A few surprises in the fifth month of retirement

[cstang]

I could’ve written this myself!

I know this is a late reply but I don’t read from the site, I just get the digest and this is the first time for me to have seen this post. There is so much here that really resonates with me! I could have written much of it myself!

I also tried volunteering at the animal shelter and just didn’t feel that good, satisfied feeling I was looking for. Cleaning food dishes and litter boxes, doing laundry and taking dogs out for their walks. The walking part was actually ok but since they only get out a few times a day, it was really more of taking them out to poop, and picking that up, then taking them back and getting the next one so you can pick up their poop, rinse and repeat.

Same with dating. I’ve been retired for a year, divorced for 3 years (after a 31 year marriage) and I’m just not interested in dating. I feel sort of like I should be, but I’m not. Haven’t even signed up for any dating services at all. Funny because my ex husband signed up for dating services within weeks of our deciding on divorce, he was engaged before the divorce was final, broke that off, got engaged again at about the 1 year mark, and has now been remarried for 8 months! He’s 58 (I’m 55). Some people just can’t be alone I guess.

As far as the meaningful work/activity thing, yeah I do feel that too. I spend my time taking a twice/weekly fitness/dance class, reading, watching Netflix movies/tv series that I’d never had the time to do before, playing video games (a new interest), and walking miles all around my neighborhood playing a mobile phone game-Pokémon go (& recently a new similar game called wizards unite). There’s a huge interest in Pokémon Go where I live so I see the same people out at the monthly activities all the time, if I wanted to get to know them...but I don’t. I say hello, that’s about all. I feel sort of bad about not doing something “meaningful”, but what I really feel bad about is that I don’t actually feel bad! I feel like I SHOULD feel bad that I’m not doing anything “productive”, but I don’t!

I have fostered a couple cats and a dog before, before I retired, so I keep meaning to do that again, I just haven’t quite made that commitment because of some trips I had planned and some visits from my kids.

Anyway, I don’t really post here, I mostly just read, but your post just sounded so much like my experience so far! I have enjoyed your posts!

 

[Sanbenito1]

I went through the same thing with volunteer gigs feeling like unpaid, unrewarding grunt work- we volunteers were given nothing but mindless dirty-work to do. Then I discovered the Forest Fire Lookout Association, HistoriCorp and Team Rubicon. The first two fix up old fire lookouts and historic buildings, and TR is a group that does disaster relief. Yes, it’s primarily dirty work but we’re all doing it, not just some doing it, and it’s very satisfying because you can see progress and know that someday the buildings will be used again. That’s what I often feel is missing in volunteer gigs- teamwork and being able to visibly see progress being made. That, plus learning new skills. I learned new construction tricks (which unfortunately I don’t have time to apply to my own house, wink wink!)

 

[cstang]

That’s so funny because I have Team Rubicon written down in a note on my phone as something to look into someday, but I have no idea who told me about it! I was a trauma ER nurse for 13 years before I retired last year, and I’m still on the roster for a government disaster response team, but I never seem to get deployed to any actual disaster! I’ve been to several scheduled events to offer medical support, but never to a real disaster (which is probably why I wrote down Team Rubicon when I heard about it!).

I’ve just looked at the TR website and I think I’m going to sign up, just to see what happens!

 

[Time2]

I'm retired a year now, I have about 3% in a bond fund and the 97% in VTSAX. That's not really my AA, I do have interest from a property sale and a couple smaller items, but I am heavy in stocks.
Part of the reason for a minimal Bond allocation is, I just think rates are so low, that it's not worth it. But that is with minimal looking, at least lately.
I'm not adverse to increasing my bond percentage, just not sure if I should buy individual bonds or just buy a fund.
Our situation, 64 and 60yrs old, expecting to wait until 70 to collect SS, no pensions. We won't need much more than out SS to pay expenses, But that's a few years away. We can live well on 2.5% of our net worth, so really no worries.
For several years I've thought we would be fine with our high stock AA through any downturn. But I have this radio financial guru advice in my head, that said, " Once you have critical mass, don't put that at risk"

My question is, what type of bonds are you investing in individual, or funds, corporate or government, AAA or B+. I'd like to have more bonds, but as I see it rates are very low, if I buy a bond now and when rates normalize, (go up) my bond value goes down, fine if I have a single bond, just hold to maturity, but a fund just loses value.
I'm just confused by the returns and timing of when to buy bonds.



