need to cut back on alcohol !

[Keim]

This last weekend we celebrated as a family my DS one year sobriety anniversary. This time last year myself, DW, and our two daughters did a professional intervention with DS. It was successful and he immediately went to spend 3 months in a nice rehab facility. We were so nervous going into that intervention.

After rehab he lived for several months in a sober living facility nearby. He finally got a job in September after being unemployed since the start of Covid. He is doing well with the new job.

Unfortunately he has rejected counseling, AA, faith, and any other forms of support systems. We’ve no reason not to believe he truly has been sober for a year. We try not to worry about it as those things become apparent on there own eventually anyway. Being sober and employed have been wonderful changes in his life. As his dad, I pray for many other changes to occur which would propel his life forward for the better. He still suffers from so much anxiety, loneliness, immaturity and isolation.

Although it was a lot, I feel the money used on the intervention and his rehab last year was very well spent. And spending $750 for a nice celebration dinner this past weekend was definitely worth it.

Being a drunk is a dreadful existence. I enjoy a single bourbon many nights before dinner. It’s fully under control and never more than one. But still, I often find myself questioning myself. I think that’s a good thing.

Really enjoyed reading your experience kgtest. Anyone seeking sobriety has my sincere prayers of support. And my respect.

I don't know where you are at, but lots of states now have recovery community centers like the center I founded (www.latahrecoverycenter.org) that offer free peer support, recovery coaching, etc.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Muir, through the years the people that I have seen be most successful at long term sobriety don’t use AA, faith or other supports. They initially use them to quit but not long term. Wishing your son all the best.

 

[Out of Steam]

Thanks for your good thoughts. It is such a sweet thing to see folks overcome such challenges.

Well, I’m just the opposite and have trouble understanding recovery without reliance on faith. But of course, it’s his recovery. His objections to AA and the other things don’t have anything to do with religious context. They are based on his lack of function to do much new especially in social settings.

Unfortunately, it's often social anxiety and limitations that drive addictions in the first place.

 

[pacergal]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories.
To all who have found sobriety or experienced it in your family member--congratulations and best wishes for good health in the future.
To those struggling--prayers that you find the strength to get sober when you are ready.

I have addiction in my family history, so I am very judicious in alcohol and cannibus use. I personaly have no problem, but know it is a potential genetic issue.
I stopped THC edibles this year, as I have been sleeping better and felt I didn't need it anymore. And I rarely drink alcohol. I will drink occasionally, but limit to 1-2 at a meal in a restaurant when on vacation.

 

[Koolau]

I'll never forget when I was on the journey to sobriety I had attended a few AA meetings. They didn't all resonate with me but one interaction did. One of the AA sponsers in the group took me up to the front pew of the church that was hosting them, he looked at me and asked me if I can remember the last time I had a single beer in my refrigerator or home. I couldn't...I told him it was usually a 6 pack, or nothing at all at which point I would go get more.

He turned and said "EXACTLY!" You are not the type of person that can have a single beer in the refrigerator. Because you would never want to drink just a single beer...you another, and another...and this is how you know you have a problem. He was right.

I was genuinely worried about my health (I do get anxiety, and alcohol is a natural depressant so it was a wild roller coaster combining he two).

I tried "forever" to just cut back. My DGF at the time was not impressed. She eventually left me, took all her stuff, the dog and moved out. Rock bottom I suppose. I called up my sister who specialized in finding resources for people in need, she got me the numbers of a few treatment center's or groups and I found one that was close to home.

After the initial assessment they made a plan for outpatient 5 nights a week. The weekends were tough at first but I just avoided the people and places that triggered me. I was in treatment with people beyond just alcohol abuse, but all sorts of substance abuse. One women had jaundice from drinking so much whine, I think she said she was on a box a day and at one point grabbed my shirt pleading for my help. It was too late for her as she already had liver disease. Another young man 18 yrs old was in for heroin addiction, and he made it 2 weeks in the program before he OD and died from his addiction. Another women was in the program who had rolled her mini-van with a group full of children that she was driving to a birthday party midday. Her actions probably still haunt her to this day. It was interesting watching her at first try to reconcile while not being able to admit she had a problem. Whereas I was like, lady you drove a group full of children including your own to a birthday party after you had been drinking...what part of 'problem' are you struggling to understand!

