Ol_Rancher
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2004
- Messages
- 188
From time to time a discussion about retirement to central Texas or Austin urges me to report the 'truth' about living in this area. The following appeared in todays' Austin American Statesman. Although it is a humorist's column, much truth is said in jest.
Comments ?
$95 margarita? Forget Mexico: Put the National Guard along the New Mexican border to keep out the Californicators.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
So the Four Seasons Hotel in downtown Austin is selling a $95 margarita, huh? That proves President Bush is putting the 6,000 National Guard troops along the wrong border.
Instead of stationing soldiers along the Mexican border to keep out the illegal immigrants, Bush should deploy the military along the Texas-New Mexico border to keep you high-rollin' Californians from driving into the Lone Star State.
Your typical La La Land dude unloads his 1,500-square-foot home back in California for $1.5 mil. Then he moves to Austin and buys some dump in 78704 for half the price. And pretty soon, only people who would spring for a $95 'rita can afford to live here. Stop this before I scream again.
"I've been here about six months, and I'm like, 'OK, don't any more Californians come here, because I want to buy a house,' " said Kerri Holden, director of public relations for the Four Seasons. Holden moved here from — you got it — California. Even she figures we have enough of her kind around here. She said she was not speaking for the Four Seasons.
And while we're at it, Bush should station the 1st Cavalry Division out at the airport for when the planes land from San Jose.
They really do have a $95 margarita at the Lobby Lounge in the Four Seasons Hotel. Holden says they sold six over the weekend.
I have not tried one. I'm not paying that kind of money for one drink. And neither is this newspaper, I'm told.
Anyway, this drink includes a shot and a half of Herradura Seleccion Suprema tequila, at $300 to $400 a bottle, and a shot and a half of Grand Marnier Cuvee du Centenaire, which runs more than $100 a bottle. Cuvee is the French word meaning "This is a holdup."
We're building a wall to keep out Mexicans? Folks, we're building the wall to keep out the wrong bunch. Never mind the whites of their eyes. Don't shoot until you see their ponytails.
The only clown who would spring for that sort of cash for a bottle of worm-drowner is some brie-belchin', pesto-packin', hot-tubbin' techie from Marin County.
By the way, a 15 percent tip on this drink would run you $14.25. Hey, you can buy a case of 24 Lone Star cans at H-E-B for $11.99, or $2.06 less than the tip.
So, do you at least get to keep the glass? "No, you don't," Holden said. For that kind of money, you should be able to take home a piece of furniture.
By the way, the Four Seasons is run by a bunch of Canadians. Swell. Then we need to string the Marines from British Columbia to New Brunswick.
The trouble with a $95 margarita? If you spilled it, you'd have to kill yourself.
"Does this drink come with a woman?" my friend Scott Wilson asked. "Yes," I said, "but the problem is, she wants one, too."
And I'll bet the margarita doesn't taste as good as the best margaritas in the world: the Mexican ones.
"It used to be you'd go to the Cadillac Bar in Nuevo Laredo; the whole damn bar wasn't worth $95," Wilson said.
Oh, I dunno. I'll bet you could sell it to a Californian for a quarter of a million.
John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.
EDIT: Link to column http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/05/23kelso.html
Comments ?
$95 margarita? Forget Mexico: Put the National Guard along the New Mexican border to keep out the Californicators.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
So the Four Seasons Hotel in downtown Austin is selling a $95 margarita, huh? That proves President Bush is putting the 6,000 National Guard troops along the wrong border.
Instead of stationing soldiers along the Mexican border to keep out the illegal immigrants, Bush should deploy the military along the Texas-New Mexico border to keep you high-rollin' Californians from driving into the Lone Star State.
Your typical La La Land dude unloads his 1,500-square-foot home back in California for $1.5 mil. Then he moves to Austin and buys some dump in 78704 for half the price. And pretty soon, only people who would spring for a $95 'rita can afford to live here. Stop this before I scream again.
"I've been here about six months, and I'm like, 'OK, don't any more Californians come here, because I want to buy a house,' " said Kerri Holden, director of public relations for the Four Seasons. Holden moved here from — you got it — California. Even she figures we have enough of her kind around here. She said she was not speaking for the Four Seasons.
And while we're at it, Bush should station the 1st Cavalry Division out at the airport for when the planes land from San Jose.
They really do have a $95 margarita at the Lobby Lounge in the Four Seasons Hotel. Holden says they sold six over the weekend.
I have not tried one. I'm not paying that kind of money for one drink. And neither is this newspaper, I'm told.
Anyway, this drink includes a shot and a half of Herradura Seleccion Suprema tequila, at $300 to $400 a bottle, and a shot and a half of Grand Marnier Cuvee du Centenaire, which runs more than $100 a bottle. Cuvee is the French word meaning "This is a holdup."
We're building a wall to keep out Mexicans? Folks, we're building the wall to keep out the wrong bunch. Never mind the whites of their eyes. Don't shoot until you see their ponytails.
The only clown who would spring for that sort of cash for a bottle of worm-drowner is some brie-belchin', pesto-packin', hot-tubbin' techie from Marin County.
By the way, a 15 percent tip on this drink would run you $14.25. Hey, you can buy a case of 24 Lone Star cans at H-E-B for $11.99, or $2.06 less than the tip.
So, do you at least get to keep the glass? "No, you don't," Holden said. For that kind of money, you should be able to take home a piece of furniture.
By the way, the Four Seasons is run by a bunch of Canadians. Swell. Then we need to string the Marines from British Columbia to New Brunswick.
The trouble with a $95 margarita? If you spilled it, you'd have to kill yourself.
"Does this drink come with a woman?" my friend Scott Wilson asked. "Yes," I said, "but the problem is, she wants one, too."
And I'll bet the margarita doesn't taste as good as the best margaritas in the world: the Mexican ones.
"It used to be you'd go to the Cadillac Bar in Nuevo Laredo; the whole damn bar wasn't worth $95," Wilson said.
Oh, I dunno. I'll bet you could sell it to a Californian for a quarter of a million.
John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.
EDIT: Link to column http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/05/23kelso.html