Daughter Considering Eloping Over Traditional Full Blown Wedding

[oscar1]

Need advice. Daughter and FSIL are in their late 20’s. They got engaged in November and bought a house together in December. They don’t have a date yet but are thinking early 2023 because of the backlog of reserving wedding venues during Covid. More importantly, the housing expenses have taught them the value of a dollar. So much so that they are considering a very simple wedding, maybe 20 people instead of 125! That’s an interesting idea considering Dad’s bill will be much more manageable and and they can use the money I offer for the wedding however they choose. But what do you guys think of abandoning the traditional full blown wedding in favor of flying to Italy with 10 people in tow and then organizing a nice party back home later?

 

[6miths]

Sounds great. Even better would be 2 people flying to Italy alone! This was what DW and I did but the destination was Amsterdam then London. No parental $$$ were involved.

 

[Morgan22]

Personally, I think its a great idea.

(Hopefully you and your spouse are part of the 10 invited to Italy?)

 

[aja8888]

Great idea. I wish my daughter was thinking along those lines in 2018 when I shelled out a ton for a wedding.

 

[travelover]

I'd vote for what the bride and groom want to do.

 

[easysurfer]

Sounds great. I wouldn't consider that plan as eloping.

Now, if they got married by Elvis in Vegas and not telling anybody, that's eloping .

 

[tulak]

I’d say go for it!

I hope my DD will opt for a simple ceremony too and spend more money towards a house, etc. Personally, it’d be great to have a small ceremony/celebration in one of the local parks, which are scenic, with only close friends/family.

 

[Dtail]

Sounds great. I wouldn't consider that plan as eloping.

Now, if that got married by Elvis in Vegas and not telling anybody, that's eloping .

I thought he left the building.

 

[Bigdawg]

Sounds great. I wouldn't consider that plan as eloping.

Now, if that got married by Elvis in Vegas and not telling anybody, that's eloping .

DW and I got hitched in Vegas in 1993. DS was 26 days old. Didn't see Elvis that day. DD is getting married in November. They already bought a house. Both make close to 6 figures. DW and I are shelling out about 25k for the November nuptials.

 

[easysurfer]

I thought he left the building.

Not that Elvis, one of the others in Vegas .

 

[Sue J]

My son and DIL just had their 5th anniversary last week.

They met in Kauai, didn't see each other for a year and then when she visited him it all fell into place. She was from Beijing so he went there, they took care of all the documents to marry a foreigner and he met her family. No big wedding, just signing papers in the marriage office.

It looks like an elopement but it was all planned and we knew it was happening. We were very supportive, none of it was a surprise.

Since then she has gotten her green card, they bought a house a mile from us and have two little boys. You don't need a big expensive wedding!

 

[RobbieB]

I like it! I've always enjoyed small cozy weddings. Especially my own -

 

[Luvtoride]

I'd vote for what the bride and groom want to do.

+1
What does Mom think, Dad??

 

[ugeauxgirl]

That's what DH and I did, except we got married in Gatlinburg TN. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary. We have never regretted eloping. Weddings are stressful and expensive!

 

[SnowballCamper]

I'd vote for what the bride and groom want to do.

+1

 

[Montecfo]

That's not eloping in my book. But I think the current trend of spending $50k plus on a wedding is really short sighted.

Much better to spend on a home or emergency fund and getting started on investing as I see it.

Your wedding is one day.

 

[rk911]

i think it's their wedding and they should so whatever they would like. us? we had a teesy wedding. a best man, a bride's maid, the preacher, our folks and a few friends. reception at the home of my best man.

 

[W2R]

Do what your daughter wants to do, within your budget, as long as it is consistent with your religious beliefs and values.

As you seem to realize, this wedding is not about you; it's about your daughter and future son-in-law. Good for you to be thinking of giving the excess money to them! Often newlyweds can use a bit more money.

 

[Chuckanut]

I think you are lucky to have such a great daughter and FSIL. Obviously, they picked up LBYM from you, so give yourself a pat on the back. Job well done!

It might be necessary at some point for you to un-ruffle a few feathers by hosting a simple reception at your home so others can come by and congratulate the newlyweds. I would not lose sleep over it.

 

[street]

Smart!

 

[Act2]

Great idea! The marriage matters more than the wedding.

 

[Dash man]

One son of mine eloped to Las Vegas and I was initially disappointed, but got over it. The other son we had a nice wedding, but was at a reasonable cost. They got married the Saturday after Christmas when everything was bargain priced.
The important thing is their happiness within a budget.

 

[Aerides]

Neither of the options are eloping. The 10 ppl to Italy thing sounds nice...but if you're paying for all that it doesn't really reinforce the idea of economy, especially adding a big party later.

And there are bound to be people left out of that inner circle of 10, who would have liked to be in it, and while I'm loathe to pander to hurt feelings, it's not a great way to start out a new family.

If they want something small, I'd say nothing, but let them say what they want, then work to support their plan.

 

[cyber888]

Good idea for them ... definitely.

 

[oscar1]

+1
What does Mom think, Dad??

Mom is all for it but I am not sure what the FSIL’s parents think.