If anything I understood that many people had it worse than I, but it wasn't about them, I was there to get sober. And I did. I got my girlfriend back after a few months, she brought the dog home as well. I went on to marry her and we now have 3 beautiful children together.

Another moment was when a guest speaker came in and he started talking about how great his life was ever since he quit. I couldn't relate because I felt like my life was in the gutter and he was bragging about how much money he made, and his beautiful family and gorgeous wife...and I really wanted all of that too. I asked him if I could get his number after he spoke and he obliged and kinda quickly told me, you too can have all of what I have, it's not that hard, just need to stop drinking.

I had probably tried to cut-back or quit completely maybe 50 times or so, mentally setting rules and breaking them one after another. I won't drink during the week. I won't drink before noon. I will only have 2 or maybe 3 beers. I won't drink any hard liquor. I won't drink by myself. All of these rules which I kept breaking.

It took professional group therapy and seeing all the people way worse off, seeing what would or could happen if I continued down the path.

My old drinking buddy and maybe let's call him an acquaintance, just lost his GF to cardiac arrest, she was 32 years old. He was drunk when she was struggling, failed to realize the danger she was truly in, and when they went to bed the second time that night she never woke back up. She had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest and died in his arms.

I knew another person who lost his girlfriend after she tumbled down the stairs while intoxicated. Hit her head and died from blunt force trauma. I knew a guy who ran into a crowd of people near the bar after driving home drunk, he is serving 30 years in prison for killing one of them, and gravely injuring the other.

I wish I had never experienced or known most of these experiences but I did. Alcohol is the devil. It can be a good time, but damn it sure can be a bad one too.

The first month seemed so hard. I didn't think I could make it. The second got a little easier. After the year mark I was pretty proud. I think I collected an AA coin somewhere in there, but again wasn't too keen on the AA thing, mainly because so many people in the group relapsed. I read the big book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and it really resonated. At first, I was embarrassed to label myself an Alcoholic...now I embrace it. It's harder to quit then it is to start and I am proud of the hard and difficult things I've accomplished in life. Nothing great in life is easy.

I used Cannabis for another 10 yrs after I quit drinking and eventually gave that up as well. Surprisingly my anxiety seemed much easier to handle after stopping the THC. I still struggle with the smell of that in the 'legal' cities. I struggled to drive by the liquor stores for about a year or two.

Now I try to avoid any social settings with alcohol, or at least go a little out of my way to. But they are everywhere. Substance abuse is a bandaid for other personal issues. It is a genetic disease. Alcohol is poison. It can at first give the appearance of relieving some anxiety in social settings, but often times you might find yourself crying alone in a room later...or waking up the next day with some regrets. Maybe you broke a rule like I did, or maybe you mistreated someone you loved, or were ashamed that you didn't sustain from alcohol. The mind and brain is a funny thing.

I had zero savings when I quit drinking. Well, I had a little bit of money in a 401k, and I had somehow convinced pops to help with a downpayment on a townhome that was in his name. Now I own that townhome. And I am well on my way to owning my 3,100 sq ft home..its on a 15 yr note with 8 yrs left to go. I have tons of money socked away for my families future, in Roth, IRA, 401k, Broker, HSA and 529 accounts. Investing is my new addiction. I have a very addictive personality, it will never leave my being. I get into thing hard, sometimes I spend a little too much time, money or energy on them but I would never go back to the substance abuse. It wreaked havoc, slowed me down, blurred my vision, caused problems with my life and the relationships with the people I love. The late night drunken dials, the bad decisions, regrets. All of that has gone away, thanks to me committing to a sober life. It's the harder, more difficult path, but its a path worth taking.

I lost 50 needed lbs after I quit. I was fat, out of shape. Now I am the guy all the ladies (and some guys) stare at on the beach, 8pack abs etc. Well lately I gained a little bit back in my older age, not eating as healthy after my DS passed away, but I still got it.


