After FIRE, facing the fading of *some* dreams

[Doribe]

I'm trying to live the dream. Fist year after FIRE DH and I did a 10 week Civil War sites tour (Eastern Theater). Second year we flew 1st Class for the first time and we toured Japan for a couple of weeks. In between travel and travel planning I played like a kid out of school for the summer, bike rides, walks with friends, swimming, outdoor concerts, plays, etc

Now, in year three I want to act more grown up and declutter and repair my house.

 

[mystang52]

Have you considered walking them?
There are a lot of half (and full) marathon walkers doing races. Some are faster than many runners, others are quite slow, but they all enjoy the activity.
DW has a goal of walking a half marathon in every state, and is up to about 30 the last time I checked. She was a couch potato until she got into her 60s, and has arthritis and plantar fasciitis pretty severely.
Doesn’t deter her, though.

You've given me some food for thought. I just had 1st of 3 injections to my knee. If doctor approves idea of walking that distance I can consider it. There are 2 issues with it though. I'd want to run some of it, maybe 1 minute for every 2 or 3 of walking....if my knee and back don't mind. And my other concern would be 13 miles, even all walking, is no small distance so I'm not sure of cumulative effect on knee and back. But I am teased by the idea and will give it some more thought.

 

[spncity]

Thought we would sell the house, live in an RV full-time for a couple of years, then relocate. Changed our minds when it was announced that we would become grandparents! So I guess becoming grandparents is a dream that was seemingly off the table but came true.

A bonus is - having decluttered the house and spruced it up to sell, we can issue spur-of-the-moment invitations to friends to come over for dinner. I suspect the neatniks among us won't understand how monumental this feels to someone who has recovered from CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).

This thread has me thinking about signing up for some lessons in something...

 

[NW-Bound]

Thought we would sell the house, live in an RV full-time for a couple of years, then relocate. Changed our minds when it was announced that we would become grandparents! So I guess becoming grandparents is a dream that was seemingly off the table but came true...

Most people who do full-time RV'ing only last 2 to 5 years doing that. It sounds really adventurous and romantic, but having to move every so often becomes a chore. And then, you run out of new things to see, and do not have room for hobbies in a long-term basis (like my wife's vegetable gardening and my electronic hobby).

So, I realize that long RV trips up to 2 or 3 months work best for me. And once a year (or two years) is enough. This way, I will not get tired and give it up. The current thinking is when I get older, meaning 6 to 8 years down the road, will downsize to a class B and keep going.

 

[aja8888]

I wanted to play for the Yankees (as a youth). Got as far as being a starting pitcher in college, but wasn't major league material. So I became an engineer.

As far as doing great things in retirement, I'm still looking for new ideas, but DW is so ill (long term), I have been on hold. I helped a friend build a kit boat for two weeks in the Michigan U.P., but that was a vacation of sorts. DW had a caretaker for that period.

For those who are planning and dreaming, get your self in gear before you get too old or ill.

 

[NW-Bound]

Eh, I will not talk about my childhood dreams. I am too old for that.

The OP's topic is retirement dreams, and even those, people fail to realize for many reasons.

Speaking of childhood dreams, I wanted to repost a song with beautiful French lyrics here (translation below).

I have hidden
Better than anywhere else
In the garden of my heart
A little flower

This flower
Prettier than a bouquet
It secretly keeps
All my childhood dreams
And the love of my parents
And all these clear mornings
Made of happy distant memories

 

[Moemg]

It is not my dreams that are fading more my ambition to do things that I would have jumped into a few years ago .

 

[mamadogmamacat]

yes, ambition fading here too, but also there is a gain in perspective. By this I mean what seemed so different and intriguing when i was younger does not seem so anymore. I've seen enough of the world already to know that, aside from some unique natural wonders (and many of those have their very similar counterparts that I have already traveled to), most places are not all that different. Every place has its locals to whom it is just home and who whether they say it out loud or not find tourists rather amusing or at least "quaint", and as time marches on i've fonud that I agree with that perspective.

 

[Teacher Terry]

A month in our RV is enough for us with 4 dogs. Plus it is old so no slide outs.

 

[Conundrum]

Heli Skiing in the Bugaboo mountain range was my number one bucket list item and has likely passed me by. The allure has hung on to me for nearly 40 years but my health is holding me up now.

https://www.cmhheli.com/our-lodges

https://www.cmhheli.com/our-lodges/bugaboos

 

[Oz investor]

Have any of you had the experience of having FIRE making oneself confron the reality of some long - held dreams? One thing I hadn't anticipated after FIRE was acknowledging the likelihood that some dreams may go away. I guess it was easier while w*rking to put off thinking about the pluses and minuses and just hoping things would happen.

