Home purchase - what would you advise we compromise on?

[Safire]

I don't know how you are handling his behavior in your current situation, but you may have problems in the future. We had a resident in my neighborhood with an autistic son whose behavior was not well controlled. As the boy got older, he would leave his property and wander the neighborhood. He would open gates, go into the back yards and stand or sit there. A couple of times he went into unlocked houses. This caused all kinds of problems, especially as the boy became a teenager. The police were called multiple times, and there was a lot of animosity. No HOA here, so no "community" involvement.

I don't know whether the family moved or placed him in a living situation appropriate to his disability, but eventually he disappeared. It could have ended badly for everyone, and the neighbors were relieved when that happened.

That is quite scary that the boy was able to get out and wander the neighborhood. Not sure if living in an HOA can make up for lack of attentive parenting / caregiving as I have seen acrimonious non-neighborly interactions even within HOAs (and on issues that do not involve a wandering autistic individual). In our case, it is my belief that acreage will make up for even the loudest and most hyper active individual. So yard size is one absolutely, completely non-negotiable item on our must-have list to ensure peace for ourselves and for our future neighbors.

Not related to your question, but do you have a plan for his care when you pass or are no longer able to care for him? Is there a family member to take over his care? Money alone cannot guarantee his quality of life after you are no longer around.

This is something we worry about, non-stop. None of our family members are in a position to take him in as our siblings are all our age or a little older than us, so unlikely to outlive us by decades. Our daughter will likely obtain legal guardianship and become trustee of his special needs trust after our time, and ensure he is in a good living situation, and manage / supervise his finances. She will not be his caregiver but a supervisor / facilitator of his care. If he unfortunately outlives her or if she becomes disabled or otherwise unable to perform the duties of a conservator / trustee, then it's up to God / Karma / State. There is only so much we can do to ensure his care and keeping from beyond the grave, aside from hope and pray that his sister outlives him and is able to ensure that he receives the best care for him for the rest of his life.

 

[street]

Safire, you are a man of faith, and you know God will take care of everything, and all will end well.

 

[RetiredHappy]

That is quite scary that the boy was able to get out and wander the neighborhood. Not sure if living in an HOA can make up for lack of attentive parenting / caregiving as I have seen acrimonious non-neighborly interactions even within HOAs (and on issues that do not involve a wandering autistic individual). In our case, it is my belief that acreage will make up for even the loudest and most hyper active individual. So yard size is one absolutely, completely non-negotiable item on our must-have list to ensure peace for ourselves and for our future neighbors.



This is something we worry about, non-stop. None of our family members are in a position to take him in as our siblings are all our age or a little older than us, so unlikely to outlive us by decades. Our daughter will likely obtain legal guardianship and become trustee of his special needs trust after our time, and ensure he is in a good living situation, and manage / supervise his finances. She will not be his caregiver but a supervisor / facilitator of his care. If he unfortunately outlives her or if she becomes disabled or otherwise unable to perform the duties of a conservator / trustee, then it's up to God / Karma / State. There is only so much we can do to ensure his care and keeping from beyond the grave, aside from hope and pray that his sister outlives him and is able to ensure that he receives the best care for him for the rest of his life.

When/if your daughter becomes his guardian, is placing him in a facility an option?

 

[Safire]

Safire, you are a man of faith, and you know God will take care of everything, and all will end well.

Thank you, sir! I certainly am a (wo)man of faith!

When/if your daughter becomes his guardian, is placing him in a facility an option?

Yes. We do not want her to be a caretaker - she has her own life and hopefully a family of her own, some day. We just hope that she will ensure that her brother is cared for and that his finances are managed appropriately.

 

[street]

Safire, I should of said, person of faith. Sorry for that.

 

[travelover]

My wants in a home are very similar and we were lucky to find a home that hit 9/10 of our wants. I've always wanted a sprawling ranch but twice settled for a two story. Now that I finally have my ranch I have to say I absolutely love it. It is so nice not to have to deal with stairs, even though we are both fit. Even our dog is happy to be done with stairs.

Keep looking, the right home will come along.

