How to tell someone ...

[Amethyst]

Sounds like the junior high method of leaving a deodorant on a kid's desk.

Here's a fairly "outside the box" suggestion. Sign up for a new, free email account somewhere and use a fake name. For example, you could create an account under the name of John Friend, and your email address would be jfriend@somefreeemailprovider.com (or whatever). Then send your combover friend an email from this account. Just say something like "I'm a friend of yours who met and talked with you at a recent reunion, and as your friend I wanted to let you know etc. etc. etc." This way, you're letting your friend know how silly he looks anonymously. He may or may not take it seriously, but at least you've delivered the message, and he can't hold it against you (or anyone else) personally.

https://proton.me/

 

[MarieIG]

Here's a fairly "outside the box" suggestion. Sign up for a new, free email account somewhere and use a fake name. For example, you could create an account under the name of John Friend, and your email address would be jfriend@somefreeemailprovider.com (or whatever). Then send your combover friend an email from this account. Just say something like "I'm a friend of yours who met and talked with you at a recent reunion, and as your friend I wanted to let you know etc. etc. etc." This way, you're letting your friend know how silly he looks anonymously. He may or may not take it seriously, but at least you've delivered the message, and he can't hold it against you (or anyone else) personally.

There are many free, anonymous, disposable email services available. People use them all the time for various reasons, and they're perfect for this kind of thing. ProtonMail is a good one. https://proton.me/

I hope OP does nothing of the sort.

 

[NW-Bound]

This is a fun thread.

How about suggesting your friend to use spray paint instead?

Like a certain person who appeared on TV with paint running down his temple?

 

[ivinsfan]

Sojo my motto is if you can't say something directly to someones face,don't say anything period. It seldom fails me.

 

[travelover]

Wait - you mean people can tell it is just a comb over??

 

[NW-Bound]

I am blessed with a lot of dark hair, too much in fact, and little gray for my age.

But if I should go bald, I think I would shave my head to get it over with. No combover, no spray paint for me.

 

[euro]

Yeah.

If you have a problem with the way my hair looks, then it's your problem, not mine.

This! 100%

 

[finnski1]

It might have been better to just start a thread about when to take SS.

 

[Dtail]

This.

As we age, our hair often starts to look "strange," by the standards of younger days. That's just the way it is....

Yup, even the grey hair for most folks is less soft except for the silver foxes exceptions.

 

[NW-Bound]

It might have been better to just start a thread about when to take SS.

Nah, we have visited that subject so many times.

This is new, hence more entertaining.

 

[W2R]

I am blessed with a lot of dark hair, too much in fact, and little gray for my age.

But if I should go bald, I think I would shave my head to get it over with. No combover, no spray paint for me.

You don't have to shave the whole head, either. For example Frank's hair is white around the sides and back, but bald all over the top. He occasionally shaves the top to get rid of any stray hairs up there (of which there are very few), and he gets haircuts to take care of the sides and back.

Honestly his hair looks outstandingly distinguished and handsome like that. He could be a movie star with such terrific hair.


This isn't him but shows the same hairstyle, more or less:

 

[punkinhead]

If it's a real friend I'd straight up tell them. If it's someone I see every 5 years at a reunion then I'd keep it to myself. Did you pull any of the ladies aside at the reunion and tell them they'd gotten fat and should take better care of themselves?

 

[jollystomper]

You don't have to shave the whole head, either. For example Frank's hair is white around the sides and back, but bald all over the top. He occasionally shaves the top to get rid of any stray hairs up there (of which there are very few), and he gets haircuts to take care of the sides and back.

Honestly his hair looks outstandingly distinguished and handsome like that. He could be a movie star with such terrific hair.


This isn't him but shows the same hairstyle, more or less:

You bring a a very good point.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

For the original situation, just because you (or a group of you) thinks he does not look his best, does not mean that those that might matter more to him have the same view. They may be fine wit hit, or just do not care. Seeing someone after a time passage of many years is much different than seeing them on a more frequent basis, and things that stand out to you might not matter to those close to him .

 

[rk911]

not even with the best of intentions would i mention it to him. Only a spouse or romantic partner could possibly get away with it, and even then it would have to be very delicately worded.

+1. Nunya!

 

[travelover]

The problem with comb overs is that initially, they work because you have a lot of hair and just a little balding spot. But the spot grows and the rest of the hair is thinner so eventually you end up with this ridiculous situation, but so gradually that it seems reasonable to the combee.

