Annoying MegaCorp people !!!!!

[albireo13]

Farting Frank:
Can be heard ripping a few, each day. You often risk lung damage going into his office to talk with him.

 

[John Galt III]

Psychobabble Sam or Sally. You and your coworkers are forced to attend some bs training about stress management or conflict resolution, etc. that takes 4 hours or even 8 hours of your time. Psychobabble Sam or Sally babbles on telling you nothing you don't already know. Sam or Sally get paid well, probably, and you are paid your regular salary to attend, management checks off some useless box on form, and then real work continues.

 

[Geld ist Freiheit]

Had to give this a bump today.
FaceTime Fiona insists on having a daily video chat with her kid sans headphones so we get to hear both sides of the conversation. The kid is at that age when they can’t quite express themselves is complete, coherent sentences so there are many fragmented thoughts and lots of rambling.
I have may to push up my ER date and escape the asylum.

 

[Oz investor]

the voice of doom ( ME , until i walked out ) ,

outlines a nightmare scenario , in lurid detail ( but was normally powerless to prevent it ) and get criticized for being'mean and nasty ' so i just smile and get on with the normal job as the drama unfolds ( not my department , not my problem you have to be QUALIFIED to solve problems )

while the full impact of the catastrophe is being analyzed walk by with a smile and say ' i enjoy being mean and nasty but i take pride in being accurate . and walk on since i am not QUALIFIED to help solve the problem .

god i loved the Megacorp structure it was just so entertaining .

i would write a show but then FOX would claim it as their IP ( if it was successful )

 

[brett]

I found that there were lots of different sorts working at my megacorp employer over the years.

I found that the trick was just to avoid the annoying ones where possible. Plus, I decided to choose not to be annoyed and simply got on with what I needed to.

 

[albireo13]

I often get annoyed initially, then I really enjoy the show. It's quite entertaining sometimes. Once you recognize the different character types at MegaCorp, going in to work each day is like going to dinner-theater!!!

 

[albireo13]

don't forget Loud Larry:

LL only has one volume level ... loud! He carries on his work like most others, except that when he drops into someone's office to talk with them, it can be heard at least 5 aisles away!

 

[albireo13]

Toe-Nail Thomas:


Not very common but, this one guy I work with would often trim his toenails with wire cutters right in his office ... usually after 5PM so most people wouldn't see him. The night cleaning staff would have to vacuum up the pile of clippings on his office floor.


Once one of his TN clippings came flying into my office! Kind of gross and I ragged on him for it.

 

[CaptTom]

don't forget Loud Larry...

Our LL insisted on using the speaker phone for every call. I'd just leave the floor if he was making calls. No point even trying to get anything done.

 

[kgtest]

Hotflash Heather...the temperature is never right...but everyone else is seemingly fine. I understand some have there reasons...

 

[GalaxyBoy]

don't forget Loud Larry:

LL only has one volume level ... loud! He carries on his work like most others, except that when he drops into someone's office to talk with them, it can be heard at least 5 aisles away!

I used to hate when I would whisper an aside to this guy during a meeting and he would respond at the top of his lungs. I mean, Really? You never learned as a child how to whisper??

 

[97guns]

Doesn’t matter what kind of job you have.... your always gonna have a boss and there’s always someone you really don’t care for, I’ve never had a job that everything was 100% perfect but I’ve heard stories of people loving their work sooo much that they just can’t retire, impossible in my eyes.

 

[JoeWras]

Friday Forgetful Frank: it is Friday afternoon at 4:30, and Frank has been twiddling his thumbs all week. Suddenly, Frank realizes that Joe is about to retire and he better start asking questions or give Joe a task that only Joe could do. Of course, it is Friday, 4:30.

"Can you work on this evening so it will be ready for Asia tomorrow?"

... I am so done ...

 

[kcowan]

We had a manager who did not trust his direct reports. He would sit on work requests until they were due the next day, then panic and delegate them. We would call the sender and explain the situation so we could get more time. Eventually they fired him. He died in his 50s of a heart attack.

 

[Clone]

Our LL insisted on using the speaker phone for every call. I'd just leave the floor if he was making calls. No point even trying to get anything done.

An associate of mine used to call those folks that only used speaker phone. "Are you on the %$&*@@ speaker phone? *$^@)) it, turn that $*(^@#) thing off!"

 

[youbet]

My MegaCorp neighbors who needed to whine and moan about feeling trapped and hating Mega during their final years started to make me crazy. Sure, I understood they totally screwed up their career planning and were completely unprepared for a life outside of Mega, but why did they have to talk about it so much? They chose the field they were working in. They sought employment at Mega. They accepted terms where future retirement benefits such as pension or retiree health insurance would tend to lock them in. And they doubled down on the situation by being afraid (or unable/unqualified to move on) during their later years. So, they just hung on and bitched and moaned and whined and blamed their unhappiness on the world around them constantly.

Listening to it was a bummer. Folks who can't or refuse to take responsibility for themselves are a bore......... I was glad to leave them behind.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

An associate of mine used to call those folks that only used speaker phone. "Are you on the %$&*@@ speaker phone? *$^@)) it, turn that $*(^@#) thing off!"

I had a PM who would call me on his speakerphone which was situated right next to his keyboard. Of course, he must multitask while speaking which meant all I ever heard was tappity-tap-tap-tap. "what did you say?" "excuse me, could you repeat that please?" "could you pick up the damn phone for once?!"

 

[Skoach]

Work from home Wanda

Note: dedicated space required, not a substitute for lack of childcare.

