Why Lie About Early Retirement?

growing_older said:
A relative retired early and let everyone know what a success he was to do so. There was lots of jealous grumbling. A few years later when his investments went bad, he barely stayed retired but got no sympathy and the jealous grumbling continued. He's not the only early retiree and not the only successful person in the family, but his high profile ER sure made him the target for ill feelings. I'm no where near as successful and not even ER yet, but I'll sure be taking a low profile when I do ER. No reason to risk that kind of jealous negative reaction.
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Yet another reason to try to fly under the radar and not gloat. The meek shall inherit....
 
I'm 10 months into ER, and I've heard it all. Mostly from company loyalists concerned about how I would fill my day, or that I was secretly plotting to work for a competitor. I have no problem telling people I'm "retired." No euphomisms for me. But I never go into details beyond that, even when asked. I occasionally get the predictable responses like, "You're too young to be retired". To which I reply, "Am I? I didn't realize there was an age requirement." And... "Did you win the lottery?" To which I reply, "Yes I did, as a matter of fact." At that point, they can tell I don't want to talk about it and the subject changes. People can think whatever they want to think, and I can tell from body language that the reactions range from admiration to envy, but nothing remotely negative. Some assume that I was forced out of my job and express some concern. It's all a little weird, really. But I put on my best sh1tty grin and ask them how their job is going.
 
Rosie said:
My husband, for one. I was the breadwinner for several years, and I was a very good providor(sic), thenkewverymuch. :cool:
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This. I've outearned my husband our entire marriage. He's taken "breaks" along the way to deal with life changes (move across country for my job, dealing with elderly parents, etc.) It's worked for us - since he also picked up household responsibilities and childcare responsiblities during his breaks and when he was part-time. He's now retired... and regularly refers to me as the breadwinner. Not sure how he'll adjust when I retire sometime within the next few years. (I'm out in 2.5 years as a drop dead date - but hopefully sooner.)
 
I was in sales and when I started the last round of customer visits I told some I was retiring and others I didn't say anything to.
Some of the ones I told got rather nasty about the fact I could retire at 55.
I've never been one to be flashy so I tend to just keep quiet about RE.:blush:
 
truenorth418 said:
The truth is, I am in an awesome place in life, and they're not, and I don't want to make them feel worse by bragging.

Anyone else feel similarly? Any other reasons you hide your FIRE accomplishments from close friends and loved ones?
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Wow, great post. Having retired at 42 a few years ago, you exactly described why I am sometimes hesitant labeling myself as ER.

I know that for many people that I first meet, and even casual acquaintances, this can put a wall between me and them. These are people who react in a "gee, must be nice" way.

Even if they don't react that way, it almost feels like bragging to tell my age peers that I am ERed with a very nice lifestyle while they probably have 15-20 years of work ahead of them.

I want to stay active a socialize with my age peers. Get invitations to lunch, etc. Putting myself on an ER pedestal seems counter to that.

I would love to find a local community of other ERed 40 and 50 something's. How so we make that happen?
 
AnIntentionalRoad said:
...I would love to find a local community of other ERed 40 and 50 something's. How so we make that happen?
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I had a friend who retired in his early 50s as a result of a pension buyout and family money. Good for him. But he complained that the "problem" he had was that some most people his age were still working he had trouble finding anyone near his age to do things with during the day. He coped and figured it out but I think it was something he hadn't anticipated.

I'm finding that I'm just hanging more with people who are 5-10 years older. No regrets.
 
The last thing I need is family members and friends who are not quite as good with money looking for bailouts form their poor decisions. It just keeps things easier to prevent that option from being known
 
Ronnieboy said:
That's funny, I had left a comment on one of the blog posts ($150,000 income $150 taxes). I didn't know it was FUEGO's
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So that was you! Nice. I recognized the pepsi logo and name from here.
 
AnIntentionalRoad said:
I want to stay active a socialize with my age peers. Get invitations to lunch, etc. Putting myself on an ER pedestal seems counter to that.
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I made sure to make and keep friends that were "my age peers" while I was working. I'll get together with the handful of friends that are also former coworkers maybe once a month, and sometimes weekly. We have more in common than sharing the same profession, so we kept in touch.

I also reconnected with some old friends from high school and college. Some relationships didn't work out. Others blossomed nicely. Those that are most likely to "get" early retirement also tend to be long term friends (similar philosophies and all that).
 
MBAustin said:
One thing I have noticed is that new people I meet during weekday hours assume I was a SAHM all along and never seriously w*rked. Sometimes I correct them, often I just stay quiet. Obviously, that doesn't happen to men. Hmmm...what's wrong with this picture?
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I'm a guy, and at 33, I think I get plenty of people assuming I'm a stay at home dad. When I met our new neighbors across the street (who also have a 2 year old), they assumed I was a SAHD since I was out walking around with my 2 year old at 10 in the morning.

I didn't really correct them (I do stay at home, and I am a dad, after all!), and grumbled something about "computer... sometimes... work". :D

Turns out one of the new neighbors is also a stay at home dad. So I didn't need a cover story after all to "fit in".
 
When I retired I grew a beard which came in white. Wearing a ball cap, I look older, and servers often give me a senior discount I don't deserve. I do mention it to them. So no one really questions my retired status. My brother, 17 years older, worked until he was almost 70. He liked his job, but really couldn't retire younger. He's the only one who ever commented, and he did so on FaceBook, claiming not everyone's as fortunate as I, etc. I promptly, and publicly, reviewed all the choices he'd made including passing up college under the GI bill, ( he was complaining about not going to college), the decision for his wife not to work, his decisions to buy boats and motorcycles... And I thought it was rather demeaning for him to imply Id just been lucky.

