We've been there, too. Both my DH's "kids" (now in mid- to late-30's) are recovering addicts, clean for about a year apiece. We've handed out more than our share of money trying to "help" them over the years.
What struck me when I saw the heading of this post was the text I received this morning from my stepdaughter. She just had her 2nd baby, with a 2nd ne'er-do-well who has 5 other children with 4 other women (father of her first kid is back in Federal prison; he just got out after a 1--year sentence, stabbed someone in the neck over a gold chain, and went right back in). She hasn't worked for more than a year in her whole adult life--lives off the State, having a baby when she needs to get out of her mother's house because she can't take the drama anymore--blah, blah, blah. Very entitled and with the emotional maturity of a 13 year old.
Anyway, this baby (who DD told us she didn't really want because she wanted a boy, if you can believe that) was born 5 weeks premature, with her intestines outside her body, weighing under 4 lbs. She's been in the NICU for about 5 weeks now. She gets to go home with her parents on Monday.
I've been watching posts on Facebook for several months of all the tiny designer sneakers, millions of little dresses, hats, outfits, and various other ridiculousness DD's been buying for the baby. DD of course has an iphone, carries only designer purses and wears only designer shoes/clothes, smokes, and gets her nails done "on the regular", etc. I think she makes the money for this by dealing (again, derived from FB posts that are meant to be vague but are so obvious I can't believe they don't bring the cops racing to her doorstep).
So this morning I get a text--"HEY--I need a HUGE favor. My car desperately needs breaks [sic] and rotors; it's not safe for the baby. I'm broke ..." That was it.
So far, my DH is agreeing with me that NO--we're not doing it this time!!! She's 35, has two kids, the first of which her mother raised while she did drugs and went in and out of jail, etc. She has chosen another man with a record who works part-time washing dishes to be the father of her child. And WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FALL FOR PAYING FOR HER CAR TO BE FIXED BECAUSE SHE USED THE "IT'S NOT SAFE FOR THE BABY" LINE?!!? I don't think so. We're over here busting our asses so we can retire while we can still walk.
LOTS and lots of history and bitterness here ... as you can probably tell. But my point is, it sure is easy to get sucked in when you start with the smaller things with "kids"--and the next thing you know, they're supposed "adults" who haven't a clue about how to take care of themselves.
I hope DH is able to stand his ground this time. Last time his son went to jail, his ex called begging for "help" with bail money. DH said "I'll do it one last time, but THIS time he's paying us back when he gets out." Um, yeah ok--that was about 3 years ago. Drives me insane.
Sorry for going on. Guess this post struck a nerve.