Help with aging parent

[audreyh1]

My Dad is 95. He's been in pretty good shape all this time. Lately he's been extremely fatigued. Now, I don't know what 95 feels like and I'm sure most 90+ year olds sleep a lot but he can sleep 14 hours, get up and still be exhausted. He's lost his will to get up and do things. He used to go out 6 days a week and now maybe gets out twice and falls asleep on the car ride home.
His blood work comes back fine, his Dr. says he is by the numbers the healthiest patient in his practice, Blood pressure is 120/70, cholesterol well below 200, sugar is good,etc. Took him to see a vascular guy as he's been complaining of heavy legs. Ultra sound shows good circulation in the arms and legs. He has a bad knee so doesn't walk much anymore so Dr. says it could be a use it or lose it thing.
I have no idea where to go next. What should we try? I have to ask about his testosterone level but I assume they test for this when they did the blood tests.He is also a good size guy who still carries some good muscle so I doubt that's it.
I've even considered depression as he lives alone and maybe that's getting to him? But I would think he'd jump at the chance to get out and yet doesn't seem to have the energy most times.Now that I'm retired I stop over 3 times a day to visit but he's usually sleeping. Anyway just venting and looking for any ideas. Where would you turn next? A gerontologist?

They don’t routinely test for testosterone. That would have to be requested.

My dad, 89, who lives in assisted living (more of a group home situation), really doesn’t want to take care of anything anymore even though we kids keep offering. He thinks he can’t live much longer. We can’t convince him to get his cataracts fixed even though his vision has seriously degraded in one eye. It’s very frustrating.

I think depression is common in older people.

Maybe gerontologist.

Some people just get sick of living which might account for the excess sleep.

This is becoming obvious.

 

[slowsaver]

I don't think the standard blood panel includes a measurement of oxygen absorption in the blood. That can lead to fatigue and then heart failure (this is how my dad died). I wish my dad had known earlier, and could have had supplemental oxygen. Best of luck to you and your dad this father's day.

 

[robnplunder]

When my dad moved to assisted living from his isolated farmhouse, his mood improved 100%. The ladies at the home even took an interest in him.

Not that assisted living is necessarily the answer -- one of the local senior centers hosts an afternoon of card games. It's a great social outlet and an opportunity to get the mind working.

Moving the OP's dad to an assisted living may work. I moved my mom (has dementia) to ALP and she is much happier with more people around her. She was living by herself and was getting less active, and more anti-social.

 

[garyt]

+1000. DMIL (88) has a problem drinking water, because she might have to use the rest room. But she has been to the ER twice with dehydration. I think she gets it now, but it is a big problem with "older folks".

yea, I have signs on the fridge and countertop to "drink water". I also repleca a fresh bottle of water everyday on the table where he sits. He usually drinks at least that.

 

[garyt]

Thanks for all the responses so far. I'm not ready to give up just yet. We had a really good day at the casino today. Lots of fun.

 

[audreyh1]

Thanks for all the responses so far. I'm not ready to give up just yet. We had a really good day at the casino today. Lots of fun.

Wow, well that’s impressive!

 

[Scrapr]

Thanks for all the responses so far. I'm not ready to give up just yet. We had a really good day at the casino today. Lots of fun.

that's awesome. Take every day as a gift

did he add to the inheritance?

 

[Buckeye]

Be sure to take a video of him at the casino during fun times or when he is telling stories from long ago. You will want to hear his voice when he is gone. I didn't do this before my mother passed 8 months ago and I deeply regret it. Pictures are not enough.

We went to visit my 98 year old friend today and video'd her while she was talking about playing on the farm as a kid. She doesn't walk much anymore but has all of her other faculties. Perfect hearing even at 98. She's such a treat. We made her day by getting her a new pillow and some Benefiber. It's 240 miles round trip but worth every mile.

She has been living in an ALF for the last 5 years and I know it has contributed to her happiness and longevity. The social community is important but so are regular meals.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Both my dad and his said they were done and each were dead within a week. I think people just get worn out.,

 

[DayDreaming]

This might be a stretch, but Lyme Disease can make you very tired, I know that from experience. It's a disease transmitted by ticks and you can get a tick on you almost anywhere - you're own back yard, a city park, etc. A simple blood test can tell if you have it, and the treatment is usually a round of antibiotics.

 

[jimandthom]

I don't think the standard blood panel includes a measurement of oxygen absorption in the blood. That can lead to fatigue and then heart failure (this is how my dad died). I wish my dad had known earlier, and could have had supplemental oxygen. Best of luck to you and your dad this father's day.

Something like the above--- you can have age adequate levels of B, Folic acid, iron and D for the creation of hemoglobin etc but if those "adequate" levels are not readily broken down in the gut for absorption the marrow in our bones cannot make enough blood/hemoglobin etc.

Also for $70 buy a 10K lux full spectrum light---ours is a Verilux. Highly recommended by Drs. up here to supplement particularly in the winter which can be long and gray. About 1 hour a day--sits on the corner of our desk. You don't look at it directly-- it sits at an angle about 2 ft away. Its on right now as I type this.

 

[garyt]

that's awesome. Take every day as a gift

did he add to the inheritance?

