Visitor Overload

[Teacher Terry]

I love having guests and since we live across the country from good friends/family we expect them to stay for a week. We are also at a destination place. I have more energy for guests now then when I was working f.t. Besides everyone pitches in and helps so no big deal. When we go visit we stay with my childhood friend for a week and always have a great time. However, we are not together 24-7 as I have other people I want to visit.

 

[braumeister]

Maybe just me, but I think this problem tends to be largely of our own making.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I didn't have much money and neither did any of my friends. So if I happened to be in a desirable area (it happened a number of times), I had lots of visitors and it was simply assumed that I would provide 100% hospitality. Same way when i visited them. Nobody had the money to stay at a nearby hotel; it was unthinkable.

Now, when we can actually afford the hotel, and when the "hosts" might just have developed some habits that don't include transients in their kitchens, that mindset from the old days can linger on to everyone's ultimate dismay.

Last few times I've visited friends I've stayed at their houses because they insisted, but honestly I would have been happier to be in a nearby hotel. They probably would have preferred it too, but didn't want to admit it.

 

[jollystomper]

DW and I decided to start staying in hotels after visiting her separated parents in Florida and getting caught in the "you stayed at their place you must love them more" battles. I much prefer this, even when folks visiting insist on us staying with them.

The only people we stay with are some old college friends who have done very well. They have a separate guest cottage on their property so we are not constantly around each other. We make sure to leave it cleaner than we found it and to restock any food of theirs we have eaten.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

We had this happened on our last trip to U.K. We initially booked our own place because there were five of us so it was just too much to stay at anyone's house.
But his sister invited him to stay, he obliged and stayed 10 days before we went up to Scotland. Biggest mistake ever. The house was full of junk, small tiny stairs. It was not nice, not to our standards, and we could end up getting hurt with all the stuff SIL had in the house. Worst yet, we ended up fixing her bathroom because of mildew so we were out of a bathroom use for a day while waiting for the caulking to be done. Same thing with our stay at his best friend. He invited us, so we obliged to stay but the stairs were also steep. Every night, it was like comedy, we both hold hands and went to restroom together because the room we stayed at didn't have toilet on the same floor. Never again. We'd be glad to book our own accommodation. We felt a bit relief when we finally got to the hotel. So many things could have gone wrong and we could end up in a hospital.

Im sorry the stay wasn't good, BUT your post was so funny i was tearing when i read it, ty for making me laugh on Fathers Day.

 

[Ronstar]

DW loves having guests. Probably due to her reading that a good social life helps prevent Alzheimer's. Anyway, we have guests coming and going all the time in Arizona during the winter. I've seen the same tourist attractions several times. We go out to dinner way too much. The problem is that the guests are on vacation, cramming in as many attractions/restaurants as they can. And it starts all over again after one group leaves and the next group rolls in.

 

[braumeister]

I've seen the same tourist attractions several times.

This is the big problem for those who live in destination areas. I have been to many internationally famous attractions in several countries so many times that I became heartily sick of them. No reason for you to go any more. Just offer them a few tips and send them on their way. Seriously, the visitors are not there to see you (primarily); they are there for the attractions. You're just staff.

 

[iloveyoga]

I like the two, three and four day rule. My next house may just not have a guest suite.

 

[splitwdw]

My husband and I don't stay at friends/family homes. We like our privacy and always book a hotel. What is with friends/family that keep insisting that you stay with them? I want to come and go as I please. I'm not coming to visit so you have extra work.

 

[Souschef]

We watch a program called "House Hunters International". A lot of them on their wish list is an extra room for guests, which raises the price considerably.
My observation has been to put them up in a hotel with the money they saved buying or renting a smaller place.

 

[Texas Proud]

We had this happened on our last trip to U.K. We initially booked our own place because there were five of us so it was just too much to stay at anyone's house.
But his sister invited him to stay, he obliged and stayed 10 days before we went up to Scotland. Biggest mistake ever. The house was full of junk, small tiny stairs. It was not nice, not to our standards, and we could end up getting hurt with all the stuff SIL had in the house. Worst yet, we ended up fixing her bathroom because of mildew so we were out of a bathroom use for a day while waiting for the caulking to be done. Same thing with our stay at his best friend. He invited us, so we obliged to stay but the stairs were also steep. Every night, it was like comedy, we both hold hands and went to restroom together because the room we stayed at didn't have toilet on the same floor. Never again. We'd be glad to book our own accommodation. We felt a bit relief when we finally got to the hotel. So many things could have gone wrong and we could end up in a hospital.

