Help with aging parent

[garyt]

My Dad is 95. He's been in pretty good shape all this time. Lately he's been extremely fatigued. Now, I don't know what 95 feels like and I'm sure most 90+ year olds sleep a lot but he can sleep 14 hours, get up and still be exhausted. He's lost his will to get up and do things. He used to go out 6 days a week and now maybe gets out twice and falls asleep on the car ride home.
His blood work comes back fine, his Dr. says he is by the numbers the healthiest patient in his practice, Blood pressure is 120/70, cholesterol well below 200, sugar is good,etc. Took him to see a vascular guy as he's been complaining of heavy legs. Ultra sound shows good circulation in the arms and legs. He has a bad knee so doesn't walk much anymore so Dr. says it could be a use it or lose it thing.
I have no idea where to go next. What should we try? I have to ask about his testosterone level but I assume they test for this when they did the blood tests.He is also a good size guy who still carries some good muscle so I doubt that's it.
I've even considered depression as he lives alone and maybe that's getting to him? But I would think he'd jump at the chance to get out and yet doesn't seem to have the energy most times.Now that I'm retired I stop over 3 times a day to visit but he's usually sleeping. Anyway just venting and looking for any ideas. Where would you turn next? A gerontologist?

 

[Amethyst]

What does his Dr say about the fatigue and sleepiness? I'm assuming you go to his Dr. appts with him.

What did the Dr say about 'use it or lose it' - did he or she prescribe exercise? Physical therapy?

Did the dr do a depression screening?

 

[ivinsfan]

Yes on the gerontologist.. at his age that's the way to go.

 

[garyt]

What does his Dr say about the fatigue and sleepiness? I'm assuming you go to his Dr. appts with him.?

Yes, I go. The Dr. is at a loss. We're not really thrilled with this guy but my Mom and dad have gone to him for 40 years and he doesn't want to change, He gives me the feeling that old people should just accept it .

What did the Dr say about 'use it or lose it' - did he or she prescribe exercise?
The vascular guy did, but my Dad's so tired he has no ambition to try. Plus he should've had knee replacement years ago but didn't so now it hurts to much to walk a lot.

Did the dr do a depression screening?

No din't even know there was such a thing. My Dad puts on a show at the dr.s office and always seems pretty happy and energetic. So maybe he never considered it. Going back this week and will ask.

Thanks

 

[Teacher Terry]

Some people just get sick of living which might account for the excess sleep.

 

[Amethyst]

It's just a form you fill out. So people can lie, or maybe not lie but deceive themselves. Ours does ask if you are sleeping much more or much less than usual. That is why it sprang to mind.

Your Dad probably loves hearing how great his numbers are compared with younger people. That's why he's jolly at the doctor's - they see so many sick old people, that I think the healthy ones give them a boost too.

No din't even know there was such a thing. My Dad puts on a show at the dr.s office and always seems pretty happy and energetic. So maybe he never considered it. Going back this week and will ask.

Thanks

 

[Mr._Graybeard]

Living alone at 95 shows a great capacity for independence, but a person that age can feel pretty isolated, especially when mobility is limited.

When my dad moved to assisted living from his isolated farmhouse, his mood improved 100%. The ladies at the home even took an interest in him.

Not that assisted living is necessarily the answer -- one of the local senior centers hosts an afternoon of card games. It's a great social outlet and an opportunity to get the mind working.

 

[garyt]

Living alone at 95 shows a great capacity for independence, but a person that age can feel pretty isolated, especially when mobility is limited.

When my dad moved to assisted living from his isolated farmhouse, his mood improved 100%. The ladies at the home even took an interest in him.

Not that assisted living is necessarily the answer -- one of the local senior centers hosts an afternoon of card games. It's a great social outlet and an opportunity to get the mind working.

Yea that's the thing, he used to go to bingo with my sister 3 times a week. He liked talking to all the people, but now he won't go, says he's too tired. He says he wants to go but he's just too tired. I can still get him to go to the casino a couple times a week,but he darn near falls asleep on the ride home.

 

[target2019]

Yea that's the thing, he used to go to bingo with my sister 3 times a week. He liked talking to all the people, but now he won't go, says he's too tired. He says he wants to go but he's just too tired. I can still get him to go to the casino a couple times a week,but he darn near falls asleep on the ride home.

He's getting ready. Body is wearing out, and needs more sleep to recover.

Do what you can to keep him happy. Take him to casino, bingo, etc. Even if he falls asleep on the way there, you're supporting him in a way he appreciates.

 

[Go-NoGo]

Have they done tests for Thyroid levels or Vitamin B12 deficiency?

 

[garyt]

Have they done tests for Thyroid levels or Vitamin B12 deficiency?

Yep, everything looks good, very good in fact. I'm thinking more and more low testosterone or depression.

Anybody ever try those testosterone boosters they sell at health food stores?
I will of course take him to the Dr. to get it checked, also. I checked my results from my last physical and don't see where it's routinely checked.