He never brought up the topic again. That was just about the time his wife un friended me lol.

But, in general, if people ask, I just tell them I'm retired. It's not been a big deal.
 
I love this thread! I retired in December 2013 at age 59. What an awesome experience it has been! When I tell people I am retired, the most common reply is that I look too young to retire! I usually laugh and joke that I wanted to wait until I was 30, but decided to take the plunge at 29. Most people smile and then the conversation moves on to other topics. I like to tell people who ask about my profession that I am a conoseur of leisure or a website designer or free lance writer or fitness guru. . .or. Whatever pops in my brain. I find a good sense of humor goes a long way. I'll get an occasional snarky comment and then I simply smile. No response necessary.
 
I'm a funtrepreneur.
 
Was at an event tonight with eight of us seated around a round table. BIL who is 4-5 years older and I suspect not in a position to retire is across the table from me. One of my childhood friend's mom is seated next to BIL also across from me and asks me if I'm retired. I replied yes - what choice did I have -and then she says that I am lucky to be able to be retired so young. I concede that she is right and then quip that "its not the age, its the mileage". Talk about awkward!
 
Rosie said:
My husband, for one. I was the breadwinner for several years, and I was a very good providor(sic), thenkewverymuch. :cool:
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My wife has been a great provider! When we got married fifteen years ago she made a little more than me, but her career took off and her base salary grew to three times my pay, plus stock options that put the icing on the cake. I have no problem telling her (or others) how proud I am of her accomplishment. I retired last year and am now just waiting for her to join me...the sooner the better.
 
You're too worried about what other people might think. By all means you shouldn't gloat, brag or try to make others feel bad - but you say you're proud of retiring early, there's nothing wrong with answering that you're retired when someone asks. If they're jealous, that's their issue. If they think you're wasting your life by not "contributing to society," that should be their issue. If they think you've been incredibly lucky, it helps the, rationalize their situation/choices, again their issue.

Like others have said, among friends, family and strangers, some will be happy for you and some won't - here's no way around that no matter what age you retire. But envy is the other persons problem, not yours unless you choose to.

I don't use euphemisms, but I don't talk about being retired except when asked and there's no polite way around answering. And I truthfully tell folks there are advantages and disadvantages to early retirement, and move off the topic as quickly as possible. No one can make you feel bad about retiring early, only you can do that (to yourself).

Very few people have asked me how I did it. If asked I tell them we had good careers, LBYM'd, saved and invested and watch our spending in retirement. But most people who ask are looking for a silver bullet (I don't know of one) - the folks who ask in earnest already know the answer...
 
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Now, some three years later, we love being retired, and use it frequently to describe what we are, when asked. We do, however, moderate our tone somewhat so as not to appear to be gloating.
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AnIntentionalRoad said:
Can you describe this a bit more? In what way do you moderate your tone?
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"We're retired" said calmly, with the subject then quickly changed, as in, "We're retired. Now, what were you saying again about your interest in ______?"

We've learned if we can quickly get the focus off of ourselves, we're 'good.' Most people are more interested in talking about themselves than hearing someone else talk, so it get's us off the ER hot seat pretty quickly. If, after doing so, the topic returns to our ER, it's generally from a place of sincerely wanting to understand how we accomplished it so they can perhaps leave with a take away not previously considered.

We're never apologetic - we made deliberate choices our entire married life to get where we are - but we don't discuss the details unless asked.

Edit: Just saw your question about wanting to remain relevant to your peers, which is an issue for me as well. The key I've found is similar to what I posted above. Just make any conversation all about them as quickly as possible and all will be good. I actually love to hear all about the most recent company c$ap. I can give advice without being at all invested (or interested!) in the outcome. A win-win all around.
 
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Midpack said:
..........But most people who ask are looking for a silver bullet (I don't know of one) - the folks who ask in earnest already know the answer...
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I think that this is it in a nutshell.
 
Midpack said:
You're too worried about what other people might think. By all means you shouldn't gloat, brag or try to make others feel bad - but you say you're proud of retiring early, there's nothing wrong with answering that you're retired when someone asks. If they're jealous, that's their issue. If they think you're wasting your life by not "contributing to society," that should be their issue. If they think you've been incredibly lucky, it helps the, rationalize their situation/choices, again their issue.
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Bingo. I completely agree. You folks that have FIRE'd should wear the badge proudly. Most of you set a goal, made a plan, achieved the stated objectives and walked away from the treadmill forever. You should be proud that you have accomplished what most Americans only dream of and you did it on you terms. You didn't steal it from anyone, you didn't lie or cheat your way to FIRE, you do not have one damn thing to feel guilty about. Most of those that are jealous are in their situations due to their poor choices (although some have been dealt a poor hand, but certainly not the majority). I agree you shouldn't rub their noses in it but you certainly shouldn't try to hide the fact that you successfully achieved what you set out to do.
 
I always answered directly that I am retired (7 years ago at 48). If pressed for details I explain that I made it a priority - no kids, new cars, smaller house, etc. If pressed for more I explain about stock investing and dividends. I have never had a negative reaction, except perhaps boredom.
 
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