 

[Katsmeow]

Wow! Thank you so much!

How do I get access to deed restrictions if I do not live in that community? This is just for my curiosity. Also, can HOAs not amend their deed restrictions or "laws" after you've moved in? How does that work?

The below is true for my experience in my state. You should look up your state.

Deed restrictions are recorded in the real property records. They are public records. Here are some of the ways I have gotten deed restrictions for houses I am checking out:

1. Ask my real estate to get it from their agent. Occasionally the other agent won't get them but usually they do.

2. Look on the subdivision web site or the web site of the HOA. These are often there and able to be downloaded by anyone.

3. Check the real property records for the house. In many locales these are available online and can be searched online. I would caution anyone trying to do this. If you don't legal knowledge you can easily miss something.

4. Your contract with.the seller may require the seller to deliver a copy of the restrictions.

5. Whenever I have gotten my title commitment, the title company always excepts from coverage things that are in recorded restrictions and they provide them to me.

Again -- the above is specific to my experience in my state. The rules surely differ in different states. However, I would never buy a house without reading the restrictions before the purchase is finalized. I want the ability to cancel the contract if I don't like what is in the restrictions.

As far as the ability to change restrictions after purchase this will depend on what the restrictions provide and what state law provides.

 

[Sunset]

OP - I think I've mentioned this before.

I feel while you have energy and are in control of everything, that this is the time to find a residential placement for your son.

I have seen many families keep their "child" at home until the parents are unable to deal with the needs as the parents are too old and frail. Then it's a panic move, trying to find a placement in the first place available. This is not the way to do it.

Much better to look at many places, try them out, and be there to support and assist. Knowing that in an extreme case of wrong placement, you can reverse the decision and try again somewhere else.

As for the house question, I think acreage and public transportation are largely incompatible, so will probably have to pick one.

 

[1242Vintage]

We compromised on a home that needed significant repairs and updating. But it was in the rural setting we wanted, on acreage that we wanted and most important within our budget. I’m the son of a Contractor who taught me many skills so I tackled most of the projects myself. Two things I didn’t do were replacement of HVAC system and roof replacement.

We are a HOA of one home … meaning my lovely wife will remind me to go out to the gate and retrieve the garbage cans on Tuesday … or point out the big pile of unsightly leaves on the front grass that need to be raked up. I love my HOA.

 

[yhoomajor]

We currently have an HOA. But never again, unless we are forced to. And our current HOA is not even that intrusive (monthly dues less than $40).

But most folks (not all) who serve on HOA boards have too much free time and desire to control other peoples' homes. I would not want to spend last 20-30 years of my life controlled by others. I have that quota filled at work already.

Here are some fun tid-bits:
1) A decade+ ago, some homeowners grouped together to disband our HOA and revert all common areas back to city (not me, but I supported the cause). Good luck with that. Didn't pass. Not because people were against it. But because barely anyone in our HOA opens their HOA mails, let alone return them back.

2) Of 5 people who did show up at this HOA meeting (apart from BOD), I was one of them. BOD went over how HOA helps maintain property value in a neighborhood. And keeps the neighborhood clean and orderly. I explained that Home prices in a neighborhood are directly correlated to economic soundness and job qualities in that area. Not based on what color houses are painted or what time people take their trash cans inside.

3) I was ignored by president of the board. This was around 2007-2008. Turns out president of the board was an employee of a home builder company. As housing market cooled off, President of BOD, just walked away from the house and house went into foreclosure. Talk about what causes property values to go down.

People think they know everything. But none of us do. BTW.. there is a neighborhood, just one street south of ours. They don't have HOA. Streets are cleaner. Homes are more valuable in that neighborhood. Again - its people that make a good neighborhood. Not HOA.

By nature I have a non-conforming personality ( I call it personality disorder . But that's just me. Only kind of HOA I would be ok with is where HOA takes ownership of EVERYTHING. Including exterior painting, yard maintenance and such. Charge me the money.. but don't harass me how my house paint is one shade different from allowed color schemes.

 

[braumeister]

HOAs vary tremendously as mentioned above by several.

