COVID Test for Dad’s 90th Birthday

[Jerry1]

This coming January my dad will be 90 and eight days later I will be 60. Ten years ago at 80/50, we and our spouses went to Hawaii. Of course nothing like that will happen at this milestone but I just can’t not go visit him. Of course my concern is how to do it safely.

I’m thinking of finding a place near him that I can get a same day test. I’d travel in and get a hotel room and then get tested. This is all uninformed at this point, but I’d like to get the test in the morning of his BD and then immediately go visit him for a few hours. Any opinions on how effective that would be? Any ideas on anything else I should do or, could do, to be as safe as possible? Thankfully dad is pretty healthy for a 90yo. He does have very slight diabetes that is well controlled with one pill per day. Other than that, his weight is good and he gets out and walks 1 to 2 miles every day. Still, I sure don’t want to be the vector of him getting COVID and being very sick or worse.

 

[MichaelB]

What a great way to celebrate birthdays, especially milestones.

I’m not sure what availability is like for same day test. You both would probably be just as safe if you get a test with 2 or even 3 day turnaround, and then just isolate & shelter until the visit.

 

[Jerry1]

What a great way to celebrate birthdays, especially milestones.

I’m not sure what availability is like for same day test. You both would probably be just as safe if you get a test with 2 or even 3 day turnaround, and then just isolate & shelter until the visit.

The problem is that he lives a 10 hour drive from me and given that’s it’s in the winter, I’d probably rather fly. Though I think driving is safer (COVID wise). But if I get snowed in, a day or two stuck somewhere would expose me to more risk. That’s why I’m thinking to get there and then get tested. Maybe I’ll get there a couple days early but even that presents exposure risk. I don’t know.

 

[Amethyst]

Is he willing to mask up the whole time you are together?

 

[gauss]

Could both of you self-quarantine for the 3 days leading up to your visit? If so then this might mitigate much of the risk if no symptoms develop in the time leading up to the visit.

If there is no self-quarantine before the test, then a negative result might not get you as much protection as you might think.

-gauss

 

[ivinsfan]

I'd go for a delayed birthday celebration. Doesn't really seem possible to do it 100% safely.

 

[Jerry1]

Is he willing to mask up the whole time you are together?

I haven’t discussed this with him yet, but I believe he’d be fine with wearing a mask. IMO, it would have to be an N95 on both of us for it to matter. I mean the only real reason to go there is to give the guy a hug and I don’t think a basic mask is sufficient in that close of contact.

Could both of you self-quarantine for the 3 days leading up to your visit? If so then this might mitigate much of the risk if no symptoms develop in the time leading up to the visit.

If there is no self-quarantine before the test, then a negative result might not get you as much protection as you might think.

-gauss

We could do something like this. Just for the record, I’m not worried about him giving it to me. I’ve made it clear in my family (my bubble) that I think it’s more likely than not that we’re all going to get it, but I’m not running into the fire to force it. I’m really just worried about the trip out there. I live in Michigan and he in Missouri. I could isolate before I leave, but then what? If I caught it on the road, would I be immediately contagious? That’s where the idea of a same day test came to my mind.

I'd go for a delayed birthday celebration. Doesn't really seem possible to do it 100% safely.

He’s 90.

I pray we have a get together at 100/70, but the odds are obviously against it.

 

[savory]

It hasn’t been inexpensive but this is the process we are following. We flew (but I would have driven but the trip was coast to coast). We stayed in a hotel room for 6 full days following the flight. We did a little grocery shopping but all meals in hotel room. We also were more careful the week before we left. The flight was our main risk. DS family where we are now followed a similar pattern.

We purchased an Everlywell test kit for each adult about $110 per person. And mailed it in on the 5th day of our hotel stay. Results as promised arrived 2 days later. 4 tests being negative made us comfortable that we were all Covid free.

We are now staying at DS staying inside and away from people as much as possible. Our plan when returning home following our flight is to isolate for the 14 days or the suggested timing by CDC.

 

[ivinsfan]

What is wrong with a 90 and a half year party? Did you really think I meant you should wait for 10 years....?

None of your precautions can guarantee safety. You can guarantee you don't pass it to him by staying home.

 

[Aerides]

The problem is that he lives a 10 hour drive from me and given that’s it’s in the winter, I’d probably rather fly. Though I think driving is safer (COVID wise). But if I get snowed in, a day or two stuck somewhere would expose me to more risk. That’s why I’m thinking to get there and then get tested. Maybe I’ll get there a couple days early but even that presents exposure risk. I don’t know.

So here's the thing. Those same day rapid tests are lower in accuracy than the longer turnaround tests. False negatives are a thing (as are false positives, but negatives at a higher rate). They aren't 90% accurate.