A wandering question just showing my confusion, hoping for clarity.



Mikek

 

[Sanbenito1]

That’s so funny because I have Team Rubicon written down in a note on my phone as something to look into someday, but I have no idea who told me about it! I was a trauma ER nurse for 13 years before I retired last year, and I’m still on the roster for a government disaster response team, but I never seem to get deployed to any actual disaster! I’ve been to several scheduled events to offer medical support, but never to a real disaster (which is probably why I wrote down Team Rubicon when I heard about it!).

I’ve just looked at the TR website and I think I’m going to sign up, just to see what happens!

Cstang, definitely check out TR, especially if you want to go overseas. Friend of mine went to Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria, and I think now there’s a team in the Marshall Islands. I’ve worked on the California fire recovery, Houston flood and Bahamas flood. I can go as often as they have space for me, which they usually do. Great group of people.

 

[Old Microbiologist]

Get a sailboat. That will absorb all your time and quite a bit of money But, it is a great way of life and a huge stress reducer. My wife bought me a 25 foot boat 2 years ago and despite complaining about the annual mooring fees and haul outs she is very happy to get me out of the house. I sail every day weather permitting although not in winter as our lake freezes over.

 

[Time2]

Get a sailboat. That will absorb all your time and quite a bit of money But, it is a great way of life and a huge stress reducer. My wife bought me a 25 foot boat 2 years ago and despite complaining about the annual mooring fees and haul outs she is very happy to get me out of the house. I sail every day weather permitting although not in winter as our lake freezes over.

Ice sailboat?

 

[ER Eddie]

I also tried volunteering at the animal shelter and just didn’t feel that good, satisfied feeling I was looking for. Cleaning food dishes and litter boxes, doing laundry and taking dogs out for their walks. The walking part was actually ok but since they only get out a few times a day, it was really more of taking them out to poop, and picking that up, then taking them back and getting the next one so you can pick up their poop, rinse and repeat.

Yeah, that would get old quick. Even for the dogs.

Same with dating. I’ve been retired for a year, divorced for 3 years (after a 31 year marriage) and I’m just not interested in dating. I feel sort of like I should be, but I’m not. Haven’t even signed up for any dating services at all. Funny because my ex husband signed up for dating services within weeks of our deciding on divorce, he was engaged before the divorce was final, broke that off, got engaged again at about the 1 year mark, and has now been remarried for 8 months! He’s 58 (I’m 55). Some people just can’t be alone I guess.

Getting engaged that quickly, twice, sounds like a desperate thirst. I wish him luck, but as you know, odds of divorce in a second marriage are higher than in the first, and it doesn't sound like he was very careful. You must've been nice to him, for him to want to head down the aisle again so soon.

I know what you mean about "feeling like I should be, but I'm not." I notice the same dichotomy in myself sometimes -- I think I ought to get into a relationship, but I don't actually follow through. I think that's an indication that it's just an external "should" and not a real, genuine interest.

I've talked to a lot of women in our age range who are pretty much done with long-term relationships. It's pretty common. Women are fortunate, in that they seem better suited to going solo than men, in many ways (e.g., better at building friendship networks).

As far as the meaningful work/activity thing, yeah I do feel that too. I spend my time taking a twice/weekly fitness/dance class, reading, watching Netflix movies/tv series that I’d never had the time to do before, playing video games (a new interest), and walking miles all around my neighborhood playing a mobile phone game-Pokémon go (& recently a new similar game called wizards unite). There’s a huge interest in Pokémon Go where I live so I see the same people out at the monthly activities all the time, if I wanted to get to know them...but I don’t. �� I say hello, that’s about all. I feel sort of bad about not doing something “meaningful”, but what I really feel bad about is that I don’t actually feel bad! I feel like I SHOULD feel bad that I’m not doing anything “productive”, but I don’t!

