Cohousing approach worth emulating?

[Amethyst]

But one is still the same person inside, so how does one not hate it?

Resignation, I suppose...God, I dread the day.

Right, exactly, this is what most assisted living is. At that age, when mobility is impaired and someone is no longer driving, isolation and loneliness can become a big problem, so living in a closer community can be a big advantage.

 

[pb4uski]

I am having trouble accessing the article, but DW's relatives in Italy who we visited owned a house... our generation lived on the main floor, their mother lived on the top floor as did their son... each had separate apartments and we stayed in the guest room in the basement (~3/4 below grade). It seemed to work fine for them... they were all in close proximity to each other but had some privacy.

DW's mom and sister lived in the same building in her mom's waning days... they added a MIL apartment on the opposite side of the building and it worked out great for both... her sister probably could not have afforded the quality of housing that she had and her mom had someone around to check in on her. We are currently looking for something similar for my mom and single sister.

 

[Nemo2]

Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

 

[Totoro]

Cohousing is a good solution for alot of people, including some I know (one is a family, the other a singly lady).

Thinking about it myself to combat my own isolation tendencies. Basically what attracts me is a low threshold way of getting some social interaction. What stops me is that most people doing this right now are from a very very different background and life philosophy than I am.

The trick is to have an option of privacy at all times. So some facilities shared, not all. A common courtyard, recreation area or kitchen area could already be enough.

 

[Nightcap]

L'enfer, c'est les autres.

 

[Amethyst]

If it's a conspiracy, it's bigger than the Danes, though. My friend who spent 4 years in Norway is convinced Norway (not Disney World) really is the happiest place on earth. Just a bunch of blond, healthy people skipping around in sweaters with reindeer on them. They have a whole TV channel devoted to knitting.

What strikes me is that the Danish-happiness thing seems to be a recent development. Remember how miserable Hamlet was? And then there are movies from the 1980's, e.g. "Babette's Feast," that show Danes as being almost wedded to physical and emotional grimness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babette's_Feast

Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

 

[Eagle43]

Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

Bingo. I'm happy you said this!

 

[razztazz]

Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

Yes. It's a conspiracy. They all got together....

 

[Nemo2]

show Danes as being almost wedded to physical and emotional grimness.

And then there are the Swedes.....(depressing movies/novels.....among the most uplifting of which are Mankell's Wallander books that make Leonard Cohen's outpourings pollyannaish in the extreme ).......always portrayed elsewhere as happily manic cinematic von Trapps.

 

[Koolau]

In the Islands, we call this style of living "Ohana" which means family. My understanding is that it is born of two intersecting sets of values - culture and economic necessity. The Hawaiian and Oriental cultures stress family values above most other things (certainly beyond the "American" value of independence.) So in the Islands, two and three or even four generations may live together. Sometimes this is a fluid situation with generations moving in and moving out, depending upon circumstances. It's not typically structured the way the article/video indicates. More often, it just "happens" due to the needs of the family(s).

In some cases, there is a "compound" with an Ohana house in back of the main house, but often it's just a growing house that accommodates the needs of the growing family. I've seen it work for several families, but it wouldn't be my first choice. Oh, and in most cases there is just one kitchen and kitchen duties may fall to one or more sets of people - seems to work itself out (just like most families work things out.)

 

[Nemo2]

Yes. It's a conspiracy. They all got together....

Perhaps more similar to collective obsessional behavior than collusion?

 

[Amethyst]

What we need, you and I, is a cohousing cohort that is tailored to our likes, dislikes, and quirks.

Gee, it's hard enough to find ONE partner that fits the bill, let alone a household!

What stops me is that most people doing this right now are from a very very different background and life philosophy than I am.

.

 

[W2R]

Cooking facilities aside...how did she like living in co-housing with a bunch of elderly strangers?

She loved it - - she was an extreme extrovert and soon many of those elderly strangers were her friends and not strangers any more. She spent lots of time in the common areas, for example at the little gym, library, store, hairdresser, garden, and so on, that they had at her CCRC. She always went to the movies that were arranged one night a week in the big gathering (living room) type common area. At meals in the common dining room, who sat with who was a Big Deal.

I don't know why, but I turned out the opposite, an introvert.

 

[jollystomper]

We have two sets of friends, the husbands are siblings, who have built something similar. It is more like 4 separate houses connected together. One can travel form one end to another without going outside. Two main houses are connected, and off each is a smaller young adult/in-law suite. They say it has worked well. Everyone has their privacy since each house has a separate entrance. Currently one of the wives parents live in one in-law suite, and 2 of the young adults who just graduated from college and have started working are sharing the other. The biggest "issue" is scheduling the home theater room to accommodate different viewing tastes. The families are close so it seems to work.

