Selling family "heirlooms" - ok or regret or ??

[silvor]

I was given some "family heirlooms" from my parents through the years. Honestly, it's antique type stuff they just were going to throw out. A hand water pump what was at my grandpa's house (value $35), a brown jug that is in every antique store ($20), and a few other oddball items.

My dad gave me some guns, but only one is useful as I have a few acres and have my own that will take care of any varmints and whatnot. I figure everything together is worth maybe $1000.

Any thoughts from the forum on selling it all? Part of me thinks I should keep it as I have it stored out of the way. I did get tools from him through the years I use all the time, so it's not like I will have nothing from him. Those who got rid of stuff, any regrets? I did set a few things aside for my kids, but they really have no interest in any of it.

Would it be tacky to contact a cousin or two about selling? At least it would stay in the family, then again not sure I want to do that. I'm not close with the family, but when we see each other, we have a great time. I don't need the money, but there is value to the items.

Not sure...

 

[Philliefan33]

Are your parents still alive? If so, you should probably keep the heirlooms until they pass, to prevent any hard feelings.

If not, feel free to get rid of things you don’t want. Since it sounds like the money value of any of the items is relatively low, my first move would be to contact cousins/ other family members to ask if they want any of the treasures (given not sold).

If anything is left I would them sell or donate, depending on the return of $ for effort of selling

 

[disneysteve]

You should have no ill feelings about getting rid of stuff that you don't want or need. And the additional lesson there is to work on clearing out your own stuff and not leave it as a burden for your children when you're gone. Ask the kids and other relatives if anybody wants the things. If not, sell them or donate them.


So many people hold onto things because they're sure their kids will want them. Newsflash: the kids don't want them.

 

[SecondCor521]

I keep or discard such heirlooms mostly based on sentimental value, because I've regretted getting rid of a thing or two with sentimentality in the past. Usefulness is a close second - If it's not sentimental and not useful it has a short shelf life in my house.

Sentimental value is closely tied to how specific it is to my family. So a picture painted by someone in my family gets more sentimentality points from me than just some object that someone bought.

If you don't need the money, I'd consider just giving it to the cousins to keep it in the family. I've done that with things - my sister is sort of the "keeper of the heirlooms" in many cases because she likes that sort of thing, and I'm more of a minimalist.

In a healthy world, your parents wouldn't have any strings attached and would let you keep or dispose as you see fit. Sometimes there are lingering expectations, so check for those first so you don't end up with resentment you can't fix.

 

[RunningBum]

You say your parents were going to throw it out, so you can get rid of it guilt-free. If you think others in the family might care, contact them first.

In my estate information note I'm leaving for my son, I've told him not to have any obligation to keep anything he doesn't want. I have a sports card collect that has some monetary value and this week I've started the process of better organizing it and identifying the cards he could try to sell, and how to do so without much effort.

 

[Souschef]

I am dealing with this as we downsize. This link is interesting:
https://www.moneytalksnews.com/slideshows/commonly-inherited-items-worth-almost-nothing/

 

[RobbieB]

If you like it or planning to use it, keep it. If not get rid of it.

 

[rk911]

If you like it or planning to use it, keep it. If not get rid of it.

agree but id add to keep anything that has special meaning to you. and i'd avoid the tacky situation re the cousins and just give the items to them.

 

[Katsmeow]

I got rid of almost everything my mother owned after she died. We had an estate sale. Our tastes were not similar. The things I kept were things of great meaning to me or things that I liked. I did take photos of almost everything. In general if there is something that is sentimental value and I wanted to get rid of it (whether by sale or whatever) I take a picture of it.

 

[W2R]

My mother sent me some furniture and other items when she moved from her home to assisted living. These were nice, high quality antiques. I liked them, but still never felt like they belonged in my house, exactly (my feelings were pretty much "What will I use THIS table for? Where can I put it?").

My ex solved the problem of what to do with them, when he insisted on taking nearly everything during the divorce. After a while, I decided that he was unintentionally doing me a favor since I wanted to do some major downsizing anyway.

Then later on, when my mother died, there wasn't much to distribute but my sister-in-law really wanted her jewelry so she bought it from the estate. Thank goodness for that, since it was nothing I would ever have worn (I'm not into jewelry at all).

If you don't want some of the stuff, I think your idea of giving family members the first chance to buy it is an excellent and caring way to handle this. If they don't want it, then I see nothing wrong with selling it if that is what you want to do.

 

[skyking1]

My brother and sister are doing that right now. She has a glioblastoma and they have gotten rid of everything to move to an apartment. My brother has been doing a bunch of the work for them, and is also moving from a house to a small condo.
He has several things set aside for me, and his kids have taken some things. The bulk of it is going away in garage sales and donations to charities.
It is mostly just stuff. I try to not be a slave to stuff.

 

[Bamaman]

We inherited entirely too much "stuff" when my grandparents, parents and an aunt died. Most of the furniture was very high quality when they setup their households just after WWII. And I couldn't part with my grandfather's full cabinet shop. We ended up swapping for the great furniture and ended up with space equal to 6 car garages full of stuff we didn't need.

It's taken me 15 years to whittle everything down to a more manageable state.

My daughter and her cousins have absolutely no regard for inheriting heirlooms--despite the quality of the stuff. Their homes are fabulous, but completely devoid of color with their oversized leather furniture.

But as we are of real retirement age, we're not doing our next generation any favors having too many personal items. We are preparing to sell 2 fine bedroom suites and dining room furniture for whatever we can get for it. It's time to pare it all down.

