At Odds With Spouse/Covid Social Distancing

[Calico]

Mask rules are NOT fully dropped here. I'm in California. Our county just moved to yellow. In theory the mask mandates might be relaxed next week, statewide... but not in workplaces unless everyone is vaccinated.

I've read differing things on whether a vaccinated person can act as a vector. Since kids under 12 can't be vaccinated, I'd prefer not risking being a vector that gets them sick. Kids can be immunocompromised, too.

Exactly.

 

[njhowie]

Even if they aren't vaccinated unless the OP is somehow compromised such as getting chemo or has meds that don't play nice with the Covid vaccine, it's not unsafe to be around others...even the non vaccinated others.

Vaccination does not 100% protect you from infection. What it does do is reduce the severity if you do contract it, so you don't go to the hospital and die.

If you are around others who are unvaccinated, it increases the potential for infection, even if you have been vaccinated.

DW is a MD. In her hospital all staff was vaccinated in early January. In late April about 5 in her department tested positive for Covid.

 

[ivinsfan]

Vaccination does not 100% protect you from infection. What it does do is reduce the severity if you do contract it, so you don't go to the hospital and die.

If you are around others who are unvaccinated, it increases the potential for infection, even if you have been vaccinated.

DW is a MD. In her hospital all staff was vaccinated in early January. In late April about 5 in her department tested positive for Covid.

But to the extent that is becomes unsafe to be around non vaccinated people in a casual setting?

 

[ivinsfan]

Mask rules are NOT fully dropped here. I'm in California. Our county just moved to yellow. In theory the mask mandates might be relaxed next week, statewide... but not in workplaces unless everyone is vaccinated.

I've read differing things on whether a vaccinated person can act as a vector. Since kids under 12 can't be vaccinated, I'd prefer not risking being a vector that gets them sick. Kids can be immunocompromised, too.

Our mandate was dropped maybe 3 weeks ago. today I had a Walmart pickup and the worker did not wear a mask. I assumed he was vaccinated and we were outside anyway.



I do carry a mask and certainly would put it on if someone wanted me to. I'm not a cavalier person and if I felt even remotely ill would isolate and test.

 

[Navigator]

I’d suggest following the CDC guidelines for fully vaccinated people: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/fully-vaccinated-guidance.html

 

[tmm99]

Vaccination does not 100% protect you from infection. What it does do is reduce the severity if you do contract it, so you don't go to the hospital and die.

If you are around others who are unvaccinated, it increases the potential for infection, even if you have been vaccinated.

DW is a MD. In her hospital all staff was vaccinated in early January. In late April about 5 in her department tested positive for Covid.

And what happened to those 5 people? Mild symptoms/asymptomatic?

 

[USGrant1962]

If you are both vaccinated, maybe it is time to live your best life while you still have it?

+5 or +6 or however many people +1ed before me.

I’d suggest following the CDC guidelines for fully vaccinated people: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/fully-vaccinated-guidance.html

Also +1. Fully vax don't need masks.

Do you not believe vaccines work?

 

[RetireeRobert]

+5 or +6 or however many people +1ed before me.



Also +1. Fully vax don't need masks.

Do you not believe vaccines work?

As to the question "do vaccines work", here is an interesting factoid that convinced me. I am a regular blood donor to the Red Cross. Since covid, when you donate, they test your blood for covid antibodies. I always tested negative before I got my covid vaccinations. About three weeks after I got my second dose, I donated blood. This time I tested positive for covid antibodies. That is exactly how the vaccines (I got the Pfizer) are supposed to work, they give you covid antibodies. Since I never had any symptoms at all of actually having covid, I know the positive test for antibodies came from the vaccine.

So, besides all the government pharma company tests of the vaccine effectiveness, I also have my own test that my doses are working for "me".

 

[tulak]

I don’t have the link, but I recall that .01% of vaccinated people tested positive for covid (breakthrough cases) and out of that, 1% died.

So for a population of 10 million people, 1000 became infected with covid and 10 died.

I picked 10 million, since that’s the size of many mid-sized European countries. At rates like that, I’m thinking the pandemic is over.

Of course, we need to take into consideration those that can’t get vaccinated (under 12) and immune compromised individuals.

I found a link: https://medicalxpress.com/news/2021-05-tiny-vaccine-breakthrough-covid-cases.html

IMO, be considerate, but time to get back to normal. Especially if everyone around you is vaccinated.

 

[W2R]

I am 67 and vaccinated.
She is 60 and vaccinated.
We have not been sick with Covid.
Now she wants to lower our guard only with "her family".
I want to stay safe and she has no regard for that.
Anybody Else?

