of us out there, with different hats and a fake mustache, all posting under these different user names.

 

[sgeeeee]

. . .
And yet, you still seem to have some faith in the system.  I have little or none and never did really. . .

That's interesting, John. It's all in your point of view. I consider Martha Stewart to be a significant part of "the system" that I don't trust.

Does anyone want to start up a thread to share jail stories?

 

[John Galt]

The terms of my plea bargain forbid me from participating in a "jail stories thread" I do believe
that many people are incarcerated in jails they constructed themselves without even realizing it.
Even if they saw a way out they wouldn't take it. Been inside too long.

John Galt

 

[Hiss]

I was starting to think there are only 3-4 of us out there, with different hats and a fake mustache, all posting under these different user names.

I had never thought of that! Probably because this is the only board to which I have posted. But I see now that if someone disagrees with your opinion you need only come back as several different people and gang up on the "dissenter". How diabolical. I love it!

 

[unclemick]

? Do modern prisons have computer access? Should I end up in the slammer - along with free room and board, health care, color tv, - can I still post to this forum? Probably can't fish or golf though.