 

[GrayHare]

Fatigue and heavy legs are commonly found with Epstein-Barr virus.

 

[Moemg]

He's getting ready. Body is wearing out, and needs more sleep to recover.

Do what you can to keep him happy. Take him to casino, bingo, etc. Even if he falls asleep on the way there, you're supporting him in a way he appreciates.

+1 . My Mom was the same at late 90's just wearing out .

 

[candrew]

Living alone at 95 shows a great capacity for independence, but a person that age can feel pretty isolated, especially when mobility is limited.

When my dad moved to assisted living from his isolated farmhouse, his mood improved 100%. The ladies at the home even took an interest in him.

My FIL was in a similar situation at 90 years of age. Living alone in a mobile home park, sitting in a chair staring at 4 walls all day. Kept telling his kids he just wanted to sit there and die. It was after he experienced a fall while trying to get himself out of his recliner that DW & her siblings - through much coaxing - managed to convince him to move to assisted living. He's done a 180 since due in large part to the camaraderie of his new social setting.

 

[garyt]

Fatigue and heavy legs are commonly found with Epstein-Barr virus.

I'll look into it.

 

[Spock]

I can only suggest with how I personally would want things to go were I 95yo.
It can be summed up in a t-shirt I saw last week:

If you nap a lot, you significantly increase the chances of dying peacefully in your sleep.

Given the primary benefits of testosterone in men over 65 as described in this article, there is absolutely no way I would want my 85yo Dad put on it, but that will vary based on the specific individual situation.
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1506119

 

[redduck]

... A gerontologist?

Yes, go with your dad to a gerontologist. They see people like your father all day long.

Additionally, I'd take a list of ideas/suggestions from this thread that resonate with you and discuss them with the gerontologist.

 

[W2R]

Indeed.

Just said good-bye to my 95 yr. old Step-Dad. Helluva' Man. Lived alone and in perfect shape for 14 years after Mom went. Then he got "old and tired" about 6-8 months ago...Hmm, who would'a thunk it?

There are no more Doctors you need to see. There are no tests needed.

He is Ninety-Five years old.

Do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and if that is sleep and nap so be it. Let him just enjoy his time and try and do the same.

+1 This is my take on it, too, sadly.

 

[MarieIG]

Hmmm, it's a hard one. I would look at his diet, vitamins and supplements to the extent he can and would take them.

Yes, a gerontologist.

The walking is a big deal.

 

[euro]

Fatigue and heavy legs are commonly found with Epstein-Barr virus.

That said, 90% of the population is EBV positive - plus: besides super high doses of Valtrex, there is no treatment

 

[euro]

Quote:
Originally Posted by EarlyBirdly View Post
Indeed.

Just said good-bye to my 95 yr. old Step-Dad. Helluva' Man. Lived alone and in perfect shape for 14 years after Mom went. Then he got "old and tired" about 6-8 months ago...Hmm, who would'a thunk it?

There are no more Doctors you need to see. There are no tests needed.

He is Ninety-Five years old.

Do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and if that is sleep and nap so be it. Let him just enjoy his time and try and do the same.


+1 This is my take on it, too, sadly.





+2: I just went through this with my dad who passed at age 90.

 

[Lcountz]

95....


It's hard to accept that the end is probably near, but sadly you must....




Tell him you love him while he is still lucid and awake.....it may help to even tell him you are feeling scared and helpless too....





My Mom lived to 95, and was independent and active til the end, then just "got tired" all the time too.....


Oddly, he is probably at peace with slowing down, but I know from experience it's hard for YOU to accept. It was difficult for me. I'm a take charge person, used to getting things done and keeping control, and with Mom, it was one situation where nothing I could do would prolong the inevitable....


It's harder when they are independent and lucid, because you forget they are in their 90's and time is running out....




I wish you the best. Reading your post makes me remember how I felt when Mom died...I hope your Dad lives on, for years.




And be THANKFUL for his health and independence to date....it sounds like he leads a good life for his age....

 

[MBAustin]

It's also very important to stay hydrated - I know that is a repeated issue for my almost 92-year-old FIL. He just doesn't get thirsty or remember to drink enough water.

That said, it does sound like he's slowing down. You're doing a good job helping him out, but there are probably no magic pills for him at this point.

 

[braumeister]

Your dad sounds very much like my mom when she was 96 (last year of her life). Basically just wore out. It was nice to spend time with her.

 

[CardsFan]

It's also very important to stay hydrated - I know that is a repeated issue for my almost 92-year-old FIL. He just doesn't get thirsty or remember to drink enough water.

That said, it does sound like he's slowing down. You're doing a good job helping him out, but there are probably no magic pills for him at this point.

+1000. DMIL (88) has a problem drinking water, because she might have to use the rest room. But she has been to the ER twice with dehydration. I think she gets it now, but it is a big problem with "older folks".