Communities' thoughts on handling an inheritance?

[AnotherDreamer]

Perhaps he'll tell her eventually. As I indicated, if I were my uncle's confidant, I'd suggest that he do so more than a few times.

I'll take your advice to heart and if I feel there is a comfortable time, maybe try and press the issue. His pain makes him rather moody most of the time, which is completely understandable. So I try and enjoy the good moments.

Do you actually know that? Have you seen the will? Is it possible he is telling you what he thinks you'd like to hear so that you will continue to help him?

(One of the tenets of "undue influence" is when the elder is afraid if he doesn't leave everything to the caregiver, that the caregiver will withhold care.)

Interesting, and good to know how influence is determined. As for the will, no I haven't seen it and it is certainly possible he's just saying that in fear. I hadn't considered that possibility. I'll be sure to make it clear I'm there no matter what. This was a very considerate point to bring up, thinking through his perspective.

I wish you well and hope things work out for everyone. Hopefully, your sister will understand when the time comes.

Good luck.

Thanks for your kind wishes and again, as with everyone else, very illuminating reflections.

 

[pb4uski]

Just read OP but I don't see a dilemma at all. Uncle changed his mind and changed his will to be to OP rather than to OP and OP's sister. Let's presume that Uncle has good reasons for doing so. If OP's sister has a problem with it then her issue is with Uncle, not with the OP.

 

[RunningBum]

Just read OP but I don't see a dilemma at all. Uncle changed his mind and changed his will to be to OP rather than to OP and OP's sister. Let's presume that Uncle has good reasons for doing so. If OP's sister has a problem with it then her issue is with Uncle, not with the OP.

It becomes the OP's problem if the sister contests the will. And if that happens, it's likely to get ugly between the two of them.

I don't think there's much that can be done. Sounds like an off-limits topic with the uncle. I suppose if the uncle is having a good day, perhaps the OP can reason with him that he'll be in a bad spot with his sister when the time comes, but it's probably best to leave it alone.

When the will is read, OP can legitimately say he never saw it. If it's a real stink, perhaps he can gift some money to the sister. I'd also let her know that if she contests it, there will be no gifting.

 

[pb4uski]

Is the sister going to have the resources to contest the will? Even if she has some resources, is she going to be willing to put them at risk of loss? If she doesn't have the resources, then good luck on finding a lawyer to challenge will.

 

[ivinsfan]

It's too bad these things seem to happen a lot when money is involved. Reading between the lines the Uncle and brother expect pushback from the sister.

When things like this happen in families and someone says I'm shocked that sister/brother is suing me or causing a big stink, I tend to believe they just weren't willing to face reality about the personality of the sibling.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Maybe wills are different in the OP’s country, and overturning one is less common? I think I would figure out a way to have the uncle pay someone else for most of the services the OP is providing and get my own life back. You can still manage his care for him but never mind the inheritance, time is passing for all of us.

 

[omni550]

A few years ago, my friend's husband received 100% of the inheritance from a single elderly aunt (with no kids/heirs) who lived 1400 miles away. Due to her age and the distance, there was never much interaction between the aunt and the rest of the family. His sister received $0. (It's speculated that the sister's marriage outside her religion caused this lack of inheritance, but no one really knows.)

This situation has caused all sorts of trouble. The sister asked her brother to share his inheritance (he's well-off, so it's not a hardship). He gave her $10K which she regarded as a piddling amount compared to what he received.

All sorts of drama ensued.

Now they haven't spoken in years, and likely never will. He didn't even tell his sister when their father died, so she missed the funeral.

It's all quite sad.

omni

 

[pb4uski]

It takes all kinds.... to me, the problem is the sister expecting an inheritance from an aunt that she rarely interacted with! What causes such a sense of entitlement? It was the aunt's money to grant to whoever she wished.

And then for the sister to ask the beneficiary (her brother) to share the inheritance with her is even more galling.

The sister is a wing-nut.

 

[joeea]

Now they haven't spoken in years, and likely never will. He didn't even tell his sister when their father died, so she missed the funeral.

How tragic!

Money can cause otherwise reasonable people to act like idiots - in this case both brother and sister.

 

[joeea]

It takes all kinds.... to me, the problem is the sister expecting an inheritance from an aunt that she rarely interacted with!

There's no evidence that either brother or sister ever interacted with the deceased aunt. "there was never much interaction between the aunt and the rest of the family"

What causes such a sense of entitlement? It was the aunt's money to grant to whoever she wished.

Certainly. But many people would react the same way - hey, what about me?

The sister is a wing-nut.

And so the brother didn't even inform her that her father had died? How sad.

 

[pb4uski]

Looks like you conveniently overlooked the most important part:

...It was the aunt's money to grant to whoever she wished.

I concede that it is tragic that the brother failed to inform the sister of their father's passing... two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[kcowan]

Yea we have stories in our extended family that mirror this one. It is not uncommon sadly.

 

[brucethebroker]

Is "Dear Abby" still around? Sounds like a perfect situation for her to address.

Funny when I read this on page one.
Much, much, much funnier when I re-read it after finishing all 4 pages.....

 

[ivinsfan]

Funny when I read this on page one.
Much, much, much funnier when I re-read it after finishing all 4 pages.....

I don't see anything funny in this thread....

 

[Yarnstormer]

It sounds like your uncle is concerned for your well being and recognizes that you may not be as able to provide for yourself as your sister, having missed out on career building years. Leaving her out entirely may indicate that he is miffed at her ignoring him. Estates can be split 90/10 50/50 or whatever! I would encourage him to leave her a small percentage or items/property whatever is available just to make your life easier. In the end, he’s a grown man and can leave his money to anyone he wants.

