43, failed early retiree, seeking non-financial advice

[Katiek]

hi. The problem with work, even a job you like, is that there is likely always something that's going to annoy you. Even at a low stress job, you'll be annoyed that you have to show up when the weather is bad (or when it's nice and you want to go somewhere fun). You'll likely have some coworker not doing their job right, or a management processes that are frustrating and don't seem applicable to you.

The question is whether the enjoyment you get outweighs the frustration. If you decide you'd prefer the freedom of volunteer work, you may find some of the same frustrations. I know someone who stopped volunteering at an organization she supported because the volunteer leader was a micromanager who didn't respect she was dealing with experienced professionals. Or people have quit charity boards because of petty infighting.

So try to think carefully about what benefits you get from the job, and what you don't like and see if there are jobs/activities that can give you the benefits without the frustrations (or at least you find the ratio acceptable).


You are lucky to have positioned yourself to have so many options and I hope you find one that is the right one for you. It does sound like a part time or consulting gig might be a nice fit, but you have plenty of time to think about what you really want and find it.

 

[Jkirk]

You have described my work life.

I have had four distinct careers so far, and I'm now working on my fifth -- the first career was made miserable by the internet. It *was* a good career. Then everything I liked about it evaporated.

So I sat down with my girlfriend (now wife) and we talked about what I wanted to do next. I decided to brew beer for a living. ("Porn star" was considered and dismissed/vetoed.) So I went back to school and did that for 20 years. While doing that, I became a landlord -- a career in real estate went from "side hustle" to "main income generator."



By the time I was 40, I didn't really need to work anymore. So I went to culinary school and became a chef -- not because I needed the money but because I thought it would be fun.

And it was -- until I had hit the goals I set for myself. Once I wasn't learning something new every day, it ceased to be fun. So then I retired "for good." And now I'm a gentleman farmer.

The point to all this rambling is that if you're burning out on jobs fast, and don't need the income, then I suggest that you grab a pen. Write down the top 10 or 20 things you'd like to do -- no matter how unlikely. Write down even the pipe dreams.

And then see if there are any common threads that you can weave into something that doesn't leave you unfulfilled/depressed/burnt-out.

That’s a great idea. I work in IT. I’ve stayed in it because the money is good and I have a lot of time invested in it. I really am ready for something completely different. I’ll make a list of crazy ideas!

 

[Texas Proud]

I did not read the entire thread but did some...


I can tell you that letting the boss know that you can walk out at any time usually makes then change their attitude if you are really good at your work...


The only down side is if the others get their panties in a knot that YOU are being treated differently then them...


I would assume that from what I read about today's environment it is much easier to change jobs.... but as you have found out you still might get an ahole for a boss...

 

[BeachOrCity]

You are used to getting some of your fulfillment externally from an employer. You need to make it your 'job' to get fulfilled from something coming from within. It can be anything, sports, building things, hobbies, volunteerism etc.

I think you need to do the 'tree of life' exercise to give you some avenues to pursue.

If you keep hoping between employers, the 'problem' won't go away; instead it just will be postponed.

 

[Koolau]

Yeah, do what you want to do. Don't like your job? Walk out the door.

There's another one just down the street.

Lot's of companies have bosses that think you need this job, like I do

But you don't, so do what you like. Eventually you'll find a fit -

On reading this, my first thought was of the TV series FARGO Season 1. In the first episode, Lorne Malvo tells Lester Nygaard "Your problem is you've spent your whole life thinking there are rules. There aren't."

S-word alert:

 

[imnontrad]

Military retirees have two great things going for them - a steady check every month and healthcare coverage.

Have you thought about starting your own business? You would set your own hours.

Another possibility would be to put on the uniform again and become a JROTC instructor.

Or you could get structure by becoming a student again and taking classes towards a degree or certification.

 

[SVHoper]

FWIW Once I was financially independent, I found I enjoyed work less. Perhaps I had too many choices? I fell into part-time tech-ish consulting for a while and when that stopped, found zumba/yoga with a friend, then hiking with a group then biking with a number of different friends/clubs. In the background, I also did v.v.v. small real estate development and rental management. Only once in 6 years has the real estate temporarily clashed with the hiking/biking so that it made me feel unretired. I have one big biking goal, when I achieve that, I hope to find a volunteer work that fits me. Spouse went through car racing, biking, now spends 4h day with stock market trading.

IMO whatever you find will have meaning to you and that is personal. I can find meaning in cleaning out filthy apartments, paint scraping, renovation, so long as it is temporary.

 

[Koolau]

Or you could get structure by becoming a student again and taking classes towards a degree or certification.