Ours (just 17 houses) has been very good. Landscaping, lawn maintenance, roofing, snow removal, repaving, brick repair and tuckpointing, pool maintenance, exterior lighting, etc.

Of course we pay quite a bit for it, but we save by doing it ourselves instead of using a management company. The HOA board president is a lawyer, so he keeps things on an even keel.

I think the biggest advantage for us is that out of the 17 households, 11 are retirees and several are in their 80s. Routine maintenance would be very onerous for many so leaving it to the association is the best option for them.

Our rules are pretty simple. If you object to something like "no more than two pets, total weight of all pets cannot exceed 60 pounds" then you wouldn't be happy here. But we all are.

 

[MC Rider]

You can't change location of a property, so don't compromise on that.
Figure out what is least important to you and / or easy and not too expensive to change, and compromise on that.

 

[meleana]

I would compromise on the HOA issue if you can find a home that meets most all your other criteria. Unless the HOA fees are so far out from what you can afford.

We did this in 2020 and it’s worked out.

We also compromised on some other things as well.

 

[sroby2020]

My first thought is to use realtor.com and not Zillow or Redfin. There are some very good search tools.

I would compromise on the HOA. My current house has an HOA and it's tolerable, and has fairly reasonable rules.

 

[RetiredHappy]

My first thought is to use realtor.com and not Zillow or Redfin. There are some very good search tools.

I would compromise on the HOA. My current house has an HOA and it's tolerable, and has fairly reasonable rules.

Why do you suggest realtor.com? Since it is so out of touch with reality in "estimated home value", what else can be good about the site? I use Redfin extensively in home searches, and combine that with Zillow for another angle.

 

[travelover]

Why do you suggest realtor.com? Since it is so out of touch with reality in "estimated home value", what else can be good about the site? I use Redfin extensively in home searches, and combine that with Zillow for another angle.

When we were looking, we found that realtor.com got listings before Zillow. In a hot market, a day can make all the difference.

 

[RetiredHappy]

When we were looking, we found that realtor.com got listings before Zillow. In a hot market, a day can make all the difference.

Redfin is the fastest from my experience.

 

[statsman]

Absolutely NO HOA.

Along the lines of what others have already stated, it would depend on the HOA. Many seem quite relaxed about the rules. The good ones seemed to be primarily concerned with safety in the neighborhood.

Having said that, DW and I have never lived in a house under a HOA (either growing up or as adults) until we moved to Central Texas three years ago. The house we bought and moved into June 2019 had very relaxed rules because the housing tract was still about 10 months away from being completed (roughly 120 houses). Most of the dialogue from the HOA was pretty basic until mid-February 2021, in the middle of the "storm of the century" here in Central Texas.

While people were without power at times, including on nights where it dropped below 10 degree F and had no water (the power company put the water company on the rolling blackout list - locked up the system), the HOA thought it was a good idea to email out a guideline PDF for lawn and landscape maintenance.

So, here are homeowners looking at their dead and iced over lawns, Live Oak tree branches snapped off or trees completely uprooted, shrubs and perennials turning brown mere days after the storm started, and the HOA thought it was a good idea to remind homeowners to maintain the appearance of their front yards within the guidelines specified in the HOA rules.

I think the HOA got an earful from some homeowners, because they backed off a bit. About a week after the storm, they issued a notice indicating that all "landscape violations" would be waived until April 11th. How nice of them. In some cases, replacement plants in our area of Texas took several weeks or months to show up in local inventories. And you were fighting with thousands of other homeowners needing to replace plants that didn't survive the storm.

So, our experience is just a little different than it is for others.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

We are in a HOA and im on the dreaded architectural committee. Im also a busy body with extremely high standards including: no rolls of carpet on the driveway longer than 90 days. No broken down cars with 2 flat tires and a 2009 plate on the driveway longer than 6 mos. Aren't I ridiculous? These are I think sixteenth acre lots with zero lot lines so it matters here. Bigger lots behind fences we care not. I only bother with things that impact prop values. Dont fear the HOA

 

[RobbieB]

Along the lines of what others have already stated, it would depend on the HOA. Many seem quite relaxed about the rules. The good ones seemed to be primarily concerned with safety in the neighborhood.