And it's certainly not ALL dreams, just a few that I can now cast a more realistic gaze at.

One is camping. I've only camped a couple of times in my life. My family were not campers, and I never had a boyfriend who camped. I enjoyed my couple of experiences camping a lot, and I think I could get into it - the campground life, trying to cook fancy stuff over a campstove, play cards, making acquaintances. I already do a lot of walking and hiking, so that isn't an issue. Along the way, I acquired a nice tent and backpack and sleeping bag - none ever used. Well ... I am an over-62 female, have hardly any experience camping, can't even build a fire or pitch a tent. I may have missed my window! Since I am unwilling to really put the amount of effort it would require to catch up on camping expertise. This dream just may not happen.

A second one is more externally driven. A vegetable garden. I've had a vegetable garden for 20 years, just not a very good one. Now my Homeowner's Association has decreed: no vegetable gardens. I appealed, but was rejected with one sentence. Probably no one even read my appeal. I had dreamed that when I FIRED, I would finally have the perfect little vegetable garden, but today I took out the weeds and my remaining vegetables, except for on cherry tomato plant. Probably have to take that out too. But ... my plot was becoming progressively less viable as neighboring trees grew and cast more shade. I've considered three options - taking a community plot somewhere, moving my gardening further to the rear of the property, where there is a wild field, or severely downsizing into a few containers. But I know I'd never keep up a plot if I couldn't walk to it, and the wild field would mean constant assaults from weeds and animals, and the containers aren't really gardening. So that dream is either going away or going on hold until I move - and it's even less likely to happen if I am older.

Well, I have plenty of other dreams. How about any of you? Did you find that even after FIRE, you just couldn't make some dreams happen?

regarding camping PLEASE RESEARCH CAREFULLY

A. the area you intend going in ( in Australia campers/back-packers have been being murdered for decades even around 1965 when my parents enjoyed camping ) , then there is dangerous wildfire and plant life , flash floods dangerous paths etc.

B. the people you are traveling with .. a terrified person can be just as dangerous as someone with evil intent ( remember you are usually a fair distance from medical care )

B. gardens

when is a garden not a garden ... see if this concept is against the rules

it might be a penny saving compromise ( there are other similar vids. )


i didn't plan to retire until 2020 but fate decided otherwise

so no retirement dreams , i also managed to not have time from the mid-life crisis .. or is a late mid-life crisis a retirement dream ??

so say my health recovers ( something after 2022 ) maybe i will get that custom guitar built ( i bought half the parts in 2000 ) and also might have another go at my computer project , which will need a lot of re-planning by then ,

any other dreams will have to face my health factor reality

good luck realizing some of your dreams

 

[Midpack]

I’m finding (declining) physical ability to be a barrier to reaching some dreams, but that just tells me to come up with new dreams.

I’ve loved sailing since my first exposure over 40 years ago and we owned boats for over 25. I did a lot of sail racing, got pretty good at it, and planned to continue in retirement. That worked for a while, but the physical requirements become more difficult with each year, and I’m just not strong enough or agile/quick enough to be really competitive any more. And DW just reached a point where she was uneasy in most weather conditions. So we sold our fifth and final (big) boat last winter.

But I still race in a cruising class on other people’s boats every other weekend, and DW and I have taken up kayaking. Good exercise and MUCH cheaper than owning a boat. As I suspected, turns out just being on the water may have been be our primary love all along - lots of ways to get on the water.

It’s been a big surprise to me that I don’t miss sailing my own boat that much, and I certainly don’t miss the (big) expense and logistics of (big) boat ownership. Quit the yacht club, don’t miss the expense or politics - worse than megacorp! I used to be on sailing forums every day reading/learning/commenting, I probably look at them once or twice a month now...

And I’m playing golf 2-3 times/week after a 15 year complete hiatus, largely because sail racing had displaced golf in my life.

New dreams...life goes on, brah.

 

[DrRoy]

I really wanted to travel around the world for 1-2 years when we FIREd, but I can’t leave my dog for that long. He’s a middle-aged dog so by the time he’s gone, we may not be up for spontaneous global travel. We’ll see ...

We travel a lot, but only up to 2.5-3 weeks at a time. We leave our dog with our sons while we travel, but DW doesn't want to make it beyond that length, so some things are off the table. I really do not want to be without a dog, and last time we had a very good experience training our current dog when the previous one was still with us.

