Selling family "heirlooms" - ok or regret or ??

[old medic]

Homily 388 - All This Will Be Yours - 33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time - Shawn The Baptist

 

[MarieIG]

It would be tacky to contact your cousin with the intent of selling him your father's stuff - that you don't really want - to keep it in the family. You can ask him if he wants any of it (as a gift), keep it, or sell it. From your description, it doesn't sound as if you are particularly attached.

Regret. In a way. I found the dog chewing something. It was a picture of a group of young Navy enlisted (maybe a graduation of sorts) from the 1940's which I assume contains DF. Not sure where she found it. I would have wanted to have researched it.

I did have to toss some old furniture simply because there was no room for it. I did donate some stuff as donating it made it easier. The very sentimental stuff I did save.

I am not tossing out stuff I want to keep to make things easier for the kiddos when I pass.

 

[EastWest Gal]

I don't think it is tacky to contact a relative about stuff you have that they might want.

I realized long ago that one person's heirlooms was another person's junk. We inherited (or in some cases, were given) a fair amount of stuff. The things that have become most important were not things, but photos and letters. My dad discarded some of his letters that I read before he moved, which is unfortunate, because they were historical keepers. Amongst my dad's things were a couple of boxes of photos, and one diary, which was so faded it was difficult to read at all. The diarist did not use her own name, and the whole diary was about various religious meetings and travels by train to this and that place. After reading it cover to cover, and never discovering who wrote it, I chose to discard it, with no regrets, as it had no historical significance.

I donated a couple of items of real historical value to the local historical society where my ancestors lived for over 100 years. The photos have been scanned and are being uploaded to Ancestry.com as I have time and interest. Along with my grandfather's letters to my grandmother during their courtship.

We use my in-laws dining room furniture and my grandmother's complete set of china (not one broken plate!). My sister has our parents' china and dining room furniture. If it is useful, keep and use or give/sell to someone who can use it. Otherwise, get rid of it.

We donated my son's childhood furniture sent to Habitats for Humanity and he is now using my parents' bedroom furniture set. None of it of historical significance, but useful.

 

[Aerides]

If it's a relative, regardless of how close...

"do you want this?" is fine.
"do you want this, it's gonna be $50" - nah

So I'd let family know, these are the things, do you want them, if not, in two weeks, I'll be finding homes/selling them, etc. But no I would not ask for money for them from family.

When I was about 7 or 8, I remember my Mum selling a bracelet from her G-mother. It was large flat quartz crystals bezel set in silver - something my Mum would never wear. She justified the sale because she cherishes (still) a figurine to remind her that she kept instead.

While even today I still occasionally think about that bracelet (it was stunning and unique at least in my 7-year-old's memory, I would have liked it now), in todays dollars it would have been about 800 pounds sterling - $900 ish. And I know that was a good enough amount to have made it very worthwhile to my parents back then.

 

[marko]

We had a reputable antique dealer come over to look around. He said: "Yeah, all this has a value, but none of it is worth a lot. I have a barn full of stuff like this".

Outside of some truly valuable stuff--I still have an antique lamp appraised at $18,000(!)-- and a few Oriental rugs worth even more which we sold, I just wasn't going to hang around waiting for some CraigsList character to offer me $20 for this, that or the other thing.

We did sell a lot of the valuable things and kept a few but overall, most of it is, sadly, little more than junk.

I can hear my oft-mentioned grandfather, who was the most unsentimental person who ever lived saying "What are you keeping all that stuff for?! Get rid of it!"

Meanwhile, DW has a signed personal letter from Joe Kennedy (JFK's dad) to DW's dad that we have never got around to have appraised.

 

[braumeister]

We had a reputable antique dealer come over to look around. He said: "Yeah, all this has a value, but none of it is worth a lot. I have a barn full of stuff like this".

We did the same, since DW has a lot of stuff going all the way back to the War of 1812. Same result. But some of it has enormous sentimental value to her, and I think much of it is pretty cool as well. No serious value, just good old stuff.

But you never know what something is worth until it's appraised by a person who knows the market.

 

[Sojourner]

So many people hold onto things because they're sure their kids will want them. Newsflash: the kids don't want them.

+1

Sad but true reality. I sometimes enjoy looking through old, handwritten letters and postcards saved by my great-grandmother—some dating back to the early 1900s—but have little to no interest in things she thought would be valued by her descendants. Stuff like fine china, antique decorative items, collectibles, etc. The sad truth is that 99% of the stuff (aka, clutter) you personally value and hang onto will be discarded like rubbish by your heirs.

 

[marko]

+1

Sad but true reality. I sometimes enjoy looking through old, handwritten letters and postcards saved by my great-grandmother—some dating back to the early 1900s—but have little to no interest in things she thought would be valued by her descendants. Stuff like fine china, antique decorative items, collectibles, etc. The sad truth is that 99% of the stuff (aka, clutter) you personally value and hang onto will be discarded like rubbish by your heirs.

This is true and sad on a number of levels. Mom just passed two months ago and now we're looking at some very expensive China, Waterford and Baccarat crystal, real silverware (service for 18), wine glasses she paid $200 EACH for....the list goes on.

The good news is that she used the stuff while she could; the sad news is that we don't know what to do with any of it; we have our own stuff (that some niece will eventually toss out someday)

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I'm 50 and a lot of people my age and younger don't have fine China. I have never owned any. I'm sure I'll inherit my mom's but I don't have anywhere to store extra dishes. I'll probably donate my own inexpensive dishes and use hers for every occasion. I don't want to store dishes I won't use often.