Yeah, I think that's what I would do if I ever got bored. I already spend a fair amount of time "learning" by running down things I'm curious about. You have to be careful what you trust on the NET but most info is out there if you keep an open mind but also have a healthy skepticism. YMMV

 

[Old Microbiologist]

I understand your feelings. I also retired from the military and the civil service and we retired when we understood our lifestyle was basically okay on just my pension. We moved to Europe so distanced ourselves from the American lifestyle and put ourselves into renovating our house and garden which has been a major project. I kept doing contractor work in the US flying back one week a month which lasted about 2 years. I got terribly sick of that lifestyle and traveling, living in hotels, and eating at restaurants. I kept raising my rates to wean the military off of using me and once I hit $2,000 an hour (all time from home and back to home) they finally balked. I was so happy to leave after the last job I did as it was physically exhausting and I am no longer young enough to work in containment labs with high consequence pathogens (with zero treatment and 100% risk of lethality if accidentally exposed) 10 hours or more in a shift. I never needed the money but was more helping my old staff deal with my leaving. I was in a sense completely burnt out by then. Volunteer stuff is non-existent in Europe by the way and is a completely American phenomenon.

Since then I spend my time sailing (bought a yacht and that is a major time and money suck), mountain biking, hiking, gardening, cooking, 3D printing, computer programming, drone photography, travel, etc. I am not bored at all and we are happy. Living 24/7 with my wife has been actually far easier than I would have thought and we are closer than ever. She Day Trades on the US market and became a somewhat famous professional photographer. We frequently asked each other how we are enjoying life and whether we miss working and it is always a responding...NO!!

 

[FIREarly]

Try volunteer work.

+1 volunteering is fun and much less stress. You provide support and there is a team that you participate in a less stressful way to help them.

 

[FIREarly]

If you need to w*rk, maybe look into a non-profit job. It'll probably be less stressful. It'll offer a form of a "challenges, structure, and team environment"

 

[Stonewalker]

My brother retired early, got bored and now seas only cuts grass at a local golf course. It’s about 20 hours a week, and he makes no money to speak of, but he likes being outdoors and spending time with similar-minded coworkers.
That’s all strange to me. I’m retired and rarely bored, but my personality is quite laid back.

 

[skyking1]

For the first part, sorry, I can’t explain why I’m wired this way. I’ve been working a job since I was 13 and I did odd jobs around the neighborhood before that. When I tried to not work in 2020, there was this big hole in me. I felt useless, and it’s important to me to feel useful. I suppose I obtain fulfillment or draw my sense of self worth from being useful.

For the second part, I like that idea. I need to learn more about consultant work in my field. I could see the job I’m doing now leading to that.

I think it boils down to being productive. i am not really happy unless I am producing something.
I like producing forum posts, much to the detriment of taking care of current business. But hey, it is producing.
When I get the wood shop set up in the garage and I am producing wood chips and sawdust, I am happy.
I can relate to the shenanigans sending you to the edge. My wife's job does it to her, and mine to me. We have short-timer-itis.
We both do that dance that you and your wife are doing, both directions.
So far we have stepped back from the brink each time. She can do it better than me but her work environment is inexorably changing for the worse.
They are making it easier and easier for her to pull the plug.

 

[Bamaman]

The real estate field is running wide open right now.

Certified home inspectors are in very high demand and they're capable of making $800-900 a day with 2 inspections.

Real estate agents are always looking for someone to do basic home repairs, painting and reconditioning properties. They pay well to those that can give immediate service and that are reliable.

 

[street]

I think it boils down to being productive. i am not really happy unless I am producing something.
I like producing forum posts, much to the detriment of taking care of current business. But hey, it is producing.
When I get the wood shop set up in the garage and I am producing wood chips and sawdust, I am happy.
I can relate to the shenanigans sending you to the edge. My wife's job does it to her, and mine to me. We have short-timer-itis.
We both do that dance that you and your wife are doing, both directions.
So far we have stepped back from the brink each time. She can do it better than me but her work environment is inexorably changing for the worse.
They are making it easier and easier for her to pull the plug.

I also like to be productive and stay very busy at whatever it may be. Good bad or indifferent it is who we are. I want to be involved and engaged in something each day if I can. It makes me feel happier and the physical part of the day is just another benefit for me.

 

[HawkeyeNFO]

If you need to w*rk, maybe look into a non-profit job. It'll probably be less stressful. It'll offer a form of a "challenges, structure, and team environment"

Been there, done that. Non-profit is simply a tax categorization, and doesn't mean that it's a low-stress working environment. One non-profit I worked for was thought of as an outstanding organization, but internally there were office politics and unethical practices at many levels. Glad to NOT work there anymore.

 

[audreyh1]

I retired from the military in 2020 at age 42 when my pension reached the point of supporting our lifestyle. We also have enough in savings and retirement accounts to provide a nice safety net and lifestyle upgrade when our youngest kids are grown and my wife and I are 55. Kids’ college is also funded.

I lasted 3 months in retirement, got terribly bored (depressed if I’m being honest) and went back to work. I have a dilemma. I need the challenges, structure, and team environment that work offers, but my tolerance for BS is extremely low now that I don’t need the money that a job brings.

A year in to that first post-retirement job, I grew tired of things and changed jobs. Now almost a year into my second post-retirement job, I’m growing tired of things and thinking about quitting. Seeing a pattern, I’ve found the problem and he is me.

I planned for early retirement for 20 years and found that it wasn’t all that I imagined it would be. Anyone else experience something like this?