 

[Markola]

It’s hard to let go but it helps me to think that my beloved grandparents would rather their things be useful to someone out in the world rather than cluttering up my attic and stressing me out.

 

[SecondCor521]

Another thing I've noticed with this topic is that the personal connection tends to get lost from generation to generation.

I have a picture in my office of me, wearing a shirt I remember, painted by my great grandmother. So it is sentimental to me. But objectively, it's an average painting of a little kid in a moderately garish probably-fake-gilt frame that might bring 50 cents in a yard sale, and that would be for the frame or possibly the canvas for someone to paint over.

My kids certainly won't want it even if they know the connection, because she died eight years before the first of them were born. And I think imposing heirloom status on an item with the associated guilt of getting rid of something that has been in the family for generations is a burden more than a blessing.

I will not and have not placed that burden on my kids. "Here's something that I'm passing along to you, it has this connection, but if you don't like it, feel free to get rid of it by selling it, giving it away, or putting it in the trash bin" is pretty much what I've said to them. If they keep it, great, if not, no hard feelings since I'll be dead.

Actually, along those lines, I asked my kids whether fair market value or sentimentality should matter more in terms of my specific bequest list. They all said fair market value. So my specific bequest list takes that into account and I try to keep it as even as possible dollar-wise even though that results in the sentimentality / subjective values being quite off in my opinion.

 

[aja8888]

For years, I dragged around an upright Victrola that my grandmother purchased in 1919. It still has the original needle packs and four albums full of thick records in the front shelves. It's never been refinished and works perfectly (crank spring driven).

I attempted to give it away to my daughter and she said she didn't want it.

Well, I kept it for another few years and tried again to give it to her.....she reluctantly took it this time. I guess she felt obligated. She can sell it after I am gone.

 

[Badger]

I still have some antique furniture and pictures from my parents and grandparents that we still use but I did take most to my younger sister. Most were things that were bought where she was born (Okinawa) and would have some attachment to. She also has a couple of grown children she can pass them to. I don't have biological children so I really don't have anyone to give them to who would care. My sister will get what I have left when the day comes. If they were things that I would not be using and if my sister wasn't interested then I would sell them.

Cheers!

 

[Souschef]

We are facing that right now. We have moved to an apartment, but still have our house.
There is NO room for anything in our den, or the two hutches and china closet.
DW still has he mother's Noritake china, which we never use. There are also 3 plastic tubs of stuff she moved in with 15 years ago. She said her kids would deal with it.

 

[COcheesehead]

Either you get rid of it now or when you pass someone else will throw it away. My dad kept so much stuff and in the end, it was all given away, thrown away and what was left over we had a big going away bonfire.

 

[Car-Guy]

I've sold (or given away) some stuff and kept others. Still have some furniture, some WWII stuff, some coins (silver dollars). When I'm gone I'm not sure anyone will care about the "stuff" from a heirloom perspective. The DD will eventually get it all and will probably just sell it.

 

[pacergal]

After the last parent died, my siblings and I went through the house and took turns collecting what we wanted to keep, toss, or sell.
No regrets at all about what was sold or trashed. We hired an estate auction company who not only did the sell, but also anything that did not sell, they cleared out and took to the dump or donated. It was nice to have the house emptied.

DH and I have made serious attempts to clear out "stuff" every year. Both of our kids are somewhat sentimental about old family items, so as time goes by, we will begin offering up some things to take, or offer to siblings/nieces/nephews, otherwise we will sell or donate what is not wanted. Hopefully get down to a more minimalist lifestyle over time.

To OP--So far, no regrets over anything of my parents or grandparents that was sold or donated.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

My dad had some antique furniture and dishes. When he was in his 80's he took them to a consignment auction and told DB and I that we could bid on them since he didn't want us fighting over them when he was gone. If we wanted anything we could bid on them just like anyone else and whoever wanted it the most could buy it. He thought that was the fairest way to divide up his stuff.

I guess that told me that it wasn't very important to keep those things in the family. To me, the fact he's put these items on a public auction told me how important it was to keep them in the family.

Neither of us even went to the auction and the items didn't sell for enough to pay for his gas to haul them there.

 

[ncbill]

Sold everything I possibly could of mom's when her illness hit...literally emptied out her house before its sale.

Have a bunch of wooden figures (incense burners) marked "West Germany" from when dad was stationed there back in the 1960s, plus some beer steins.

Neatest thing I will keep until I die are the child's silk pajamas (now framed) my great uncle bought for mom when he was an agent of the OSS in China back during WWII...he wrote a memoir about his time there so maybe one of my kids will keep them.

 

[Lawrencewendall]

Just like knickknacks in the curio cabinet, take some pictures of it and declutter

 

[Beldar]

DW & I have no living relatives. I'm not sure what to do with all of our collections regarding estate planning. Maybe before we kick off and move to some form of assistive living we can have an estate auction (oh the pain).

_B

 

[iloveyoga]

I had to decide when I first retired how much energy I wanted to devote to getting rid of stuff as it does take time and effort. I helped my DH with his folks' estate and belongings and that really convinced me to make an ongoing effort to not stockpile stuff we don't need. I also helped my Mom to downsize oh my goodness what I lot of stuff. I find it overwhelming.

We did get rid of one small table I later regretted but that does not seem too bad with everything that needed to go.

So I ebay, Facebook marketplace, give anything I can to someone who might want it and then donate the rest.