Not all the hotels in the UK have what we would consider normal sized rooms... when I was working over there my boss came for some meetings... she said her room was so small that you could not even open the door fully... and that the bathroom door was the same on the other side of the bed...

 

[Texas Proud]

To go with this thread...

I was put up by mega when I worked in the UK and NYC... I knew that my family would want to come.... I just told them that all I was was a place to crash, that it was up to them to figure out what they wanted to do and do it... if I had time we might do something... usually I was busy during the week, but I did take some time to go with them on the weekends...

Now, with one of my sisters and BIL, I took vacation and we took a train to Penzance... it is a nice little town way on the West side... not a whole lot to do but it is beautiful seashore...

 

[iloveyoga]

We watch a program called "House Hunters International". A lot of them on their wish list is an extra room for guests, which raises the price considerably.
My observation has been to put them up in a hotel with the money they saved buying or renting a smaller place.

I always wonder if they are telling the truth. Hearing people say that has made me think that a guest room is not on my with list.

 

[Scuba]

For those of you who have a 3 or 4 day limit, how do you handle that with family? I would feel really bad telling our 20 year old nephew or 80 year old MIL that they couldn't stay longer than a few days. Our place isn't overly comfortable for guests - we do have a guest BR & bath, but it's small with a tiny closet and an inflatable bed. Still, hard for me to tell family that doesn't have tons of money that they can only stay a few nights when they're buying a plane ticket to fly across the country.

 

[48Fire]

For those of you who have a 3 or 4 day limit, how do you handle that with family? I would feel really bad telling our 20 year old nephew or 80 year old MIL that they couldn't stay longer than a few days. Our place isn't overly comfortable for guests - we do have a guest BR & bath, but it's small with a tiny closet and an inflatable bed. Still, hard for me to tell family that doesn't have tons of money that they can only stay a few nights when they're buying a plane ticket to fly across the country.

One option is to leave for a couple days in the middle. We told our guests that we would like a break, and offered them the house to enjoy without us. We stayed downtown, close enough that we could visit or help them if they needed it. Maybe won't work for your nephew and MIL though.

 

[Danmar]

I don't like staying at someone's house. There is always the fear you will break some unstated rule.

Neither do we and only do it in very rare cases. It's not "breaking some rule" that bothers me, it's simply our privacy and having control ie like my own bathroom, and like to wake up and go to sleep as I please. Always was a bit of a "control freak".

I'm quite surprised that people seem to welcome friends/family that invite themselves. I would never allow that (other than daughter I guess). No invite -no visit. Again, the control thing.

 

[Bamaman]

Our vacation home is in the same town as our lake house. If visitors come to one house, we pack up and move to the other home.

Our electricity went out in a storm last night. We packed up and went to the lake for the night. Having 2 houses is kind'a nice.

 

[REWahoo]

Our electricity went out in a storm last night. We packed up and went to the lake for the night. Having 2 houses is kind'a nice.

A back-up generator would be far more convenient and much less expensive.

 

[kcowan]

We had a huge vacation home with bedrooms and bathrooms for guests that were separate with their own entrance. Then we went the other way and have a guest room with a queen-sized hide-a-bed, but also has our printer on a desk, our pantry, and our laundry in adjacent areas. The 3- day rule works well. They share our second bathroom with me.

Up north, we have 3300 sq.ft. Penthouse with 2 guest rooms. The 3-rule still works well. A couple of guests have an oversized guy (6'8" and 7'4") so we let them use our master bedroom. That really throws us off. And we have a list of must see places for them to go on their own, either on transit or our car. Has not been a problem lately, probably because we are not here in the winter.

 

[Sue J]

DH and our older son are currently in the Denver area visiting my MIL. All of his other siblings are also visiting, but DH and son decided that a hotel would be a lovely idea and they are in a suites hotel nearby that has a full breakfast buffet, living room and kitchen. DHs brother and a niece are staying with their mom, she has an extra room with a "day bed" and an office/junk room with an air mattress on the floor. I have slept on that day bed in the past and it is a minimal accommodation for someone who doesn't want to pay for a hotel. DHs brother and sister also didn't want to pay for a rental car so DH is doing a lot of helping with transporting people around in their rental. Our other son and his new wife are staying in an AirBnb in the mountains (honeymoon part 3) and driving in for family gatherings.