Reach out if you want my advice. KG

Wow! That is powerful. Thanks for your candor and openness. Blessings and aloha.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

Cold turkey. I was drinking a lot when covid started. I hadn't been much of a drinker but 24/7 with kids and husband at home and work. I started when the kids were "off from school" at 4 pm. Then i drank a bottle of wine a night or more until 12 am when went to bed (4 glass overs 8 hours isn't hard and i was never drunk). My DH was also drinking 3-4 o more beers a night again after work and through the evening. We were so wound up.

I gained too much weight 20 lbs from March 2020-June 2020. I went cold turkey to lose the weight and did just mostly cutting the wine i had never drank so much of before.

My DH cut back and also lost like the 10 lbs he gained. Trouble? I need to watch what I drink or i gain weight. I now drink like before occasionally. He drinks now more normally 1-2 beers a day and has for 20 years. He goes without some days.

But I think dealing the being at home, school, and covid it was hard.

 

[kgtest]

Wow! That is powerful. Thanks for your candor and openness. Blessings and aloha.

I hope my journey inspires someone else. I remember when I thought quitting was the absolute most impossible task at hand. Now I can hardly remember what it was like to be buzzed.

Thank you for the support! Mana!

 

[HealthyFuture]

KGtest, thank you for sharing such a powerful story, and for offering to be a source of support
pacergal and livingalmostlarge - thank you for sharing your experiences as well.
MuirWannaBe, I hope things continue to go in the right direction with your son. I am so glad that he's reached one year of sobriety.
Skyking1, thank you!
Keim - thank you for founding a recovery center and helping people to do this work.

Healthy, you should read the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She also has a free online support group. It’s a very different approach than AA.

Teacher Terry, thanks. I had seen an earlier reference to this book in this thread, so I did pick it up on Wednesday and have read the first six chapters. (For those who haven't read it, she recommends reading only a chapter or two at a time to let the subconscious continue to process it.) A few things which struck me:

• according to a source she quotes "if you drink a single glass of wine each night you're in the top 30% of all drinkers. If it's two glasses, you're in the top 20%. That means 80% of adults drink less than you." -- I was a one to two glasses per night drinker, so this really struck me.

• "I assert that over time, with the right level of exposure, anyone can develop a physical dependence on alcohol. And since we are all built differently, no one can determine at what point an individual will develop dependence." - This is my concern about my own habits. She is pretty clear that "losing control is different from realizing you have lost control." I certainly have never felt like I've lost control from alcohol -- never any visible significant adverse effects (e.g. no impact on my relationships of which I am aware, no impact on my work, no impact on my ability to get out of bed each day and do something worthwhile, etc.) But I fear this not being the case in the future, like the frog in the boiling pot, since over time I gradually increased the amount I was drinking (a few times a month to a few times a week to daily to sometimes two glasses each night).

Quitting alcohol 02/22/22 is handy, as it gives me an easy date to remember. Since Twosday, I have thought about alcohol a number of times, and I simply say to myself "I don't drink." I have repeated that phrase frequently inside my head. I've been drinking sparkling water in my wine glass when I get home from work -- even with a bit of juice or soda the first few nights to make it feel 'special,' and that's been helpful. It's in many ways easier now that I've simply said "I will no longer drink while I receive a paycheck." Since I've got months to go before I don't get a paycheck, that should be plenty of time to practice. And then I'll just need to amend the mantra to "...while I *don't* receive a paycheck." If drinking alcohol is tied to returning to work, that might be pretty good motivation indeed to just keep abstinence going.

 

[Errollyn]

I've got an app called Quitzilla on my phone. I stopped drinking last year, and the app was helpful in staying focused on my goal. It gives bite-sized goals that don't seem impossible. At this point, I'm weaned off drinking and I'm mostly in cruise control, but Quitzilla gets some credit for keeping me on track during the first few months of abstinence. I'm sure there are other equally useful apps out there, but this is the one that helped me.

 

[kgtest]

KGtest, thank you for sharing such a powerful story, and for offering to be a source of support
pacergal and livingalmostlarge - thank you for sharing your experiences as well.
MuirWannaBe, I hope things continue to go in the right direction with your son. I am so glad that he's reached one year of sobriety.
Skyking1, thank you!
Keim - thank you for founding a recovery center and helping people to do this work.



