Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post

[daylatedollarshort]

I know posters here are speculating on the penny pinching aspect of the divorce, but in general, according to John Gottman, a researcher who has studied what makes happy marriages for a career, the number one marriage killer is contempt. Gottman found it to be the number one predictor of divorce.

 

[Olbidness]

I'm absolutely sure it was his fault./s

 

[haha]

I know posters here are speculating on the penny pinching aspect of the divorce, but in general, according to John Gottman, a researcher who has studied what makes happy marriages for a career, the number one marriage killer is contempt. Gottman found it to be the number one predictor of divorce.

I think that is very likely correct. Still, contempt being the #1 predictor of divorce does not make it the only predictor.

Ha

 

[tulak]

I know posters here are speculating on the penny pinching aspect of the divorce, but in general, according to John Gottman, a researcher who has studied what makes happy marriages for a career, the number one marriage killer is contempt. Gottman found it to be the number one predictor of divorce.

Sure, be rude to your spouse and eventually you’ll get divorced.

Idk Gottman, but based on that article he sounds like the Wade Pfau of relationships.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I divorced my husband after 22 years once the kids grew up because he was bossy and verbally abusive. I didn’t take alimony, signed off on his pensions and we split the money. I let him have the house because he loved it and gave me half what it was worth. Our divorce cost 2500. My husband paid child support for 2 kids but once we had custody of one child nothing was paid. My friends that share custody get no child support.

 

[purplesky]

Did you know flight attendants have the 5th highest divorce rate among occupations? I realize you didn't marry, just pointing it out.

Question: When your child lived with you 4th grade to college, did you still have to pay the mother child support?

There is wisdom in your post, but we differ on the "trick". Sure a work ethic goes a long way. But any male who will listen, I explain to them that marriage is absolutely something to never do. What MMM is going through I wouldn't wish on any guy.

Since this is a retirement board, the "older" crowd it attracts, will have experiences that do not support my advice. But what the people here have to realize is, the world has changed. I probably would have gotten married as well, if this was the 60's or 70's. The world used to be a place where you could get married and stay married. Those days are over.

For example, the most current trend is for the woman to claim "she's afraid". Once this is on record, the police/judge act accordingly. Supervised visitation to your kids, restraint orders, you get to communicate in an app to document your dialogue, to determine if your "abusive", etc

All of that on top of child support, alimony, court fee's, etc.

No thanks, I think I will tell any who shall listen what could happen, the minute she decides she's "unhappy".

She tried to modify the child support and when she discovered she wasn’t getting more money she gave me custody and our incomes at that time were in the same ballpark so no I did not pay child support once I became the custodial Parent. She was living in a pretty rough neighborhood in Philadelphia and working as a flight attendant .
I live in a different city.

Yes the Family Court lawyer thing is a racket. So much money wasted!

Maybe the millennial generation will do a better job as single parents. After Experiencing all the drama their parents put them through as kids of single or divorced parents.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I don’t know any women that would have a child with a man that they aren’t married to.

 

[pj.mask]

I don’t know any women that would have a child with a man that they aren’t married to.

I know plenty. We almost did but then one of the moms stepped in and we figured it wasn’t a big deal at that point. Wast of about $200 but oh well.

 

[Olbidness]

I'm glad to hear from those who know with absolute certainty that this could never happen to them. It truly restores my faith.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I don’t know any women that would have a child with a man that they aren’t married to.

40% of the total births in the nation sounds like plenty of women to me.

I have 2 children and avoided marriage. And child support. Thats why I'm wealthy.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I divorced my husband after 22 years once the kids grew up because he was bossy and verbally abusive. I didn’t take alimony, signed off on his pensions and we split the money. I let him have the house because he loved it and gave me half what it was worth. Our divorce cost 2500. My husband paid child support for 2 kids but once we had custody of one child nothing was paid. My friends that share custody get no child support.