Having said that, DW and I have never lived in a house under a HOA (either growing up or as adults) until we moved to Central Texas three years ago. The house we bought and moved into June 2019 had very relaxed rules because the housing tract was still about 10 months away from being completed (roughly 120 houses). Most of the dialogue from the HOA was pretty basic until mid-February 2021, in the middle of the "storm of the century" here in Central Texas.

While people were without power at times, including on nights where it dropped below 10 degree F and had no water (the power company put the water company on the rolling blackout list - locked up the system), the HOA thought it was a good idea to email out a guideline PDF for lawn and landscape maintenance.

So, here are homeowners looking at their dead and iced over lawns, Live Oak tree branches snapped off or trees completely uprooted, shrubs and perennials turning brown mere days after the storm started, and the HOA thought it was a good idea to remind homeowners to maintain the appearance of their front yards within the guidelines specified in the HOA rules.

I think the HOA got an earful from some homeowners, because they backed off a bit. About a week after the storm, they issued a notice indicating that all "landscape violations" would be waived until April 11th. How nice of them. In some cases, replacement plants in our area of Texas took several weeks or months to show up in local inventories. And you were fighting with thousands of other homeowners needing to replace plants that didn't survive the storm.

So, our experience is just a little different than it is for others.

Haha, yes!

Please clean up your wasted lots, they make our lovely property look like hell. The fines will be coming soon!

 

[RetiredHappy]

Our 3 current HOAs
- 1 for the entire resort community - general landscape, water-falls, man-made lake maintenance + water purchase for lake.
- 1 for our 24x7 guard gated community, includes general landscape, road maintenance, guards, transponders etc.
- 1 for our development which is within the guard gated community. It pays for a monument, water fall feature and general landscape.

We love where we live and see HOAs as a necessity for how the community is built. It costs $475 per month for the 3 HOAs. We still have to pay for our own lawn maintenance and utilities.

 

[skyking1]

I think that location is the one thing you have to stick to your guns for.

 

[RobbieB]

I'd pay extra for guards. Especially armed guards. With dogs.

Dogs are the best!

 

[Bamaman]

HOA's are like people in that they have different personalities. All in all, I don't care to ever live where there's any HOA again.

We were looking to move 2 years ago, and were disappointed to find newer homes to have such small yards. We're in a heavy agricultural county with all the room in the world. Many of the owners in newer neighborhoods know when their next door neighbors flush their toilets--the homes are so close together.

We found a 20 home neighborhood--all on one street. The homes are about 12 years old, and the styling of the homes are outstanding--far better than the new homes of equal price. The yards are 1 acre or slightly larger, and our back yard is 250' across--with a 6' wood fence behind the house. We have all the popular features of 2021 houses with vaulted ceilings in almost every room. And the best things were the house was in like new condition and the advantageous price--30% cheaper than comparable homes being built today.

In the last 35 years, we've had four large homes living in ultra low cost of living cities. We did downsize once to a 2350 square foot home, and we found that sufficient for living without being on top of each other.

I had a cousin born in 1953 with Downs Syndrome, and he was deaf. His parents were not especially nurturing types. They placed Blake in state care at birth--back when our state had great facilities for the disabled. But the state eventually got out of the mental health business, and my cousin spent many years living in nursing homes.

In later years, Blake was cared for by Volunteers of America in a triplex shared with two other gentlemen much more serious disabilities. They would go out to a "day care" center at 8:00 a.m. and would go home at 4:00 where two gentlemen shared taking care of them throughout the night. Blake was very well cared for in those last 30 years, and he was loved by everyone that ever crossed his path. He was kept in a great routine, and best of all--he lived his own life. Blake was not a burden financially to our family as he had disability and VA benefits. I cannot speak highly enough for Volunteers of America and other agencies like them that take care of the handicapped adults throughout their lives.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

We would not buy a Home in Florida unless it had a HOA. It offers some protection from Florida Man/Woman.