Sharing Thoughts on FIRE

[Arif]

I just tell them what I am going to do (buy RE, get out the military and move to Panama, etc) and then I do it. Then after I do it they say "Man, you were serious!" I no longer try to convince people. Most of the time I tell them after the fact so they can't say that it can't be done.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

I just tell them what I am going to do (buy RE, get out the military and move to Panama, etc) and then I do it. Then after I do it they say "Man, you were serious!" I no longer try to convince people. Most of the time I tell them after the fact so they can't say that it can't be done.

Reminds me of when I first mentioned (at the country club) that I was
thinking of retiring. Later on, after I shut down my company, a friend
was quite surprised. He said, "Yes, I know you said it, but I didn't
know you meant now." I was 49, almost 50. A lot of folks on this site
plan to exit before that. Generally, my friends and co-workers
were shocked. Of course, I had been a workaholic for many years,
and so many were taken aback.

JG

 

[Mr._johngalt]

That's definately the way I feel, but its never good to antagonize your in-laws, especially when, like me, you have two MILs.

Good point! I have no MILs nor FILs. OTOH, I still have a bunch of
other in-laws and step- ?s who give me trouble. Having been married
twice, and DW having been married twice, and with my maternal granddad married twice, and my paternal
granddad being married four times (children in all 4 marriages),
the family is pretty messy. Anyway, some of these people wouldn't
be missed if they just disappeared. Others (however distant)
I really like a lot. I suspect it's this way in most every family.

JG

 

[Sheryl]

I must be a pathetic misfit or something because I fit most of those qualifications (all except 1 and 2) and I still long for FIRE.  Maybe I'm just lazy.  I'd love to have an indefinite period between jobs to find out.

I'm another one then, Brewer, I too fit all catagories.   With me it's more of a been here, done this, feeling.   It's not even ER I long for as much as getting out of here, and having time to do other things.

On the question of telling others,  Without really thinking, I casually mentioned to my business partner a few months ago that I hoped to be retired by the time I'm 50 - and he really freaked out.   That is only five years away, and I think the concept was a complete shock to him.

If he knew the dream/truth that I'm really aiming for less than 2 years from now he'd totally loose it.  I plan to only give them about 4 mos. notice.   Is that cruel??

(They are my partners, not my bosses - I feel I owe them to clean up after myself before leaving).

 

[wildcat]

I don't know if it is just me but I would rather keep it my ER plans quiet. Wouldn't want to be treated differently from the other ass kissing drones. Also my way of saying kiss my ass.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Good point!  I have no MILs nor FILs.  OTOH, I still have a bunch of
other in-laws and step- ?s who give me trouble.  Having been married
twice, and DW having been married twice, and with my maternal granddad married twice, and my paternal
granddad being married four times (children in all 4 marriages),
the family is pretty messy.  Anyway, some of these people wouldn't
be missed if they just disappeared.  Others (however distant)
I really like a lot.  I suspect it's this way in most every family.

JG

And another thing.............it has occurred to me (although I am still
fond of my first wife) that I really don't miss any of my in-laws from that union of 32 years. Not sure why, although I guess we never had anything in common other than I married into the family. Doubt
they miss me either

JG

 

[maddythebeagle]

Well, I did discuss with someone at work because they are closer to retirement and I had some questions on the pension system. I was kinda shocked with the hostility of "you cant do that". I shouldnt have been surprised, though, and I think it is much better to keep to yourself. I am not sure if he didnt think it was possible or just mad that I was planning something he couldnt do. This particular coworker, has to have all of the "toys" and use a lot of his home equity to get it as well as a newer vehicle every few years, which is fine, it just means you have to work longer....

 

[greenhm]

My father used to say:

"Thier are people in the world who talk, and thier are people in the world who do!"

--

Why do we need to share with people that we are RE. Is it the ego thing? I think it may be. We need recognition that we are doing something that everyone should strive for, yet, we are confused when we find they are not giving the desired responce.

It's nice to share your dreams and goals with everyone, but, most people either do not care, or become bitter that you may have something that they do not have.

Common personality trait. IMO

 

[maddythebeagle]

I am not sure it is an ego thing since I think most FIRE's probably dont hang their hats on status (work, expensive cars, high incomes, etc.). If they did, they would probably continue working. I think to some degree people are excited about the possibilities and just like anything else want to talk about it, but I guess keep it on these boards....

 

[charlottebandito]

This board has given me inspiration, guidance, confidence, and faith to LBYM and RE. I went through the CC crisis about 8 years back and began living a cash-only policy about 7 years ago. No debt since, paid cash for my vehicle and continue to LBYM.

After losing a parent and dealing with the inheritance, I vowed not to purchase anything for (1) year until I learn how to invest. No retirement savings before because I was never taught or encouraged to invest, compounding, and LBYM.

Now I've been investing, preparing a plan for ER at 55 and love reading financial publications. I learned to LBYM and remain debt-free from circumstances and willpower but didnt' know much about IRAs, 401Ks, and taxable accounts to reach ER before coming here.