Don’t try to make decisions now and wait a year before making any decisions of major changes after he passes. Grief can make you do crazy things.

 

[Yarnstormer]

You might consider that knowing an inheritance is looming may have made your sister neglect to save - so it would be best if she knew the will was changed.

 

[DrRoy]

My advice would be to let the chips fall where they may and if your sister complains about not being included in the will, refer her to your uncle’s lawyer, who will be able to give an objective account of your lack of influence on your uncle’s decision. You could also ask your uncle to include in the will package a letter explaining his reasoning.

Your sister may not see it, but it was your uncle making the decision, not you.

It’s the uncle's estate and his wishes trump all others. Getting the sister involved before, during or after can all play out badly. There’s no guarantee bringing her in now, especially against the uncles wishes, would play out better than letting the chips fall after the uncle passes away.

Good luck.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

If uncle ends up in a nursing home he could use up hundreds of thousands of $$$ in a few years.


I've seen many potential estates shrink or disappear this way.


I think it was Dear Abbey to said "the longest period of time known to man is waiting for someone to die".


I sympathize with OP's position, I've seen it all my life - it is very common among family farmers. I hope it goes well from this point on, Good luck to you.

 

[Scratchy]

Has your sister made efforts to lesson the burdens on you in your role as caregiver to your uncle? I'm sure there are many ways a thoughtful person could help. (Money, offering to pay for relief caregivers, paying for a meal plan, etc.) If the answer is no, then I think you should keep the inheritance for yourself. Why extend yourself to her when she has ignored opportunities to extend herself to you?

If I were your sister I would be unhappy upon hearing I was cut out, but I would not be surprised.

If she does not get over it, probably better not to have her in your life anyway.

As to the thought an olive branch of cash might ward off a lawsuit, that is quite speculative, IMO. It might even backfire. Do what you feel is fair and right and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[MarieIG]

First, kudos to you for taking such good care of your uncle.

Second, it is not your sister's business at this point. No one really has any right to your uncle's money, other than your uncle (and of course the relevant governments.)

Third, I would, if it is not too much for him, have your uncle add a no-contest clause to the will. I.e., sister gets ten percent of the net proceeds (NET is important) IF she does not contest, if she does - then nada.

Fourth, time for you to add yet another chore to your plate. Learning about money management, asset allocation, etc. Hopefully, you will eventually (I am NOT trying to rush your uncle) receive a health inheritance, but frankly, you don't want to blow it, and run out of money by the time you are 50.

When your Uncle does pass, it you have not completed your degree, I would do that. You have been working for it for a very long time, and would most likely regret not finishing it.

I would (barring your education) take off a short period of time to recharge, maybe a summer, or two to three months, get your finances in order, do not - at least immediately increase your overhead expenses, look into getting a decent job, and start paying off debt with your income. After your re-charge, and payoff of debt (hopefully within five years) I then reassess (i.e., part time work, early retirement, etc.).

With the (the net) inheritance, proceed with a rather long term, investment strategy. My goal would be to place the nest egg in a position where it could support me for life, not deplete it at a relatively young age.

P.S. You have had relatively little time for socialization. After, your life may change completely, and presto, you end up with a wife and some rug-rats of your own that you may need to plan for.

 

[travelover]

.........As to the thought an olive branch of cash might ward off a lawsuit, that is quite speculative, IMO. It might even backfire......... .

Yea, could fund a lawyer for a will challenge.

 

[youbet]

Third, I would, if it is not too much for him, have your uncle add a no-contest clause to the will. I.e., sister gets ten percent of the net proceeds (NET is important) IF she does not contest, if she does - then nada.

.

I wonder how much OP can "have his uncle" do regarding uncle's will before the courts will see it as interference and inappropriate influence on the part of OP? Really, a beneficiary to a recently changed will might be better off without having made suggestions for and helped with implementation of changes to the will for his own benefit. Especially if the benefactor is in a position where interference and influence would be easy to accomplish, as OP is.

 

[EvrClrx311]

I'm curious... are there ways to keep the inheritance or distribution private from a family member who isn't listed? Your share that is. Or does sister automatically get to see what is passed to you in his will?

I only read the first page of posts, but sister sounds like the emotional kind who is simply comparing. It's not about the money, it's about who gets what. So if she isn't able to see or tell how much you got, maybe she wouldn't get so emotional about it.

I'm sitting here thinking about my 9 and 6 year old daughters. It doesn't matter what it is that we are splitting, both girls are more concerned with what the other gets than what they themselves get. I guess that's human nature... you hope that with life lessons we move on and grow up from that.

 

[ab620]

Given your sacrifices being the caretaker for your uncle and he acknowledged them in his will, I would not feel guilty accepting the money. If your sister cannot accept this, then that's her problem. She decided to branch out on her own (nothing wrong with that).

This!

 

[pb4uski]

I wonder how much OP can "have his uncle" do regarding uncle's will before the courts will see it as interference and inappropriate influence on the part of OP? Really, a beneficiary to a recently changed will might be better off without having made suggestions for and helped with implementation of changes to the will for his own benefit. Especially if the benefactor is in a position where interference and influence would be easy to accomplish, as OP is.

What the OP can do is express his concern that the sister will be unhappy with the will and simply ask uncle if he put a forfeiture clause in the will... simply asking the question may prompt uncle to consider adding one.