Goes missing during conference call. We know because we ask her to comment only to get silence. When she figured out she was missed, the explanations are:
1. Someone at the door
2. Had to fix kid lunch
3. Had to meet schoolbus
4. Dog had to go out

My all time favorite, called a subordinate at home during work hours. Spouse refused to get him on the phone. 'He is busy mowing the grass'!!!!

 

[JoeWras]

Meddlesome Mike/Mary

You've announced your retirement, and MM has to tell you all the things that will go wrong with your life now that you've retired.

"You'll be bored"
"You can't afford it"
"My cousin retired, and died the next day"
"Your brain with atrophy"

and the one that grinds my gears the most

"Don't worry, you'll be back."

NOPE!

 

[Geld ist Freiheit]

Couple more have come to light recently:

Speakerphone Frank - has to conduct all business on speaker so the whole cube farm can enjoy (including medical appointments)

Personal Hygiene Hank - several of these within earshot. Performs weekly nail trimming at desk.
Clip..........clip...clip...............clip

There are at least three Hanks so this goes on at least a couple of times a week. One of them also has been known to brush his teeth at his desk after lunch.


Counting the days, hours, minutes....

 

[pjm-7]

Sat near a guy that was on the phone discussing his plans for a family. Wife was not yet pregnant. Mr. Stud made the grand pronouncement of "my boys are good swimmers!" The three of us women who sat near him all reported him to the manager. Yuck.

 

[CaptTom]

Speakerphone Frank - has to conduct all business on speaker so the whole cube farm can enjoy (including medical appointments).

Yeah, our "Frank" was also hard of hearing, so he cranked the volume up and shouted. I'd simply find something to do elsewhere when he started a call.

 

[harley]

Yeah, our "Frank" was also hard of hearing, so he cranked the volume up and shouted. I'd simply find something to do elsewhere when he started a call.

Many years ago I sat near a woman who conducted all of her business and personal calls on speakerphone. She had one of those annoying voices too, like that woman who played "The Nanny" on tv. No matter how many times I (and others) would ask her to go to her handset, she wouldn't do it. So one night when I was working I took her phone apart, cut the wire to the speaker, and put it back together. Problem solved.

 

[scrabbler1]

Many years ago I sat near a woman who conducted all of her business and personal calls on speakerphone. She had one of those annoying voices too, like that woman who played "The Nanny" on tv. No matter how many times I (and others) would ask her to go to her handset, she wouldn't do it. So one night when I was working I took her phone apart, cut the wire to the speaker, and put it back together. Problem solved.

This reminds me a little of some sabotage I pulled about 20 years ago. A despised coworker brought in a toy gumball vending machine based on her favorite comic strip character. It made these annoying sounds whenever someone pushed the head of the comic strip character to dispense a gumball. A few months later, she left the company so I though I'd finally be rid of the annoying machine as well as her.

But she left the machine with another division's secretary who happened to sit nearby. The secretary, who was also annoying to me, left it on top of the counter near her cubicle, so I still had to listen to it a lot and now had to see it far more often as her area was more out in the open.

One weekend a few weeks later, I went to the office and sabotaged it. I was able to cut the battery wire to deactivate the machine. It was still visible on her counter, but it made no noise or dispensed any gumballs any more. Nobody suspected sabotage, as there was no external damage.

Six months later, the secretary got laid off. Good, I thought, she'll take the machine and I'll be rid of it at last (and of her, too). But to my surprise, she didn't take it with her. There it was, still on the counter of a vacant cubicle. But now, it belonged to nobody, as it was merely abandoned property. The next day, I went to the office and stole it. Nobody suspected theft, as most people thought she took it home.

A few months later, on the original coworker's birthday, I took a hammer to the vending machine smashed it to pieces! What a joyful release of all that pent-up rage, at the coworker, the secretary, and the machine. I did keep the plastic head of the original comic strip character as a memento, the way a hunter mounts the head of his slain animal.

 

[kgtest]

This reminds me a little of some sabotage I pulled about 20 years ago. A despised coworker brought in a toy gumball vending machine based on her favorite comic strip character. It made these annoying sounds whenever someone pushed the head of the comic strip character to dispense a gumball. A few months later, she left the company so I though I'd finally be rid of the annoying machine as well as her.

But she left the machine with another division's secretary who happened to sit nearby. The secretary, who was also annoying to me, left it on top of the counter near her cubicle, so I still had to listen to it a lot and now had to see it far more often as her area was more out in the open.

One weekend a few weeks later, I went to the office and sabotaged it. I was able to cut the battery wire to deactivate the machine. It was still visible on her counter, but it made no noise or dispensed any gumballs any more. Nobody suspected sabotage, as there was no external damage.

Six months later, the secretary got laid off. Good, I thought, she'll take the machine and I'll be rid of it at last (and of her, too). But to my surprise, she didn't take it with her. There it was, still on the counter of a vacant cubicle. But now, it belonged to nobody, as it was merely abandoned property. The next day, I went to the office and stole it. Nobody suspected theft, as most people thought she took it home.

A few months later, on the original coworker's birthday, I took a hammer to the vending machine smashed it to pieces! What a joyful release of all that pent-up rage, at the coworker, the secretary, and the machine. I did keep the plastic head of the original comic strip character as a memento, the way a hunter mounts the head of his slain animal.

Hahahaha...I thought about tossing a coworker's fan into the work showers and turning the water on. I don't have time to disassemble and cut wires lol.. The fan isn't the problem...it's the BO that the fan pushes into my cubicle that I have a problem with.