And if you fly in, or have any exposure after the test, the virus has an incubation period where detection accuracy really dips - especially for the first couple of days.

If you fly in, you get tested, wait at least 3 days in a bubble somehow, then test again. And then only meet outside.

If you have no reason to think your Dad won't still be with you in the Spring, I'd wait.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

Agree you should test several days after the flight due to incubation period when you could have it and be shedding but not pop positive on the test. Fly in. Isolate 4 (?) days. Test. Await results. Act from there.

This is the same criticism I have for everyone testing last week to go to grandmas this week. No good if you go out or travel in the meantime. And a weds test is no good for thurs thanksgiving.

 

[Dtail]

My dad will be 91 in Jan and 61 for me in Feb, so similar age difference.
He lives 1100 miles from me and understands that we will wait to get together next year after vaccines arrive.

 

[bolt]

Does Abbott Labs have a self administered Covid19 test kit I heard about under<$10.00 thats over 90+%, or more, accurate you can test all involved with ?

You might have to overnight air it but YOLO j/k

Possibilities, plausibilities, & probabilities all a matter of contention in this case of course.

Do it, or you'll kick yourself later, or I know I would.
I have no financial interest in ABT.
Good luck & Best wishes.....

 

[Jerry1]

What is wrong with a 90 and a half year party? Did you really think I meant you should wait for 10 years....?

None of your precautions can guarantee safety. You can guarantee you don't pass it to him by staying home.

No. I didn’t think that. My first comment relates to waiting. He’s 90. He could live to be 100, but assuming he makes it to BD, it just gets a little less likely every day that he’ll be here. Even if we’re just talking 1/2 year.

My point about 100/70 is just me saying that the date actually matters. Your point is clearly correct, but your focus on risk elimination is something I’m not going to try for. There are no guarantees. Not that I won’t give him COVID, not that he won’t get it somewhere else but mainly no guarantee that either of will be here. I just want to get the risk as low as I can in a serious manner. But a absolutely respect your opinion. For sure, not seeing each other IS the safest thing.

 

[Jerry1]

My dad will be 91 in Jan and 61 for me in Feb, so similar age difference.
He lives 1100 miles from me and understands that we will wait to get together next year after vaccines arrive.

So did you do anything special when he turned 90 and you 60? Just curious.

 

[CardsFan]

No. I didn’t think that. My first comment relates to waiting. He’s 90. He could live to be 100, but assuming he makes it to BD, it just gets a little less likely every day that he’ll be here. Even if we’re just talking 1/2 year.

My point about 100/70 is just me saying that the date actually matters. Your point is clearly correct, but your focus on risk elimination is something I’m not going to try for. There are no guarantees. Not that I won’t give him COVID, not that he won’t get it somewhere else but mainly no guarantee that either of will be here. I just want to get the risk as low as I can in a serious manner. But a absolutely respect your opinion. For sure, not seeing each other IS the safest thing.

If it were me, I would drive. Isolate for about a week first, then give yourself the same 3-4 days for the drive you would spend in a hotel waiting for the result. Rent a 4 wheel drive vehicle, if needed.

Rapid tests are available, but you need to check where. If you are coming to the STL area, several Mercy Urgent care places have them available. You need an appointment, so reserve ahead.

IMHO, that is about as safe as you can get. No guarantees.

 

[Sunset]

We now visit Dad every week, and he is well over 90.
It's easy for us as he lives close, but here is the point.

During the start of Covid, we didn't visit him, for 2-3 months , when we realized covid wasn't going away, we masked up and did a visit.
We were shocked !! Dad was really missing us, depressed, etc...

He has brightened up, and no longer thinks " I'm going to die anyway" , largely (IMHO) as we visit every week and he enjoys the socialization.

So I vote mask up, wash hands, etc. Even if you didn't hug, just spend hours talking and seeing him would be great for him. Naturally best if you could do it as safely as possible (mask, outdoors). If it's warm where he lives, outdoors would be great as 6 feet apart with a cross-wind and you would be safe without masks.

 

[Jerry1]

If it were me, I would drive. Isolate for about a week first, then give yourself the same 3-4 days for the drive you would spend in a hotel waiting for the result. Rent a 4 wheel drive vehicle, if needed.

Rapid tests are available, but you need to check where. If you are coming to the STL area, several Mercy Urgent care places have them available. You need an appointment, so reserve ahead.

IMHO, that is about as safe as you can get. No guarantees.

Have 4x4

He lives in Columbia so should be good medical options there.

Was thinking along the same lines as what you suggested. Just trying to see if there’s some way to avoid the multiple days alone in a hotel. Thanks.

 

[Dtail]

So did you do anything special when he turned 90 and you 60? Just curious.