 

[pb4uski]

She loved it - - she was an extreme extrovert and soon many of those elderly strangers were her friends and not strangers any more. She spent lots of time in the common areas, for example at the little gym, library, store, hairdresser, garden, and so on, that they had at her CCRC. She always went to the movies that were arranged one night a week in the big gathering (living room) type common area. At meals in the common dining room, who sat with who was a Big Deal.

I don't know why, but I turned out the opposite, an introvert.

Aunt and uncle had a similar thing in a CCRC... a small one-bedroom apartment with a kitchenette for quick and easy snacks and meals... but they took most of their meals in the community dining room.... my uncle has a set of buds who he had lunch with every day.

I'm not there yet but the idea of having 3 meals a day prepared for me is appealing... sign me up!

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am an extrovert but know I would not like it. I like my private space. I don't want to clean up other people's messes in the kitchen, etc. My friend and i were in Norway in Oct about 3 years ago and the weather was really nice and warm that year. All the old women were scowling. If you made eye contact and smiled they gave you a mean look. The men were helpful like offering to lift our suitcase down from above and we were not young so they didn't find us attractive. They were just being nice.

 

[socca]

I toured the Twin Oaks intentional community in rural VA many years ago. It was fascinating, but not paradise. When I visited, there was minor turmoil in the community because one family wanted AC (who wouldn't?) I didn't join because it was a bit too communal for my taste (income sharing, etc.)

Twin Oaks

 

[Totoro]

The Nordic comments here reminded me of a short project I did in Finland, supposedly also one of the happiest nations on the planet.

When I asked them about it the short reply was: "when did they do the survey? If it was in summer during the weekend, sure"

 

[marko]

The Nordic comments here reminded me of a short project I did in Finland, supposedly also one of the happiest nations on the planet.

When I asked them about it the short reply was: "when did they do the survey? If it was in summer during the weekend, sure"

I lived in Norway for one winter. A local lady told me "When there is no sun in the sky there is no sun in the people's hearts."

 

[haha]

I lived in Norway for one winter. A local lady told me "When there is no sun in the sky there is no sun in the people's hearts."

I find this to be true also in Seattle. Usual cloudy weather people just go about their business, but on sunny days many of us are friendly to others.

Ha

 

[Crewer]

When we visited Bhutan we met/had dinner with a family who had multiple generations living at the same house/compound. That's the norm there. The Family was now headed by the middle generation who had taken over and expanded the family businesses.

The older generation father told me the government specifically decided not to build retirement homes/retirement communities because the govt wanted to keep the multi-generation living together thing going. (Bhutan is the place with a GNH - Gross National Happiness.)

The older generation watched the young kids (usually their grandkids but also great-grandkids) while the middle generation(s) were the money earners. I noticed they sent the kids to boarding schools for junior and senior high and then the kids were off again for college. No teens in the house (yea!) but probably necessary to could get a good education.

We're not brought up with it so I don't think we could adjust to it.

 

[Scuba]

The outfit you describe is the ER-Forum uniform, required for all female members when posting here... ha ha!

[emoji23]

 

[Which Roger]

I go crazy if I have to spend more than 3 days in the same living space with anyone other than DW. Realizing that DW was different was a big part of me realizing that she's "the one".

 

[pb4uski]

Interesting article on this topic:

https://www.marketplace.org/2017/08/08/economy/millennials-with-boom-mates-could-ease-housing-crunch

And for cash-strapped millennials, renting a room as opposed to a one-bedroom apartment could save them thousands of dollars annually.

“It’s pretty hard to turn down, say $14,000 in savings a year, by simply renting out a room from a baby boomer,” Weidner said.

“And likewise, for the baby boomer, it’s hard to turn that money down when you’re looking at the costs of owning and maintaining a home going up every year.”

Also fits in with that "safety net" thread that is currently going.

 

[rodi]

As I've mentioned here before, we built a granny flat for my in laws. It is a detached 700sf one bedroom cottage. It worked well for us. We had enough space to feel like we had privacy from each other but we were close enough to help with fil's care (wheelchair bounds with communication and dementia issues). My kids got to really know their Grandma as an added bonus. We did at least two meals a week together, one at our house one in the granny flat. It worked great for us.

I have a friend who immigrated from Vietnam. He and his wife bought a McMansion. His parents and a single brother all moved in. His mom and dad provided childcare, his brother helped with the expenses... It worked for them.