Your situation as well as your friends, is atypical. I commend you and your circle of friends. However you should realize that there are websites coaching women on how to fake injuries, how to enhance the payments they receive, what to claim to manipulate courts, etc. There are also fake pregnancy tests for sale.
I've read discussions of women who request pregnancy tests from friends so that they can fool boyfriends into believing they are pregnant.

While its disgusting what is taking place in the world, I have accepted the reality of the situation.

 

[Olbidness]

Yes women initiate more divorces because men are too lazy to take action). However, most don’t have another partner waiting. It is painful for both people.

I filed first, guess I'm just an overachiever .

 

[dvalley]

While its disgusting what is taking place in the world, I have accepted the reality of the situation.

Accept, adapt and overcome!

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I think that is very likely correct. Still, contempt being the #1 predictor of divorce does not make it the only predictor.

Ha

True, but people are speculating on the penny pinching aspect as a cause from the blog writings but not the frequent "face punch" / scorn kind of comments regarding those with different spending / consumption habits.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

That point assumes the other person enjoys the same type of "humor" that you apparently do. In this day and age, I personally don't find the suggestion of divorcing your spouse for the purpose of personal financial gain to be funny. I actually find it sad since it actually does happen. I've observed it repeatedly with friends who have gone through a divorce.

Truer words were never spoken.

I recall reading that in Japan, one of my favorite countries, that 67% of men in their 20's wanted to marry in the year 2013. Three years later, the % is 39. 28% reduction. And I believe avoiding family court is one of the reasons, not the only reason.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I filed first, guess I'm just an overachiever .

Women file for divorce at a rate of 2.3 to 1 compared to men.

Financial incentive is a powerful thing.

 

[Olbidness]

Women file for divorce at a rate of 2.3 to 1 compared to men.

Financial incentive is a powerful thing.

To add, just because she hasn't pulled the trigger doesn't mean she can't or won't.

 

[haha]

Accept, adapt and overcome!

The only rational response. Being in love, caring for another beyond that given to oneself is beautiful, but when the world changes, our abilities to recognize that change and adapt to it are tested. I was married ~30 years, was pretty happy and never would have even considered divorce. As a (female)therapist I saw at the time said, anyone can divorce her husband at any time for no reason other than that she wants to.

That was enough for me. I really do not enjoy standing on a trap door and knowing that another human being whose ideas will not always agree with mine is holding the control. Many men understand that women are equal to men, but this in no way means we are even very similar.

Ha

 

[haha]

True, but people are speculating on the penny pinching aspect as a cause from the blog writings but not the frequent "face punch" / scorn kind of comments regarding those with different spending / consumption habits.

For sure. I know almost nothing about MMM, I am just on this thread for the slight relief offered by discussing divorce, a painful memory for me. On this board at least it seems that women and men are similarly frugal, and frequently both are more frugal or differentially frugal than I.

Ha

 

[pj.mask]

Your situation as well as your friends, is atypical. I commend you and your circle of friends. However you should realize that there are websites coaching women on how to fake injuries, how to enhance the payments they receive, what to claim to manipulate courts, etc. There are also fake pregnancy tests for sale.

I've read discussions of women who request pregnancy tests from friends so that they can fool boyfriends into believing they are pregnant.



While its disgusting what is taking place in the world, I have accepted the reality of the situation.

I don’t think it would be standard for people to pay $150k or $200k for a divorce. I would bet most divorces are cheap and easy since most people have no/minimal assets. ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’

Truer words were never spoken.



I recall reading that in Japan, one of my favorite countries, that 67% of men in their 20's wanted to marry in the year 2013. Three years later, the % is 39. 28% reduction. And I believe avoiding family court is one of the reasons, not the only reason.

I’ve read for years about Japan’s birth rates - never heard once about divorce costs. All studies indicate rising living costs and difficulties securing high paying jobs with reasonable hours limiting time for dating/interactions/family and the ability to pay for having a family.