Yes I flew up there in Jan and we had a little celebration for him. Yes the 90 yr milestone did matter.
I haven't seen him in person since.

 

[CardsFan]

Have 4x4

He lives in Columbia so should be good medical options there.

Was thinking along the same lines as what you suggested. Just trying to see if there’s some way to avoid the multiple days alone in a hotel. Thanks.

Medical options in Columbia are very good, but being a college town, you never know when they could be over run with an outbreak. In any event, plan ahead for the testing. And in reality, if you are isolated for 2 weeks, I am not sure the test means much, IMHO.

 

[rodi]

We have been struggling with a similar conundrum... not a specific day, but a much needed visit for hubby to visit his mom. She turned 94 last month. Her facility allows visits on the patio, with masks. Trying to figure out the best way to get hubby there - flying vs driving. He's leaning towards driving (CA to MI). He will stay in hotels and do drive through for food. Lots of hand sanitizer along the way. Clorox wipes to wipe down the hotel rooms. Masks whenever he's outside his hotel or car.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[donheff]

We now visit Dad every week, and he is well over 90.
It's easy for us as he lives close, but here is the point.

During the start of Covid, we didn't visit him, for 2-3 months , when we realized covid wasn't going away, we masked up and did a visit.
We were shocked !! Dad was really missing us, depressed, etc...

He has brightened up, and no longer thinks " I'm going to die anyway" , largely (IMHO) as we visit every week and he enjoys the socialization.

So I vote mask up, wash hands, etc. Even if you didn't hug, just spend hours talking and seeing him would be great for him. Naturally best if you could do it as safely as possible (mask, outdoors). If it's warm where he lives, outdoors would be great as 6 feet apart with a cross-wind and you would be safe without masks.

+1 It made sense to me to isolate from elderly people in the early days of the pandemic but we have enough information now to take a calculated risk wearing masks. If I could get a rapid test I would take one to add extra assurance but I would visit with masks with or without a test. The risk isn't completely eliminated but he's 90.

 

[ivinsfan]

+1 It made sense to me to isolate from elderly people in the early days of the pandemic but we have enough information now to take a calculated risk wearing masks. If I could get a rapid test I would take one to add extra assurance but I would visit with masks with or without a test. The risk isn't completely eliminated but he's 90.

I could also say that these vaccines are getting closer and closer to the public and since someone has waited this long waiting an extra 90 days wouldn't be that big of a deal. One would think someone 90 would get that vaccine ASAP.

This thread points out the issue with COVID. People rant and rave about young people not being serious and protecting older people, but then when it's you, it's ok to change things up.

 

[donheff]

I could also say that these vaccines are getting closer and closer to the public and since someone has waited this long waiting an extra 90 days wouldn't be that big of a deal. One would think someone 90 would get that vaccine ASAP.

This thread points out the issue with COVID. People rant and rave about young people not being serious and protecting older people, but then when it's you, it's ok to change things up.

I think that’s a false equivalence. We rant about people refusing to wear masks and flouting CDC guidelines. Visiting your father with both of you wearing masks is not equivalent. It doesn’t strike me as more risky than grocery shopping where masks are mandatory. I have a large room HEPA filter and let my kids visit briefly with masks in cold weather. That is not without risk but Fauci approves.

Now, if my 90 yo father was on the fence about such a visit I would back off immediately. But if he was eager for the visit and amenable to sensible cautions I don’t believe it’s reasonable to call that reckless.

 

[ivinsfan]

I think that’s a false equivalence. We rant about people refusing to wear masks and flouting CDC guidelines. Visiting your father with both of you wearing masks is not equivalent. It doesn’t strike me as more risky than grocery shopping where masks are mandatory. I have a large room HEPA filter and let my kids visit briefly with masks in cold weather. That is not without risk but Fauci approves.

Now, if my 90 yo father was on the fence about such a visit I would back off immediately. But if he was eager for the visit and amenable to sensible cautions I don’t believe it’s reasonable to call that reckless.

I want to point out I never used the word reckless. I'm checking the MN stats everyday and our deaths are rising. Just today we had 49 deaths reported from group living situations. Now on the nursing home, assisted living front. Masks for all workers have been mandatory since March. Our local home tests all employees once a week. Residents are pretty much confined to their rooms and don't even mingle together. Visits are strictly controlled as to time, spacing and one person per week. It's almost a hellish existence for those living in these places. Yet here we are with 49 reported deaths today. There is absolutely nothing reckless going on in these homes and yet people continue to die. I literally don't know what more these facilities can do to control spead.

They list each age of a person who died and the 85 to even 100plus numbers of deceased people is sobering.

Calculating risk is hard and I don't judge anyone trying to wade through this issue right now.