2 Mos to early retire and wife diagnosed with breast cancer, we

[Hiredgun]

shut down the firm immediately. Now we have to fight the cancer. It is 3 cm, stage 2, triple negative and an MRI shows that the lymph nodes look clear. She is only 45 and this is devastating.

We live in AZ and are going to MD Anderson Cancer Hospital and a second consult at University of AZ (It is a National Institute of Health Cancer Center) next week.

We are scared and overwhelmed. We will go anywhere in the U.S. to get the best treatment. Would appreciate any advice!!

 

[NW-Bound]

Damn! So sorry to hear this! I can relate because I myself got seriously sick after stopping my part-time work for just 6 months.

In the Phoenix area, there's also Ironwood Cancer Research Center. They have some state-of-the-art radiation equipment. That may be usable on only some types of cancer, I do not know, but it's something closer to home for you to check out.

I wish you both the very best.

 

[Newventurer]

So sorry to hear about your wife's condition.

My wife and I decided to "change lanes" since our last child graduated from high school this year. We both quit our jobs, though my employer allowed me to work remotely till the end of the year, and we moved to NW Arkansas, closer to where the 2 kids are going to school and in the same city as her parents. It all looked perfect.

The same week we moved into our house my wife's mother found out she had breast cancer, can't recite the specifics, and chose to have a single mastectomy. We feel blessed to have been able to be close to them to support them in her recovery. So far, due to early detection, and other than losing part of her body, things look very positive for her future, she in in her 70's.

I am sure you already know this but your support and encouragement will be important in your wife's acceptance and recovery. Finding a new normal as soon as possible and staying positive will aid in her recovery.

Sounds like you are able to access the best treatment available and as such have the best chance for a good result. You both can beat this, really.

Please keep us updated on how the both of you are doing.

 

[MichaelB]

Our hearts are with you as you both confront this. MD Anderson is one the of the best, and that makes a difference.

 

[JOHNNIE36]

My prayers go out to you and your wife. We went through this in the 80's and my wife is a survivor. I retired about the time wife was going through recovery so we've celebrated 25 years of retirement and cancer free state.
Best wishes to you and yours.

 

[Nemo2]

I'm afraid I have nothing to contribute, other than to say "Fight it - don't give up".

Good luck!

 

[Fishingmn]

According to the US News rankings MD Anderson is the best - U.S. News Best Hospitals: Cancer

As I'm sure you know, the Mayo Clinic has an outlet in Arizona which could be an option.

 

[Rambler]

Sis had it. She had a lump but ignored it. By the time she went to the doc, it was ginger than a baseball...her doc sent her to Anderson, she had chemo to reduce the size, full mastectomy to remove it, and radiation later to kill any leftovers. Her treatment was radical due to the size and stage, and she had problems with the reconstruct due to the radiation burns. That was 4 years ago, and she is doing fine now. She is much more diligent about her follow-up, and so far no recurrence. Given what MD Andersen was able to do for her, I would think they would be a great choice for your DW, given what seems to me to be earlier detection and no lymph involvement.

Hope that helps.

R

 

[ohyes]

It is good that you could go ahead and retire, with more time to address this head-on and get that important rest.

A very dear friend of mine is a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed at age 41. This was about 25 years ago.

She told me, years later, that listening to positive affirmations (probably on cassettes back then) as she went to sleep helped her more than anything else. Maybe something worth looking into once the shock of the diagnosis has worn off. She also told me how she "interviewed" three oncologists for her treatment. One of them (well-known oncologist in Arkansas, probably the one I would have wanted) got huffy with her and told her something along the lines of, "I will not be interviewed by a patient." She immediately scratched him off the list.

Hope your wife and you plan some real fun for after the treatment. Stay positive!

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

IMHO, you can't do better than MD Anderson in Houston. I have no information about MDA in Phoenix. I hope they are as good.

No lymph node presence is very good. Be encouraged.

DW is a survivor as is her sister and mine, as well as friends. It can be beat. Fight hard. Remember, the issue is survival. ALL other issues are secondary. Educate yourselves, however.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

So sorry to hear of your family's travails. I hope she does well - many patients with her staging details do very well.

FWIW, like many others, I had to deal with health issues starting a year or so after I retired and I was never more glad to be retired. Having the time and emotional energy to invest in my family and in myself was priceless.

 

[Moemg]

Best wishes for a full recovery !

 

[MRG]

Our prayers are with you and your family.

I've seen miracles with cancer. I pray your family sees one.

MRG

 

[MBAustin]

Although cancer at any time sucks, having the ability to pull the plug early and focus on her health is a tremendous blessing. MD Anderson is terrific.

There are good organizations in many cities that help people with cancer through peer support, exercise programs, etc. One place to start is LIVESTRONG.org

Best wishes for successful treatment and recovery and a long retirement together.

 

[nomadj]

No good advice but best wishes forrecovery.

 

[bbbamI]

I have not had to face breast cancer, but I do know what it's like to have a spouse diagnosed with cancer. Patience, knowledge and taking it one day at a time is the best advice I can give.

I wish you both well.

 

[mystang52]

DW is a breast cancer survivor going on 7 years now. I'm a two-time survivor myself. Cancer is a frightening diagnosis of course. Treatment has progressed so much in the last few years that cancer is...treatable, and then life goes on.
I wish you and your wife all the best.