There are those darn "shoulds" again, heh. They pester me, too. However, I'm finding that my definition of "meaningful activity" is expanding. For instance, I consider all of these things meaningful:

- taking a walk or going for a bike ride
- reading a good book or watching something informative on Youtube
- hanging out with my dog or going to the park with him
- preparing good meals
- sharing my thoughts and feelings in various online communities
- being friendly to my neighbors
- helping to feed the birds and squirrels in my backyard through the winter
- supporting animal charities
- just enjoying nature
- reflecting about my life
- being kind to the animals in my neighborhood
- keeping in touch with my family
- just relaxing

And so forth. It's kind of cliche, but it's the simple things that feel meaningful.

My career gave me a sense of meaning, but now that I'm retired, my view of "meaning" is expanding beyond a job, work, or a task/project. I have always understood that meaning encompassed more than just work/job/task, but I'm understanding and applying that idea more, now that I'm retired.

Anyway, I don’t really post here, I mostly just read, but your post just sounded so much like my experience so far! I have enjoyed your posts!

Thanks.

 

[Rianne]

3. Struggles over "meaningful work" and volunteering. I expected that retirement would involve a long period of decompressing from work and just taking it easy, not being much concerned with issues of meaning and purpose, but it reared its head quicker than I thought. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, because that's always been a big concern of mine.

It wasn't that I had a lack of things to do, but I did feel a sense that I needed a meaningful project of some type, beyond just learning and growth, which is what occupies a fair chunk of my time.

At first I thought it would be volunteering at the animal shelter. I've always loved animals, and I figured that would be a way I could give back. However, when I got involved, I didn't find it that satisfying. I didn't like having to be there there every week at a certain time. I didn't like having to follow all the rules and policies. I didn't like the tasks (e.g., cleaning kennels) and the very programmatic system. I felt like I was basically just unpaid labor. I also felt weird about being an older male mixed amongst young female college students, most of them there because of school or scholarship requirements.

Anyhow, despite knowing all the benefits of volunteering and feeling a desire to help animals, I just couldn't find the motivation to do it. I think part of the problem was a mismatch between me and that specific volunteer gig. I'm not ruling out volunteering in the future. But I also think that, right now, I don't want anything that resembles a job or work.

4. Decided I'm not interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with a woman, at this stage of my life. This is not really that surprising, since I haven't dated much at all in the past decade. My pattern would be to occasionally sign up for a dating site, then watch my interest completely drop off within a couple weeks. That happened repeatedly. I thought maybe it was just lack of time, and so I'd think, "When I have more time, I'll get around to it." But when I had more time (when I went part-time, then when I went full retirement), same thing happened. So inside, I already really felt/knew that it wasn't something I was really interested in.

There are a lot of factors involved, which I won't go into, but I'll mention two things. One was a pro/con list, which was weighted heavily against (about 10 to 1). The second was calculating the probability of finding a woman in my area who would be a good fit for a genuinely satisfying LTR. That turned out to be about a 1 in 20,000 chance of finding 1 woman like that -- absurdly low odds. So that helped to put the idea to rest.

A few suggestions regarding #3
I also love dogs/animals. I understand volunteering at a shelter could be depressing and the work unrewarding. You could volunteer as a dog walker for dog owners in your area. I know so many young and older people who would love to adopt a dog, but don't have time to walk them. So the dogs sit in the shelter in a cage, unloved. You can do this on your own time, decide what customers who want to work with-make you're own schedule.

Also, guide dog schools adopt out the puppies for their first year, called puppy raisers. I've attached a FAQ about puppy raisers. We've had 3 retired guide dogs over the years. So rewarding. Our current guy, in my avatar flunked guide dog school. He did not want to work and preferred chasing rabbits and squirrels, which would kill a blind person. He went through part of the training.
https://www.guidedog.org/GD/DogPrograms/PuppyRaiserFAQ.aspx


About #4
Who says you have to have a long term relationship? There are many more women than men (in our older years) who'd love a friend to go to the movies, dinner as a friend. Many older women prefer not to have long term relationships either. I know if DH passed (god forbid), I'd want a friend. I'm certainly not interested in anything long term ever again. My DM had friends after my DF passed. Nothing long term or serious.


You have good challenges and time to decide what's best for you. We're here to through out a suggestion or two to help you make the best of FIRE.

Congrats!