Lol, no but I'm encouraging to blow it all (which ain't much)

 

[garyt]

This might be a stretch, but Lyme Disease can make you very tired, I know that from experience. It's a disease transmitted by ticks and you can get a tick on you almost anywhere - you're own back yard, a city park, etc. A simple blood test can tell if you have it, and the treatment is usually a round of antibiotics.

No , thanks I'm looking for anything. Now that he's quit golf he rarely gets anywhere green.

 

[garyt]

One other thing I forgot to add in the OP was that while he had what I'd call normal tiredness for a 90+ year old he got sick about 2 weeks ago. Had a bad cough, tired. Dr. gave him a couple Z packs, antibiotic, and a steroid shot to no real avail. The cough is gone but the fatigue has lasted. He gave him a chest xray and no pneumonia. He was pretty much at a loss for what to try next. That's why I tend to think this is more than just wearing out.

 

[Mr._Graybeard]

This thread got me thinking of my great aunt Tilda. She lived to be 99 and never wore eyeglasses -- even though she'd have to hold printed material and letters to within an inch of her nose to read them.

Somehow, whenever we'd visit, an opportunity always arose for her to display her "phenomenal" eyesight, after which the nephews would nudge each other and remark that she could still read without the aid of glasses. Yeah, after a fashion ... but it was a point of pride for her all her life.

 

[Go-NoGo]

One other thing I forgot to add in the OP was that while he had what I'd call normal tiredness for a 90+ year old he got sick about 2 weeks ago. Had a bad cough, tired. Dr. gave him a couple Z packs, antibiotic, and a steroid shot to no real avail. The cough is gone but the fatigue has lasted. He gave him a chest xray and no pneumonia. He was pretty much at a loss for what to try next. That's why I tend to think this is more than just wearing out.

Re: Steroid shot - was that prednisone by any chance ?
abruptly stopping or tapering off too quickly can result in fatigue, muscle weakness, and other symptoms.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/prednisone-withdrawal/expert-answers/faq-20057923

Sounds like your father has many years left in him - wishing him the best!

 

[ivinsfan]

One other thing I forgot to add in the OP was that while he had what I'd call normal tiredness for a 90+ year old he got sick about 2 weeks ago. Had a bad cough, tired. Dr. gave him a couple Z packs, antibiotic, and a steroid shot to no real avail. The cough is gone but the fatigue has lasted. He gave him a chest xray and no pneumonia. He was pretty much at a loss for what to try next. That's why I tend to think this is more than just wearing out.

Get another doctor, he got a couple Z packs and antibiotics and steroids and nothing helped ?Did he have an actual cold or "just" a cough. My FIL's incompetent Dr diagnosed the beginning of his congestive heart failure as a cold/walking pneumonia.

Still had the "cough" six months later when he died from a "sudden" heart attack.. According that same Dr, it was sudden.

 

[GrayHare]

That said, 90% of the population is EBV positive - plus: besides super high doses of Valtrex, there is no treatment

Yes, EBV is common, though the immune system usually keeps the infection at a low level. A blood test can measure if instead EBV is more active than normal. If something else is causing EBV to become active that other thing might be treatable.

 

[braumeister]

for $70 buy a 10K lux full spectrum light-

DW and I have both used one of these in the winter for years. We believe it is helpful.

Recently got this one which is great.

 

[jimandthom]

DW and I have both used one of these in the winter for years. We believe it is helpful.

Recently got this one which is great.

Yep--- that's what we got.

OP-- the cough can also be from not enough activity to expel the mucus. It is sort of a dual issue tho. Can't get the energy to get going, because the breathing is tight from the mucus making it difficult to take in enough air yet the walking etc is what helps expel the mucus. Round and round it goes.

Also anemia can cause shortness of breath and is quite often an issue with the elderly or not so elderly. Standard bloodwork can show good levels of B,D, iron but it is not readily available to help form healthy blood cells to carry the O2. That's when injections of whatever item(s) work better-- more bio-availability.

 

[garyt]

Get another doctor, he got a couple Z packs and antibiotics and steroids and nothing helped ?Did he have an actual cold or "just" a cough. My FIL's incompetent Dr diagnosed the beginning of his congestive heart failure as a cold/walking pneumonia.

Still had the "cough" six months later when he died from a "sudden" heart attack.. According that same Dr, it was sudden.

Well the cough eventually went away but it was awhile after the Zpacks and shot, so I tend to think these didn't help. Most times I've seen people get these they seem to improve quickly. Makes me think other things are at play here.

 

[garyt]

I've been writing down all these suggestions and will present them to the geriatric Dr. Really appreciate it.

 

[Amethyst]

I like reading about people who care so much for their parents. Your Dad may be wearing out, true, but there are lots of things to try to keep the old engine and chassis on the road.

 

[isisdave]

Do you have some 5-year-old blood work reports to compare? Look at the numbers for oxygen transport -- red blood cells, hematocrit, etc. Anything worse than before?

 

[imnontrad]

I think living alone and not having enough mental stimulation may be part of the problem. Is there a Senior Center in the town that has activities? That may help. My mother started having a problem when all of her friends died and her world got a lot smaller. Meeting new people at the center may help to meet new people.
An evaluation by a gerontologist may also identify a problem.
And sad to say, sleeping more and not caring about the usual things could be the start of a decline that cannot be stopped. But a gerontologist can help you determine this.