Teacher Terry, thanks. I had seen an earlier reference to this book in this thread, so I did pick it up on Wednesday and have read the first six chapters. (For those who haven't read it, she recommends reading only a chapter or two at a time to let the subconscious continue to process it.) A few things which struck me:

• according to a source she quotes "if you drink a single glass of wine each night you're in the top 30% of all drinkers. If it's two glasses, you're in the top 20%. That means 80% of adults drink less than you." -- I was a one to two glasses per night drinker, so this really struck me.

• "I assert that over time, with the right level of exposure, anyone can develop a physical dependence on alcohol. And since we are all built differently, no one can determine at what point an individual will develop dependence." - This is my concern about my own habits. She is pretty clear that "losing control is different from realizing you have lost control." I certainly have never felt like I've lost control from alcohol -- never any visible significant adverse effects (e.g. no impact on my relationships of which I am aware, no impact on my work, no impact on my ability to get out of bed each day and do something worthwhile, etc.) But I fear this not being the case in the future, like the frog in the boiling pot, since over time I gradually increased the amount I was drinking (a few times a month to a few times a week to daily to sometimes two glasses each night).

Quitting alcohol 02/22/22 is handy, as it gives me an easy date to remember. Since Twosday, I have thought about alcohol a number of times, and I simply say to myself "I don't drink." I have repeated that phrase frequently inside my head. I've been drinking sparkling water in my wine glass when I get home from work -- even with a bit of juice or soda the first few nights to make it feel 'special,' and that's been helpful. It's in many ways easier now that I've simply said "I will no longer drink while I receive a paycheck." Since I've got months to go before I don't get a paycheck, that should be plenty of time to practice. And then I'll just need to amend the mantra to "...while I *don't* receive a paycheck." If drinking alcohol is tied to returning to work, that might be pretty good motivation indeed to just keep abstinence going.

What an inspiring update! Congratulations on taking control of your health and well being! You can do it! Since we are celebrating 2s...2 more day's until you made the 1 week mark! Keep it up. One other thing to note...since "alcoholic" is such a profound wording...when confronted with an offering, I often tell people

"No thanks, I don't have a positive relationship with alcohol".

It is usually enough to get people thinking, and doesn't sound so overwhelming or overbearing as "I am an alcoholic".

Substitution is a great first step. DW has cut back signifigantly recently and she does something similar where she will poor water into her "drinking glass/wine glass". I used a similar tactic when I quit smoking, instead I would pop a Tic Tac, they were super cheap and an easy substitution.

I still find myself really embracing a glass, or a bottle, or whatever is in my hand. I spent so much time with a drink in my hand,, that even something as small as having a water bottle in my hand will be a "trigger". It never leaves you...at least not for me. I have been sober over a decade and thankfully many of the triggers have gone by the wayside. Driving by the "LQ" / liquor store as I referred to it was a huge one...I used to notice them everywhere, now I just drive right by them without noticing. I still go into liquor stores to get wine very occasionally for my DW or for guests at my house. I am not one of those 100% dry homes but it took me at least 3 years before I felt comfortable being inside a liquor store.

I call uber's for people who have consumed too much under my watch, just because I can't control how much they drink, but I can control if they get home safely...most of the time.

Both parents drinking when children are in their care is a big no-no for me as well. Only one parent gets to drink. That is actually one of my house rules. If people complain, I kick them out before they even start as I feel it's not irresponsible of me to want to know who will be the sober ride for their family.

My life and the people who share it with me has been exponentially better than when I was drinking, and so will yours! NICE WORK!

 

[Keim]

When my friend is asked if she would like a drink her go to response:. No thanks. I am allergic. I break out in handcuffs.

Knowing her, it's not an exaggeration.

 

[Koolau]

When my friend is asked if she would like a drink her go to response:. No thanks. I am allergic. I break out in handcuffs.

Knowing her, it's not an exaggeration.

Heh, heh, I always heard it as: "No. It always makes me break out - you know, windows, teeth, bathroom doors..."