My hats off to you guys and thank you for continuing to guide receptive newbies to financial independence.

charlottebandito

 

[brewer12345]

Why do we need to share with people that we are RE. Is it the ego thing? I think it may be. We need recognition that we are doing something that everyone should strive for, yet, we are confused when we find they are not giving the desired responce.

It's nice to share your dreams and goals with everyone, but, most people either do not care, or become bitter that you may have something that they do not have.

Common personality trait. IMO

I think it is simpler than that. Humans are herd creatures, and it is psychologically very difficult to go against the herd. If you have an inclination to do so, many time it is helpful to know that there are others like you. The only way you find out is to talk to people until you find a kindred spirit or find a forum like this one.

I'm hardly a bigtime conformist, and I have gone against the herd many times in life, but I find it reassuring to talk to like-minded people.

 

[Nords]

I'm hardly a bigtime conformist, and I have gone against the herd many times in life, but I find it reassuring to talk to like-minded people.

Maybe we're just running in the wrong herds...

 

[FlowGirl]

I am not sure it is an ego thing since I think most FIRE's probably dont hang their hats on status (work, expensive cars, high incomes, etc.). If they did, they would probably continue working. I think to some degree people are excited about the possibilities and just like anything else want to talk about it, but I guess keep it on these boards....

Plus there is the fact that it would be nice if some of our friends jumped on board with FIRE so that we would be able to hang out with them more in retirement. We know many cool people that would be fun to take an extended vacation with (charter cruise, ski trips, camping, etc.), but that will be tough to do if they are tied to a 9 to 5 job with only 2 weeks vacation a year. I fear that post ER will end up being a little lonely.

 

[REWahoo]

I fear that post ER will end up being a little lonely.

Two of the people I expected to spend a lot of time with once I ER'd died during my last twelve months in the w*rking world (older brother 71 and best friend 60). And you are right, many folks we would like to spend time with to enjoy life and travel a bit are not yet retired. I've had to adjust my plans (not as many trips to the lake with my fishing buddy gone, etc.), but that's just the way life is.

Still wake up every morning (so far ) with a smile on my face. ER life is good!

REW

 

[justin]

I keep a pretty tight lid on the specifics of my plan at my workplace. I wouldn't want the higher ups to know about my intentions to RE. I work for a small company and the higher ups are looking to hire and retain employees that are here for the long haul. I am here for the long haul, it's just that my long haul is shorter than everyone elses' long hauls! I fear discussing my plans openly because I think I would be regarded as the guy that plans on quitting. I will be looked at as a short-term player just in the game for immediate rewards. It is quite the opposite, since I plan on working my way up and growing with the company as it grows.

I have disclosed my specific conservative goal in terms of number of years till RE to one individual at work. His response was "why? I plan on working till at least 65 (35 more years for him)". This individual is very ambitious with his financial goals however. He has a small side business and invests regularly to some extent. But his latest investment idea shows his perspective on investing. His goal is to invest a sufficient amount of money in a certain type of investment to generate $3000 monthly income. He views this investment not as something that increases his net worth over time, but a supplement to his income to support his expenses.

I guess having the knowledge and desire for ER is like having faith in a higher power. Once you have it, it seems perfectly obvious to you how important it is. You can share your convictions with others, but most will laugh you off or not understand what you are talking about. You feel the need to proselytize others, yet fear rejection or being marked as an outcast.

This post got me thinking about my in-laws on my wife's side. We're having a party this weekend where all of her cousins and their families will be there. Almost everyone their will have a net worth around or below zero. "Rich" would be defined as winning $500 in the poker game at the party. They drink the most expensive imported beers and Hennessey or Courvoisier cognac (they don't know it is just French brandy, 300% more expensive than the domestic brandy that is just as good IMHO). Everyone compares how big their new gold chains or rings are or how nice their new leased Escalade/Mercedes/sports car is or how clear the picture looks on their new 53" HDTV with surround sound or how big their nice new house is. A bond to them is something you pay to get someone else out of jail when they get caught. The concept of dollar cost averaging into a diversified portfolio of index equity and bond funds is completely foreign to them. The idea of accumulating wealth that produces more wealth for you is foreign. For them, gaining financial indepence is easiest acheived through winning the lottery.

These family get togethers are mind-numbing. I don't really have much to talk about since I don't have any new Escalades, diamond-studded gold rings or a new house. It doesn't really bother me, but I guess people think I'm broke! (which is a good thing - no one will steal my money or hit me up for a loan/donation). I know I'm being condescending, but it is depressing to watch so many uninformed people who you know will be running on the rat wheel for the rest of their lives until they make that last, final, terminal, sudden jump off the wheel.

 

[Nords]

Plus there is the fact that it would be nice if some of our friends jumped on board with FIRE so that we would be able to hang out with them more in retirement.  We know many cool people that would be fun to take an extended vacation with (charter cruise, ski trips, camping, etc.), but that will be tough to do if they are tied to a 9 to 5 job with only 2 weeks vacation a year.  I fear that post ER will end up being a little lonely.

Ah, now, see, there's a problem. You're trying to coerce your cool friends into a different lifestyle.