 

[ER Eddie]

Thanks, Rianne. Good suggestions. I'll have to ponder that.

lol at "He did not want to work and preferred chasing rabbits and squirrels, which would kill a blind person."

 

[BigMoneyJim]

I'm about to complete my second month of (semi-?) retirement at age 49. So much of this thread rings familiar! Although my w/d rate is much higher, and I'm generally expecting to need to generate some income, although I'm not sure I need to, depending on too many factors to list here.

But now that I'm free of the obligations and commitments of work, I want nothing to do with it. It feels like my first priority is to retain this sense of freedom and ease that I have.

YES! I've taken that to an extreme where I resist any future time blocking of my time.

I am still interested in meaning, but I've reframed it for myself from "meaningful work" to "meaningful activity."

Well put. In my head and private notes I've been calling it "retirement productive activity," but it hit me a day or two ago that retirement is just a strategy or tactic distinct from employment, and I'm really talking about "life productive activity" or perhaps "life meaningful activity" to steal your phrasing.

It may also be unfair to separate production/meaning from leisure when measuring our lives. I haven't pondered that too deeply yet. (My weeks leading through and into retirement have involved a LOT of pondering.)

Decided I'm not interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with a woman, at this stage of my life. This is not really that surprising, since I haven't dated much at all in the past decade. My pattern would be to occasionally sign up for a dating site, then watch my interest completely drop off within a couple weeks. That happened repeatedly. I thought maybe it was just lack of time, and so I'd think, "When I have more time, I'll get around to it." But when I had more time (when I went part-time, then when I went full retirement), same thing happened. So inside, I already really felt/knew that it wasn't something I was really interested in.

Yeah, at this point it feels like a relationship risks too much of what I've accomplished, and the reward...well I've failed so much I hardly believe in it anymore. I just can't be bothered to go through the emotional ringer of trying. I have too much to do. I'm retired, dammit! Don't you know how busy I am!

I haven't gotten over how nice the freedom feels. I figured maybe I would habituate to it, and maybe I have to some degree, but there are many times when I'll just stop and appreciate how nice it is to have nothing that I have to do -- and not just for today or the weekend, but for the rest of my life. That's a pretty relaxed feeling.

This is so me.

 

[ecowtent]

Not retired yet, but I really enjoy your updates.

 

[Caligal611]

There are those darn "shoulds" again, heh. They pester me, too. However, I'm finding that my definition of "meaningful activity" is expanding. For instance, I consider all of these things meaningful:

- taking a walk or going for a bike ride
- reading a good book or watching something informative on Youtube
- hanging out with my dog or going to the park with him
- preparing good meals
- sharing my thoughts and feelings in various online communities
- being friendly to my neighbors
- helping to feed the birds and squirrels in my backyard through the winter
- supporting animal charities
- just enjoying nature
- reflecting about my life
- being kind to the animals in my neighborhood
- keeping in touch with my family
- just relaxing

And so forth. It's kind of cliche, but it's the simple things that feel meaningful.

My career gave me a sense of meaning, but now that I'm retired, my view of "meaning" is expanding beyond a job, work, or a task/project. I have always understood that meaning encompassed more than just work/job/task, but I'm understanding and applying that idea more, now that I'm retired.



Thanks.

I can relate completely. All of the meaningful things you have itemized above I have engaged in and so appreciate.
I have been retired from my 30+ year position as a corporate in-house lawyer for about 2 years; my husband divorced me the year prior to my scheduled retirement date after 31 years of marriage and 35 years together. He immediately became involved with a much younger woman, dyed his hair and bought a sports car. I was devastated, but have slowly moved on. I have no real desire to sign up on dating websites. Too depressing.
Instead, I have adopted an adorable Bichon Frise, fixed up my cute beach cottage, volunteer as a tutor at the local elementary school, and have joined the boards of my city’s garden club, art museum and community theater. I have traveled to Europe three times and will be going to Egypt, Israel and Jordan with a group of wonderful women in March. I have dual Irish citizenship and am considering spending 6 months in Ireland while renting out my Laguna Beach cottage in the near future. I am in good health and happy. Retirement is awesome.

 

[ER Eddie]

That's great, Caligal. You're living a happy, healthy, and satisfying life. Couldn't ask for more.