My Mom is dead.

[vicente solano]

Died last Wednesday. Now I regret having said what I said about her. And not having had the patience I should have had with her, and not wanting her to stay for good at my home. All that despite my knowing that she was very happy with us. Probably because we let her have her way in everything. I remember my relief when she moved to my sister's, me not caring about her reluctance to rotate any more......
Shame on me.

 

[haha]

Vicente, sorry about your loss.

Ha

 

[omni550]

Vicente,

Deepest sympathies on the loss of your Mother.

omni

 

[rodi]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Loss can be harder when there was some friction and animosity... My brother and I had that - and the loss and regret was harder since I was still working through some anger I had towards him and how he treated the family in general, and me specifically. It took longer to get over that than I expected... despite the rational side of me knowing I couldn't change the past or who he was or who I was or unhear the things he'd said to me... so acceptance and moving forward was needed.... Over time, I was able to let the bad feelings go, and focus on the good side of him.

I hope you find peace and healing with time. Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[Bestwifeever]

So sorry. You were a very good son.

 

[braumeister]

Sorry for your loss. It's hard no matter when it happens.

But don't kick yourself. Your reactions have been perfectly normal, both earlier and now.

 

[MRG]

Sorry for your loss. Every one of your posts conveyed a lot of love for your mom. It's a hard job being a caregiver.
Best wishes,
MRG

 

[steelyman]

That's very tough, condolences to you.

If there are people (e.g., family, friends) who knew her, it can be helpful to spend time informally (like over dinner) and remember good things.

 

[Richard4444]

Vicente, I am sorry for your loss.

Rich

 

[eytonxav]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom, but don't beat yourself up because of that and the past.

 

[bbbamI]

Vicente, one of my favorite quotes goes something like this...the one who grieves the most is the same one who loves the most passionately.

May peace be with you my friend.

 

[Dancer373]

Vincent,
My mother died Wednesday also. Don't do this to yourself...look for the good times and embrace them. The "should haves " and "could haves" will do nothing but cloud your good memories. If you think you made some mistakes just learn from them and go on. My sympathy on your loss but your life will go on ~~~~~~

 

[ohfrugalone]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[MichaelB]

Vicente, you did your best and were a good son. QEPD

 

[frayne]

Sorry for your loss and hindsight is always 20/20. When my mother was on her death bed I cried like a baby, holding her and apologizing for every problem I ever gave her. All she said was, it is OK. I'm sure your mother would have said the same.

Mom died in 2002, miss her everyday but closure is one thing she gave me which is something I will hopefully give my children.

 

[Sue J]

Vincente,

You did more than many sons would have done. Venting your frustrations here was probably a healthy thing to do. You did your best for her and you know she had a good last visit in your home.

So sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family get through this together and with peace.

Dancer373, hugs to you, too.

 

[MBAustin]

Sorry for your loss, Vincente. I hope you will find that happy memories will replace sadness and regret more and more each day.

 

[spncity]

Sending sympathies your way.

When we're dealing with tough situations it's good to be able to connect with others.

If you set some boundaries, that was not wrong and it did not make you a bad son. It was being a healthier person and husband.

Try now to cherish the good without 1). idealizing your mom, or 2). beating yourself up.

Kindest regards.

 

[Gumby]

Vicente: I am so sorry for your loss. Any words would be inadequate, but I hope you will take comfort in the memories of better times.

 

[chilkoot]

Deepest sympathies for your loss. Godspeed.

 

[Meadbh]

Deepest sympathies. I know you loved her and were a good son.

 

[Walt34]

I am so sorry to learn of your loss. As I know too, even when expected that doesn't make it easier. You can say that you did the best you could given the circumstances. That's all anyone can do.

 

[Dreamer]

So sorry for your losses Vincente and Dancer. Remember the good times and be good to yourself during these trying times.

 

[JPatrick]

Vincente and Dancer, I am very sorry for your losses.
Losing a Mom is one of the toughest mountains we'll ever climb.
The only real encouragement I can give you is the thought that in time, today's sorrows will give way to a lasting memory of the good times.

 

[clifp]

Vincent,
My mother died Wednesday also. Don't do this to yourself...look for the good times and embrace them. The "should haves " and "could haves" will do nothing but cloud your good memories. If you think you made some mistakes just learn from them and go on. My sympathy on your loss but your life will go on ~~~~~~

That is definitely the right attitude. So sorry for both of your losses..

One of the good things about early retirement is we have the time to spend helping our parents. The bad thing is we are more aware of what their last days were like and so we constantly our second guessing ourselves.

My dad died 16 year ago last week. I was working hard, and all I remember is he got a sick, had an operation, was doing better, than got worse, than died in span of 9 months. My sisters weren't working and so spent more time with him and did a fair amount of second guessing.

When my mom dies I'll hope to adopt your attitude dancer.