I think this is one of those relationship issues that each couple has to work out between the two of them.

Sure, I have my own opinions that tend to agree with Sniggle

If you are both vaccinated, maybe it is time to live your best life while you still have it?

but that is ME not you two!

I tend to be slightly more cautious than Frank, but there is not much distance between his point of view and mine. We each run our thoughts by the other now and then to make sure we are at least reasonably on the same page.

I think that if you feel your safety is truly threatened, you should explain your feelings to her as clearly and logically as you can. She should try to be considerate and understanding. Perhaps there is some middle ground where you can use technology to see them on a big screen, or perhaps couples counseling would help? (or not?). This is an example of one of those painful marital issues that couples come across even in long time, loving marriages but keep trying, you can work your way through it.

 

[RetireeRobert]

Of course, we need to take into consideration those that can’t get vaccinated (under 12) ...............
IMO, be considerate, but time to get back to normal. Especially if everyone around you is vaccinated.

I understand, as we speak some of the companies are now testing vaccines for kids too, the under 12 population. So, those may be available to roll out as well, perhaps by fall or end of year.

And, from my reading the under 12 population is by far the least susceptible to getting Covid in the first place. And by far the least susceptible to severe case and hospitalizations.

So, yes, time to get back to normal.

 

[DrRoy]

See her family, and yours. If you are still concerned, wear a mask.

 

[audreyh1]

I don’t have the link, but I recall that .01% of vaccinated people tested positive for covid (breakthrough cases) and out of that, 1% died.

So for a population of 10 million people, 1000 became infected with covid and 10 died.

I picked 10 million, since that’s the size of many mid-sized European countries. At rates like that, I’m thinking the pandemic is over.

Rates like that - that’s when everyone is fully vaccinated. We are far, far from everyone being vaccinated. Especially not in Europe, and not globally. So you can’t think the pandemic is over yet. It will eventually be when enough people are vaccinated.

 

[Aerides]

I think this is one of those relationship issues that each couple has to work out between the two of them. ...
I think that if you feel your safety is truly threatened, you should explain your feelings to her as clearly and logically as you can. She should try to be considerate and understanding. Perhaps there is some middle ground where you can use technology to see them on a big screen, or perhaps couples counseling would help? (or not?). This is an example of one of those painful marital issues that couples come across even in long time, loving marriages but keep trying, you can work your way through it.

Beautifully stated. The OP has read the same stuff we all have, so saying "but the CDC says..." is probably a non starter. "You should just..." has never made anyone change their mind.

It's a pity the OP hasn't come back yet as we don't have an understanding of their point of view. There may be other stuff going on. And no one can tell anyone else how to live their life.

 

[Ronstar]

I suggest doing whatever you feel comfortable with.

The way I see it - if vaccinated people want to wear masks that’s their business, and gives us unmasked vaccinated people even more protection.

 

[tulak]

Rates like that - that’s when everyone is fully vaccinated. We are far, far from everyone being vaccinated. Especially not in Europe, and not globally. So you can’t think the pandemic is over yet. It will eventually be when enough people are vaccinated.

True and Europe is catching up fast. My point regarding that the pandemic is over is in context of this thread and the OP’s concerns.

If you and everyone around you are vaccinated, then appreciate the fact that you are safe to behave as if the pandemic is over.

Personally, I’m not convinced that enough people will ever be vaccinated. I wish this wasn’t true and great progress has, and is, being made. But it’s not an easy problem to solve.

In the US we are lucky. We have a surplus of vaccine and anyone who wants a shot can get it. If you look at the amazing progress we’ve made to get to this point, it’s wonderful. A big win for science. I was originally skeptical that we’d find an effective vaccine, especially this quick. I’m happy that I was wrong.

 

[Out of Steam]

My wife, daughter, and I are all fully vaccinated. We will continue to avoid indoor mass gatherings, and are trying to eat in restaurants at less crowded times, but are otherwise living normally.

Agree with the view of doing things while the opportunity exists, especially since there could be some return of restrictions in late fall and winter because of the seasonal characteristics of virus spread.

 

[ncbill]

All our family vaccinated...life back to normal...will continue to wear a mask for air travel, plus in the winter when influenza ramps up.

 

[pacergal]

I am 67 and vaccinated.
She is 60 and vaccinated.
We have not been sick with Covid.
Now she wants to lower our guard only with "her family".
I want to stay safe and she has no regard for that.
Anybody Else?

Will she not do the same for your family?
What are your concerns with "her family"?