We also (pre-RE) had planned to build a new house on a site with a pretty view. To do everything that we envisioned would be $700K+ and we just can't see spending that. We are going to remodel the family room instead and stay where we are.

 

[traineeinvestor]

One of the reasons I FIRE'd was an awareness that some of the things I wanted to do (but couldn't because of work) would get harder and eventually impossible as I got older.

Two minor post-FIRE health issues (one resolved and one long term) confirmed I made the right decision: The chances of me doing another 100K Trailwalker are now very low but I'm still hopeful I'll be able to do another marathon or two (however slowly).

 

[fasteddie911]

I think sometimes dreams can be a bit romanticized, particularly when we know it's not necessarily a serious immediate possibility. I think the idea of doing something and looking at it briefly or the superficial level isn't always close to the reality of it after experiencing it or even just giving it a closer inspection.

 

[spncity]

This way, I will not get tired and give it up. The current thinking is when I get older, meaning 6 to 8 years down the road, will downsize to a class B and keep going.

Ya, not full-timing may mean we will RV longer. I hadn't thought of it that way.

We sometimes use the RV to visit family and friends (those that have room to park). When we go to help FIL with handyman stuff, it makes the stay nice instead of unbearable (hot house, uncomfortable beds, room in the refrigerator). Unintended bonus.

 

[spncity]

About FIRE dreams or goals - I used to think I would use the equivalent of former work hours to do fun and creative things.

Didn't realize I would want some time to just do nothing.

Does this mean I haven't yet adjusted to FIRE (or recovered from work?)

 

[REWahoo]

Does this mean I haven't yet adjusted to FIRE (or recovered from work?)

No. It means you came to your senses.

 

[travelover]

I'd caution against fixating on specific activities. I think the key to being happily retired is to be able to say that you enjoyed the day. Negative thinking , like "I should read more" or "I should travel more" is kind of self defeating - catering to other's expectations.

 

[REWahoo]

We sometimes use the RV to visit family and friends (those that have room to park).

Same here, only we stay at a nearby RV park so we have full hook-ups and all the comforts of home - including privacy and our own bed. This allows us (and the visitees) to have their own space and not be constantly underfoot. We think it makes for a nicer visit for all involved.

Never seriously considered going the full-time RV route. Love to hit the road but also enjoy being back home after a few weeks of traveling.

 

[NW-Bound]

I always like to have a variety of things to do. An enjoyable specific activity such as travel, if done to the extreme, becomes tedious and tiring to me. It's the same as eating steak everyday. It would not be long until I crave for a Cup-o-Noodle.

 

[Pellice]

I think sometimes dreams can be a bit romanticized, particularly when we know it's not necessarily a serious immediate possibility. I think the idea of doing something and looking at it briefly or the superficial level isn't always close to the reality of it after experiencing it or even just giving it a closer inspection.

What a great thread, people! Lots of wise perspectives and options! I will check out that Sisters on the Fly site and give it further thought.

Yes, Fast Eddie, I agree that dreams can be aspirational (reach exceeding grasp!), and that realization can come when you finally FIRE and ... it's time. I"m big into viewing life as a spectrum, and therefore not all dreams are equal -but they all are informative! And, in the real world, they can be modified.

 

[Kassandra]

Sisters on the Fly

For camping, you might want to look into Sisters on the Fly, an outdoor adventure group for women.

 

[jgrdarrash]

Kind of a wacky idea but my son is an Eagle Scout. You could see if any of the Venturing groups in your area need female adults to accompany them on trips. I'm sure they do. Venturing has been co-ed for decades and is for 14-21 year olds. They'll teach you how to camp! Or now that they are opening Boy Scouts to girls, there may be new female Troops that could use you also. They would be 11-18. You can find them at beascout.org

 

[Red Badger]

I had budgeted ~$50K for a B/C RV upon retirement. Then, I had to reflect on how few times DW joined DS and I on our numerous trips in a towed RV many years ago. Ergo, decided that 50K would cover a whole bunch of airfare and hotels. 15 months into retirement and the no RV thought was an epiphany. "Camping" is now a waterfront AIRBNB or a mountain cabin.

Yeah, don't get hung up on retirement "mission statements." They add no value, while potentially adding (unwarranted) stress. Early on, I over-volunteered - - - big mistake.

The beauty of FI is the unbridled freedom that comes with it. While I enjoyed most of my career, I new I was chained to mega-c*rp. I'll not self-shackle in retirement.