Is part of the issue with retirement boredom that you are stuck at home until the kids are grown? Are you able to at least go for long summer trips? Does your current budget allow long summer travel with the kids?

I retirement before my 40th, but we had no kids, so we were able to take off immediately to enjoy our dream of extensive travel. We never looked back.

 

[Jkirk]

You are used to getting some of your fulfillment externally from an employer. You need to make it your 'job' to get fulfilled from something coming from within. It can be anything, sports, building things, hobbies, volunteerism etc.

I think you need to do the 'tree of life' exercise to give you some avenues to pursue.

If you keep hoping between employers, the 'problem' won't go away; instead it just will be postponed.

I think you’re right. My work was too big of a part of my identity. Working on fixing that.

 

[B-Guy]

Sounds like you need a hobby or a passion, I have too many hobbies. Maybe a hobby with mental benefits, like being able to hang out with like minded individuals would be good if you're social. I'm becoming more and more of a hermit and with a few close friends I'm good with that.

I did stay working for a few years after I had planned to retire, partly out of loyalty to my director and I may have stayed working for several more years if I had the budget to do my job right, being pro active instead of always forced to be reactive. Just not my style.

 

[Jkirk]

Sounds like you need a hobby or a passion, I have too many hobbies. Maybe a hobby with mental benefits, like being able to hang out with like minded individuals would be good if you're social. I'm becoming more and more of a hermit and with a few close friends I'm good with that.

I did stay working for a few years after I had planned to retire, partly out of loyalty to my director and I may have stayed working for several more years if I had the budget to do my job right, being pro active instead of always forced to be reactive. Just not my style.

I absolutely need a hobby! My 24 year career was sort of all consuming. The Corps got all of my energy and family got what was left. Working on that now. Post FI job has much more balance.

Regarding social interactions, that’s a tough one too. I’ve spent age 17-42 living in CA, NC, VA, Japan, and other places. I settled down in a very rural town in the Midwest, not even a stoplight in the town. I don’t have much in common with people here. I’m curious if others have struggled with that aspect of geo arbitrage. Spend many years hustling, moving, maybe living in exciting places and then settle down to a LCOL area to retire. It’s a big culture shift.

 

[skyking1]

That is a big leap on top of your previous habits. For me it is a bridge too far. We are uprooting but staying in the same state and about the same distance from the big city. We will be 1 mile from the Safeway and 1.3 from a Home Depot or Costco, and it suits us fine.

 

[lem1955]

I've been lucky finding jobs since leaving the BIG job with fewer hours and less responsibility. First it was 32 hours and still a big title, then 24 hours retaining the title. Then working mostly from home 25 - 30 hrs a month as a consultant CFO. Now a little less as a consultant Business Coach. I like the connection to other people and the "pin" money. I would probably do it as a volunteer if they couldn't pay.

 

[B-Guy]

I absolutely need a hobby! My 24 year career was sort of all consuming. The Corps got all of my energy and family got what was left. Working on that now. Post FI job has much more balance.

Regarding social interactions, that’s a tough one too. I’ve spent age 17-42 living in CA, NC, VA, Japan, and other places. I settled down in a very rural town in the Midwest, not even a stoplight in the town. I don’t have much in common with people here. I’m curious if others have struggled with that aspect of geo arbitrage. Spend many years hustling, moving, maybe living in exciting places and then settle down to a LCOL area to retire. It’s a big culture shift.

We’re in a similar situation, as we moved from the hustle and bustle of metro Denver to a very rural setting in the great plains. The closest town is 6 miles away, and our closest neighbor is a half a mile away. We are about 25 miles away from a Walmart.

Small town can be rough. We are in the middle of farm country. When we moved here my wife’s parents and brother lived 30 minutes away, which helped some. They farmed and I helped them from time to time, so it helped me having something in common with our neighbors.

One thing you might want to consider is taking classes or teaching at the local community college, if one is near you. I took a couple of classes and taught adult education at ours for several years and got to know quite a few people.

 

[Jkirk]

One thing you might want to consider is taking classes or teaching at the local community college, if one is near you. I took a couple of classes and taught adult education at ours for several years and got to know quite a few people.

That’s a good idea, I’ll add that to the list. I do like the peace and quiet here. Also, the LCOL lets us afford a much nicer house here than the other places we lived. We’re one mile from family, that’s the real reason we’re here.

 

[Jkirk]

I've been lucky finding jobs since leaving the BIG job with fewer hours and less responsibility. First it was 32 hours and still a big title, then 24 hours retaining the title. Then working mostly from home 25 - 30 hrs a month as a consultant CFO. Now a little less as a consultant Business Coach. I like the connection to other people and the "pin" money. I would probably do it as a volunteer if they couldn't pay.

That’s a good way to look at it, leaving the BIG job. The jobs I’ve had after the BIG one are less stressful and less hours. Maybe that’s what’s next: part time. Trying to go from BIG job to fully retired was too big of a change. These last two jobs are helping me to ramp down. The extra money has provided a nice quality of life increase to.