DH was just about done after 4 days and they have 3 more days left. Flying out there and renting a car and hotel is a big enough expense that you want to stay for about a week. They made sure that they have some days to be on their own that don't involve visiting.

It's interesting that DH is the only one of his siblings who is retired, yet he's the one willing to spend money on a hotel and rental car. Hmmmmm. I'm glad we can afford for him to do this for his family.

As for me......I am home. I was just out there last Sept (nephews wedding that got canceled after we paid for flights, car and AirBnb) and had a nice visit but just didn't feel the need to go this time.

I haven't been ALONE in a few years and this has been LOVELY! I love DH and his entire family but this was a nice opportunity to have some time by myself. I need that every once in a while.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

When my mother in law decided to move "upstate" about 90 miles north of NYC, everyone was invited to stay for the first Christmas . We got there first, she has 5 bedrooms. I asked where everyone was going to sleep? I got the "we will work it out" answer. I told the bride lets find a dog friendly hotel/motel(we had our fur baby). I also had my mom with me. The bride said "no" as she felt we always accommodate everyone. When the rest of the gang showed up, i told the wife "look im not waiting to shower, or share a towel". A few phone calls later and we had 2 rooms at some half of welfare pet friendly motel. We only went late at night to sleep , shower. We had breakfast at a Denny's (steak and eggs). When we arrived after 1 pm everyone looked whipped, waiting to shower, and disgusted . I went on to brag(something i do when i feel the need), that im sure it was usually a short stay motel, but it was a quiet place with hot water clean bathrooms. The best $200 i ever spent. My mother said "no consider the rooms part of your Christmas gifts. Now when ever we go and there is going to be a gang, we found a more upscale hotel, no drama, and the visit is infinitely better.

Oh, i forgot, this exact scene was reenacted for a recent wedding. Only it was the gang times 2.

 

[unclemick]

It helps to develop a Curmudgeon persona. That being said.

My side of the family picks a spot in the US and we all chip in (for rent by owner usually) once a year - this year in Tennessee.

Wife's side rents a hall/church/Fraternal order once a year always in St Jo MO.

12 -25 people plus per event.

heh heh heh - we only have one or two visitors one or two times a year after that. Fairly manageble.

 

[Teacher Terry]

With my very close friends and family it is understood that you don't need an invite. You just need to make sure the time is convenient before buying plane tickets. I can not imagine putting a limit on someone's visits unless they were inconsiderate slobs that came for weeks at a time expecting me to wait hand and foot on them. I don't have any friends/family like that.

 

[Philliefan33]

I'm suffering from too many visits right now! One set of family came for a week, then three days later a second set arrived for a week. Only three days to go.

It was/is the first visit to the area for each group, so of course they want to see the major attractions. Unfortunately, they want us as guides. After two trips in eight days through the historical area of Philadelphia, I think I'm ready to be hired as a park ranger. I wish the current visitors would accept our offer to borrow a vehicle but they don't feel comfortable driving in our "city traffic".

Did I mention they leave in three days?

 

[rodi]

I think I must be channelling unclemick's curmudgeon attitude... Despite living in a vacation destination, we don't get too many guests.

Most of our friends/family know that a visit will require, at minimum, displacing one of the teenagers into the other's room to provide a guest room... Every few years one of my BIL's will show up with all the teenage/20-something kids... and we have people sleeping everywhere (living room couch is a sofa bed... I'll toss my kids into a tent in the backyard if necessary.)

We also don't modify our time schedules too much when we have guests... some guests don't appreciate that I'm up early to leave by 6:15am to walk the dog on the beach... and that DH is usually asleep by 9pm... Not our problem... We provide beds, good food, etc.

There are a couple "friends" on both sides (some are my friends, some are DH's friends) that are not invited, ever... if the hints start getting dropped we ask point blank where they plan to stay and suggest we'll meet them for A meal.

As for staying with others... We're about to embark on a 3 week drive trip - seeing lots of friends. We let friends know when we'd be in town... only one insisted we stay with them - and we are... but they have a basement, separate apartment, just for guests... We'll bring them wine and homemade limoncello to thank them for the 1 night accommodations.

 

[Danmar]

With my very close friends and family it is understood that you don't need an invite. You just need to make sure the time is convenient before buying plane tickets. I can not imagine putting a limit on someone's visits unless they were inconsiderate slobs that came for weeks at a time expecting me to wait hand and foot on them. I don't have any friends/family like that.

Well, you're a better man than I. Sometimes our friends might fish a little for an invite, but we don't always bite. I like to be in control (have I mentioned that before?)