Are you taking care of your elderly parent(s)?

[Agapostemon]

Thank you for your advice. It reassures me that I'm on the right track. I do have durable POA on her checking account through her bank. It's Wells Fargo, and they have been monumentally unhelpful most of the time. For starters, they tell me things will be simple, and then it takes two weeks of repeated calls and a hours-long drive to a branch, just to get online access so I can monitor her account.

Fortunately, she only has a few accounts: a checking account (where the fraudulent activity is happening), a brokerage account, and a credit card with a $300 limit. It looks like a good next step is a general durable POA. My siblings are more than happy to let me take the lead.

As soon as possible, you should ask your Mom to sign a general durable POA. I say as soon as possible because she has to be mentally competent in order to sign it, and dementia progresses, sometimes at uneven and rapid paces so nobody knows how much time you have left.

A lawyer can prepare a POA. You can also check the state laws where your Mom lives and see if they have a statutory form. A statutory form is basically a user-friendly template that you can have her fill out and sign. In my state it doesn't even require notarization (but your Mom's state might).

If she is already not competent, then you may need a conservatorship. These are a hassle, involve a court and ongoing court supervision, and take time and money to set up. But if she really needs someone to completely take over and not let her do anything, then that's what a conservatorship does.

If she's in between, you can do what I've done with my siblings concurrence, which is get POA on all my Dad's accounts, and then get set up for logins and notifications on everything, and then limit his access to a single credit card

If you get a POA, it's also a good idea if you can to consolidate and simplify to as few accounts as possible. My Dad has one checking account, one taxable, one traditional IRA, one Roth IRA, and two credit cards (only one of which he physically has the card to). And automate everything you can - SS deposits, pension deposits, rent payments, credit card payments, etc. The fewer accounts and fewer manual transactions you need to do, the less work it is, and the less chance that anyone will question what's been done. It also makes it easier if/when you need to change addresses and contact information from her to you, and when she passes away it will make estate administration easier.

If you can, it would be good to get her to her doctor, preferably an internist. Getting a diagnosis of dementia, while tough, will also help you know more about what you're dealing with and be able to find resources to cope and learn. The doctor at the same time can look for other health issues that might be treatable, such as UTIs or depression.

 

[SecondCor521]

Thank you for your advice. It reassures me that I'm on the right track. I do have durable POA on her checking account through her bank. It's Wells Fargo, and they have been monumentally unhelpful most of the time. For starters, they tell me things will be simple, and then it takes two weeks of repeated calls and a hours-long drive to a branch, just to get online access so I can monitor her account.

Fortunately, she only has a few accounts: a checking account (where the fraudulent activity is happening), a brokerage account, and a credit card with a $300 limit. It looks like a good next step is a general durable POA. My siblings are more than happy to let me take the lead.

Good luck. My son just got a CC with Wells Fargo and I hope it goes well for him but am concerned just because they've been having troubles for a while that seem entrenched in the bank.

I've also ended up submitting the POA to places like my Dad's health insurance company and his hospital. It has been nice to have.

Good on you for stepping up and being willing to do this stuff.

 

[bigcmagor]

Thank you for your advice. It reassures me that I'm on the right track. I do have durable POA on her checking account through her bank. It's Wells Fargo, and they have been monumentally unhelpful most of the time. For starters, they tell me things will be simple, and then it takes two weeks of repeated calls and a hours-long drive to a branch, just to get online access so I can monitor her account.

Fortunately, she only has a few accounts: a checking account (where the fraudulent activity is happening), a brokerage account, and a credit card with a $300 limit. It looks like a good next step is a general durable POA. My siblings are more than happy to let me take the lead.

Monumentally unhelpful is an understatement. I am a trustee for both my parents as well as POA, both documents were completed in 1997. It took five months of hoop jumping, a saber-rattling letter from my attorney and ultimately a threat to have my parents medically transported to a Fidelity office in order to have all three of us present to transfer their funds. Once they understood I intended to follow through with this, it took 8 minutes to clear the last hurdle. Now that it might be easier to leave Wells Fargo, I lack the stamina to start over elsewhere.

 

[TXBev]

I had a Durable POA, three doctors had to sign that he was not capable of taking care of his affairs. Wells Fargo would not honor anything at first. For our joint account, they would not let me take his name off after he died. I had to close it and open a new account.

Recently I had an issue with Wells Fargo (I've been with them since they were First interstate 1974). I needed to have something notarized, but the lady didn't want to do it as my signature, checking account and bank box were not the same as my drivers license. "maybe I'm my sister?" -Stupid comment. My drivers license has my maiden name on it. Finally, she notorized my paper and let me in my box but said that I couldn't get in again until I changed my ID.

My signature has my middle initial, my passport has my middle name, and my driver's license has my maiden name. I'm not sure who I am. (I cleaned my box out and put everything in my home safe).