pb4uski
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
+1 it continually amazes me given the same parents, same home environment, same parenting, etc. how drastically different our children are. How the heck does that happen?
+1 it continually amazes me given the same parents, same home environment, same parenting, etc. how drastically different our children are. How the heck does that happen?
They forgot the 4th stage of adolescence - 50+ years and retired, no longer gives a sh!t and acts like an immature adolescent once again.Part of it is just the age. Long term planning, budgeting and career planning are hard issues for many mature adults let alone for young adults who may not have fully developed cerebral cortexes until they are 25.
Some suggest that the new cutoff point for adulthood should really be 25:
BBC News - Is 25 the new cut-off point for adulthood?
"There are three stages of adolescence - early adolescence from 12-14 years, middle adolescence from 15-17 years and late adolescence from 18 years and over. Neuroscience has shown that a young person's cognitive development continues into this later stage and that their emotional maturity, self-image and judgement will be affected until the prefrontal cortex of the brain has fully developed."
I hear all these stories and am thankful DW and I started to set expectations for our two children early in their lives. They were told (repeatedly) from middle school on that barring a medical emergency they would be on their own three months after graduating from college (or dropping out). Should they wish to continue living at home after that they would be expected to pay both rent and for their share of the grocery bill. And they knew we meant it.
Worked like a charm.
....I am curious about the parents that charge rent and then give it back to their kids when they move out. Why? Don't you have to pay to replace their bedroom rug (don't know what made me think of that) , pay for heating and cooling, Internet access, electricity, food. Isn't this pretty much the same as letting them stay for free? Someone at work is doing this (collecting nominal rent/food money and then going o give back when son moves out) with their 20-something son and all they do is complain about the food bill and his buddies hanging out. Is it really just because it's your child and you don't want to be "harsh".
Best Way To 'Cut Off' Your Adult Children - ForbesDear Daughter:
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I know you need some money to cover the bills your roommates stuck you with, and to start that new business. Well, several things have happened since we last spoke.
A few weeks back a young man came to our house and “guaranteed” we’d make a lot of money if we invested with him. We’d never heard of the company he was working for but it seemed reputable, and the ambitious salesman reminded Mom of you.
So, after a couple more meetings, we turned our savings over to him and, since he asked, even allowed him to stay in your old room for what we thought would just be a day or two. It turns out that his parents disowned him because his girlfriend is pregnant and they refuse to get married and go to church.
We were helping them pay for some of the tests and treatments for the unborn baby, but all that will have to stop now that your Mom and I are in therapy and facing our own challenges. Seems that Mom and Uncle Jerry have been in a relationship for several years and now she wants to move to Florida and live with him.
At the same time we’re getting our DNA tested and suggest you do the same. Your Mom says she isn’t sure if you are actually my son. I guess there’s a possibility you might be someone else’s. As you might imagine, all this has been pretty overwhelming and, I hate to admit it, but I have turned to alcohol and pills to help. I’ve tried sobering up but I only feel better after I swallow a couple pills and knock back a few drinks.
Worse yet, I found out today that our new financial guy was not disowned by his parents, and there is no “baby on the way.” But he did use our money to buy a new sports car, which he totaled, and is now going to jail for fraud.
Now that you’re up to date on everything I want to tell you we didn’t really turn our life savings over to a con artist, your Mom never slept with Uncle Jerry, and there’s no need for a DNA test to prove you’re our son. But we’re not sending you any more money, either. We just wanted you to see this decision in the proper perspective and to encourage you to count your blessings instead of your concerns.
Love,
Dad & Mom
That letter above: it's addressed to "Dear Daughter" but in the body of the letter it addresses a "son". I know the letter talks of "counting your blessings" but having parents whom can't remember the sex of their child from one paragraph to the next can't be such a good thing. Can it?
As far as moving out and/or paying expenses this will not be an issue as their graduation corresponds with my retirement at which time I will be selling the house, cars, and all other assets and traveling the world via backpack. They may have to worry about me moving in with them.
I noticed that too. The letter in the link was addressed to a Son but Midpack edited it since the OP's issue is with a daughter.
We have always made it clear that we would support them through college. At the same time, we clearly explained to them how fortunate they were and that they better not mess it up (unless they want to have a career at McDonalds).
....
I see your point but I'd downplay the career at McDonalds thing as I understand that there have been many crew members who have worked hard and ended up as franchisees or executives.
I've loved reading these tactics from various members, but I'm surprised no one used my mother's technique. She made me so unwelcome I would rather live with any other relative when I finished college. When the summer job after college was over I moved out within 5 days to live with my grandmother. It didn't last long - I had a real job offer within a month and had to move away for it. And I never looked back. (Well I would go visit my grandmother often - but not my mother )
I've loved reading these tactics from various members, but I'm surprised no one used my mother's technique. She made me so unwelcome I would rather live with any other relative when I finished college. When the summer job after college was over I moved out within 5 days to live with my grandmother. It didn't last long - I had a real job offer within a month and had to move away for it. And I never looked back. (Well I would go visit my grandmother often - but not my mother )