It's tough to predict that these cool people will be fun to have on an extended vacation unless you've actually done that with them. Even if you enjoyed the experience, I bet a considerable portion of the time was spent bitching about discussing work. It may have been memorable solely for being so difficult to coordinate among work/family responsibilities.

OTOH there are plenty of other cool people already on extended vacations, but you have to go to those ski slopes & campgrounds to find them. Or you have to go out & about your local neighborhood at 10:15 AM Tuesday morning. The difference is that these people are already ER and couldn't care less about workplace politics.

Our still-working local neighbors & friends are slowly dropping down the roster as they're being supplanted by new friends who can play anytime. The only workplace friends that I see regularly are the ones who have a life outside work and who are well along the road to ER already. Old shipmates are still dropping by (we have friends visiting from Japan next week who we haven't seen in over a decade) but our conversations aren't about the workplace-- they're about "But waddya DO all day?" We sit them down on our back lanai with a frosty beverage, smile gently, and begin corrupting them... it doesn't take long.

 

[maddythebeagle]

Plus there is the fact that it would be nice if some of our friends jumped on board with FIRE so that we would be able to hang out with them more in retirement.

My experience is that with every stage in life, your friend base changes (stages of school, work, when get married) and I suspect when retire, it will be the same thing. I plan to do some volunteering and I suspect that doing that I will find a lot of people with "free time" (although they might be a little older, ). I will have time to spend with the wage slaves on the weekends...

 

[Nords]

I will have time to spend with the wage slaves on the weekends...

If they're not working overtime or catching up on their family & domestic chores...

 

[laurence]

Any of y'all already retired folks find this to be the case?:

My Dad retired at 55 and ended up becoming everyone's personal assistant, after all, what else would he do all day? Emergency day care, go up early to the campground to hold the spots, meet repairmen, feed cats while you were away, etc.

I have tried not to tap him too much (he really seems o.k. with the occasional granddaughter-sitting ) but I wonder, is this another reason to not share your FIRE status?

 

[moghopper]

My Dad retired at 55 and ended up becoming everyone's personal assistant, after all, what else would he do all day? Emergency day care, go up early to the campground to hold the spots, meet repairmen, feed cats while you were away, etc.

When going to college, I wanted to be far enough away that no one could make quick trips to surprise me, but close enough that I could get home easily when necessary.

Possibly the same is required in retirement?

 

[Nords]

Any of y'all already retired folks find this to be the case?:

My Dad retired at 55 and ended up becoming everyone's personal assistant, after all, what else would he do all day?  Emergency day care, go up early to the campground to hold the spots, meet repairmen, feed cats while you were away, etc. 

Heck, yeah.  "Hey, you're the retired guy doing nothing all day, can you take care of this for me?  Wait, where are you going?!?  Don't point that at me!!!"

I say "Yes" to the people for whom I enjoy doing favors and "No, thank you" to those I don't.  Usually the latter weed themselves out after one or two attempts, but you gotta be firm.  I never offer a reason for my refusal other than Miss Manners' "I have something else to take care of then."  

Emily Post & Ann Landers (and probably a host of other self-help gurus) say that no one can take advantage of us unless we give them our permission...

 

[Jarhead*]

Any of y'all already retired folks find this to be the case?:

My Dad retired at 55 and ended up becoming everyone's personal assistant, after all, what else would he do all day?  Emergency day care, go up early to the campground to hold the spots, meet repairmen, feed cats while you were away, etc. 

I have tried not to tap him too much (he really seems o.k. with the occasional granddaughter-sitting  ) but I wonder, is this another reason to not share your FIRE status? 

Laurence: Hope you're not taking advantage of dear old dad.

My wife and I were discussing this very subject the other night, after a phone-call from one of my daughters.

We love our kids, but they live 250, and 300 miles away. Close enough for an emergency situation, but far enough for avoiding daily problems. (We all are happy with the arrangement. )

Contrast our situation with my retired brother and sister in-law. Their 40 year old son and wife with 3 children bought a home right across the street from them 4 years ago.

They are spending a lot more time traveling in the last 4 years.

 

[laurence]

I promise I don't abuse the privelege! Last time I told my Dad we didn't need him to babysit after all, he was crushed.

DW and I have already discussed finding that sweet spot where family is close, but not too close. 300 miles sounds about right.

 

[Martha]

My very best friend has been my friend since college and was my college roommate. Our spouses are good friends as well. They certainly know my plans to ER and obviously know my DH is ERd. They live a frugal lifestyle that fits well with ours. They would rather do stuff than buy stuff. One works part time during the school year and the other full time. Not in the position to retire--one daughter at Yale. But they have good jobs with lots of time off.

We live 150 miles apart. It would be nice to be a bit closer. But all in all we spend about the right amount of time with their family and any more we would all start to irritate each other.

Now that there are week days I am not at work, I am surprised at the number of people I see out and about. I go to Petco, full of people. I drive by the mall, full of people. Go out and work on my front garden, plenty of people walk by. Who are these people and why aren't they at work?

 

[73ss454]

Martha,
Could it be JG?