 

[NW-Bound]

The problem with comb overs is that initially, they work because you have a lot of hair and just a little balding spot. But the spot grows and the rest of the hair is thinner so eventually you end up with this ridiculous situation, but so gradually that it seems reasonable to the combee.

That's the most plausible explanation.

It's the same with obesity. People don't gain 200 lbs instantly. It takes them perhaps 10 or 15 years, and they have plenty of time to adjust themselves to the "new norm".

 

[FlaGator]

As long as his wife/SO likes it, you should too.

If you or your friends want to set an example, shave your head and go full Barkley/Jordan (pick your fave) before you see him next.

 

[JoeWras]

One tip: please look him in the eye when talking. Don't stare at his hair while talking. It is extremely rude. You may think you are sending a message, or perhaps it is just unconscious. Either way, avoid it.

I'm very bald. I have Captain Picard's hairline. I am now fine with my baldness. I started going bald at age 16. By 18, it was getting very serious. I can say, going through college like this was hell on earth, but once I survived, I was stronger. I remember those days of getting the head stare. I wanted to just crawl in a hole.

I think comb overs are terrible. I never tried it. But it isn't my body. So MYOB, and respect the gentleman's decision by not staring.

 

[Trailwalker]

Lots of good observations here. I agree that a really good friend could bring up the benefits of a shorter cut. A good windy day and a glance at a reflection in a window helped me decide for myself. My DW thought I made the decision earlier than needed, but it felt totally freeing to shave it all off. I have since let it grow back more to the style WR2 posted.

 

[JoeWras]

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is a bit sad.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

For example, are these valid discussions?
"Should I tell my friend who lost their eye that the prosthetic looks bad to me?"
"They need to do something about that alopecia. Wear a wig or something."
"Vitiligo can be covered with makeup, should I tell my friend to use some?"

And so on...

 

[travelover]

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is a bit sad.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

For example, are these valid discussions?
"Should I tell my friend who lost their eye that the prosthetic looks bad to me?"
"They need to do something about that alopecia. Wear a wig or something."
"Vitiligo can be covered with makeup, should I tell my friend to use some?"

And so on...

It is true, baldness is one of the last characteristics that can be publicly made fun of without getting smacked by the PC police. Most people have no idea what causes it (it can be hereditary or the result of autoimmune condition), so there is always an inference it is due to some character flaw.

 

[NW-Bound]

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is a bit sad.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

For example, are these valid discussions?
"Should I tell my friend who lost their eye that the prosthetic looks bad to me?"
"They need to do something about that alopecia. Wear a wig or something."
"Vitiligo can be covered with makeup, should I tell my friend to use some?"

And so on...

It is true, baldness is one of the last characteristics that can be publicly made fun of without getting smacked by the PC police. Most people have no idea what causes it (it can be hereditary or the result of autoimmune condition), so there is always an inference it is due to some character flaw.

I myself don't feel the same about baldness. It's no big deal to me, at least in the case of men. Some people even like to shave their head even if they don't have to, such as Denzel Washington.

 

[braumeister]

Since this thread has gone on far longer than I ever expected, I'll just clarify that the person is a lifelong bachelor who has very little interaction with others. So his old friends at the reunion would actually have been the best ones to give him the word. Except that none of us had the guts because we were afraid of hurting him.

I completely understand all the advice given. As I said in the OP, "There is probably no good answer to this".

 

[Calico]

.....I think comb overs are terrible. I never tried it. But it isn't my body. So MYOB, and respect the gentleman's decision by not staring.

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is [-]a bit sad[/-] pathetic.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

For example, are these valid discussions?
"Should I tell my friend who lost their eye that the prosthetic looks bad to me?"
"They need to do something about that alopecia. Wear a wig or something."
"Vitiligo can be covered with makeup, should I tell my friend to use some?"

And so on...

I couldn't agree more.

 

[ERD50]

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is a bit sad.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

For example, are these valid discussions?
"Should I tell my friend who lost their eye that the prosthetic looks bad to me?"
"They need to do something about that alopecia. Wear a wig or something."
"Vitiligo can be covered with makeup, should I tell my friend to use some?"

And so on...

Well, actually, in each case above, a close friend might be able to help that person look their best, whatever the case was.

But has been covered in this thread, that's a very delicate area.

I mean, if my DW lost an eye, I would want any prosthetic to look as good as is possible/practical. That would only be helping her to look her best, and that should help her self esteem. I think it's all good.

Baldness is much more accepted now, even admired, but I can certainly imagine being a young balding man decades ago, before it was 'hip' could have been hard to deal with.

-ERD50