You are both vaccinated, thus about as safe as you can be, as far as studies show.
There is nothing wrong with you continuing to wear a mask with her family, if that is what you feel safest with.

I still wear a mask, even though I am vaccinated. Personal preference: 1) have DGK under age 12 and unable to be vaccinated yet; don't want to be a vector.
2) have not had a cold or allergies in 1.5 years. Masks help with that.

You can do what you wish to keep yourself feeling safe. If you desire to wear a mask, do it. Your wife should support that, and if not, thats a whole other discussion in your marriage.

 

[harllee]

Our situation is more complicated. DH and I are both age 70 and fully vaccinated. DH has an autoimmune disease and his doctor is concerned that he did not get good immunity from the vaccine and he is trying to figure out if he can get a 3rd booster shot. In the meantime this is what we are doing:

We feel safe outdoors and do not wear a mask outdoors. We try to do most of socializing, restaurant eating, etc out of doors.

We feel safe socializing with small groups of vaccinated family/friends indoors in our house or their house without a mask. We ask if people have been vaccinated. If the answer is no or if we get no answer we wear a mask and try to avoid them. If there is going to be several unvaccinated people or if we cannot socially distance we decline to attend.

I do all the shopping, etc so DH does not have to go into crowded indoor spaces. I wear a mask.

If DH has to go to a crowded indoor space (for example a doctor's office or barber) he wears a mask and tries to distance himself from any unmasked people. If his doctor, barber or someone like that is unmasked he explains his issue and asks them to wear and mask. If they do not he leaves and takes his business elsewhere. So far this has not been a big problem.

 

[24601NoMore]

Vaccination does not 100% protect you from infection. What it does do is reduce the severity if you do contract it, so you don't go to the hospital and die.

If you are around others who are unvaccinated, it increases the potential for infection, even if you have been vaccinated.

DW is a MD. In her hospital all staff was vaccinated in early January. In late April about 5 in her department tested positive for Covid.

Absolutely true and worth repeating: the vaccine does NOT protect you 100% (more like 94%). But MORE IMPORTANTLY - they do not protect you at anywhere near those levels against many of the variants. And, there have been people (breakthrough cases or those who caught a variant) that were vaccinated and did die.

The "Delta" (India) variant is in the US and has already taken over the #1 position in the UK with 60+% of all new cases being of the Delta variety. Delta is more transmissable and more deadly than the original. Fauci has said the past few days he's very concerned about it spreading as rapidly here as it has in the UK. It's currently at about 6% of all cases - but those are just the ones they know about..and he and others suspect there are a heck of a lot more than 6% already with expectations it's gonna take off big-time.

Pfizer and Moderna only protect ~87-88% against Delta. There are other variants (I can't remember at the moment..maybe the Brazil one) that the current vaccines only protect ~50% against (if that).

Wife and I have been vacc'd since March but still wear our masks. We're still in essence "COVID hermits" and try our best to avoid going inside buildings. I've had to go to quite a few Dr's appts lately and have wanted to get out of there as fast as humanly possible.

Bottom line - the vaccines are not an "immunity idol", and the risk of infection even for vaccinated people IS NOT ZERO. How much above zero is a subject for debate - but at least for Delta, it's at least 12% above zero with only 88% protection. And with the Brazil (IIRC) one..it's only about 50/50 at best.

Everyone has to decide for themselves how much risk they are comfortable taking. For us, we're not going anywhere. I still stick solely to grocery pickup. We won't go to a restaurant - even for carry-out. And I sure won't get on any airplanes or even go to a large outdoor event. (Have one of those coming up - annual family picnic with ~100 people, a lot of which will be kids who are by and large unvaccinated. Not going).

To each their own, but we are FAR from this thing being "over" - especially as the variants continue to mutate and spread.

 

[pb4uski]

+1.

We are both 66. Fully vaccinated (Pfizer). We are now living close to normal.

+2 65/66 both fully vacinated and doing pretty much what we want.

We still mask up in stores that still request it but they seem to becoming fewer and fewer every day.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Pandemic is not over until there is no community spread. And that has not happened yet.

 

[Dtail]

We followed the science with all the restrictions and now we are still following it on the positive side.

 

[CardsFan]

+2 65/66 both fully vaccinated and doing pretty much what we want.

We still mask up in stores that still request it but they seem to becoming fewer and fewer every day.

Yeah, I still mask up even if it just suggested, not required, but the last few times I was the only one with a mask, so I think I will stop that as well.

IMHO many people have lost any rationale when it comes to risk. Risk free is not possible with anything. I don't want to be judgmental, so please afford me the same respect.