 

[W2R]

I would bet most divorces are cheap and easy since most people have no/minimal assets. ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’

+1
Our divorce back in 1998 cost a grand total of $250. Not $250K, $250.00. I called every lawyer in the yellow pages in Baton Rouge to ask about cost and find one that cheap. The reason? We could not afford more! We had so much debt.

Our daughter was self supporting and not living at home any more, I had a job, and we agreed on who got what property before we went to see the lawyer (together). The lawyer was a bit taken aback that we appeared together and said he had to represent just one of us, so we said he would represent me.

Then the lawyer tried to persuade me to go for my ex's pension and 401K, the house, and alimony, which he said he had to do. But when I said no to all of that he only charged us $250. All he had to do was file the paperwork.

 

[dvalley]

The only rational response. Being in love, caring for another beyond that given to oneself is beautiful, but when the world changes, our abilities to recognize that change and adapt to it are tested. I was married ~30 years, was pretty happy and never would have even considered divorce. As a (female)therapist I saw at the time said, anyone can divorce her husband at any time for no reason other than that she wants to.

That was enough for me. I really do not enjoy standing on a trap door and knowing that another human being whose ideas will not always agree with mine is holding the control. Many men understand that women are equal to men, but this in no way means we are even very similar.

Ha

Hollywood and the media has painted a very different pic of reality and we've been brainwashed from an early age to think in those terms. Sure that happens too but that's certainly not the norm. I have a lot to say from my own experience of not only going through a divorce (from someone I thought was 'the one') but also from my 10yrs of experience dating women but that's another topic in itself and perhaps not for this msg board. All I'll say is that we need to take the red pill and unplug from the matrix first in order to understand how to navigate relationships

 

[Olbidness]

In my case my lawyer cost me about 10K and the divorce lasted a year. The six years of marriage I estimated cost 100K including the settlement above my base expenses. I don't count child support because if I had to hire a nanny to look after my son, child support would seem like a bargain. So if I were to have a surrogate to have my son 110K also seems reasonable. I knew going in that marriage odds were worse than Vegas but at the age of 35 I saw this as my last chance to have a child. So I handed her an ax and laid my head on the block hoping it would work out. It did in the end but it was god awful.

 

[Sunset]

+1
Our divorce back in 1998 cost a grand total of $250. Not $250K, $250.00. I called every lawyer in the yellow pages in Baton Rouge to ask about cost and find one that cheap. The reason? We could not afford more! We had so much debt.

Our daughter was self supporting and not living at home any more, I had a job, and we agreed on who got what property before we went to see the lawyer (together). The lawyer was a bit taken aback that we appeared together and said he had to represent just one of us, so we said he would represent me.

Then the lawyer tried to persuade me to go for my ex's pension and 401K, the house, and alimony, which he said he had to do. But when I said no to all of that he only charged us $250. All he had to do was file the paperwork.

I have a friend who got a divorce from her long separated husband, for about the same price, did the paperwork herself and mailed it to him to sign, which he did.
Nice, clean, and simple.

Lawyers looking out for their client (the reason/excuse) go after every penny, so the other person has to fight back or literally lose everything. No wonder divorce is expensive.

 

[tb001]

40% of the total births in the nation sounds like plenty of women to me.

I have 2 children and avoided marriage. And child support. Thats why I'm wealthy.

I’m surprised no one has mentioned this, but 40-50% of births are Medicaid as well. And it seems I know far more divorced or never married women struggling to raise kids with zero support from the father than I do women whose goal it is to fleece a man for money. I honestly feel so sorry for men with this attitude. Quote all the stats you want, it’s sad to have such a cynical view on humanity and relationships. I have to wonder, when I hear the stories, what on earth type of women you’re* picking. There are loads of horrible men out there too, I hear. I guess I’m lucky enough not to have run into too many of them.

Eta, that was meant to be a royal ‘you’re’ and not you specifically.