 

[marko]

I'm 50 and a lot of people my age and younger don't have fine China. I have never owned any. I'm sure I'll inherit my mom's but I don't have anywhere to store extra dishes. I'll probably donate my own inexpensive dishes and use hers for every occasion. I don't want to store dishes I won't use often.

We're old fashioned New Englanders who still have formal dinners with China and crystal. (cocktails before being seated; "Business Casual" dress code please)

But we know we're out of step with the rest of the world.

 

[audreyh1]

My dad had some antique furniture and dishes. When he was in his 80's he took them to a consignment auction and told DB and I that we could bid on them since he didn't want us fighting over them when he was gone. If we wanted anything we could bid on them just like anyone else and whoever wanted it the most could buy it. He thought that was the fairest way to divide up his stuff.

I guess that told me that it wasn't very important to keep those things in the family. To me, the fact he's put these items on a public auction told me how important it was to keep them in the family.

Neither of us even went to the auction and the items didn't sell for enough to pay for his gas to haul them there.

Interesting lesson for your dad I think!

 

[mountainsoft]

"One man's treasure is another man's junk"... Or something like that.

My dad sent me some of my grandparents things when they died, then my uncle sent me some of dad's things when he died. Most of it went directly to Goodwill. They meant nothing to me, I don't even remember them. I did keep an old table saw and a couple tools I could use for a few years until I could upgrade to my own stuff. We hung onto a couple small items like railroad cuff links from my grandpa, and a handsaw my great grandfather painted (never knew him, we just liked the painting and it fits our decor. ). We also have the mantle clock my dad bought my grandparents decades ago. I remember that growing up so it has personal meaning, and again, it fits in our personal decor.

Otherwise, the vast majority is just meaningless junk to me. It may have meant something to my relatives, but it has no value for me and was quickly gone.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I do think it is wise to have an experienced dealer look at everything before it is discarded.

What if you had a Micky Mantle baseball card in an old cigar box.

 

[Souschef]

I just sent a quote request to Replacements LTD to see what they will pay for my Waterford crystal. The also buy chins and silverware.

 

[marko]

I just sent a quote request to Replacements LTD to see what they will pay for my Waterford crystal. The also but chins and silverware.

That is a great idea! I'll try that when we are ready.

 

[Sunset]

I'm 50 and a lot of people my age and younger don't have fine China. I have never owned any. I'm sure I'll inherit my mom's but I don't have anywhere to store extra dishes. I'll probably donate my own inexpensive dishes and use hers for every occasion. I don't want to store dishes I won't use often.

Then you get to wash the fine china by hand. Which is why many folks don't want the old stuff.

 

[Sunset]

Thankfully DW has been giving away her "investment" in beanie babies. Two tubs worth .
At least the grandkids are enjoying them

 

[aja8888]

Thankfully DW has been giving away her "investment" in beanie babies. Two tubs worth .
At least the grandkids are enjoying them

Wait! When crypto fades, these are coming back!

 

[RunningBum]

Then you get to wash the fine china by hand. Which is why many folks don't want the old stuff.

And it probably chips or breaks more easily.

 

[braumeister]

I just sent a quote request to Replacements LTD to see what they will pay for my Waterford crystal. The also but chins and silverware.

I've sold a bunch of old china to Replacements.

Since they are not that far from me, I drove there to save shipping costs.
I was a bit surprised that when I got there they had to evaluate each piece in person, and that took a few hours. Their final appraisal was noticeably lower than what they quoted me online, and they downgraded some pieces for "flaws" that I could not see.

Still, it was better than nothing and I got more than the cost of the gas to drive there and back.

 

[Aerides]

I'm 50 and a lot of people my age and younger don't have fine China. I have never owned any. I'm sure I'll inherit my mom's but I don't have anywhere to store extra dishes. I'll probably donate my own inexpensive dishes and use hers for every occasion. I don't want to store dishes I won't use often.

I do have a really nice set from Crate and Barrel, but I've never had or wanted a fine set, china display cabinet style.

My mum was a big gatherer of sets though and it astonished me once I realized as an adult how much she must have spent over the years. They are all more contemporary (no Noritake, flowery, fine bone or anything). But she did put together a lovely set of Denby in the 70's, buying a piece here and there with each pay check. We even visited their factory on a family vacation back then. I have dibs on it.

 

[Act2]

I inherited nice China and crystal. I try to use it. It won’t matter to anyone after I’m gone. Trying to get rid of anything I think of as clutter and trying to use anything I think of as ‘good stuff’. I need to be better at both.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

Then you get to wash the fine china by hand. Which is why many folks don't want the old stuff.

I am not washing it by hand. Period. If it breaks, it breaks.

 

[Souschef]

I've sold a bunch of old china to Replacements.

Since they are not that far from me, I drove there to save shipping costs.
I was a bit surprised that when I got there they had to evaluate each piece in person, and that took a few hours. Their final appraisal was noticeably lower than what they quoted me online, and they downgraded some pieces for "flaws" that I could not see.

Still, it was better than nothing and I got more than the cost of the gas to drive there and back.

I just got an offer from Replacements for some Waterford goblets of $3 each! They sell them for over $40.
I could do better on eBay.

 

[marko]

I am not washing it by hand. Period. If it breaks, it breaks.

Back in the 1940s the family donated some China to a large local museum. China and trays that some Sea Captain ancestor brought back from China or India or somewhere in the early 1800s.

On every Thanksgiving we were allowed to bring some items home on loan for the holiday. A nice touch of tradition. About 20 years ago, a young woman we hired to help with the cooking (and washing of dishes afterwards) was setting the table and dropped about 6 or 8 plates. Whoops! A memorable Thanksgiving ensued. The stuff was quite valuable, but thankfully not in the priceless category

We still get the China for the holidays, but now we handle those pieces and wash them by hand ourselves.