 

[obgyn65]

Sorry to read this. Best wishes. Take care.

 

[HFWR]

Though I'm not in a medical profession, the prognosis sounds promising. I'd certainly try to find the best in care, though being close to home might prove to be an advantage, if a suitable care center can be found.

Wishing the best outcome possible!

 

[meekie]

Hang in there. Clear lymph nodes are a really good sign. My mom is a breast cancer survivor, she's at 7 years now. Her mom and her sister weren't as lucky, but I think it really shows the huge strides they've made in breast cancer treatment in the years since they passed.

I hadn't heard of using an MRI for checking the lymph nodes, I'll have to look into that.

There will probably be different opinions on how to fight it. My mom went super aggressive with chemo and radiation, even though the surgery to remove the cancer went well, and it didn't look like there was any spreading. The doctor highly advised against a full mastectomy though. It's tough to make these decisions.

I'm relieved that you were able to shut your practice down early and concentrate on beating the cancer. As tough as it will be for you, worrying about a job on top of it is so much worse. You'll be in my thoughts.

 

[Hiredgun]

Thanks for all the kind words and advice. It's really a tough time and you feel like your brain is full of mush and your heart is ready to stop.

But we will Fight and we are going to check out the best places. Wife going to UCLA Revlon Center Monday and we will probably travel to MD Anderson in Texas, although she is on track for treatment at MD Phoenix.

We want to go with the best. We will take ANY % advantage we can get. It really does seem unfair, work so hard to retire early and then POW! (We plan, God laughs).

I hope I can come back with good news in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 15, 20 and maybe not 25 because hopefully she will outlive me, lol!

Thanks again for all the kind thoughts, stories and advice. These things are the only thing that helps in these trying and terrifying times. Thanks you all!

Hiredgun

 

[kyounge1956]

shut down the firm immediately. Now we have to fight the cancer. It is 3 cm, stage 2, triple negative and an MRI shows that the lymph nodes look clear. She is only 45 and this is devastating.

We live in AZ and are going to MD Anderson Cancer Hospital and a second consult at University of AZ (It is a National Institute of Health Cancer Center) next week.

We are scared and overwhelmed. We will go anywhere in the U.S. to get the best treatment. Would appreciate any advice!!

Hi Hiredgun, I was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year before my planned retirement date. Since then, I've retired, just about when I originally decided to do so.

Having been through it myself, I can tell you it's normal to be scared and overwhelmed, especially between getting the diagnosis and starting active treatment, when it's still up in the air what treatments will be needed and when anything is going to happen. If there is a support group nearby that you can attend, I strongly suggest you go a few times and see if you find it helpful.The people there "get it", because they've been there too. I go to one almost every week, and it's been a real lifeline. If you, your wife or both are more comfortable online, I can highly recommend breastcancer.org, which my doctor sent me to when I was just diagnosed. Both the forums and the informational part of the site are well worth looking at. I actually spend more time there (with a different username) nowadays than here at E-R.org. There's another E-R member who was diagnosed about a year before I was, and as far as I know she's doing well. She's also active (under a different name) on breastcancer.org.

Last of all, stay away from "Doctor Google". It's hard to separate the Internet wheat from the chaff, especially early in treatment when you just don't know enough yet to tell how much of what you read applies to you, which articles are valid but not applicable, which information was originally good but has since become outdated, and which sites are garbage, or worse, sellers of snake oil and other scamsters.

Best wishes for a successful treatment!

 

[healthyandfun]

Hiredgun, Thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife tonight. Much good advice has been given already. I am a cancer survivor (not breast cancer). It is overwhelming. What I learned, is that It is important to be treated at a cancer center where the specialists deal with only that type of cancer. They are on the cutting edge of new treatments. A second opinion is highly recommended. Initial treatment and surgery can be done at the cancer center and many times follow-up treatment can be arranged closer to home. Ask to see if this is possible. MD Anderson Houston is the top rated cancer center in the US. Make sure to write down all questions beforehand. I found the website Caringbridge to be very helpful to keep family and friends informed and receive support from them. I could post to my private account and read posts from others at my convenience. People will amaze you for their generosity and support (many times from those you wouldn't
expect it.) This support will mean a great deal to your wife. When people offer help, make sure to keep a list and do call on them. Most want to help,but don't know what to do. Sadly, there will be those that disappear from your life when you need them the most. I wish I had known this ahead of time. It took me some time to forgive them. Take good care of yourself, getting daily exercise and eating well will go a long way in helping you to be there for your wife. The life of a caregiver is not any easy one. Seek counseling to express your feelings if needed. Keep us informed. Your loyal group of friends here will help you get through this.

 

[eytonxav]

Thoughts and prayers for you and your DW in getting through this challenge.

 

[cj]

Hiredgun, I get it - been there, done that. My diagnosis was about the same, stage 2, though I was not triple negative. That was almost 19 years ago (I was 39), and I'm going strong. This is a disease that is beatable. Get the best care you can (I see you are already doing that) and educate yourself. Check out breastcancer.org - there is a lot of information there, and discussion groups where you and/or your wife can connect with women going through the same thing. It's a remarkable site.

I send prayers and best wishes. Breast cancer sucks, but you will find that people come out of the woodwork to offer their experiences and support.