 

[brett]

Alcohol is the only spending item I track on an annual basis.

And then only because I buy it from a co-op and receive a dividend statement.

This past year $521 USD. No idea what previous years were (I did not bother looking).

Most of it Malbec or Cab.

Absolutely no plans to cut back.

 

[Time2]

My wife does things I [-]sometimes[/-] often don't understand. She went with my adult kids shopping and saw a whiskey that I and my kids drink. It was at a very good price, The whiskey is hard to get in that it is often bought out quickly after the shelve is stocked. (It could be a conspiracy to show scarcity to drum up business) Anyway, she bought 24 bottles of it. I'm not that much of a drinker. I hope it doesn't go bad! I've been known to throw out some of her aged 'good buys'.
Note: she is an immigrant that knows about empty shelves, but after 47 years, you would think that... hmm, we have seen some empty shelves lately.

 

[aja8888]

My wife does things I [-]sometimes[/-] often don't understand. She went with my adult kids shopping and saw a whiskey that I and my kids drink. It was at a very good price, The whiskey is hard to get in that it is often bought out quickly after the shelve is stocked. (It could be a conspiracy to show scarcity to drum up business) Anyway, she bought 24 bottles of it. I'm not that much of a drinker. I hope it doesn't go bad! I've been known to throw out some of her aged 'good buys'.
Note: she is an immigrant that knows about empty shelves, but after 47 years, you would think that... hmm, we have seen some empty shelves lately.

Good whiskey makes great Xmas presents!

 

[Time2]

Good whiskey makes great Xmas presents!

Shipping to Texas probably costs more than the whiskey!

 

[aja8888]

Shipping to Texas probably costs more than the whiskey!

Yeah, you are probably right!

 

[skyking1]

No joke my mom was allergic to wine. It took her a while to figure out the hangover was not a hangover. Any amount of red wine would just tear her up the next morning.

 

[Koolau]

I'm not that much of a drinker. I hope it doesn't go bad! I've been known to throw out some of her aged 'good buys'.

How do you know it's going bad? Does it start tasting BETTER?

 

[marko]

Mom (age 92) and brother 'give up drinking' for Lent...."just beer and wine" because, for some reason in their minds that's not drinking. And Sunday's don't count as Lent they say.

 

[Time2]

How do you know it's going bad? Does it start tasting BETTER?

Well, I did think about aging my own whisky.

"Aged in a high percentage silica glass bottle, in a high quality cardboard box, positioned near the sewing machine." Limited quantities available.

 

[skyking1]

Singer or Pfaff?
It makes all the difference.
Genome? don't even go there.

 

[newchapter]

This is a great thread. Thanks to all who shared such great advice and success stories. I look forward to checking out the podcast and a couple of the books. I have been drinking too much (daily) and while I quit for many months last year, I drank once last summer and then was back down the slippery slope to where I think about / do it too often. As I prepare to leave my job later this year, and given my propensity to struggle with mental health sometimes, I think it is prudent to abstain for the remainder of my working life to get back into the habit. And once back in the habit, I hope I will choose abstinence permanently.

I can’t tell people in my daily life that I’m stopping — somehow ‘announcing’ it like that (which is what it feels like when I say ‘no,’) makes it feel harder, like it’s extra pressure. But telling all of you is like truly making the decision just for myself, but still feeling like I’m externally accountable. I know that will help me without feeling like pressure.

I can relate with your post. I actually quit drinking completely last October. I started seriously thinking about quitting after listening to a podcast series called "Cafe RE" and joining their facebook group. Bunch of like minded people sharing their sober journeys and stories how they kicked the habit. I highly recommend checking out the podcast (Just google "recovery elevator podcast"). I hope I don't drink again as I don't won't to gain the weight I have lost back, and I am back to doing the things I love much more often and not wasting time sitting at a bar drinking.

 

[Teacher Terry]

If anyone asks why you don’t drink just say it doesn’t agree with your medication. It really helped with my weight loss also.

 

[aja8888]

If anyone asks why you don’t drink just say it doesn’t agree with your medication. It really helped with my weight loss also.

I always say I am the designated driver.